Teenager having issues

OnMyWeigh464

I need to get some things straight here. When you look at her, she doesn't LOOK fat. If I saw her on the street I wouldn't classify her as such. That's why I say she's OVERWEIGHT and not FAT. I will definitely take all advice and use it. I'm just worried about her. We have lots of healthy options. I make sure of that.

brianpperkins

I need to get some things straight here. When you look at her, she doesn't LOOK fat. If I saw her on the street I wouldn't classify her as such. That's why I say she's OVERWEIGHT and not FAT. I will definitely take all advice and use it. I'm just worried about her. We have lots of healthy options. I make sure of that.

Honestly, it looks like you're trying to play word games to avoid the truth. By your own admission she is 5'5, 190ish ... a BMI in the obese range. She eats two boxes of Kraft ... over 1900 calories without drinks or anything else ... in one sitting. If you don't get her on the right path now, she'll have as much (or more) to lose than you when she reaches adulthood.

1pandabear

I need to get some things straight here. When you look at her, she doesn't LOOK fat. If I saw her on the street I wouldn't classify her as such. That's why I say she's OVERWEIGHT and not FAT. I will definitely take all advice and use it. I'm just worried about her. We have lots of healthy options. I make sure of that.

Good mom. I just want to add that because I am tall when I started gaining I didn't look fat either. I guess I wasn't honest with myself and I didn't think my weight would keep going up. It did though. It is good that you notice how she is doing. Like the two packages. I don't have any advice but she needs your support, your guidance and your understanding, which it seems you are giving.

iggylove123

I'm 20 and in high school my weight yo-yo'd. I was a varsity swimmer so from August to end of November I was in great shape! Then after that I would put on weight. I went back and forth between maybe 10 pounds during those 4 years. It sucked seeing my body like that. I would always eat healthier when there was no temptation in the house and there were premade snacks or meals. If there were chips in the house and everything else required some prep, I would go for the chips! She's 15, not nearly an adult so it's okay to not buy unhealthy things. Don't go and buy the chips, cookies, ice cream, fatty dinners. Self control is hard, especially in high school. You're stressed and you just want to relieve it with food! Maybe say it'd be fun to do myfitnesspal together? Or if you don't have work go on a walk with her? She doesn't have to feel attacked. If you go on the journey together, it'd be better! My mom just started using myfitnesspal! She doesn't have friends on it because it's only for her own personal logging, but I feel a sense of unity just because we both are going through the same thing!

So maybe buy nice fresh fruits! Cut some up and baggy them! Go to walmart or Sam's club and get a rotisserie chicken and debone it so the meat is just left! Get lunch meat (black pepper turkey is AMAZING!) and some healthy life 35 calorie/slice wheat bread! When I got stretch marks in high school I wish my mom would have stopped buying unhealthy things. I was just too scared to speak up. Take the journey together

threefancy

She might eat the way she does because that is what she sees and knows. Focus on yourself first. Make healthy, portion controlled meals. Exercise regularly. As you get healthier, your children will likely start modeling your behavior.

pspetralia

I am a youth pastor who spends a lot of time around teenagers. Although I do not have children of my own, I have talked to make a young girl with body-image problems. Some of them were actually overweight- like your daughter. When a young person is at an unhealthy weight, it does no good to lie to them. Is she beautiful just the way she is- Yes. Absolutely. It's important she knows that weight has nothing to do with beauty. Is she healthy at the weight she is at? No. Don't tell her she's fine the way she is. Tell her she is beautiful, and she should never feel anything but beautiful; but that her current weight isn't the best for her health.

When you're talking to teenagers, it's important that you frame weight loss discussions the right way. Weight loss isn't about looking better, it's about becoming healthier and being more active. If she is 5'5'', then getting down to 145 would put her in a healthy BMI range. Print off a BMI chart and show it to her, don't hide the fact that she would be healthier at a lower weight. But make sure she knows that you are also trying to make healthy changes for yourself and get into a healthy weight range. Let her know that almost 70% of the country is overweight or obese, and it's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It's not a defect, there's nothing wrong with her, and she isn't helpless. There are plenty of things she can do to get herself down to a healthy weight. It will just take time, determination, and patience.

Don't emphasize eating less, emphasize eating right and moving more. Don't try to cut out her favorite treats, just make sure she knows a treat isn't the first thing you grab for when you're hungry, it's something to be had sparingly. Have her help you make healthy foods and prep veggies and fruits for regular snacks. Teach her about nutrition and don't let her obsess over the scale, but let her weigh herself every couple of weeks to see physical evidence of the difference a healthy lifestyle makes.

You can do this- you are doing this, and she'll be able to do it to.

Good advice! I would also add the one fun food a day rule. My son is on the very high end of his BMI range, so his pediatrician had us start the one fun food a day rule. This helps him feel like he still gets to eat like his friends, but has a clear boundary. It has really helped with him. Also encourage being active. Good luck!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Oh my god... this might be the single most judgmental piece of crap I have read on this site --- and that is truly saying something.

SouthGaPeach

I totally understand what she is going through. I am a few years older than her but have fought with my weight for years. I am 5'2" and currently at 175 after 6lbs of weight loss so far. If she feels uncomfortable with her body, motivate her to make a change The dance classes will certainly help if she is not very active otherwise.

LishieFruit89

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Oh my god... this might be the single most judgmental piece of crap I have read on this site --- and that is truly saying something.

This poster has kids too. Rightbarounds OPs daugthers age. Poor kids.

Iknowsaur

I know it's hard to hear as a mom that your daughter doesn't like her body. My mom used to cry every day she dropped me off at school when I was 14 because she knew I got bullied for being overweight, and that I hated my body. I was heavier than your daughter, but at that age kids can be so mean and teens are so self conscious.

At 15 I ended up really depressed about my weight (250, at 5'6) and was out of control. My family, who is amazing, put together the money to send me to Wellspring where I lost weight through their in-patient boarding school program. I learned so much while I was there, and although I lost 30 pounds at the school, I lost another 50 on my own when I got home.

Now I'm not saying that you should spend thousands of dollars to enroll your daughter in Wellspring, or that you have to send her to fat camp or something. But finding a teen-oriented program is a really good idea. I felt really isolated until I was able to talk to other people my age about the same problems I was facing.

A few other things...
- Have you explained to her that logging her food can be really helpful? She may be too young for MFP, but I used to carry around a journal with me until I fell off the wagon my freshman year of college.
- Shopping for clothes that fit can do wonders on self esteem, and when you feel better you eat better! Try stores like Forever21 and H&M, they have really great, cheap, fashionable plus size sections. Torrid is less trendy and kinda expensive, but what they lack in style they make up for in an awesome jean selection. Maybe she can find something more comfortable than a hoody. American Eagle also has a lot of plus sizes, but the fit of those things is sometimes questionable.

I'm 18 now, but if you wanna add me and send me a message I'd be happy to chat about it with you Since I'm probably a lot closer in age than most people, and went from my biggest weight loss around her age.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Oh my god... this might be the single most judgmental piece of crap I have read on this site --- and that is truly saying something.

This poster has kids too. Rightbarounds OPs daugthers age. Poor kids.

I see this poster has a recent diagnosis (though not so recent because of a DSM 5 change) that could cause her to say things that maybe she doesn't realize are insanely hurtful and inappropriate. Because my husband shares traits of this diagnosis, I am willing to give benefit of the doubt and say she didn't intend to be so... yeah, what that post was.

bajoyba

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Wow. I definitely do not agree. Just because someone is overweight or even obese does not automatically mean that they have an eating disorder.
At my heaviest, I was 235 pounds at 5'6"... but it took me 11 years to get to there. I wasn't an emotional eater or a binge eater. I simply didn't know anything about calories, weight maintenance, or portion control. Now that I know, losing weight has been a relatively easy adjustment.
It may very well be that the OP's daughter just needs a little bit of education about food and serving sizes. Since she's already expressed insecurity about her body, it may be the perfect time to remind her that she's beautiful just as she is, and that if she wants to make changes, there are lots of positive, healthy, and sustainable ways to do that.

Mr_Bad_Example

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Oh my god... this might be the single most judgmental piece of crap I have read on this site --- and that is truly saying something.

This poster has kids too. Rightbarounds OPs daugthers age. Poor kids.

I see this poster has a recent diagnosis (though not so recent because of a DSM 5 change) that could cause her to say things that maybe she doesn't realize are insanely hurtful and inappropriate. Because my husband shares traits of this diagnosis, I am willing to give benefit of the doubt and say she didn't intend to be so... yeah, what that post was.

Even as someone who has Aspie traits, Mrs. Delirium's comment is still offensively judgmental and just flat out wrong (all obese people have eating disorders... really? Tell me more about this fairy tale). No benefits from doubt here.

OnMyWeigh464

I'm going to be honest by saying I didn't expect to get some of the above replies. I do know that I, too, am obese. I didn't need a poster pointing that out to me, so thanks for pointing out the obvious there.

I've been struggling with weight/depression/thyroid issues since about 2003 and I've been going to counselling for a lot of the depression issues. I am not 100% unhealthy. I have a lot of great days. And yes, I have a lot of bad ones too. But to say I'm not setting a good example was pretty judgmental. I am currently training for a triathlon, which has me at the gym 2-3 times per week, and more if my work schedule allows. She accompanies us when we go to the gym, so she does see me and my husband being active. It's not like I'm making these high fat dinners. I make very healthy dinners. I can only do so much, especially seeing as she's in school most of the day, and I can't have her tied to me. I have already sought out advice from her paediatrician and am waiting to hear back regarding nutrition counselling for her. I guess I just thought I could come here to vent, get advice from people who've been there, I dunno. I think I actually feel worse about the whole situation and wish I could just delete this thread.

Omar_USAF

Teach her or help her find motivation to start cooking and learning about fitness and what works for her body. its better for you to teach her the right way rather than her starving her self or w.e other wrong ways there is to loose weight.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I'm going to be honest by saying I didn't expect to get some of the above replies. I do know that I, too, am obese. I didn't need a poster pointing that out to me, so thanks for pointing out the obvious there.

I've been struggling with weight/depression/thyroid issues since about 2003 and I've been going to counselling for a lot of the depression issues. I am not 100% unhealthy. I have a lot of great days. And yes, I have a lot of bad ones too. But to say I'm not setting a good example was pretty judgmental. I am currently training for a triathlon, which has me at the gym 2-3 times per week, and more if my work schedule allows. She accompanies us when we go to the gym, so she does see me and my husband being active. It's not like I'm making these high fat dinners. I make very healthy dinners. I can only do so much, especially seeing as she's in school most of the day, and I can't have her tied to me. I have already sought out advice from her paediatrician and am waiting to hear back regarding nutrition counselling for her. I guess I just thought I could come here to vent, get advice from people who've been there, I dunno. I think I actually feel worse about the whole situation and wish I could just delete this thread.

Listen 99% of the time I am accused of being a meanie for telling people to suck it up, it's the internet -- the person who said that to you was categorically wrong. That was totally BS. You sound like a great mom who just wants to help her daughter in the best way she can.

hcunn14

I had the same issue at a younger age.. I played volleyball but what probably the most uncomfortable on the team with wearing a uniform. Not that I was fat so to say, but I could stand to tone up and lose some. My mom asked if I wanted to eat healthy together and excercise, and I was all for it. We had a contest to see who had the most results in a month span and then when that milestone came we would make another one. I think it's better to measure inches rather than the number on the scale. Whoever wins gets to go shopping or gets to pick a pampering. Maybe try the "together" route to get the topic up in the air.

sugarstrawberries

I've been "overweight" my whole life, including being around 180 at 5'2"-4" in high school. I really wish I had known then what I know now, which is that:
1. My body is mine. It's whatever *I* want it to be, it gets me around, and it's beautiful no matter what. Anyone who does not think this should be told to flip right off.

2. I should have been fueling my adolescent body with more vegetables and fruits as opposed to eating the fried chicken strips at school lunch every day, or spending the $2 my mom gave me for lunch on a 20 oz. soft drink from the vending machine and candy and then starving myself the rest of the day because I was "bad" at lunch, skipping breakfast, eating all the sweet snacks at home...lots of not great choices that I didn't know how to prevent because that was what was handed to me and I didn't know any better.

3. If I thought 180 was fat, I wish I could have looked into the future to see myself 80lbs. heavier...being happy AND sad!--I thought all my problems stemmed from my fat body. Instead, many of them were deeply influenced by American culture's obsession with women having to be beautiful 100% of the time forever and ever so help you god. I was consuming a lot of media that focused on thin people (wtf doesn't really?), and of course all my friends (who were not "overweight" or were actually battling EDs) also thought they were fat and voiced this very often. This was particularly uncomfortable for me, because if this beautiful sylph thinks she's fat and gross, then what am I?

4. I wish someone had framed exercise and moving my body as fun. Exercise is really hard to start when you've been categorized as the one who doesn't want to give an effort and thus learn not to give an effort. By the time I was in *middle school*, I was already incredibly jaded by the coaches shouting at me because I was too slow around the track. I said "fuggit" and walked the track instead of running. PE was humiliating most of the time and not fun.

I imagine when she says she is fat, your daughter thinks she is fat in comparison to her peers and the entertainment industry. Please let her know, if any of her friends are engaging in negative talk about their bodies or someone else's body or if she does, it needs to stop. Everyone, especially teen girls, needs to remember and repeat "Every Body Is Beautiful".
Work on self-acceptance and body acceptance and self-respect with her, including telling her what would be best to fuel her body and keep her full and sated, exercise because a body needs to move. I didn't work on this until I accepted my body as it is and that it's awesome no matter what because it *contains ME*.