the flip side of having a partner in this health journey

firesweetheart

ok - this conversation has kind of derailed - like my dedication to not binging on sweets, etc.

i'd love for her to be on board but my main motivation on this post was to keep myself on track. When i have the health/workout buddy on a regular basis, i guess start to rely on that. And then when they slip i do. Do I just never rely on that support?

I know you want to do this with your partner for the awesome reasons you mentioned above, but have you considered finding a different buddy that's more accountable or more motivational? I know that sounds harsh but you're setting yourself up to fail if you get your motivation from someone who is less dedicated, less motivated, and more prone to have less healthy habits than you currently do.

Consider joining a group on here and signing up for a 15-30 day challenge. Find a workout buddy at your gym. Tell your coworkers you are trying to XYZ so they hold you accountable. There's lots of options out here. Try a few until you find what works for you. You didn't develop bad habits overnight so don't expect to change everything immediately, its a process.

skyewheatley95

I honestly thought that you had a friend named Spoon.

JUDDDing

I don't know if it would work for anyone else, but my wife and I "support" one another in this endeavour by being competitive and adversarial.

When either of us starts to slip up, comments are made, junk food is gifted, new nicknames are selected.

Rudeness and sabotage are inexplicably motivational coming from the right person.

Iwishyouwell

My wife and I got fat and not-so-happy about it after our wedding (and we were both already overweight on our wedding day). And we aren't even a big eating couple, as we have radically different eating styles that often leave us eating very different kinds of food. Still though we were both on various diets we'd definitely cave in and enjoy some high calorie meals and desserts during bonding times that were counter to our goals.

What changed for me was the fact that I abhor being fat, always have, but it got to the point where it just was so detrimental to my mentality, not to mention my very visual career, that I couldn't, no wouldn't, carry on being fat anymore. At that point no amount of good times with my incredible wife were enough to derail me from my greater goals. And it was hard on her initially, as she really, really missed those few times a month when we'd thrown down together unrestrained.

Your desire to reach your goals and dreams just have to get the point when they are so essential, so utterly necessary to your well being, that it'll propel you beyond the considerable pull that bonding-eating has. It's not easy, but I know no other way.

WaterBunnie

I'm in a similar position with my partner recovering from surgery and unable to push himself for a while and stress etc took it's toll a bit and we both kinda shelved things for a little while. Things are improving though and I think the secret is to make sure you find time for yourself when you are going to exercise - even if it's only your lunch break. It's tempting to eat all the nice stuff when people around you are but perhaps limit it to once or twice a week rather than every day?

firelight4321

I know this. My partner likes to break the diet "rules" of 1200 calories all too often, and tries to encourage me into joining her. But, I just ignore it and tell her I'm trying to lose weight. Mostly it just makes me feel sad and lonely and disappointed. You have to remember that this is about YOU, and it's really a journey alone. While you may find friends and support from those who are on the same journey, don't rely on them to motivate you. You have to motivate yourself, ultimately.

concordancia

Some of us have partners who have different dietary patterns. I am one of the luckiest of those, in that my partner tends to eat very healthy, but he has to eat at least twice as much as me a day (well, assuming I am having a good day). I have to recognize that our goals are very different and that my goals remain my goals, no matter what he is doing. You seem to be sharing goals with your partner, and so neither one is taking responsibility for them. You need at least one concrete goal that is just yours. Maybe enroll in a Mud Run that you need to train for, no matter what she does?

Make sure your diet is reasonable. For example, someone just mentioned a 1200 rule, making it sound like they never go over that: I would be miserable and prone to giving up: I try to eat somewhere between 1200 and eating back all of my exercise calories, with most days being around 1300. Other people give up certain foods or food groups. If you are deprived, you will be more likely to go off the rails.

Some couples have a cheat jar: If you break certain rules (skip a scheduled workout, go over maintenance calories for the day, don't log for two consecutive days...), you put money in the jar. If your partner is consistently the first to mess up, you might want to consider two cheat jars: you get the money she puts in to spend on yourself and vice versa.