JELOUS HUSBAND!!! HELP

katyncal

ok so iv lost about 20 pounds, and I have noticed that my husband has become very jelous and dosent want me around other men AT ALL now! I really dont understand it, I thought he would be happy for me. He has been acting very weird since i have lost weight., Any advice?

bethinagain

Ignore it! Don't feed fuel to his fire! My hubby is doing the same thing. Congrates on your weight loss!:drinker:

katyncal

Its really annoying tho isnt it? I mean damn what is wrong with them?

JillTwiss

That is not healthy. Have you tried to sit down and discuss it with him? He's probably feeling very insecure with himself and he's afraid he's not good enough for you now. However, as I said, that is not healthy and it needs to be addressed. Just my opinion.

Pamelaxxx

He should be proud of you girl !

Pamela x

xarrium

I can understand why they do it--I wouldn't want my man to be around a bunch of girls if he's smokin' hot... not so much because of lack of trust, but because there's that "what if?" voice in the back of my head. If you're up for an experiment, dress up, take him out somewhere with a lot of guys (maybe out for a beer somewhere), and pay attention to *him*... I've heard this sometimes works to lessen the jealousy. (But congrats on your loss!!)

KimSchnizleinWECHANGED

I agree!! He'll just have to move on, and realize that weight loss doesn't equal cheating. And while you're atit ... Enjoy those stares!! LOL!!

Cina04

encourage him to get fit with you!

Workout together when you guys can!

Does he get a lot of attention from you? If not maybe he is missing that.

With me the more I lose weight, the more confident I feel and the more attention I give him because I feel better about myself.

Don't have much advice to give because except just talk w/ him.

fxst78

Guys opinion!

Have you spoken to him and explained the reasons you are wanting to lose weight? He may see it as a threat, that you are losing weight because you want to be more attractive to other men. Stupid I know but if he has a slight insecurity then you losing weight will play on that.

Birdnicaj

Don't meant o sound negative but there is nothing healthy or funny about unfounded jealousy - so deal with him and deal with it... talk... it won't just go away on it's own.

FoamyRiver

That is not healthy. Have you tried to sit down and discuss it with him? He's probably feeling very insecure with himself and he's afraid he's not good enough for you now. However, as I said, that is not healthy and it needs to be addressed. Just my opinion.

I agree completely that this is not healthy...I suggest you speak with your hubby and maybe the two of you should sit down with your pastor or other trusted adult/counselor who has been married a while. You are very young and I imagine your husband is as well. Younger men seem to have insecurities more so than older men or men who have been married longer.

But congratulations on your weight loss. Keep up the good work. And don't let his jealousy discourage you from reaching your goals.

TBeller

You poor thing...what an awful; thing to go through! I can say I have never dealt with that, even at my smallest, my husband has never had a jealous bone in his body. It's difficult, but you need to let him see that you are doing this for you and he gets to share in the benefits of your success. I think he should see it as a HUGE compliment....you've earned every look you get, enjoy them!! It feels good to have others notice you.

NavySailor

Mind if I chime in with a guy's perspective....first off, I agree that if he is acting weird and becoming super jealous, there is an issue there somewhere...that needs to be addressed! I agree with the rest of the posts that he should be happy as a clam in salt water....why he isn't may be a trust issue! Women have confused men for as long as we have been walking upright, however, us men tend to have our own issues, #1 on that list is insecurity...men by nature are insecure! I know that I am and I am not afraid to admit it! I get insecure every time I look in the mirror LOL....I have no time or patience for jealousy and nor should anyone, that said, I also don't really have anything to be jealous about! I either trust you or I don't, it doesn't matter what you look like! I say you sit his guy backside down and tell him how it is and how it is going to be...(most guys actually like that you know) and tell him that YOU are NOT going to go back to the way you were. Appreciate who you are and be confident that you are doing the right thing. Just my opinion!

LittleSpy

I lost 80 pounds and my boyfriend (now husband) proposed. I'm assuming it was a combination of a lot of things. I'm more fun to be around, easier to get along with, less anxious/depressed, etc. I'm also a lot more confident and I do get more male attention. I saw my husband becoming more insecure with every pound I lost so I made the reasons I was losing weight and getting healthy VERY clear to him. I'm doing this for me. I also made sure to make it very clear that I love him and want to be with him and only him. It's amazing to be with someone who stuck with me and loved me even when I was an emotional nightmare and weighed 270 pounds.

Now our relationship is way better than it has EVER been. Just be honest about your reasons and make him aware you're not interested in other men. I'm sure you can figure out a way to do that. :nudge: :nudge:

edit to disagree a little with the post below mine. When you talk to him, use "I" statements, not "you" statements. You're telling him how you feel, not assuming you know how he feels.

lupuslady

I agree you two need to have a serious talk. Write down some questions and tell him he has to answer them because he makes you very sad that he is not pleased with yoour wt loss.
Like----
Are you unhappy with the way I look?

Do you feel insecure that I feel better?

Be blunt and keep up the good work.....

usernom

yes, he should be happy for you, but im guessing his insecurities are getting the better of him ? he married you before you lost this weight, so he may wonder why you doing it now, and for who. he might worry you will find him unattractive, now that you are trimming down.

he might be thinking a million things, wrong or right, but it's important to note that whatever is going through his mind is not your problem.

i dont know him, so i dont know if either of the following would be helpful: have you tried getting him to join you in exercise or dieting ? maybe taking him out to select new lingerie that flatters your new shape ?

if he refuses to participate, there's always good old fashioned talking: explain your experiences and struggles with weight / dieting / whatever youre doing, the support youve found on sites like these, how much better you feel after losing the weight, how feeling better will allow you to enjoy your married life with him more than ever, and so on..

hopefully he will recollect his misplaced maturity and listen.

katyncal

I have talked to him about it, and he just says he is afraid that I am going to lose more weight and leave him. why im not sure?? but that isnt the case. He is very hard to talk to, Im going to try my hardest to sit him down and talk to him tonite.

jtsmou

Buy him lots of presents, tools and electronics are a good choice...

But seriously....

I did this years ago when I was in my 20's. The first thing I noticed was that she had started working out, and eating differently. Though I noticed, I didn't think much of it, because she had complained about her weight before and had yet to do anything. I always told her I loved her the way she was, in my mind it was "problem solved."

So a couple months go by and she is losing weight. We talk about it, she is doing this for "her" and she does her exercise routine while I am at work, and eats before I get home. She is really into this program she is on, and a little later starts taking up a lot of time we used to use for other things, especially after she starts going to the gym at night after I get home too. Not my gym of course, because she doesn't want to be around a bunch of stinky foul mouthed fighters. But it seems to be making her happy, so I am supportive of it.

A couple more months go by and she is looking damn good.

We go out, and guys are noticing her, and I see her reaction to it, she likes the attention, she smiles bright ( like she used to smile for me). At first it was like WOW I got a hot chick here, but then.... It progresses to the point that when we are out together, guys will start hitting on her right in front of me like I wasn't there. She obviously enjoyed it, ego boost that it was for her, but this is when things started to blow up.

These guys coming up and doing this right in front of me was a disrespectful act among men (fighting words if you will). And yes I got into a few, because I got tired of it real quick, more so because virtually all of them were better looking than me (I'm just not that pretty), and many obviously had a lot more money. Insecure? Yes, I was very insecure, still am to a point, we all are.

Of course, she told me that I had nothing to worry about, she only loved me, yada yada yada.

"Then why don't you just tell them to get lost, of F off." I would say.

Instead, she would giggle, and smile, and make small talk.

To me, and my thinking, she was enjoying it way too much, these guys hitting on her right in front of me like I wasn't even there was like a direct insult to me by whatever guy was around. It's like a guy coming up and saying, "hey this guy is a loser, come get with me." That's not a joke either, when a guy does that, and it is obvious that you are together, he knows exactly what he is doing. To me, it was like she was condoning these guys insulting me. In reaction I got very jealous, possessive, and very aggressive toward other men.

Me working full time, and her having most of her day free to go to the gym, and hang out with her friends, just made me more paranoid about the situation. My feeling was that my complements meant nothing to her, she only got all happy when someone else complemented her, and more so when it was a guy. It also didn't help that our yummy time had diminished to almost zero. It had started slowing down the more she got into working out, and when we started fighting it went to nothing real quick. To me, that obviously meant that she didn't want me, and I was no longer good enough.

I Lost it one day real bad when some guy actually told me to get lost (and actually pushed me) while he was hitting on her. I sent the guy to the hospital with 2 broken arms and a fractured jaw. After this she said I was scaring her, and left.

Was I jealous? YES, very jealous, and I still am to a point, most of us are regardless of if we admit it, or if it never manifests as anything more than "acting weird."


Take it for what you will. I am not trying to justify myself at all here btw, this is simply how I saw the situation at the time.

katyncal

wow!

KarenBorter

I have talked to him about it, and he just says he is afraid that I am going to lose more weight and leave him. why im not sure?? but that isnt the case. He is very hard to talk to, Im going to try my hardest to sit him down and talk to him tonite.

Is he overweight? This may be where this is coming from. He may think that with your weight loss you won't want him anymore. Unfortunately (and men please cover your ears LOL ...errr eyes) men like to have some control and you losing weight is out of his control. You are going to have to re-assure him ... maybe pay extra attention to him (not saying you aren't) but I think this is a common problem. USUALLY women lose weight after a break up to show their ex's that they are HOTTTTT! Maybe he thinks this is a preemptive strike to some thing more.

CGerman

First - congrats on your loss!

Like a lot of people above have mentioned, you need to try talking it out with him again. It isn't likely to just go away.

I think the other thing you need to keep in mind is you. Have you changed how you act with other guys since losing the weight, are you a naturally flirty person, how do react when other guys give you attention. Don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to say you're doing anything wrong, but guys don't think like we do. He could be seeing your actions and reading more into them then there is. Again - should be solved by an honest conversation. Good luck - sorry you can't just enjoy your successes!

katyncal

yes he is overweight also, He is doing better now that I am cooking and eating healthy. But he does not work out, and he does binge almost every night. I reasured him that I love him more than anything , and that I am doing this because I want to be healthier and that I want him to be proud of me as his pretty not fat wife. I think he is doing better, but im sure it will take time.

JennS19

encourage him to get fit with you!

Workout together when you guys can!

Does he get a lot of attention from you? If not maybe he is missing that.

With me the more I lose weight, the more confident I feel and the more attention I give him because I feel better about myself.

Don't have much advice to give because except just talk w/ him.

I completely agree with this! Try to get him fit with you, Cook togther, work out together, and keep reminding him how much you love him, how you choose him over all others. Hopefully he will eventually turn his outlook around and love your weight loss as much as you do.

KarenBorter

Okay so that may be what it is ... he is scared if you lose the weight you will leave him because he isn't in shape ... this may be the issue. Is there any reason he wouldn't want to lose weight to?

LotusF1ower

ok so iv lost about 20 pounds, and I have noticed that my husband has become very jelous and dosent want me around other men AT ALL now! I really dont understand it, I thought he would be happy for me. He has been acting very weird since i have lost weight., Any advice?

That is his own insecurities coming into play. Pain in the *kitten* too to be honest, you work hard, lose the weight only to have to deal with a different sort of problem and one that is bang smack in your face all the time too! :frown:

You'll just have to keep reassuring him but also make it clear that you are happy having lost the weight and wish to stay that way thank you very much.

All this jogged my memory of many years back of a girl who lived on my street. She started to go out with a lad and he would continually buy her boxes of chocolates and because she loved sweet things, she would eat them all. She started off medium sized and ended up grossly obese - eventually she died at a young age due to her weight problems - believe me she was huge!

It turned out that he was SO insecure that if she were slim she would leave him, that he would buy her stuff that he knew she had an enormous weakness for, hoping she would pile on the weight so that nobody else would want her.

That sort of attitude makes me sick to be honest, tantamount to manslaughter - sounds OTT, but it really is emotional blackmail at its absolute worse.

lethwin

If you can get him onboard with the dieting I think you'll find the jealousy dissappear. His jealousy probably stems from multiple concerns. Why your doing it, you motivation to do something about your weight(maybe he doesnt like the fact that your doing something to lose and he is not), etc. I had some friction with my wife when I first started dieting a few weeks ago regarding not bringing junkfood into the house(I have real low willpower ;( ). Now I got her dieting with me and everything is on track and its something else we can do together. Good Luck!

SweetPandora

I agree you need to talk to him and try and get him more active. Make it a team journey. Tell him you want to be healthy for your life together and your family.

I am fortunate my boyfriend is very health conscience and workout oriented and he loves when he notices other guys checking me out!

Karen

fitbot

you HAVE to work this out w him. insecurity does not magically go away

Alioth

Have you thought about doing a couples retreat or getting away somewhere, just you and him for a few days for some R&R? Maybe getting away from the usual setting and stressors would take some of the pressure off.

june_warner

I am sorry to hear that. I was in the same situation 3 and a half years ago. Unfortunetly for me I had to get a divorce because my ex sabotaged everything I was trying to do to better myself. I hope for your families sake he comes around and realizes it's for the better of everybody. If your happy and healthy, they will follow and be a lot happier and healthier. Good Luck.

lloydrt

hey there Jumewarmer..Congratualtions on your spectacular weight loss......awesome
I hear you, about why you left your exx. Years ago, I was in a relationship, very very much like yours....I got out of it, thankfull

Ok, Ladies, please dont bash me when I say this, but , sometimes one of the symptoms of a spouse having an affair ,is the woman or man, all of a sudden, takes a huge interest in the way they look

this involves, going to the gym, eating and drinking less , working out 3 to 4 hours a day at the gym, after work, buying new clothes, coloring their hair, and wanting to look in top shape.....

I only use this for an example, because this is how my ex sister in law was in affair that she had with her co worker. She is pretty already, really great shape, etc, but she would leave work, only to call my brother and tell him she was working out....
hmm....

She was at the gym allright, but unfortunately, she was with him.....

So, this is why SOME guys may be concerned

My perspective on it is trust.....and being happy for your spouse on their weight loss.....Id support my spouse, lol, but I dont have one, but as a man, I would TOTALLY trust and support the person completely

How could you fautl a person for wanting to live a long and healthy liffe......Lloyd