Tell your best joke!

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smokeyg01
smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
in Chit-Chat
A neighborhood boy comes running up to me crying.
I asked him what was wrong and he replies "my father just died"
So i asked him if he wanted me to call a priest. He looked at me and says
"NO!. Now is not the time for sex!"
«13

Replies

  • FoxBean
    FoxBean Posts: 910 Member
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    I don't tell jokes, but I do always use the "I'm serious but I'm just kidding" or "I'm just kidding..but I'm serious", no joke needed. :wink:
  • tlcarolinagirl
    tlcarolinagirl Posts: 1,700 Member
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    "What did the shoes say to the pants?"




    What's up britches!

    That's all I got.
  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
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    Lol
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
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    A neighborhood boy comes running up to me crying.
    I asked him what was wrong and he replies "my father just died"
    So i asked him if he wanted me to call a priest. He looked at me and says
    "NO!. Now is not the time for sex!"

    IBTRAL
  • JackKopCh
    JackKopCh Posts: 8,042 Member
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    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho1_250.gif
    tumblr_inline_mfd8nqzPkH1r9ixyz.gif
    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho3_r2_250.gif
    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho4_r1_250.gif

    tumblr_m1svcjKLlg1rre84oo4_250.gif
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
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    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho1_250.gif
    tumblr_inline_mfd8nqzPkH1r9ixyz.gif
    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho3_r2_250.gif
    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho4_r1_250.gif

    tumblr_m1svcjKLlg1rre84oo4_250.gif

    Yah a sexy beast...just saying.
  • tlcarolinagirl
    tlcarolinagirl Posts: 1,700 Member
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    This is my son's favorite....

    How do you wake up Lady Gaga?




    Poke her face!
  • fitandskinnygal
    fitandskinnygal Posts: 487
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    How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

    ECLIPSE IT!
  • missandrastic
    missandrastic Posts: 1 Member
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    your mother is so fat not even the holy spirit can lift her.
  • avalonms
    avalonms Posts: 2,468 Member
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    I don't have any jokes, but I do love this one.

    When I was a kid, I prayed and prayed for a bike.
    Then my mom said, “Religion doesn’t work that way.”
    So I stole a bike
    and asked God for forgiveness.

    Emo Phillips.
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
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    What do you find inside a clean nose?
    Fingerprints

    Sadly, that's my best.
  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
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    How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?







    she fits into your wifes clothes!
  • tlcarolinagirl
    tlcarolinagirl Posts: 1,700 Member
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    How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?







    she fits into your wifes clothes!

    :noway: my gawd!
  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
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    How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?







    she fits into your wifes clothes!

    :noway: my gawd!
    that's funny. Lmao
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?







    she fits into your wifes clothes!

    :noway: my gawd!
    that's funny. Lmao
    Not when your wife finally fits yours.
    Edit: Don't kill me. Was trying to make it funny.
  • Thimbelinda
    Thimbelinda Posts: 34 Member
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    How do you get a condom on an elephant?

    You take the "x" out of sex
    and the "f" out of way

    (Give it a second to sink in)




    There is no f___in way!
  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
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    What's the difference between your wife and your job?



    After 5 years your job still sucks.
  • SmileCozYouCan
    SmileCozYouCan Posts: 315 Member
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    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho1_250.gif
    tumblr_inline_mfd8nqzPkH1r9ixyz.gif
    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho3_r2_250.gif
    tumblr_lt8g10Djm81qdbwwho4_r1_250.gif

    tumblr_m1svcjKLlg1rre84oo4_250.gif

    LOL! LOVE this!
  • tlcarolinagirl
    tlcarolinagirl Posts: 1,700 Member
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    Too cute not to put this on here:

    2z72w6x.jpg
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
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    A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

    "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

    He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

    Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?

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