Mum not approving of my muscles, A bit of advice..Please x

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  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,811 Member
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    Opinions are like arses - everyone has one and sometimes they stink!!

    But you can't allow anyone else's opinion about body shape preferences to be more important than your own, not even your Mum's. There's also generational and personal perspective differences in what is seem as "feminine".

    I think you should be proud that you are healthy, fit and strong. Being all those things doesn't exactly make Jessica Ennis-Hill unfeminine or unattractive does it?
  • RhysJ13
    RhysJ13 Posts: 72
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    I can only really mirror what other people are saying. Firstly; it's your choice - it's what makes you happy. Secondly, you look amazing. Thirdly, skinny girls might look good in clothes, but fit girls look good naked!
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    I don't see the problem. I think you look great. Marry me. Oh, hang on, you're taller than me. :brokenheart:
  • SteveJWatson
    SteveJWatson Posts: 1,225 Member
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    It looks like what is happening is that your BF% is lowering, plus your muscles will retain water/glycogen from lifting.

    As your bodyfat% lowers you will see your muscles more. I think you look great and all your effort in the gym is paying off big time - but you must do what you feel comfortable with.

    It takes a long time to realise that you don't need your parents approval, especially if you have had a happy, stable upbringing - I had a similar thing with my tatts (I know it isn't quite the same). My dad always said he would disown me if I got tattoos because he has a couple of really **** ones that he got when he was in his teens and drunk that have caused him a lot of embarrassment. Learning that your parents experiences of something will not nescessarily be yours and then having the strength of character to do what you are going to do is something it takes a long time to get a handle on. I got my tatts in my 30s and I love em. My parents know - we do not discuss it.
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
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    You're healthy, you look strong and you still look very feminine. But mums will always worry and I know from the experience of a friend who took up weights that her mum was concerned she'd scare off a potential partner, "no man wants to date a woman with bigger muscles than him" and all that nonsense. Your health is better off if you're strong than being small and skinny, so I think you're just going to have to accept that perhaps your mum has a different idea of what a great body looks like.
  • JessieMay1995
    JessieMay1995 Posts: 11 Member
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    Ignore your Mother. As much as I'm sure she loves you, it is YOUR body and it is up to you what you do with it. If you're happy with your new muscles keep lifting! If you're not go back to the way you were before. It's all bout what makes YOU feel happy and confident with yourself :)
  • HollieDollieeeex
    HollieDollieeeex Posts: 116 Member
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    Firstly you’re looking amazing at the moment… More shapely than you did before… Women are supposed to have curves right?? This is like dejavu for me. MY MUM SAID the same.
    I am doing this for myself, for my own achievement, setting my own goals and addicted to the results. Along your journey you will learn to brush negativity off.

    Don’t get me wrong I love my mum to bits but her opinion is not relevant to me, remember...

    ‘opinions aren't facts, take them in and let them go’

    If your mum isn't interested in fitness like mine isn't she will have the view of muscles on girls is gross, but that’s HER perception. My mum has now accepted that I’m not taking note of her, what she thinks is ‘constructive criticism’ and she now embraces it. It’s only because they are not that way inclined so they can’t relate.

    I know you deep down you love muscles, hence the ‘I want your back muscles’ post on my wall.

    Do everything in your life for you, be happy in your own skin, don’t take any notice of the ‘BODYBUILDER’ detrimental bullsh*t comments.

    Smile, hold you head up, keep your heart strong & go lift xx :explode:
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
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    You're an adult, you do what you want. She'll get used to it...at least she'll have to. There's worse things to worry about besides some muscles!
  • katylil
    katylil Posts: 223 Member
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    Building/maintaining muscle is not just about looks but about how you function especially when you get to your mums age and older.

    This is so true.

    I think most of the women on here understand that mother's are always hard people to please. But at the end of the day, you're strong and fit and healthier than you were before. This gives you a better chance at a happy, healthy and long life and really, isn't that what she wants for you most of all?

    Do a simple Google search and show her the results online of what weight-lifting does for your health: improved bone density, less risk of osteoporosis, increased stability and coordination, helps prevents diabetes, better metabolic rate... The list goes on!

    Maybe sit her down and explain to her gently that this isn't all about how you look, it's about how you feel. And from the sounds of it, before she said anything to you: you were feeling pretty awesome!

    And as an FYI, you also LOOK awesome!
  • David_AUS
    David_AUS Posts: 298 Member
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    You look very feminine and in great shape. It is hard to take what appears as criticism from those who opinion you value. Personally I think you just need to be clear what your values are in life and do what you feel to live towards these values. My opinion is to keep doing what you love and stay healthy. My opinion for what it is worth keep up the great work you should be proud of how you look.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
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    You look beautiful, healthy, and feminine.

    I am an older woman. Looking back on my life, I can tell you one hard lesson I have learned about mothers: respect them but do what YOU want in life. Find your own values, your own taste, and make your own decisions. You are an adult and your own person. It is your life, not your mother's life. Never, never let your mother rule your life.
  • sgvdms
    sgvdms Posts: 33 Member
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    I think you look great, you do you girl, make yourself happy irregardless of what other people think of how you should look :)
  • SpecialSundae
    SpecialSundae Posts: 795 Member
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    So my question to you guys are:

    1) Has the same thing happened to you with your family commenting on your toned and defined look and wanting you to look slimmer like you did before?

    I was always bigger but my mum did comment (and grumble) about me lifting weights to begin with. She said she was having nightmares about me turning into a body builder on stage.
    2) Do you think I should go back to how I was before? So basically lose my muscle and get back to the scales being lower?

    No. Your muscles aren't bulky, they aren't un-feminine and you look great. Plus more muscle mass is a really good thing for your general health and fitness.
    3) Shall I just carry on with my lifting?

    Hell yes!
    Or if this has happened to you - You can relate etc???

    As I mentioned above, I've had some flack from my mum (and from colleagues at work) for going seriously into the strength training, but after a year they're admiring my "toned" arms and asking me for advice on getting started with strength training. I eat twice as much as most of my colleagues and never have to worry about bingo wings or muffin tops.
    Where shall I go from here.................Stop it all, Carry on etc???

    Keep going. Appearance is a consequence of fitness and even the strongest women (other than some of those who abuse steroids) still tend to look feminine and curvy.
  • fairygirlpie9
    fairygirlpie9 Posts: 288 Member
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    1) Has the same thing happened to you with your family commenting on your toned and defined look and wanting you to look slimmer like you did before?

    No but I'm not at your stage yet - wish I was. However, my weight loss has made my mum jealous and conscious of her own body so perhaps there is some jealousy here too.

    2) Do you think I should go back to how I was before? So basically lose my muscle and get back to the scales being lower?
    I think you should do what makes you comfortable with you. Everyone has their own preference as to how they look. But your body is yours. F the scale.

    3) Shall I just carry on with my lifting? If you enjoy it and if you are satisfied with the results you are getting.


    P.S. You are not going to look like Jodie Marsh because you don't have hot air balloons for boobs or a witches hook for a nose. Aside from that though I don't actually think her body is that bad.
  • FromHereOnOut
    FromHereOnOut Posts: 3,237 Member
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    You look AHHHMAZING!!

    It sucks about the bra size change, but think of it this way: by building lean muscle mass, you will never have to worry about "dieting" and "limiting" yourself the way a "skinny" (or "skinny fat") girl does. And by the time you are your mum's age, you'll be maintaining a beautiful figure without a second thought.

    And anyway, I don't know about you, but I don't take my fashion cues or "what's hot" cues from my mom. She just doesn't know yet, that....
    47243_426374543945_751848945_5117239_4820378_n.jpg
  • 2013sk
    2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
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    Thank you everybody for your replies - I have finally had the time to go through them all!

    Its a hard situation as I am very close with my mum, and of course I am going to listen to her 'Opinion' - Yes it is only her opinion!!

    So.........After thinking about what she has said, and how I feel, I think I am going to try and reduce the size of my arms and muscles, as like I said before my back has got a lot broader and bigger. Also with my thighs - I feel like I am living in leggings - And not my skinny jeans that I love!

    So I need your help please............!

    How do I still keep my muscle, but be a lot smaller if that makes sense? The slimmer toned look, Not as big as my profile pic!

    But I don't want to lose all the hard work and muscle I have built up.

    Thanks for your advice - Look forward to reading how I can get a bit smaller.

    Thank you xxxx
  • SugaryLynx
    SugaryLynx Posts: 2,640 Member
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    I'm sorry, I looked at your profile picture but couldn't find anything to fix. You are perfect. Your mom should love and respect who you are, no matter what that is. :flowerforyou:
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    You are beautiful! Tell your mum that you are grown woman and capable of making your own decisions about your health.
  • Blokeypoo
    Blokeypoo Posts: 274 Member
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    I'm getting more muscular and my Mum isn't a fan, but then I don't like her fat *kitten* so we're quits!
  • 2013sk
    2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
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    I'm sorry, I looked at your profile picture but couldn't find anything to fix. You are perfect. Your mom should love and respect who you are, no matter what that is. :flowerforyou:

    Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh us women always want to fix things - Never happy are we!

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