mother in law advice

suziepoo1984

Depends on what kind of relationship i have with her, what kind of person she is, how emotionally it is disturbing her and also how my husband would feel about it and then take my decision!

angel7472

Facebook guru here:

click on the individual picture it will come up with custom, that will bring up make this visible and you can put in individual people or groups. Below that it states make not visible or exclude and type her name here. She will no longer see the picture but everyone else can. Hope that helps if you go that route. Good luck I have a feeling this could get ugly between your MIL and FIL.

symplydevine

Ugh, dealing with the mother in law is tough business. Well, first things first, I would talk to hubby about the situation, being that it is his mother that you are dealing with. Let him know how it is you feel about the situation. Your gut reaction would be my gut reaction too. Imagine if we took those kind of requests from everyone we knew! I would talk to MIL and explain to her that you can empathize with her; divorce is a hard thing to deal with! I would not remove the pictures. It is your album on your Facebook, she can not dictate what you do with your photos. It's a hurt and pain that she will have to deal with on her on, whether or not the photos are there. Good luck to you!

IIIIISerenityNowIIIII

My advice is to take a step back and let your husband handle his mother. No matter what you would do, it would get ugly. If your husband tells her "we want our children to be able to see the whole family together in the wedding photos" or whatever, she will take it a lot better from her son than from her daughter in law.

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

Do whatever you want, but be mindful of your husband's feelings. If your actions end up pissing him off, or he thinks he should have been included in whatever decision you make, that could be a problem in your own marriage.

But yeah, just remove her name as being tagged and make the photos not visible to her.

FoxBean

I would just explain to her how you feel about the situation, and/or have your husband talk to his mom about it. If it is causing too many issues, just change the settings so she can't see, worst case scenario block her. I had to block my "sort of mother in law" from facebook. She was constantly voicing her opinions on which photos I should or should not post regarding my daughter, or I shouldn't post such personal feelings or this or that. Oh and the spying and judgments that got way out of hand. So to me, depending on the relationship of your spouses family, I treat them the same way you would treat a coworker - not add them to your personal page, causes too much conflict.

love2lift_85

Personally, if it were me: If a picture was *just* her and the soon-to-be ex, I'd go ahead and take it down. If there are others in the pictures and you want to leave them up, then leave them up.
There is a way to set pics to private, so she can't see them, and you can even set pics so that *only* she *can't* see them, if you wish.

love2lift_85

Do whatever you want, but be mindful of your husband's feelings. If your actions end up pissing him off, or he thinks he should have been included in whatever decision you make, that could be a problem in your own marriage.

But yeah, just remove her name as being tagged and make the photos not visible to her.

^^ This is good advice, too... definitely consider your own husband's thoughts.

DavPul

I concur with the suggestion about untagging her photos. That's a good idea. And fair.

But even though taking down the photos isn't hard, I really feel like she's overstepping her boundaries, and by a large margin. What if you or your husband had formed a friendship with her ex? Would she tell you that you can't communicate anymore? No more Christmas cards? Can't say hi if you pass him in the mall?

Also, I'd be inclined to ask her not to bring the next guy around if she's going to continue this scorched earth policy. I don't want to have to continue to update my social networks because of someone else's choices.

RockWarrior84

I thought this is the reaction you are suppose to have in your head with mother-in-law

lisalsd1

It's a little weird that she asked you to do that...BUT it doesn't seem like a big deal to me (depending on how you and your husband feel about her). You've been married for 3 years; it wouldn't hurt to delete most of the pics and maybe keep a couple of your faves of you on there. It would just be easier to do that than start a feud with her. You can also consider it "doing her a favor." It wouldn't hurt to have a couple of favors in with the MIL either.

The other suggestion would be for her for deactivate her account for awhile. She might need a break and it might prevent a lot of unnecessary drama.

My husband and I haven't seen/spoken to my MIL in years. It got to be an ugly situation. It would be nice to have a normal relationship with a normal MIL for the sake of our kids. Like I said, it would be easier not to start something and for you to be the mature one in this situation.

Cameron_1969

Absolutely tell her to stuff it!. . Those three or four pictures on facebook are way WAY more important than the feelings of some woman that you will never have to talk to again once you're divorced.

MyChocolateDiet

WWKD?

Cameron_1969

But seriously. . why is everyone so freakishly selfish!? Is it an internet forum thing!? . .The poor woman is going through a nighmarishly difficult time in her life and part of that includes some irrational and overly emotional responses to things that an otherwise rational person might not care about. .

Is having those specific pictures on facebook so important to you that you start a war with the mother of the man you love? I'm astounded at the dearth of perspective and empathy in both the OP and the majority of the responses here.

*shakes head and walks away*

MyChocolateDiet

I concur with the suggestion about untagging her photos. That's a good idea. And fair.

But even though taking down the photos isn't hard, I really feel like she's overstepping her boundaries, and by a large margin. What if you or your husband had formed a friendship with her ex? Would she tell you that you can't communicate anymore? No more Christmas cards? Can't say hi if you pass him in the mall?

Also, I'd be inclined to ask her not to bring the next guy around if she's going to continue this scorched earth policy. I don't want to have to continue to update my social networks because of someone else's choices.

This^. My father made a similar request from me when it became obvious I was gonna be real popular with the fellas. He just said simply, i want you to be safe. I also want to not have to feel dissappointed with guys you don't end up with so how about you just only bring the real important likely to be a husband ones around. I don't wanna have to lose friendships just based on whatever shenanigans you think up. It was fair and brought up right after he talked boyfriend number one off the roof after a break up. So yeah, she seems to be a serial wedder and given her proclivity to walking down the aisle should have at least developed enough thick skins by now to hear a request like that. Given that I took it like a man during my tender teen years after my first BF.

MyChocolateDiet

Absolutely tell her to stuff it!. . Those three or four pictures on facebook are way WAY more important than the feelings of some woman that you will never have to talk to again once you're divorced.

Plus their pic's of her wrinkled *kitten* and his mug which I bet 4 husbands later is not too pleasing to look at for any viewers on the face book album. Oh excuse me BRB switzerland wants it's status back!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

But seriously. . why is everyone so freakishly selfish!? Is it an internet forum thing!? . .The poor woman is going through a nighmarishly difficult time in her life and part of that includes some irrational and overly emotional responses to things that an otherwise rational person might not care about. .

Is having those specific pictures on facebook so important to you that you start a war with the mother of the man you love? I'm astounded at the dearth of perspective and empathy in both the OP and the majority of the responses here.

*shakes head and walks away*

The simple answer is boundaries. Would you remove photos hanging on your wall if your mil didn't like them? Hopefully not, because your home is your personal space where YOU need to feel comfortable, not her. Similar to facebook. MIL doesn't HAVE to look at the photos -- if she's not tagged in them, they aren't on her page. She doesn't have to look at them.

MIL is obviously going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean OP should cater to questionable behavior.

MyChocolateDiet

But seriously. . why is everyone so freakishly selfish!? Is it an internet forum thing!? . .The poor woman is going through a nighmarishly difficult time in her life and part of that includes some irrational and overly emotional responses to things that an otherwise rational person might not care about. .

Is having those specific pictures on facebook so important to you that you start a war with the mother of the man you love? I'm astounded at the dearth of perspective and empathy in both the OP and the majority of the responses here.

*shakes head and walks away*

The simple answer is boundaries. Would you remove photos hanging on your wall if your mil didn't like them? Hopefully not, because your home is your personal space where YOU need to feel comfortable, not her. Similar to facebook. MIL doesn't HAVE to look at the photos -- if she's not tagged in them, they aren't on her page. She doesn't have to look at them.

MIL is obviously going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean OP should cater to questionable behavior.

actually after reading your post the answer has become clear. the simple answer is MIL. you are compelled by history and genetics to do any and everything to piss her off. I just had this talk today. MIL's make our life hell so we respond in kind. It is the way of the world. I don't make the rules folks, I just abide by them.

FoxBean

But seriously. . why is everyone so freakishly selfish!? Is it an internet forum thing!? . .The poor woman is going through a nighmarishly difficult time in her life and part of that includes some irrational and overly emotional responses to things that an otherwise rational person might not care about. .

Is having those specific pictures on facebook so important to you that you start a war with the mother of the man you love? I'm astounded at the dearth of perspective and empathy in both the OP and the majority of the responses here.

*shakes head and walks away*

The simple answer is boundaries. Would you remove photos hanging on your wall if your mil didn't like them? Hopefully not, because your home is your personal space where YOU need to feel comfortable, not her. Similar to facebook. MIL doesn't HAVE to look at the photos -- if she's not tagged in them, they aren't on her page. She doesn't have to look at them.

MIL is obviously going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean OP should cater to questionable behavior.

He does make a good point. And there is a difference between having photos in your home than photos all over facebook. She obviously (I would hope) has these photos stored elsewhere, and could take the photos of just her and her ex' down, if it is a group shot, then no, that would be unfair but I do get what he is saying.

sillyvalentine

Tell her to grow up!