body dysmorphia sorta
itsdami
Posts: 6
Maybe it's part because all the other stuff in my head currently. Doesn't help that I'm borderline either I'm sure.
But being content with my appearance, or liking it at all, as always been a bit of a struggle for me. However, it seems to be getting harder as I’m losing weight. I have lost a total of 54 lbs since September. and I still have trouble seeing these changes in my body.
on one hand, I know they are there. but at the same time, my brain tries tricking me into thinking it’s camera angle or me sucking it in even though
1 I’m not doing that and
2 it wouldn’t be such a difference as everyone says it is.
I guess it’s different to have an idea of how I think I look and then having to adjust that.
but I alternate between feeling insanely proud of myself and feeling like a fraud. especially when people ask what my “secret” is.
My secret is feel like a fake. My secret is I don’t really know how to feel about myself anymore, or how to see myself. My secret is I’m scared I’m going to self destruct on this like I always do -.-
does anyone else know how I feel or am I just crazy?
But being content with my appearance, or liking it at all, as always been a bit of a struggle for me. However, it seems to be getting harder as I’m losing weight. I have lost a total of 54 lbs since September. and I still have trouble seeing these changes in my body.
on one hand, I know they are there. but at the same time, my brain tries tricking me into thinking it’s camera angle or me sucking it in even though
1 I’m not doing that and
2 it wouldn’t be such a difference as everyone says it is.
I guess it’s different to have an idea of how I think I look and then having to adjust that.
but I alternate between feeling insanely proud of myself and feeling like a fraud. especially when people ask what my “secret” is.
My secret is feel like a fake. My secret is I don’t really know how to feel about myself anymore, or how to see myself. My secret is I’m scared I’m going to self destruct on this like I always do -.-
does anyone else know how I feel or am I just crazy?
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Replies
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...and yet, besides all that, here you are as a Success Story.
Take it in, sweetheart. You're the Real Deal.0 -
god, thank you. that actually made me tear up a little. :]0
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i understand. ive lost 65 pounds so far. 60 more till goal. somedays i can see what an amazing job ive done so far. but most of the time i see such a big big girl in the mirror.0
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I can definitely tell a difference, I'm 100% serious. You and I seem to have a similar body type, and I think you're an inspiration. You look like what I hope to look like one day. You're doing an awesome job
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thank you, really. :]0
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You have clearly lost body fat and good on ya. Having the courage to persist despite what your mind - and maybe some *kitten* - are telling you is very admirable and I wish you the best of luck with your quest for fitness and health.
As for the body image... It sucks but there are women - myself among them - who are below 17% BFat, work out for 2 hours a day, eat upwards of 3000 calories a day, and still have more days than not where they hate how they look or judge themselves too harshly. This all goes to say that you are not alone in feeling insecure about your body and wishing you could see yourself the way others see you. I have found that the best way to deal with these feelings is to focus on what I can accomplish with my body rather than what it looks like. If I go up 10lbs on my max squat or can run a mile just a little faster or even if I can make it up the stairs to my apartment rather than taking the elevator, I congratulate my body and my mind on their achievements and try not to think so much about numbers, weight, or aesthetics. Framing really matters!!0 -
First of all, yes, I see a big difference! You look amazing!
It's hard to notice changes because you see yourself every day. Also, because you'll still retain your overall shape and will shrink mostly in equal parts, it's like you are just a smaller version of the same shape. For me that made it hard to wrap my brain around my size because I felt like my hips and thighs were still so big compared to the rest of me.
I'm working off weight from baby #2 (and it's incredibly slow going due to nursing), but after my first I used MFP to lose 82 lbs. I went from squeezing into a generous size 16 to wearing a size 4/6. I'd be folding laundry and would hold up my small jeans and think they didn't look that much smaller to me than, say, my size 14s. However now I look at those small jeans and wonder how I was possibly small enough to wear those (and still be able to breathe).
It takes time for your mind to catch up with your body. It might even take years, but you'll get there!
In the meantime, take lots of pictures and measurements :flowerforyou:
Edited for typo0 -
You definitely can tell you have lost weight. Love and accept yourself no matter what you weigh. Congrats on your success! You are still going to be the precious, lovable "you" regardless if you are 150 lbs. or 250 lbs.
Great job!0 -
you guys are all fantastic, I'm really trying to see it in myself, and feel more confident about the fact that I can do 30+ mins on the elliptical again without needing to pause or whatnot.
it's weird, I think was more body positive at 280 than I am now at 226. but I had been that size for so long, and I've not yet adjusted to the fact that I am actually scary close to hitting 220 [the size I was when I first found out I was preg w my son, I haven't been that size since I was 18]
I'm also a little surprised my mother hasn't been more supportive considering all the **** she ever gave me about being fat >.< lol0 -
We are our own worst critics - you look awesome - embrace your success! :drinker:0
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Girl, you have curves for days! Congratulations on an amazing transformation You SHOULD be insanely proud of yourself!! 0
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I notice the little things. Like for example - I have belly fold, so once in a while, I will notice how the "fold" is not as deep as it once was. Sometimes I find it helpful to just lay in bed with the lights out and just feel my stomach - it is amazing how my brain expects there to be a big gut, but once I feel...it is not there!
Progress pictures are the absolute best! Mirrors and brains do not mix.0 -
You should be very proud of yourself!I see a big Difference!!54 pounds lost is awesome!! But I do know how you feel, kinda. I used to weigh around 202 after giving birth, today I weigh 135, but sometimes when I look in the mirror,I see only the flaws, instead of how far I've come. I try to get the negative thoughts out of my head asap, and look at old pictures of myself and old jeans and then I start top see how much I've accomplished. It takes time to get comfortable with it, but I know you can do this!! You've come so far already!! Just keep going, no matter what and don't give up! Be patient and your hard work will soon pay off big time! Trust the process and try not to dwell on any negative thoughts :-)0
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I can certainly see your success. Great job!! I think we all struggle with noticing it on ourselves, in the mirror. We see ourselves everyday. But you must see it in the photos. Rely on those. Cheers to you. You're inspiring.0
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I know it's hard everyday to want to be at the end and at your goal, you look great and you're clearly making progress. During this time, focus on other things as you continue to eat well and work out. Take monthly pics and weights but don't let yourself get down because you aren't where you want to be yet. Just keep up the great work and don't get discouraged, let the time fly by.0
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Uh I didn't even need to take a second look to see how successful you've been so far. The 50 pound club is the real deal, whether or not you see it in yourself.0
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I feel I should be careful. I don't know how much this will help you.
Many years ago I lost a hug amount of weight. As I lost 40 pounds and then another 40 and so on, I started to feel frequently very panicky. I still don't understand it. I kept photos of myself at my highest weight and took photos as time went on. The less I weighed the more I felt fear. Maybe fear of who I might be when I was a more healthy weight?? I remember seeing myself in a mirror above a sink in a public restroom and I immediately started to move away thinking that there was someone else standing right in front of me! It was just my own reflection. Similar things happened to me upon walking up to a building which was mostly made of glass. I searched for my own reflection but just saw someone I did not recognize immediately. Eventually came the times when I would try on some form fitting outfit and actually not feel that it was my own real body! Then there were all the dates with really handsome men and I was very much accepted as always having been of a normal weight. I took up running. I took up ballroom dancing. I joined the human race which is just how I felt. Eventually I accepted who I had become.
After I had been down to a healthy weight for about a year this strange experience had passed and I never felt it again. I am not that heavy now and I don't think I shall ever feel that way again.
I get the feeling that you are going through a tough mental adjustment period. Stick with it. Be tough. You are living in a totally different body . Hard as it is to accept, people DO treat us differently when we are leaner. Honestly it really angered me and disgusted me how the men I knew all tried to hit on me when I lost that 125 pounds!! Suddenly I was worth talking to, smiling at and getting a pat on the *kitten* which was not always accepted. Sometimes the fat is just a cloak to protect us from facing the world.
You definitely have changed. You also must know that you have OUR support.
Katherine
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I am in exactly the same space. I have lost 58 and have 58 to go. I have days where I feel great, and those that I feel super fat and icky.i understand. ive lost 65 pounds so far. 60 more till goal. somedays i can see what an amazing job ive done so far. but most of the time i see such a big big girl in the mirror.0 -
I am in the same boat. I've lost 65 lbs, gone from a size 20/22 to a 10, and there are days when I look int he mirror and only see that size 20 woman, not me as I am now. I have to take pictures to see it.
I think that it just takes time to adjust. I can tell you've lost a LOT from your pictures, and you're on your way to going even further. Hang in there and give yourself some time to adjust.0 -
We all have a "sorta dysmorphia." Not a single one of us truly knows what we actually look like to others, even when we know ourselves well. I had a time when I would double take at every mirror thinking there was a stranger in my house. I still don't FEEL successful, but I finally decided I would fake it until I make it. So far that is working for me. When people compliment you, own it. You deserve the compliments. You have done beautiful work. Just say thank you and keep moving!:drinker:0
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This seems to be very common. I have heard this story before and I have lived this story also. My loss has slowed significantly over the last six months but have lost a total of 135-140 pounds since Feb 2012, with about 15-20 to go....and sometimes I still catch my reflection in the mirror and am surprised by what I see.
This too shall pass--dont doubt your success to date. Good luck on your continued success.0 -
I completely get where you're coming from... I have been 135 and 195, and everywhere in between, and in the mirror I could barely see a difference. On camera, though, I could. So I took pictures. More than that, though, I recorded tangible evidence. I took measurements. I bought clothes in new sizes. Those things told me what my eyes couldn't see, and it really did help. You are doing great. Keep it up. 0
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Nothing to do with the angle of the camera darling, you have lost a lot of weight and I can see it very clearly!! Amazingly done!! I lost only half of what you have couple of years ago and in some point I swear I was freaking out, it was like: who is this person??!! Like I was scared of losing my identity or something. It did pass with coming weeks and now it seems like a far away memory. I'm sure it is all perfectly normal because it is a huge change after all.
So keep going, girl! You're doing great! You'll get used to your new shape!0 -
thank you everyone. Really, I don't even have words, I'm really glad I have such amazing support from everyone I've met on MFP
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Hello Dami!
First of all I want to say: Congratulations!
You really have done a great journey, and there is lots of success viewable. I'm proud of you! It must have meant lots of work.
I hope it's okay that I leave a few assumptions here. Maybe you can use them, maybe they don't suit your situation at all. I'll give it a try anyway.
See it this way: You always "knew" what was holding you back- your fat. You had something you could blame, you had something you could hate, you had something you could use as your excuse.
And now you're getting to the point where you have to question something you never questioned your whole life: Is is really the weight that has been the problem?
It's because you're getting closer to the point where you would actually overcome this point and you would have to realize, that it is NOT your fat, what is holding you back. You yourself are!
'being fat' itself isn't that horrible and it propably is neither the reason you hate yourself nor it is a reason for things you were denying yourself. And (just my personal assumption) I think this is the point where you have to go on.
While it's easy to discredit yourself and to make yourself feel bad for having done something not good enough, it's quite hard to acknowledge that you have actually achieved something (which, you obviously did!)
How to be proud of something? It's an unusual situation and you do what you are used to do:
You try to find reasons why your "success" is not a success after all.
Because that's all you are used to: Talk yourself bad.
It is not about losing weight. If it was until today, this is the moment where it changes. It is not about your weight.
This is about you. This is about why you are a lovely person full of worth, awesomeness and you deserve to be loved by others AND you deserve to love yourself. The last part is the important one.
You deserve to love yourself.
Your body is not an enemy you have to fight against.
Try to figure out what you are REALLY scared of. What are your real feelings? What do you feel for yourself (or against yourself), what can you change (if you want to), what is holding you back?
Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated- in the very best way.
You really are not crazy at all, it's a common problem many people fight with. And I guess, because this problem is not a conscious one, that's a reason why many people who are sucessfull at first start struggling.
You have come very far, but the real fight will not be to continue losing weight or to maintain the weight; the real fight will be the one in your head. To change your attitude towards yourself. Because you DESERVE this!
I hope maybe at least one or two points apply to you so that it can be helpful in some way.
Good luck! 0 -
This is normal!!! I went from a size 14 to a size 3/4 and to be completely honest, sometimes I feel embarrassed picking up that size in the store. I feel like I'm kidding myself and the fitting room attendant is going to laugh at me. When I look in the mirror, I feel like I look exactly the same as I did before. My eyes see what the scale says but for some reason my brain doesn't quite believe it. It has taken me awhile to realize that the issue is that while I was working on my body, I did nothing to work on my mind. Here I am, at my goal weight and I'm STILL not happy. I have just as many insecurities about my body as I did before!!! It will take awhile for you to adjust, I STILL haven't gotten there but don't fret. It's normal and it gets better with time!!! P.S. You look great!! Congratulations on the loss!!0
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i no exactly how you feel
i go clothes shopping and pick bigger sizes up because the size that i am couldn't possibly fit me,
i was that scared that i was going to regain all my weight, that i kept all my bigger clothes for over 2 years
i was a higher weight than you was when i started and had far more confidence at that weight than i do now, i used to be quite flirty and just generally fun, but now i try to make myself as invisible as possible
if i buy any sort of figure hugging clothes i ask my family a 100 times if i look ok, not because i'm fishing for compliments but because i'm paranoid that i'm going to be laughed at and ridiculed
i wish i could make it all go away for you and tell you it gets better, but it's something that we have to get over for ourselves and at the minute i'm the same as you and the smaller i get the worse it seems to get
but you can see for yourself the difference in your pictures, you are looking fantastic and are doing an incredible job
good luck with everything x0 -
You look terrific!
The physical aspect of losing weight and maintaining it is hard work. But we often don't talk about all the mental changes that come along with it. This can be even more of a challenge for some of us than diet and exercise.
Thankfully, there are a lot of great resources out there. One book that was helpful to me is Bob Greene's The Life You Want.
Best luck to you!!!0
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