Am I the only one who HATES comments on my loss?

suncluster

I have only told my husband, a lady at work, and MFP that I am trying to lose weight. I don't want the empathy. I just want to move on. Yesterday, I even made my husband promise that he wouldn't tell.

Sierrx

I know what you mean. As a woman, you just always get so many unsolicited comments about your looks. Whether it's positive or negative, it makes me feel uncomfortable, too. Like it's my duty to look a certain way.

So true.

amblight

I have only told my husband, a lady at work, and MFP that I am trying to lose weight. I don't want the empathy. I just want to move on. Yesterday, I even made my husband promise that he wouldn't tell.

I'm keeping quiet about it too - it's a bit awkward tracking calories "secretly" when I have a roommate, lol :b When ever she isn't home, I quickly weigh all the things I plan to eat, lol :b Or sometimes I'll pretend to be following a recipe, so that I need the scale

erialcelyob

When family or friends comment on it, I do appreciate it but I have NO idea what to say..

"You've lost loads of weight!" .. thanks? They are just stating.. so do I respond with I know or thanks or what, I still don't know, probably over thinking it.
ach well

Duck_Puddle

I understand what you are saying and perhaps it's because you don't want your weight (or weight loss) to define you. You are a woman, a professional, a friend...not simply someone who is managing her weight. Just a thought.

I think this could be true. Intersting.

For me it's this coupled with the notion that the invasive and/or public spectacle type comments/discussion make it feel as though my body is somehow public property. It isn't. It's my body to do with as I please. I'm proud of the work I've done to lose weight/gain fitness and health, and I do generally enjoy a nod here and there to acknowledge that. But the people that go on and on, or somehow feel that it's acceptable to touch me or make an enormous production out of things make it seem as though my body is theirs to do with and comment on as they please, in addition to negating the multitude of other qualities I have.

It's not a passing "hey, you look great" or even "wow, how much have you lost?" Or even "how did you do it?". Those are nice. It's the ones that go on and on or make a huge production in a crowded room or the ones that think it's somehow totally acceptable to touch and feel. It's uncomfortable and it does bother me. Yes, I look very different. Yes, I'm much healthier. No, you may not touch me and no it's not your business to broadcast my weight loss to the world.

tesha_chandler

If someone says they can tell that I've lost, I don't mind it at all.. but when someone asks me what I'm doing to lose weight, I want to crawl in a hole and hide. I'm not exactly sure why it bothers me so much.. because I'm just eating better and getting more exercise. I guess it's the humiliation of someone wanting to know why I'm not as fat as I was?

ndwildbill

When I started this journey, the only people who knew were my doctor and me. I have gotten compliments from my doctors and staff every time I see them. That is encouraging. The last two weeks I started getting compliments at work. Most of the, "Hey, I've noticed, you're doing great." variety. I looked at this as a real NSV. Of course I would be uncomfortable with the, "How are you doing it?, How much have you lost?" kind of questions...so far that has not happened, even from family.

MeRoHa

I have one annoying person that I work with that used to frequently make snide rude and unkind comments about my weight. Thankfully I have lost enough that she has now had to shut the heck up! Some of my other co-workers do comment on the newer version of me, but they do so nicely.

I actually do not mind the positive feedback, but I did this for me not for the praise of others. I think is it hard to truly be happy if you are always trying to live up to the expectations of everyone else.

CynthiaT60

If someone says they can tell that I've lost, I don't mind it at all.. but when someone asks me what I'm doing to lose weight, I want to crawl in a hole and hide. I'm not exactly sure why it bothers me so much.. because I'm just eating better and getting more exercise. I guess it's the humiliation of someone wanting to know why I'm not as fat as I was?

I can imagine that. I don't want to talk about it either, I think because the answer's so simple. So I'm afraid people will look at me like, well, why didn't you do it earlier?

kellyskitties

I am an introvert by nature. I don't like people up in my business.
I'm sensitive about this too. I'm proud if they notice (and a couple did - but in a respectful not up in my kool-aid kind of way that I appreciated). I warned them that I'm not comfortable about the crazy attention (that some love - and that's ok) and didn't want to talk about it or I'd start feeling weird about it and stop. They understood. Others probably wouldn't. Others would project their extrovert selves onto me and make it into a "thing."

One of my own reasons is that I am absolutely not doing anything strict - and the moment folks think you are "dieting" they just know you are suffering, martyring yourself and living by some strict rules. Then one day you eat a snickers bar in their presence and the knowing glances go around "Oh, she must be done with that diet now so that didn't work either" or they feel like since you are on a diet your decisions are now up for public debate - and they are not. My decisions are mine.

OR they feel like they need to help you end this craziness and start offering you EVERYTHING to eat.

I only have hubster, 2 coworkers, my BFF and one aunt that know. The aunt and coworkers caught on. The BFF is doing something diety all the time so she shares hers and I listen. She is doing well with looser rules lately though. Hubster - well he's just around too much to not know. He asks what to put on my plate and then measure is out for me if he's cooking. Good boy.

Also, Plexus is going around my workplace like a spring cold. I don't want them up in my kool-aid especially. Of course, some will assume I must be doing Plexus - I hate that idea too!

GBrady43068

For me (in real life) I think people telling me I look good or whatever is a bit like them saying "You looked ****e before".

That's what I very often feel too! Here the other day my brother found a year old pic of me, and just raised his brows in a disapproving way and said 'well, it's good you've lost weight now!'

I guess I wouldn't mind because I KNOW I don't look good now. My vanity is one portion of why I'm trying to lose it...

Calliope610

When I realized that it's not really any of my business what others think about me, my diet or my weight, it became easier to let some comments roll off my back. It became much easier to do that when I realized I really don't care what others (strangers, random co-workers, non-preferred family members, random "friends") think about me, my diet or my weight. As long as my hubby thinks I'm hot, my kids are proud of me, my mom is impressed with my weight loss and my sister thinks I'm awesome, that's all that matters.

GBrady43068

Yes, I look very different. Yes, I'm much healthier. No, you may not touch me and no it's not your business to broadcast my weight loss to the world.

Just.wow. I can't believe people would not understand how this violates someone's personal space. My wife can touch me (and is encouraged to do so :bigsmile: ) to verify the loss. All others...HANDS OFF!

DrWhoodles

I tried Weight Watchers meetings and one time, probably a fluke with water or something, I registered an 11 lbs loss and I was so embarrassed when they told everyone. I'm not sure why but I felt like I just wanted to blend in still and I was fairly new and only knew one friend there. I also didn't know they would announce someone's loss out to everyone so that didn't help either. I didn't last long at meetings, lol.

DrWhoodles

Yes, I look very different. Yes, I'm much healthier. No, you may not touch me and no it's not your business to broadcast my weight loss to the world.

Just.wow. I can't believe people would not understand how this violates someone's personal space. My wife can touch me (and is encouraged to do so :bigsmile: ) to verify the loss. All others...HANDS OFF!

For me this extends to my fitness equipment as well - I hate if someone else touches my settings, even the trainer. I think that comes from my friend that thinks it's funny to mess around with other people though so that doesn't help. I'm good with doing my own settings thank you.

lisalsd1

It used to bother me when I was overweight...I think that I thought maybe it was a comment on "how fat I used to be." I realize now that it probably wasn't as negative as I thought.

I try not to comment on people's weight loss now; mostly, b/c I don't know if they are still sensitive about their weight. However if I know it is someone that isn't sensitive about it OR I know has been working out really hard, I'll say something. It is coming from a positive place.

I've even made comments to strangers at the gym...all have been received well, b/c it is a gym setting...and everyone there is obviously trying to lose weight/get into better shape/etc. It actually seems more authentic when a stranger (like a person at the gym that you see everyday, but don't know) says something. I've had strangers at the gym make comments; it is more motivating. I think that is what MOST people are doing.

Josh_lol

I sometimes dislike it when people try to convince me that I've lost weight when I can't see it myself. It demotivates me. Almost makes me feel like the work that needs to be done is already done even though I clearly can see it isn't.

BeckyMBisMe

I can't stand when people comment on my weight loss. Or ask about what I'm eating etc.

I can't quite put my finger on why it bothers me so much. I really feel like it's none of their business. I feel embarreshed if they mention my weight, and almost angry if they ask what I'm eating, like I'm being judged or held accountable to them or something.

Anyone else feel like this?

EDIT: In real life. People who know me.

I have a love/hate feeling about it. I like that my hard work is being noticed; yet inside I still have a tendency to think " Oh, I'm successful! I can let up now!" But I have a long way to go so I have to fight that off. Another thing (deep inside) my emotional baggage doesn't want me to be attractive in any way! I have a deep need to not be noticed.

Booksandbeaches

I keep my food diary private, so no one comments on what I'm eating unless I mention it and if I mention it, it's because I want comments.

I LOVE comments on the weight loss. I'm here for the support, so I don't mind helpful comments. I delete from my friend list people who aren't helpful. I had too many water nazis at one point. They're gone now.

EDIT: I see you edited to say in real life. No one really comments in real life, so it's a non-issue for me.

delicious_cocktail

I don't have any opinion at all on comments about your weight loss.

I don't even know you.

What an odd question . . .

needachange343

I thought I was the only one who felt that way also. Not from people on this site but in life work and social. I had someone who would keep saying, I'm so jealous. You lost sooo much weight. How much weight did you lose? I find people do not know that that is not an always polite thing to do. They would make me feel uncomfortable because they kept bringing it to attention. Like a broken record. I would use this as one of my excuses for messing up. I sometimes wish I could do what I need to do, lose the weight but other people wouldn't be aware of this. Silly I know. But it would be less stressful for me.

handyrunner

Do you think the comments in the real world put to much pressure? That's what I feel . If I gain some back because of a bad week then I'm conscious of their comments.

On here I love the support it's very uplifting. I guess the difference is most people here are on the same journey.

SunofaBeach14

I think people have gotten a bit too sensitive.

We live in society, and not everyone can read your mind to check and see what your personal pet pieve compliments are to avoid.

amy32lynn

Yeah! The nerve of some people, thinkin' they can just walk around complimenting people! Keep it to yourselves, jerks!!

lol:flowerforyou:

larrodarro

I like it when folks tell me I'm looking good. But as I lost weight, {almost 50 lbs so far} I have had to buy new clothes. Now I'm wearing nicer clothes to work. As the baggy jeans and t-shirts got too baggy, I replaced them with slacks and dress shirts. So they are complimenting my wardrobe as much as my weight loss. Now the how are you doing it question can get tiresome. Since I'm doing two low calorie days a week, it can get hard to explain. And if people seem to truly want to know, I will tell them. But as far as my view of myself, I have always been that 160 lbs, 17 year old boy in my eyes, even when I was at 250. I never give much thought to what others think. That is beyond my control, so why worry about it. I like myself, and that is all that matters.

aluethi1

I love when people notice. It lets me know that even though I don't see the change, other people do. And it's nice to be noticed for doing something good once in a while.

nenshali

It made me angry when the first comments (from my family) came.
Comments like "omg you look like you lost 20kg!" (it were 3-4kg)
and that my face looks "much less fat than before"

it just makes me think "okay, obviously I have REALLY been that disturbingly fat and hideous and ugly as I thought if everybody notices and comments in such a nasty way."

But fortunately I have also gotten entirely harmless, purely nice comments, that I lost weight and that it's noticeable, that I didn't HAVE to lose any more weight and that I was already amazing before, but that my current body suits me great and that I look much more healthier and happier than before.
I don't get many comments like this, so that's when I'm really happy about it.

But most of the time, it feels like an offense, that's why I prefer it people shut up about it most of the time.

MarlaVSings

I'm not crazy about the comments either. Especially at work. If someone pays me a quick compliment it doesn't bother me, but the ongoing commentary (is THAT all you're having for lunch?) is irritating.

That said, if anyone were to ever show genuine interest in advice on eating or workout regimen I don't mind offering up what works for me. But in my experience when people have asked me that question, they are usually looking for some fad diet or quick fix for an answer.

SMarie10

Just lie and tell them you haven't lost any weight and don't know what they are talking about. End of conversation.

lemur_lady

Sometimes yes. While I like that they are noticing my loss in my head im screaming 'nooooo im a work in progress dont look at me till I am done!' lol