Tell your best joke!

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Replies

  • smokeyg01
    smokeyg01 Posts: 1,064
    That's a different thread. Lets keep this one going lol
  • Annie81503
    Annie81503 Posts: 43 Member
    How can you find Will Smith in a snowy forest??

    You follow the fresh prints!
  • sarkazm
    sarkazm Posts: 104
    Wife steps out of the shower and her husband grabs her *kitten* and says... If you firmed these up a little you wouldn't need a girdle!
    The next day, wife gets out of the shower, her husband grabs her boobs and says.. If you firmed these up, you wouldn't need a bra!
    Next day... The wife is pissed! The husband steps out of the shower and his wife grabs his penis and says... If you firmed this up, I wouldn't need your brother!
  • I_am_Kara
    I_am_Kara Posts: 2,593 Member
    There was this old man sitting on a bench when a teenage boy with a very brightly multicolored Mohawk comes and sits on the bench across from him. The old man stares at the boy, and continues to keep staring for a long time before the boy finally says,

    "What? You've never made a mistake before?"

    The old man replies, "Well, I had sex with a parrot once and thought you might be my son."
  • jennyjcss
    jennyjcss Posts: 439 Member
    Wife steps out of the shower and her husband grabs her *kitten* and says... If you firmed these up a little you wouldn't need a girdle!
    The next day, wife gets out of the shower, her husband grabs her boobs and says.. If you firmed these up, you wouldn't need a bra!
    Next day... The wife is pissed! The husband steps out of the shower and his wife grabs his penis and says... If you firmed this up, I wouldn't need your brother!

    HAHA!! Harsh..I like her :wink:
  • HDHogger
    HDHogger Posts: 764
    darkon.
  • jennyjcss
    jennyjcss Posts: 439 Member
    So now we have 2 threads going on for joking around, can i copy paste all my jokes just to get this thread going?

    Haha!!! You joker!
  • HDHogger
    HDHogger Posts: 764
    second best jole
    status
  • HDHogger
    HDHogger Posts: 764
    you got to wait because it's Leg en dary
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    I just bought some aftershave that smells like breadcrumbs.

    The birds love it.
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    A man goes to the doctors and says "doc I think I’m going a little deaf"

    "Right", says the doctor," before I examine you, can you describe the symptoms?"

    Puzzled, the man says, "Well Homer is fat, yellow, and bald, and Marge has blue hair and a pearl necklace".
  • PatheticNoetic
    PatheticNoetic Posts: 905 Member
    So you're rowing down the street one day and you're wheel pops off. How many t-shirts can fit inside the Empire State Building?

    None. Cause chicken don't like ice cream.

    (my favorite joke.)
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Australian, an American, a Canadian, an Egyptian, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.

    The barman says "I can't let you in without a Thai."
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    What do you call an italian that can talk to the dead?

    Luigi Board
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    Did you hear about Coolio choking on a pasty?

    He went to Ginsters paradise.
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

    Roberto
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    A dog is truly a man's best friend.

    If you don't believe it, just try this experiment: lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour. When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
  • _EndGame_
    _EndGame_ Posts: 770 Member
    All my best jokes would be deemed inappropriate!
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
    Venison: dear, isn't it?
  • KinoM
    KinoM Posts: 359 Member
    A woman gets on a bus with her baby, and the bus driver looks at them and says: ''Jesus, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''
    The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She turns to a man next to her and says: ''That driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go back up there and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
  • KinoM
    KinoM Posts: 359 Member
    'I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays''

    Got to love Tommy Cooper.
  • KinoM
    KinoM Posts: 359 Member
    Last one: I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
  • KinoM
    KinoM Posts: 359 Member
    This one made me almost choke while i was eating an orange

    Mission accomplished. :D
  • darkrose20
    darkrose20 Posts: 1,139 Member
    Three ropes walk into a bar. They sit at the bar and see a sign that says "no ropes allowed." They are promptly thrown out by the bartender. Not to be deterred, the first rope tells his buddies "Don't worry, I'll go tell that guy what's up." He goes in, sits down. Bartender says "Aren't you one of those ropes who were just in here?" Rope number one says 'yes' and is thrown out bodily. Rope number two tries again, and he fails again.

    Now Rope Number Three was smarter than his friends, and he was determined to get in. He messes up his hair and puts dirt in his hair, crumbles his clothes and heads off for the bar. His friends try to stop him and tell him it's useless, but he is undeterred. He walks in. He sits down and orders a beer. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks, "Aren't you one of them ropes?" He replies:

    "Nope. I'm afraid not."
  • ChaplainHeavin
    ChaplainHeavin Posts: 426 Member
    ALWAYS GET A SECOND OPINION: Man walks into the doctor's office and is examined. The doctor says, "Son, after thoroughly examining you my diagnosis is you have a clogged artery." The patient scratches his head and says, "Well doc, no offense and all but I think I'd like to get a second opinion." Doc replies, "Okay, then it's your liver." (drum roll please)

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