How to stay motivated while being depressed/after a relapse?

addokai

bump

WhisperAnne

I thought I'd open up this thread because I didn't see a similar one around; if I overread it, I'm sorry!

I am recovering from an eating disorder and have dysthymia (not fulfilling all signs of a depression, but the symptoms I have, exist already a couple of years) and it's sometimes really hard to maintain strong.
A huge problem is the sleeping factor. I switch from insomnia (not being able to fall asleep; not being able to sleep through the night; waking up pretty early, around 5 am, and falling back asleep several times without feeling rested) and hypersomnia (sleeping 10-14 hours a day, still feeling crappy, and if I try to sleep less, I'll fall asleep over the day, sitting on a chair on something).

When you have symptoms of a depression, it's hard to continue being active, because your head (and your body) screams for rest. All you want is lie down. But the point is, it's the wrong thing to do.
Because you won't get any energy back, you'll simply start feeling even more worn out.

So I thought I'd just sum up a few things I collected over time and if you want to correct me or add something, feel free to do so! Many of the things I want to post are by the way also helpful if you had a relapse and binged again/stopped going to the gym or whatever

The first ones are mostly about being active.



1. You don't need to feel motivated to get something done.

While it is important to listen to the borders your body is telling you, a tricky thing is to ignore the voice that wants you to lie on that couch and eat a package of chips. You don't need to finish a super- intense workout, but getting active in the first place is really important! Be it going out for a long walk, ride to school/work/university by bike, doing some yoga in the morning. Start slowly- but start!


2. Don't expect the very best if you start again!

Especially if you have sleeping problems, have eaten unhealthily for a longer period of time or if you haven't exercised for a week or longer, your body will propably notice. You will feel sleepy, not being able to do as much as you want.
I was really disappointed when I wanted to go for a run and I barely managed to run 2km on the treadmill instead of my usual 5km. It was annoying. But patience is the key.
Give yourself time to recovery properly, to find strength and motivation again, to build up some muscles etc. It'll help!


3. Don't change everything at once.

If you are a starter and you haven't lived quite healthily until today, I can only suggest you not to change all of your habits at all. Why not? Because you'll go to that for 1 week, 2 weeks, maybe a month, but eventually you might fall back into old habits. If a diet or your workout plan feels like punishment, it's not very likely that you'll stick to it.


4. Search for workouts you enjoy.

Sometimes it is necessary to go through things we don't really enjoy. Because they are effective, for example. But if you are a beginner and/or you are feeling depressed, it's hard enough to get yourself to the point to actually getting active again. So many kinds of sports exist; watch out for a type of sport you can really enjoy!
Be it swimming, spinning, lifting weights, pilates, zumba etc. There are many different kinds; sports you can do alone, with a friend, in a group. Start with something you feel comfortable with.
And eventually, you can try to bring up some variation and combine some things (lifting weights + cardio is quite effective, for example). But first of all, try to learn how to LIKE sports. It shouldn't be a punishment or something you need to endure to get the body you want.


5. Do something every day.

This is a tough one. Especially when I am "in my hole", my muscles hurt quite easily and the sore muscles won't be there for 1-2, but fo 5-6 days, even if I chose a light workout. So I really mean it; do something every day. It does not need to be a 50 minute workout every day. As I said before; it is okay do start slowly, just DO it. Do something. Go out for a walk. Take the stairs. Do some yoga while you're brushing your teeth. Everything helps! And day by day, it will be easier to include sports in your daily life (again).


6. Don't change your eating habits too radically.

While it now depends how you are eating in general, I can only suggest you, not to cut out too many things at once. Step by step. Your eating habits will slowly change, and so will your cravings. But if you cut out all of the bread, rice, noodles and chocolate at once, it can become hard to stick to it.
Instead, try to change your meals into healthier meals. For example: Instead of spaghetti (130g raw) with tomato sauce and cheese, you could try cutting down to 70g of spaghetti (raw), adding some fresh tomatoes, zucchini, paprika, whatever you like, and choose a sauce which is not filled with sugar.

If you combine the meals you are used to and you love with things that are healthier for you, you'll slowly start to prefer the healthier options, because you get used to them without the feeling that you have to cut out everything you love.


7. Eat enough - try not to overeat.

Having a mental illness can cause you both to loose your appetite or not feeling full and craving many foods. The problem with this is not only that it's unhealthy for your body, but that you often numb your feelings with food.
Try eating enough every day, even if you don't feel like it. And if you feel like overeating/bingeing, try to think about what you really want right now. It will take some practice, but eventually, it will become easier for you to realize that you are not really craving the whole box of chocolate, but instead you are feeling rejected because your boyfriend cancled your date.

And while trying to eat healthily (and this way, taking care of your body and getting all the nutrition you need), I'd add some treats here and there. Add some chocolate sprinkles to the oatmeal you are eating in the morning. It's okay, as long as you don't feel like you MUST eat it now. And if a binge happened; try not to worry too much about it. Simply try to continue with all of it as if the binge did not happen.

8. If you tend to have binges, try to find out which kind of binges you have.

I, for example, have a sweet tooth and 80% of my binges are focussing on chocolate, cake and stuff like that. If you crave for the same things over and over, there are two possibilities
1. your body is missing some nutrition. If you are craving for chocolate constantly, it could be that you need more magnesium.
2. it's an emotional craving. in this case, the chocolate could mean that you feel rejected and that you are craving for love, affection and intimacy.

I like to take a look at this page: http://www.martinechin.com/3167/food-cravings-and-what-they-mean/
I don't know whether it is really (on a scientific basis) 100% accurate, but my personal experience was that I found this page helpful when dealing with binges.

If you get to the point that food is simply food.. something you can enjoy, something that tasted good, that gives you energy, and you let go of the idea that food will change about anything you feel (anger, fear, sadness etc.), you will eventually stop having those cravings and it'll not only be easier to eat healthy, but it'll also be easier to eat some of the food you really like (in moderation, but more often).

9. Try to eat regularly.

My doctor told me I should try to eat 3 main courses and 2 small courses (like a yogurt, an apple or something). between the main courses shouldn't be more than 6 hours time difference and I should eat breakfast within 2 hours after getting out of bed.

I never liked to have breakfast and wasn't much a fan of this idea, but I must say, it was quite helpful. You tend to feel satisfied through the whole day and the structure gives you more safety. If you are not a fan of preparing meals, try to prepare 2-3 meals at once, so you simply have to make it warm again!


10. Cut out the diet/light products!

Simply because they can trigger the depression (several studies exist for this, I can search for some reliable sources if anybody is interested, I just don't have any links around right now, it was about diet coke and similar drinks) and it messes up your blood sugar.
If they cut out the fat %, they have to add either sugar or sweetener to maintain an acceptable taste. And after they want to keep down the calories, they'll often use sweetener. The same, of course, goes with sugar- reduced things.
To have some low-sugar or low-fat food here and there is okay, but it'll propably satisfy you for a longer time if you choose the full- fat- yogurt; and no risk of falling back into the depression.





I hope those information were helpful for some of you. Please keep in mind that I am not a specialist, just a girl who collected both her own experiences and the once of friends who struggled and/or general stories about weight loss/activity/depression.
I cannot promise you that everything I said is correct and if you are unsure, please search for a reliable source.
Thank you all

You sound just like me!

purplepink1992

I literally feel like I just read a post about my life! lol.

I'm going to add you

nenshali

I'm actually sorry that I sound like you. But maybe we can help each other.
Sure, feel (both) free to add me :flowerforyou:

surreychic

Nenshall what inexactly is behaviour therapy?

If you were me, having spent the past few days getting u eating chocolate, polishing off biscuits, cereal - oatcakes, seeded bread... how would you help yourself...?

surreychic

Sorrry I meant to type, "getting up" I go straight into eating first thing.

nenshali

There are several types of therapy forms and behavioural therapy is one of them. (It is btw also called cognitive therapy)

Therapy is about dysfunctional behaviour and emotions that you have eveloped/that you feel. It is/can be used if you have anxiety, depression, an eating disorder etc. While the talking therapy (I'm not quite sure if there is a fixed term in english?) focusses on mostly talking, getting to know what happened in the past etc.

But while using cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), it is less important WHY something eveloped, it is more important to find out which factores are holding you back to get healthy again and which skills you need to build up.

While for example after an sexual assault CBT is less what you need, in my case it's the perfect thing. There was no traumatic incedent in my past that made me sick; I simply learned some very bad behaviour and never learned how to handle stress and how to think of myself in a positive manner.
You can inform yourself about several CBT techniques, but without a therapist, I think it's quite hard to get out of it alone.

I informed myself a loooot about this topic, which contributes massively to my therapy. But I also see how much I still need her for guiding me, for holding me back if I want to do too many things at once again of to break through several thought constructions I build up over the years so I don't even notice their existance.

I can recommend you to google "Dialectical behavior therapy" as well, because skills like that are very important. Simply wikipedia gives already lots of information

So, let's get to your situation.
If I ate all that food, the first question I should ask myself is:

WHY did I eat all of this?
There are now several possibilities:

1) I felt good and wanted to.
-> nice! Nothing wrong with it. Depending on the portion sizes, it was maybe a little bit too much, but if no guilt is included, there is nothing to be ashamed about. Food is food. It is not "cheating", this is not a game.

2.) I felt bad and soothed myself.

If the second possibility is the reason, we need to dig deeper. WHY did you feel bad?
Were you simply bored?
Did you feel hurt?
Were you stressed out?
Was there a trigger situation?
Was there another negative feeling that was there?


It takes some training to realize what was the CAUSE for it, because most of the time, we don't notice it anymore, we just feel the overneath lying cause ("I simply crave it now") and don't actually question it.

And whatever may be the reason it happened; Think about what you could have done instead.

In my own case, for example, I realized that I am used to punishing myself if I did not meet my own expectations (or the expectations of others, at least those I imagined to be there). I did not know I could possibly be NICE to myself. And this was kind of the trigger how I turned to food, because it numbed me.

And after a few months of bingeing and restricting myself, I forgot all negative feelings and whenever something was wrong, I just felt a numb, hurtful "something" in my stomach which I interpreted as hunger. That was why I felt NEVER really full.

If you have this problematic for a longer period of time, I can recommend you to build a schedule and write down:

- when you eat
- what you eat & which amounts
- how you felt before & after
- the situation in general

It might surprise you to recognize several patterns after a time. I, for example, when I was in school I used to binge every tuesday and thursday in general, because on those days I had chemistry where I sucked and I did not get along with my teacher at all and I was SO scared to go there and felt so extremely bad everytime after, that I eveloped the habbit to craving certain foods afterwards, because turning to food was the only "soothing" I knew (without realizing that I needed to be calmed down)

Oh and in general: Continue eating normally. It does not matter which amount of food you eat. Whether you had 200 kcal, 2000, 20000 kcal. It really does not matter. Eat. Eat regularly and eat enough.

If you start starving/restricting yourself for "making up with the binge", you bring yourself into a state of deprivation, which can trigger even more binges. It's a vicious cycle and very hard to get out of!
Remember that you DESERVE BEING TREATED NICELY. Remember that you DESERVE the very BEST.
You are not your own enemy. You are your friend. Treat yourself this way!

Any way, if it was.. " a black out" and happened for the first time in a way that it worried you and does not occure again, it should be fine. If it happened already more often or does happen again, I can only encourage you to go to a doctor.
It may be because you are/ are turning into an emotional eater. Maybe you are developing an eating disorder. Maybe there is something wrong with your eating habits in general (too little; too much time between your meals)

My therapist recommended me to eat 3 main meals and 2 small meals (1 after breakfast, 1 after lunch).
I have to eat breakfast in the first 2 hours after waking up. A main meal has to have fat and carbs (for example, yogurt with fruit alone is not enough, I have to add oatmeal or eat some bread with it or something like that).

It was quite hard at first but it helps. I had several binges last weekend, they were horrible and I surely ate 5000 kcal those days (did not log them, it's nobody's business in detail). The first two days, in the evening I forced myself to eat a small meal hich was not filling me up, even though I was hungry. This triggered even more binges.
The third day, I forced myself to eat a totally normal dinner (what I like to eat are baked potatoes with sour cream and baked carrots and paprika). I felt bad, but I forced myself to let it in. The next day, I was able to get back on track and eat normally again. This wouldn't have been able if I had deprived myself any longer.

I hope this was helpful for you. Please consider contacting someone professional if there is a problematic thing in your life. If you need further help, feel free to mail me.

surreychic

Hi Nenshall,

It was so kind of you to take all that time to offer such a thoughtful response. I am definitely "soothing myself" in fact, I think I don't feel much emotion because anything slightly negative I am probably eating. I have to say when really down it's just sugar I'm seeking. This probably is an eating "disorder" but I would definitely say I personally soothe with food, it is just like a feeling of ahhhhhhh as soon as I eat and of course I want to keep going.

Anyway, a lot to reflect on. Many thanks for your post.

crt714

Knew my issue was depression when I started going to bed at 6:30. It was easier to be unconscious than to go through the motions. You nailed it here.

gagatcu

This is perfect for me. I think I am going to email this to myself and read it every day. I completely understand about just wanting to be on the couch, sleeping, and being alone. I do it all the time...usually with a bag of chips. And then you know what happens, I feel worse after that, and in turn it makes me want to do it again. Gosh, what a vicious cycle!

Thanks so much for this post as I know it has touched my heart and probably holds true for many others! Xo!

nenshali

I absolutely get that, surreychic!

If you start focusing on it, you will slowly start noticing more feeling (or better said, you'll know where they come from)
It can be quite painful, I struggled for several months because I couldn't handle them (still struggling now).
But it gets better!


And I am so proud of you all!! :flowerforyou:

nenshali

:blushing: :flowerforyou:

WJS_jeepster

thanks so much for this. I am not in the deepest part right now, but this stupid winter and the nearly foot of snow we are getting today are just piling on. I have both general depression topped off with seasonal affective disorder. I used to control both with running outside year round - but now that I have 2 kids and no help, I just don't have the time to run on a regular schedule and this winter has been brutal.

I really understand these - when I was at my worst, and couldn't make a decision about anything, I used to regularly be late for work because I simply couldn't decide what to wear. Or I'd go to the grocery store and stand there staring at the food completely unable to make a choice. THe one thing that kept me going was that I had a rule: each day I had to do at least one thing extra. I had to go to work, pay bills, walk the dogs, etc. But I had to do one extra thing - whether that was as easy as put the dishes in the dishwasher, or clean onen mirror, or whatever. Eventually that one thing might lead to two extra things a day and so on.

Thank you especially for the reminder to be kind to myself. Why is that so hard to do??

nanadayana

Thank you for this post! It's so inspiring. I have eating disorder previously too. I'm coming out of that black hole and tell myself that I can do this.

Never lose hope, everything, eventually will get better.

nenshali

I'm so glad you are getting out of your holes (as well as me) :flowerforyou:

It's really hard, but it's possible and it's worth it!

Dancing_Laeti

Hi Nenshali,
Thanks for this! I'm in my hole right now and have been for a couple of weeks now, so this thread helps a lot! Am slowly climbing out again and aside of going to the gym I've started to become social again. That also is a big thing, going out, being with people, talking about everything and nothing.
Thanks again!
L

Dewymorning

Really great thread, I have suffered from mild depression, and was first diagnosed while I had another sickness.

I remember my doctor telling me I needed to get outside and exercise. At first I just walked the 100m from our house to the horse's paddock and hug the horse for a while before walking all the way back. So small, and yet it was that which finally started to heal me.

It is almost three years later and now I am going to the gym almost everyday and I feel mentally better than I have in years.

Dewymorning

Hi Nenshali,
Thanks for this! I'm in my hole right now and have been for a couple of weeks now, so this thread helps a lot! Am slowly climbing out again and aside of going to the gym I've started to become social again. That also is a big thing, going out, being with people, talking about everything and nothing.
Thanks again!
L

The social thing was one of the areas I found the hardest as I had cut off so many people while I was depressed.
But, I feel like all the friendships which survived were the ones worth keeping.

refuseresist

bump

nenshali

Wow, I'm so proud of you all! :flowerforyou:

It warms my heart to read all of your stories.. :smooched: