That jerk friend.

Options
124

Replies

  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Options
    With friends like that, who needs enemies? Dump her. She's not going to change, it's time for you to move on.

    Congrats on your decision to be healthy!
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
    Options
    No lie...I would have eaten my cupcake AND her cupcake in front if her....and then just gone to the gym next day and burned it off!
  • BraveNewdGirl
    BraveNewdGirl Posts: 937 Member
    Options
    I'm right with the poster and those advocating for "Option B". Keep in mind that when people are criticizing others, so, SO often, it's projection. They're deflecting their own insecurities. That doesn't make it okay and it doesn't mean you should stand for it. You can bring it up with her, you can choose not to continue the friendship, or you can let your hard work speak for itself. No matter what you do, don't let her negativity prevent you from Kool-Aid Maning through your checkpoints towards your goal.
  • jennifer_a00
    jennifer_a00 Posts: 186 Member
    Options
    That would make my blood boil. Here's what I did, I didn't talk to the unsupportive people in my life for a while, and only my husband and best friend knew I was losing weight. Then once I was down 45 pounds I posted a pic of my progress on Facebook. Everybody was all shocked and everything. The toxic people kept quiet. Sometimes you just have to ignore, but sometimes a smart *kitten* remark back works too.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Options
    Am I the only one who just tells my friends where to go stick it when they irritate me, but our friendship is fine 20 seconds later? Anyone?
  • ZeldaMarooner7
    ZeldaMarooner7 Posts: 307
    Options
    Don't take this the wrong way, but screw her!! You don't need that kind of negativity. She should be happy that you are going on a diet and congratulate you! I would dump her.
  • Lifelink
    Lifelink Posts: 193 Member
    Options
    When you need motivation just remember her.

    Yup. Also fire the quip back at her when suitable after losing weight. It'll make her squirm in her own skin.
  • charlicee
    charlicee Posts: 53
    Options
    I tried going vegetarian last year, but anytime I would go out with friends, they would make fun of me or make an issue about my dietary choices. I stopped because of this. Now they all know I am going clean eating, and are making a big to do all over again. Meanwhile, they all could stand to lose weight, too, but one in particular said if eating healthy meant giving up rich, delicious, and favorite dishes, then he might as well stay fat (as hard as I tried, he doesn't think food can be both healthy and tasty simultaneously). So, my friends who act like jerks with my diet are one of main motivations for losing weight. I don't see many now due to the snow (I live far away from most of them), and lost almost 30 lbs over the winter since we last met. I seriously want to consider waiting till I lose at least 50 lbs till I see them again, so they know that my health means more to me then going out to a fast food place with them. Honestly, for so many of them, everything centers around food, and they love take-out or eating out, when I am more or less a make-at-home kind of mamma. Except for two, who are brothers and do try to keep a healthy diet and weight, I want to try to be a role model for my friends. Yes, so many who act like jerks with my diet, but oftentimes they prove to be diamonds in the rough...
  • hstoblish
    hstoblish Posts: 234 Member
    Options
    Only you can decide whether your friend is toxic, stupid, kidding, insensitive (or all of the above), and whether she is worth keeping around. Whether you keep her or kick her, I recommend making the decision to forgive her and refusing to get bitter. Bitterness and resentment are a lot like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It just isn't worth it. What your friend says and does is simply no reflection of you. However, your actions are. A wise fellow once told me that the best thing to do when others talk bad about you, is to act right and do right, and let your actions show everyone else how wrong the others are. You are making changes. You. You are doing them in a slow and sustainable method - which is what this site is all about. Are the changes happening fast enough to suit you? Probably not. The changes rarely occur as fast as we want. That is OK, it just makes it sweeter when we finally get to where we want and we know that we did it by sticking to it. Stick to your guns. Stick to your changes. Keep making changes. Keep making progress. When the progress slows down, keep sticking to it. You aren't doing this for other people. You are doing this for yourself. Make it. Own it. Keep it healthy, and keep it going! Rock this thing! Good luck.

    You're awesome. This might be my favourite ever comment on this site.
  • hstoblish
    hstoblish Posts: 234 Member
    Options
    I kind of want a "Team Fail" t-shirt now.
  • hellomanen
    hellomanen Posts: 96 Member
    Options
    ok no!
    sweety, I'm so UPSET RIGHT NOW I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE HOW YOU ARE!!
    TAKE HER OUT SHE'S TOXIC
    IF SHE DOES YOU NO GOOD, THE SHE'S OUT
    hang out with people who would actually respect and maybe even support what you're doing! is for you!
    so if she doesn't at LEAST respect that, what you are doing and who you are as a person commited to make a change, she can stfu and gtfo!
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    Options
    I don't have a jerk friend... because when they get to the status of jerk they are no longer my friend. :) she would not be my friend after that commentary.
  • beakueng
    beakueng Posts: 7
    Options
    thanks for the recipe - sounds super!

    re your "friend" - usually when people react in such a caustic way it is because of something that is going on within themselves and you may be mirroring it. However, that is their problem, not yours! If you get tired of the remarks, it's time to get rid of the friend. I agree - jerk and friend do not belong in the same sentence. Keep up the good work - you will make it!
  • Rosannajo88
    Rosannajo88 Posts: 212 Member
    Options
    Just carry on carrying on, quietly nod at her barbed comments and say nothing. Let your hard work speak for itself. She sounds like a very insecure little girl (pronounced "b*tch") xx
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
    Options
    Just break up.
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
    Options
    Honey, that's not even a friend. That's just someone you hang out with and talk to!
  • Buddhasmiracle
    Buddhasmiracle Posts: 925 Member
    Options
    wow she sounds..umm..awesome! ha!

    but in all seriousness it sounds like her own insecurities and weight and diet issues she's taking out on you. it doesnt make it ok, but just know this that her comments have more to do with herself than anything about you..

    u talk about quiet changes....quietly step back from this "friend" and as i tell my daughter "find a new friend to play with"

    good luck!

    I think there is some of this going on.
    Another thought-- food is often the glue that holds people together. There's almost an intimacy about it -- sitting together, sharing food, personal ups and downs, etc., and because you and her have chosen different paths (she the "dieter"/you the "life style" changer) the "glue" is becoming undone.

    I don't know the degree to which you and her have been friends, or if this is the only issue that mars the friendship. If it is a deep abiding friendship then you accept her for what she is with the understanding that she does not reciprocate. you are questioning the relationship you have with food, she is not, and there is bound to be more instances like you have described.

    If a relationship with her is a detriment to your effort, then keep her at arms length. For both of you it will be out of sight out of mind.

    BTW, that is a beautiful profile pic of you and your little one. Wow.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    Options
    Unfortunately, the idiots are everywhere, and it's even more unfortunate that they're allowed to breed.

    You know you're on the right path. One of my dad's more favorite sayings went something like this: Best to close the mouth and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.

    She's a fool. Don't let her spouting off derail your efforts. What she does on her journey is for her to decide.

    Be confident in you're doing what's right for you, and you will get to your goal.
  • obrientp
    obrientp Posts: 546 Member
    Options
    I don't seem to have a problem telling people to leave me alone about it. I'll take care of myself and you take care of yourself. It doesn't matter if they are co-workers, friends or who ever. I've have found they if they are true friends they will understand.
  • jadethief
    jadethief Posts: 266 Member
    Options
    Bitterness and resentment are a lot like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

    I love this quote.

Categories