Teenager having issues

LishieFruit89

Invite her here and teach her. Let her learn how to take care of herself if she is fending for herself. Just point her in the right directions and educate. PE doesnt really do that.

Wrong.
This is a site for 18+.
sparkteens.com and a conversation wit her doctor.

I was an overweight kid - every physical I went to my doctor told me to lose weight.
And having my mother poke at my weight when she herself was (and still is) overweight was not pleasant.
Eventually I developed an eating disorder essentially (never diagnosed but diet pills and starvation and etc).
And just now I'm finally fixing my relationship with food.

This is a situation that has to be handled carefully because she's only 15.

Josalinn

I guess I would look at it the same way I look at my own attempts to eat better. I don't buy junk. I make large quantities of food on the weekends, pre-portion it and stick it in the freezer. I usually have 3 choices. Also Ziploc has divided rectangle containers that make frozen meals super easy. For me, veggies in the largest portion, meat in the middle sized portion, and a carb like rice or pasta in the smallest. I can put masking tape on the cover and write when I froze it, what it is and how many calories (though you may want to leave that out).

There are also teen oriented sites similar to MPF. You may want to look into some of them.

ETA: See poster above for the site =P

deksgrl

Okay, so she is unhappy with her weight, and that is understandable. Does she want to do the work to change that? Does she think it is impossible, or she just does not know how? First, I would ask her if she wants to lose weight, and work to set a reasonable goal for her (not 100 pounds because her 4'11" friend is). Then a visit to the doctor to rule out any health problems. She needs to have a calorie and nutrition goal for her age.

krist3ng

I know she doesn't hate me. We have LOTS of talks. I don't know where to start. My schedule and hubby's schedule are totally off.
There are lots of fend for yourself nights and I'll come home to TWO packages of kraft dinner made and she will have eaten them both. Yes, I can just not buy kraft dinner. And I guess that's what I'm going to have to start doing. But my fridge is PACKED with fruits and veggies. Washed. Sliced. Preportioned. I just don't know what else to do.

Maybe teach her a few recipes, make cooking a bonding experience... that way she's equipped with the tools to cook healthy food. Also, cooking is fun

Don't buy boxes of mac n cheese, or packages of ramen.

If you don't think your daughter will want to embrace her culinary side, maybe make extra food on nights you DO cook, so she can have leftovers.

Finally, and I'm sure you don't do this, but make sure to emphasize healthy eating (vitamins and nutrients, etc) versus weight loss when you're talking to your daughter about any food changes. That way you won't make her feel self-conscious.

I remember when I was that age, I had no idea how to get healthy. I was eating horribly, and eating constantly. I didn't know what calories meant, what protein was... I would have loved some guidance on nutrition and stuff as a kid!

DeliriumCanBeFun

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

xscat

I would say be honest with her. I would tell her I love her no matter what; and how I felt guilty for not being there teaching her about healthy eating; how it is tough for a teenage girl to not have the perfect skinny look. And I would open up to her about my fear and concerns.

15-yr-old was not that long ago for me. And teenagers are actually more understanding and mature than adults give them credit for... My mom was always honest with me. She never talked down to me like I was a little child. I really appreciate that. Bottom line, you do love her, and as long as she understands that, things can be worked out....

rachrach7595

I know she doesn't hate me. We have LOTS of talks. I don't know where to start. My schedule and hubby's schedule are totally off.
There are lots of fend for yourself nights and I'll come home to TWO packages of kraft dinner made and she will have eaten them both. Yes, I can just not buy kraft dinner. And I guess that's what I'm going to have to start doing. But my fridge is PACKED with fruits and veggies. Washed. Sliced. Preportioned. I just don't know what else to do.

Make healthy dinners for everyone, put it on a plate, cling film.
Ready to go into the microwave... presto.

Make a big batch of something easy that can go into the freezer into portions that are reheatable.

Find easy and quick recipes she can cook herself? Spend time making a few with her so she gets the jist of healthy cooking and making better decisions about food.

rachrach7595

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Well isn't that idealistic.
The woman obviously needs to go to work.
I don't think berating her about her parenting skills and the choices that she makes for her ENTIRE family is really the sort of advice she needs or wants.

dakotababy

I was an overweight teenager. My proportions were insane! What would have made all the difference - learning about what a calorie is, what a normal meal looks like, and finding an exercise that I loved. Maybe get her Turbo Jam or Hip Hop Abs or Zumba? Then she can work out without having to worry about how her body looks.

uconnwinsnc

She's 15 and she's around 180/190. Her height is about 5 foot 5 I want to say. She said "I don't like my body" and I asked her "what do you not like about your body?" and she said "I'm fat"

I've known she has been overweight for over a year now but she if far from fat. And I guess the reason why I haven't dealt with this before is because my sister was anorexic/bulimic when she was a teen and part of me decided to "ignore" (for lack of a better word) what was happening with my daughter because I didn't want to have to go through all that again. It was tough enough going through it with my sister, and I know it would be a million times worse with my own daughter.


I'm not sure if I need advice or if I just needed to vent......

I think I know what the problem is here. So let me give you some real stats, her BMI is 31, that is obese. Most people would call that fat. Be honest to yourself. You know what she has to do to lose weight, be upfront about it with her. Let her chose her own path.

Telling a 15 year old girl straight up that she is "fat", then giving her a list of things to do to lose it, then saying that it is her own path, is going to snowball into a disaster..

OnMyWeigh464

I need to get some things straight here. When you look at her, she doesn't LOOK fat. If I saw her on the street I wouldn't classify her as such. That's why I say she's OVERWEIGHT and not FAT. I will definitely take all advice and use it. I'm just worried about her. We have lots of healthy options. I make sure of that.

brianpperkins

I need to get some things straight here. When you look at her, she doesn't LOOK fat. If I saw her on the street I wouldn't classify her as such. That's why I say she's OVERWEIGHT and not FAT. I will definitely take all advice and use it. I'm just worried about her. We have lots of healthy options. I make sure of that.

Honestly, it looks like you're trying to play word games to avoid the truth. By your own admission she is 5'5, 190ish ... a BMI in the obese range. She eats two boxes of Kraft ... over 1900 calories without drinks or anything else ... in one sitting. If you don't get her on the right path now, she'll have as much (or more) to lose than you when she reaches adulthood.

1pandabear

I need to get some things straight here. When you look at her, she doesn't LOOK fat. If I saw her on the street I wouldn't classify her as such. That's why I say she's OVERWEIGHT and not FAT. I will definitely take all advice and use it. I'm just worried about her. We have lots of healthy options. I make sure of that.

Good mom. I just want to add that because I am tall when I started gaining I didn't look fat either. I guess I wasn't honest with myself and I didn't think my weight would keep going up. It did though. It is good that you notice how she is doing. Like the two packages. I don't have any advice but she needs your support, your guidance and your understanding, which it seems you are giving.

iggylove123

I'm 20 and in high school my weight yo-yo'd. I was a varsity swimmer so from August to end of November I was in great shape! Then after that I would put on weight. I went back and forth between maybe 10 pounds during those 4 years. It sucked seeing my body like that. I would always eat healthier when there was no temptation in the house and there were premade snacks or meals. If there were chips in the house and everything else required some prep, I would go for the chips! She's 15, not nearly an adult so it's okay to not buy unhealthy things. Don't go and buy the chips, cookies, ice cream, fatty dinners. Self control is hard, especially in high school. You're stressed and you just want to relieve it with food! Maybe say it'd be fun to do myfitnesspal together? Or if you don't have work go on a walk with her? She doesn't have to feel attacked. If you go on the journey together, it'd be better! My mom just started using myfitnesspal! She doesn't have friends on it because it's only for her own personal logging, but I feel a sense of unity just because we both are going through the same thing!

So maybe buy nice fresh fruits! Cut some up and baggy them! Go to walmart or Sam's club and get a rotisserie chicken and debone it so the meat is just left! Get lunch meat (black pepper turkey is AMAZING!) and some healthy life 35 calorie/slice wheat bread! When I got stretch marks in high school I wish my mom would have stopped buying unhealthy things. I was just too scared to speak up. Take the journey together

threefancy

She might eat the way she does because that is what she sees and knows. Focus on yourself first. Make healthy, portion controlled meals. Exercise regularly. As you get healthier, your children will likely start modeling your behavior.

pspetralia

I am a youth pastor who spends a lot of time around teenagers. Although I do not have children of my own, I have talked to make a young girl with body-image problems. Some of them were actually overweight- like your daughter. When a young person is at an unhealthy weight, it does no good to lie to them. Is she beautiful just the way she is- Yes. Absolutely. It's important she knows that weight has nothing to do with beauty. Is she healthy at the weight she is at? No. Don't tell her she's fine the way she is. Tell her she is beautiful, and she should never feel anything but beautiful; but that her current weight isn't the best for her health.

When you're talking to teenagers, it's important that you frame weight loss discussions the right way. Weight loss isn't about looking better, it's about becoming healthier and being more active. If she is 5'5'', then getting down to 145 would put her in a healthy BMI range. Print off a BMI chart and show it to her, don't hide the fact that she would be healthier at a lower weight. But make sure she knows that you are also trying to make healthy changes for yourself and get into a healthy weight range. Let her know that almost 70% of the country is overweight or obese, and it's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It's not a defect, there's nothing wrong with her, and she isn't helpless. There are plenty of things she can do to get herself down to a healthy weight. It will just take time, determination, and patience.

Don't emphasize eating less, emphasize eating right and moving more. Don't try to cut out her favorite treats, just make sure she knows a treat isn't the first thing you grab for when you're hungry, it's something to be had sparingly. Have her help you make healthy foods and prep veggies and fruits for regular snacks. Teach her about nutrition and don't let her obsess over the scale, but let her weigh herself every couple of weeks to see physical evidence of the difference a healthy lifestyle makes.

You can do this- you are doing this, and she'll be able to do it to.

Good advice! I would also add the one fun food a day rule. My son is on the very high end of his BMI range, so his pediatrician had us start the one fun food a day rule. This helps him feel like he still gets to eat like his friends, but has a clear boundary. It has really helped with him. Also encourage being active. Good luck!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Oh my god... this might be the single most judgmental piece of crap I have read on this site --- and that is truly saying something.

SouthGaPeach

I totally understand what she is going through. I am a few years older than her but have fought with my weight for years. I am 5'2" and currently at 175 after 6lbs of weight loss so far. If she feels uncomfortable with her body, motivate her to make a change The dance classes will certainly help if she is not very active otherwise.

LishieFruit89

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Oh my god... this might be the single most judgmental piece of crap I have read on this site --- and that is truly saying something.

This poster has kids too. Rightbarounds OPs daugthers age. Poor kids.

Iknowsaur

I know it's hard to hear as a mom that your daughter doesn't like her body. My mom used to cry every day she dropped me off at school when I was 14 because she knew I got bullied for being overweight, and that I hated my body. I was heavier than your daughter, but at that age kids can be so mean and teens are so self conscious.

At 15 I ended up really depressed about my weight (250, at 5'6) and was out of control. My family, who is amazing, put together the money to send me to Wellspring where I lost weight through their in-patient boarding school program. I learned so much while I was there, and although I lost 30 pounds at the school, I lost another 50 on my own when I got home.

Now I'm not saying that you should spend thousands of dollars to enroll your daughter in Wellspring, or that you have to send her to fat camp or something. But finding a teen-oriented program is a really good idea. I felt really isolated until I was able to talk to other people my age about the same problems I was facing.

A few other things...
- Have you explained to her that logging her food can be really helpful? She may be too young for MFP, but I used to carry around a journal with me until I fell off the wagon my freshman year of college.
- Shopping for clothes that fit can do wonders on self esteem, and when you feel better you eat better! Try stores like Forever21 and H&M, they have really great, cheap, fashionable plus size sections. Torrid is less trendy and kinda expensive, but what they lack in style they make up for in an awesome jean selection. Maybe she can find something more comfortable than a hoody. American Eagle also has a lot of plus sizes, but the fit of those things is sometimes questionable.

I'm 18 now, but if you wanna add me and send me a message I'd be happy to chat about it with you Since I'm probably a lot closer in age than most people, and went from my biggest weight loss around her age.