Am I the only one who HATES comments on my loss?

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  • JG762
    JG762 Posts: 571 Member
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    It s called communication/conversation, and getting uptight and angry about something so trivial is more to do with your problems than anything they have said.

    Be nice , chill or see a shrink !!

    It's not communication or conversation when it makes you uncomfortable and your suggestion that someone needs a shrink because they don't want to be quizzed about their personal business is inappropriate.
  • tmarie514
    tmarie514 Posts: 11 Member
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    I found that my frustration with those comments came from the fact that I felt people were so obsessed with it that it was the only thing they would talk to me about. Also, at some point, I was annoyed that by losing weight I was closer to fitting into society's ideals and people complimented that outside aspect not knowing what all it was taking to lose the weight. I was so hungry all the time and killing myself at the gym...but all they saw was "thinner is better - yay!" Looking back, everybody meant well and was truly supporting me in my journey...and the more I talked to others about what I was eating or workouts I did, the more it solidified those things in my life and kept me honest about my overall plan, so it wasn't all bad.
  • cjsmom42
    cjsmom42 Posts: 1
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    No. I hate it too. It seems like an intrusion. However, I've recently realized that since "Reality TV" many in our society have lost the idea that certain topics are off limits. So how does one handle unwanted questions about weight loss? It's not an easy answer and it depends on who you are as a person. I believe that advocating for yourself is always the right way to go. No matter what, if it makes you uncomfortable, you have the right to say so. Something like: No malice or offense intended, but I really don't know you well enough to share with you those very private details of my life/weight loss. :smile:

    Some may not like it, but they won't ask you again!! Good Luck to you in what ever you decide to do.
  • GummyHuman
    GummyHuman Posts: 193 Member
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    I really find it very encouraging and I will take all I can get while I am still losing/changing (one on one - I would hate to have a group of people staring at and commenting on my body! Eek!) .

    I find the "what are you doing to lose weight?" question to be a weird one, because I don't think people really want to hear it. It seems like a kneejerk question with an obvious answer, like asking someone how they feel after the death of a loved one. They ask it because they feel they have to, so I just say generically "eating better and moving more". If they follow up with "what are you eating?" or "what are you doing for exercise?", I know they really are interested and I will get into detail. A great majority of the time they don't.

    I don't like it when my co-worker calls me "skinny" like a nickname, but that is just because I'm not skinny. I am skinnier than I was, but she might as well call me Chinese, because that describes me as well as skinny does. I don't have room in my "hate bucket" for that though. It's just mildly uncomfortable.
  • Akimajuktuq
    Akimajuktuq Posts: 3,037 Member
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    Disable it from posting on the feed then!

    THIS, this and this. It's in "settings".
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    I don't mind the weight loss comments when I am actually losing. However, at my last job I had two or three people whose always made such comments if they hadn't seen me in a few weeks. One of them asked me how much I had lost when I was at my highest weight! It was like it was just their default catch up with the fat girl.

    ^This too! I had a family member make a big show of "omg, you've lost so much weight since I last saw you!" at a time where I HADN'T lost anything - just made me think "well, remind me to trow out the dress I wore last time, if it made me look that much heavier!!"
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    I personally don't think it's appropriate to comment on someone's weight or diet in "real life". On MFP it's different because you are more open about what is going on and what your goals are. In day to day life you don't know what is going on for someone behind the scenes so it's more respectful not to comment unless you know them extremely well. I'm with the OP on this one. Just my two cents.

    Exactly. I feel like weight talk here on MFP is "invited" - In real life, I haven't asked anyone to *kitten* my size!
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    Usually that would be a feeling of uneasiness from a lack of certainty about your methods. If you were sure you were exercising and eating properly, I think the majority of people would welcome praise and feedback.

    Well, the majority of my loss comes from not downing a liter of vodka per week, so I don't think I have any reason to be uncertain of that method...
  • Obnoxa
    Obnoxa Posts: 187 Member
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    I don't mind it being mentioned in passing but I don't enjoy it when somebody makes a big production about it and starts drilling me; that feels a little invasive. So yeah, I completely understand where you are coming from.

    When I'm visiting my mom, every time I get up from a chair she goes "Oh, don't sit back down, I want to keep looking at you properly!" etc. And it's even worse if my grandma is around, she will clap on my stomach, and keep asking about how many carbs I'm eating.

    Ouch. I would be completely mortified :frown:
  • ThinWhiteDuchess
    ThinWhiteDuchess Posts: 28 Member
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    When my eating disorder wasn't exactly flourishing yet, I hated them, because they negated me as a human being. Mostly they'd be formulated as "Wow, glad you lost some weight. You were beginning to look very bad indeed." or "My, you really looked fat before." Every compliment indicated that before, I looked horrible, but never knew. So, what if I look horrible now, and they're just holding their tongue? That's why I hated them.
  • OcotilloFire
    OcotilloFire Posts: 233 Member
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    I understand what you are saying and perhaps it's because you don't want your weight (or weight loss) to define you. You are a woman, a professional, a friend...not simply someone who is managing her weight. Just a thought.
  • kmoirecavender
    kmoirecavender Posts: 91 Member
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    I like when people ask me, I take it as a compliment...and I like to help people, just part of my nature, so I enjoy talking about what I do that helps. :flowerforyou:
  • sharonsteele50
    sharonsteele50 Posts: 12
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    I feel like people are genuinely pleased and happy for you and want to share their excitement for your success. It's a bit like when you are pregnant and people look at you and smile! If you are a private person I can understand how it could embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable. Try not to be upset with them, they are just happy for you!
  • CynthiaT60
    CynthiaT60 Posts: 1,280 Member
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    I tend to feel uncomfortable with *any* body-related comments, unless they're general (like "you look great today") or unless someone mentions it briefly and leaves it at that. Closer friends would have more leeway than coworkers or strangers.

    I'd try just saying "thanks" and changing the subject (may not work with the really persistent ones). Persistent strangers would probably get my "funny, I don't remember asking you a question" and icy straight face. Yes, I can be a bit b****y sometimes. :bigsmile:

    It's kind of like people walking up and touching someone's pregnant belly.

    I may feel differently once I'm totally hot and insisting that everyone knows it, lol. :laugh:
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    I understand what you are saying and perhaps it's because you don't want your weight (or weight loss) to define you. You are a woman, a professional, a friend...not simply someone who is managing her weight. Just a thought.

    I think this could be true. Intersting.
  • arcticfox04
    arcticfox04 Posts: 1,011 Member
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    I kinda dislike it because I'd rather have people saying "you killed it" after I log that I lifted for 90 minutes instead. I'd rather focus more on the Fitness part then the dieting personally.
  • TechNerd42
    TechNerd42 Posts: 225 Member
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    When I am actually losing weight and getting smaller, it isn't as much of a bother as when they ask if I've lost weight when I haven't. To me that says, "You're fatter in my head than you are in real life." But then, I have my numbers in a corner of my whiteboard at work (which is an invitation for comments, at least from those who notice/ask what they are), and all of my Fitbit friends are from work. (But as it's a healthcare IT company, they encourage staff to become more fit. Hopefully they will have a gym area in the next few months or so to go with the gym discount they already have.)
  • flyingbeta
    flyingbeta Posts: 42 Member
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    It's tricky, really, because while I know that these comments are meant to be encouraging and complimentary, it just serves to remind me of how heavy I was. I'm 23 pounds down since November, I have 37 to go, and sometimes I wish I could just assume a whole new identity when I reach my goal so people won't mentally compare me with who I was. Also, I wonder if people who comment on how much weight I've lost would also tell a recovering alcoholic "Great job on passing up the booze at Cindy's wedding!"
  • Luckee_me
    Luckee_me Posts: 1,426 Member
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    For me (in real life) I think people telling me I look good or whatever is a bit like them saying "You looked ****e before".

    This.

    Plus people never want to hear "eat less, move more". They want to hear you have the "magic" pill.
  • JG762
    JG762 Posts: 571 Member
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    For me (in real life) I think people telling me I look good or whatever is a bit like them saying "You looked ****e before".

    This.

    Plus people never want to hear "eat less, move more". They want to hear you have the "magic" pill.

    (In my best Tommy Chong voice) Hey man.... Don't bogart that pill.

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