Cried for 30 minutes

MarliQQ

I use situations like this for motivation. You can't let it eat you up on the inside. I once had my aunt come up to me while I was on my comp and she checked my screen and noticed that I was participating in a weight loss forum, not mfp, but another. She rolled her eyes and said "Why would anyone want to hear anything you have to say? You are still fat! Your fat!". Needless to say I am not usually one to hold my tongue, but I did my best to eat all of my words, knowing that the comment was coming from her own insecurity. I was taken aback by the harshness of the words, and yes it did hurt, but if that did not light my fire, nothing would. I still think of that comment, less bitter about it, but I still use it for motivation.

SexKittenlovesitrough

Look. Here's the thing.

Toughen up.

I only say that out of love because there are some truths here.

1. He can't take it back.

I mean he COULD reach out to you and say "Oh sh1t...i'm SO sorry, I take it back I didn't mean to hurt you." But the reality is, he can't take it back and you can't unread it. So it's done, it's been said and it's done.

2. Facebook is the breeding ground for "whoops did I just seriously post/say/like that?" It may have been a case of verbal diarrhea and he regrets it whole heartedly. It just may be.

3. People who commit verbal diarrhea don't really do one offs, so odds are he will do it again. IF IT WAS A MISTAKE.

4. You only have your reactions now. You have to weigh what he said versus what the friendship means to you. I have a friend that if he said that I would be like. OK...Fair....you have foot in mouth itis....i know this...your wife knows this...i can look beyond this. however, there is other friends where I would be like....nope nope nope...YOU do not get to say that to me. DELETED. So weigh things carefully and dispose of him as you will.

5. Crying does nothing for you. Crying does nothing to him. It doesn't make him sad, it stains your cheeks not his, it dries out your skin and leaves you red and blotchy and irritated eyed. Not him. Stop crying and get over it. It's only hurting you.

6. Fuel yourself. Get mad, get hurt, get upset, but get moving. Make some use of this moment. Otherwise it's just another moment where you let life defeat you. That's unacceptable.

7. move on. It happened. Again, tough love. Nothing is going to change that it happened. What can change is you and how you react.

lizziebeth1028

Went away on vacation and had a great time with some friends. Felt uneasy about pictures being tagged on facebook, but I'm pretty confident, despite my weight, because there's a lot more to me than how I look... so I was hopeful that all would be fine, felt like my friends would understand what I've been going through. Well, I come home and have a message from a friend of many years, who I haven't seen in a while, but who matters a lot to me. He said just this: "What happened to Corina? Did you eat her?!" And I cried for about 30 minutes. It hurt a lot.

OUCH. That's NOT a friend. That's an insensitive jerk. Don't waste your tears on someone who obviously doesn't hold you in the same regard as you hold them. I'd 'unfriend' them asap and move on!

lizziebeth1028

Look. Here's the thing.

Toughen up.

I only say that out of love because there are some truths here.

1. He can't take it back.

I mean he COULD reach out to you and say "Oh sh1t...i'm SO sorry, I take it back I didn't mean to hurt you." But the reality is, he can't take it back and you can't unread it. So it's done, it's been said and it's done.

2. Facebook is the breeding ground for "whoops did I just seriously post/say/like that?" It may have been a case of verbal diarrhea and he regrets it whole heartedly. It just may be.

3. People who commit verbal diarrhea don't really do one offs, so odds are he will do it again. IF IT WAS A MISTAKE.

4. You only have your reactions now. You have to weigh what he said versus what the friendship means to you. I have a friend that if he said that I would be like. OK...Fair....you have foot in mouth itis....i know this...your wife knows this...i can look beyond this. however, there is other friends where I would be like....nope nope nope...YOU do not get to say that to me. DELETED. So weigh things carefully and dispose of him as you will.

5. Crying does nothing for you. Crying does nothing to him. It doesn't make him sad, it stains your cheeks not his, it dries out your skin and leaves you red and blotchy and irritated eyed. Not him. Stop crying and get over it. It's only hurting you.

6. Fuel yourself. Get mad, get hurt, get upset, but get moving. Make some use of this moment. Otherwise it's just another moment where you let life defeat you. That's unacceptable.

7. move on. It happened. Again, tough love. Nothing is going to change that it happened. What can change is you and how you react.

^^^Excellent advice!

FemmeFatale83

Oh my gosh, I must say that would hurt my feelings too! But as MarliQQ put it, use it for motivation! And if he is still a good friend, you could let him know it hurt your feelings, perhaps he will even become an ally and motivator in your quest for fitness! Otherwise, just remove yourself from those who aren't supportive and positive towards you as much as possible. That's what I try to do anyway. Keep your eye on the goal, and know that just because you want to improve your health and fitness, doesn't mean you aren't wonderful as you are!

shmulyeng

That's definitely very insensitive. We all have a few of these in our lives. But I don't agree with the sentiment of "get rid of this friend". While some people are just simply mean and enjoy hurting other people, many are just being a little too "friendly". We all joke and rib our friends about small issues. What these people don't realize that weight problems don't fall into that category. Now that I lost some weight, I did notice that many of the same people that have made comments in the past are the first to comment when you lose weight.

Sarah4fitness

Went away on vacation and had a great time with some friends. Felt uneasy about pictures being tagged on facebook, but I'm pretty confident, despite my weight, because there's a lot more to me than how I look... so I was hopeful that all would be fine, felt like my friends would understand what I've been going through. Well, I come home and have a message from a friend of many years, who I haven't seen in a while, but who matters a lot to me. He said just this: "What happened to Corina? Did you eat her?!" And I cried for about 30 minutes. It hurt a lot.

It's unfortunate this friend was so thoughtless and insensitive. Obviously there is some history here (and a lot left unsaid) at play. I'd absolutely share with him what his comment made you feel, and assess from his response to that whether or not you want him to continue to be a part of your life, even distantly through facebook.

SunofaBeach14

I said the same thing to a buddy of mine not long ago.

He punched me in the arm.

Then we drank beer.

WhiteRabbit1313

You have to ignore those people, they have deeper issues and it makes them feel good to put others down. Maybe you should reconsider caring about this person so much. Stay motivated and get your body how YOU want it to look for YOU.

^^This, totally!

yo_andi

I'm sorry your feelings got hurt. You've hopefully dealt with it by telling the friend how hurt you were, and based on his response, moving on in an appropriate way.

Then, you went and joined an online fitness community as the first step to making a massive lifestyle change to address the underlying issues of why you were uncomfortable with the photos in the first place.

:flowerforyou:

MaryJane_8810002

There is a reason why you have not contacted that person for a while. Don't let asshats like those ruin your day.

Heditw

I am so sorry you had to go through something like that...

cebreisch

One of my dad's favorite sayings was something like this: Best to keep mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.

Clearly, the person who said that is a FOOL. Don't give it the time of day.

laurie04427

Your "friend" is a jerk.

I agree.

Legs_McGee

Your "friend" is a douche bag. Don't be friends with douche bags.

MizTerry

You should have invited him over so you could cut his throat.

outofworkpediatrician

Went away on vacation and had a great time with some friends. Felt uneasy about pictures being tagged on facebook, but I'm pretty confident, despite my weight, because there's a lot more to me than how I look... so I was hopeful that all would be fine, felt like my friends would understand what I've been going through. Well, I come home and have a message from a friend of many years, who I haven't seen in a while, but who matters a lot to me. He said just this: "What happened to Corina? Did you eat her?!" And I cried for about 30 minutes. It hurt a lot.

i understand, as i heard such comments, and the sad thing is, the jerks who make such comments think they are "just joking" and "being funny". they don't realize that they are mistaking vileness for humor. may be you should call him out, post his message on your wall and let all your's and his friends see what a nasty person he is?

SunofaBeach14

I had a colleague years ago who's favorite saying was "where are your friends?" She would see someone dressed atrociously or doing something stupid and she'd turn to me and say this jokingly. The point though was valid. I prefer that my close friends call me out rather than just let me go through life doing stupid or unhealthy things. Let's not call the drunk friend a "drunk," the fat friend "fat," etc. because feelings. Sure, it was mildly insensitive the way it was done but put things in perspective. And, if he wasn't close, then "jerk," but let it go.

agarlits

You'll lose the weight but I think your "friend" is out of luck. In the words of the great philosopher Ron White "You can't fix stupid."

mamma_nee

Ouch, what a Jerk !! I cried this week as well - My Sister N Law who is turning 66 and has had 2 face lifts plus boob job - out of the blue says to me yesterday - So, what , Are you turning 64 in April this year ??Noooo , I am turning 53!! She knows very well I am only 2 years older than my brother who she is married too!! I don`t know why she blurted this out to me ? I hear people give her compliments on her looks all the time, How she looks like she never ages , etc etc, Not once does she tell anyone that she has had face lifts and boob job . I can care less about what she does to herself by just admit it already ! and leave me the hell alone! People are really jerks sometimes.

Greytfish

Went away on vacation and had a great time with some friends. Felt uneasy about pictures being tagged on facebook, but I'm pretty confident, despite my weight, because there's a lot more to me than how I look... so I was hopeful that all would be fine, felt like my friends would understand what I've been going through. Well, I come home and have a message from a friend of many years, who I haven't seen in a while, but who matters a lot to me. He said just this: "What happened to Corina? Did you eat her?!" And I cried for about 30 minutes. It hurt a lot.

Hopefully, you don't consider that person a friend anymore.

Burstingintolife

Wow. I've considered all of the advice and personal stories shared and even had a laugh with a couple of comments. I needed to vent the hurtful thing that was said. And yes, I do have friends that "talk trash" and it goes in one ear and out the other... I am usually one to not cry at all... but I considered this a different situation. His words were a dismissal of my value and the ball is in his court now (I told him it hurt me) but I'm not going to wait around for a response. I suspect he doesn't care enough to be sympathetic. And the fit me is going to remember that. Whenever I am feeling down, I'll be sure to reference all of your thoughtful comments. Thank you so much! It has made my day.

tapirfrog

I'm really proud of you for dealing with the unease of being tagged, letting him know his comments hurt you, and continuing to do what you're doing (I would have eaten everything in the refrigerator and then probably eaten the refrigerator).

You're right. The ball is in his court. I'm not sure how he could return it in a way that would justify his comment or reassure you, though. I mean, if I had someone like that in my life, I'd always be standing on one foot (mentally) waiting for them to say something horrible like that again.

But he damn well better apologize anyway. Man, I hope he does apologize, so you can ignore it!

ChaplainHeavin

Hey, you faced the hurt and cried it out... now use it in the gym. That's what I do Turn it into motivation that will encourage you to keep going. He might be the one saying nice things to you later on and you can smile and say to yourself, "I win".

Good advice.

blessedwith3boys

That must of been so hurtful! That person was certainly insensative to say the least.

meshashesha2012

i hope you told this guy what a jerk who was and then proceeded to make am hilarious comment about his waistline/hairline/cheating girlfriend whatever thing you were holding back from saying because you didnt want to be rude.

if the friendship is over you might as well blow up ALL the pieces of it :laugh:

but beyond that if you know you need to lose weight then start doing that

catita1025

Years ago I had a friend who told me he "Had the tendency to treat strangers better than he treated his friends." I didn't understand that until he started canceling plans at the last minute and always said, "Thanks for being understanding." After this happened a few times I said, "Let's be clear about this. I'm NOT understanding. I'm ANGRY. If I'm your friend I expect to be treated better than this." Shocked him. I hoped it would be a wake-up call. I let him go because I felt I deserved better. If I'm not mistaken you can delete the FB comment - but of course that doesn't take away the fact that it was there from the start. Good for you for putting the ball in his court. There are too many people nowadays who think it's okay to say, "I'm sorry if I offended you." Seems to me if someone could take a pause before they speak, or before they hit <enter> that many times hurtful feelings and misunderstandings can be avoided!
I appreciate the comments that have been made as far as motivation. Sometimes things like this can be the wake-up call that's needed to move you forward. I also had good chuckles at some of the stronger comments! Not my personal style but that's just me!
Good luck with resolving an issue in this friendship. His response (and then yours) may indicate next steps for where this friendship will head!

bwogilvie

I know you were hurt, and everyone here is piling on your friend. Now that you have a bit of perspective, though, was his comment to you, specifically, or by "you" might he have meant a group, if you were tagged in a group photo? I can imagine a few friends who might make a remark like that if there were 6 of us on a trip and the same person was missing from a couple of them.

I'm probably wrong, but I try to see the best in people as much as possible. It's a shame that English lost the ability to distinguish between the singular and plural you. If you were German it would be easy to tell.

lessismoreohio

What a rude comment.

A poor reflection on him not on you.

Please forgive him. We all need forgiveness (you do this for yourself not for him) and then you move on without him.

FitnSassy

You should have told him, "No, but my boyfriend did!" :blushing: And then put him on the "he's dead to me" list! #nevermore