How to handle situation with close friend

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Replies

  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    I've gotten to the point where I've almost decided to not eat with her any more because I experience anxiety, dread and regret when it comes to my choices around her and that's not something I want to feel concerning food any more.

    As I read your story, this is what I was thinking, just do not eat with her any more. Whenever you make plans to get together, don't make it a meal.
  • rachrach7595
    rachrach7595 Posts: 151 Member
    If she is a close friend sit her down and tell her her remarks are unkind and unwanted. Any friend who loves you will appreciate that and you will be able to move forward happier.

    If not...
    Cut her loose.
    Some people grow together. Some people are just not meant to be.

    If that isnt an option....
    Treat her like a job. If she must be there when you see your other friends, busy yourself with them and de-prioritise her so that she is out of your headspace.

    It sounds like you really have to make a decision within yourself to confront this head on or let her and her stabby awful remarks go. Some people just wont get that your trying to better yourself and it wont matter what you do they will just be nasty and bitter for whatever THEIR OWN REASONS. Its not you, I can assure you. Its her.

    Best of luck.
  • aNewYear123
    aNewYear123 Posts: 279 Member
    If she comes to your house to work out and wants to sit on the couch, tell her that you were looking forward to working out with her and you are sorry that she doesn't want to anymore, but this is the time you have set aside for working out; maybe you can do something else with her later. Then if you need to work out while she sits on the couch, be prepared to ignore the hour of comments.

    Could you get her to work out with you somewhere other than your home? How about a walk somewhere? Meet her there, and be ready to walk by yourself if she backs out; if she shows and says lets do something else, you have to tell her no - I need to walk now, and then start off. She will either walk with you or go home, either way you get your workout.

    When she comments about your food just tell her it may not look as good as hers (even though it probably looks better), but it tastes great. Also, you could find a way to mention (while she is saying "how could I have gained this weight") that eating the food that you are is how you managed to lose XX#. If she keeps it up, just tell her that you would rather be fit than constantly eat all of the junk that she does. Once in a while is one thing, all of the time is something else.
  • Sarah4fitness
    Sarah4fitness Posts: 437 Member
    OP -

    Congratulations for taking steps to improve your health. I think you need a new support network, and some new friends. Those who are helping you towards your goals, or supporting you, keep. Those who are repeatedly being toxic, have it out with them. This includes family. There is NOTHING mean or rude about saying,

    "I am taking steps to improve my health. That includes eating a certain way, and exercising. If you choose to support me in prolonging my life and improving my health, I welcome your support. If you don't support my choices, I ask that you kindly refrain from comment on them. If you can't agree to either of those options, I'm going to reduce our contact, because it is becoming bad for me."

    Either they'll toe the line, or they won't. Either you'll let them continue to manipulate and fail you, or you'll become your own advocate and boot them like they deserve.

    This woman in particular is NOT acting in your best interests. She's detrimental to your mental, emotional, and physical state, and continuing to subject yourself to her treatment makes me very concerned about your own mental health. :(
  • Pinkyallen
    Pinkyallen Posts: 12 Member
    Hi there. Was wondering how things have been going for you since your post? :smile:
  • GBrady43068
    GBrady43068 Posts: 1,256 Member
    1) 10 hours a day IS a lot of time. I spend that amount of time with my wife...no one else. None of my friends ever get me that long.
    2) I agree with the other person stating that BOTH you and your friend are ignoring boundaries...you can't pressure your friend into getting healthier even if it is out of genuine concern for their health, they can't pressure you into eating "like you used to". If you can't play nice on the food/health issues, it's probably better to avoid all food-based activity with her.
    3) If this is still an issue where she's riding you even when you're NOT eating, I'd cut her off. Too much negativity...
  • DonnaJones7
    DonnaJones7 Posts: 99 Member
    Misery loves company.
    TRY to respond to her misery with something Joyful. When she says "that look's gross or weird", say "I'm so happy with it". Then SHE will start to either limit her misery-spreading OR limit her contact with you.
    Please don't let her drag you down any more. It's painful over and over. Try to do things that are non-food related with her or just have less exposure to her.

    The challenge is hard enough when you have to deal with your own head. You know you can't change hers.

    I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Not all friends are going to be helpful at all times.
    Hang in there and do what's right for you.

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