Language Police...

ccrdragon

I am new to these boards (only been here a couple of months), so I don't know if this has been posted before or not but here goes - I'll do my best to not get too philososhical here...

I am a firm believer that the way we express ourselves has a profound impact upon our results and our outlook on life in general. I have been reading lots of posts on these boards and I constantly see people phrase things as 'I am trying to...' or 'I want....' or 'I would like...'. These phrases just make me want to puke because there are a set-up for FAILURE! Let's examine each of the phrases in a little detail:

'I am trying to...' - this is one of the ultimate back-doors that we all setup for ourselves - as long as I 'try', then I am not a failure, because even tho I missed my goal, I still tried hard to get there - ugh!!!! People - there is NO TRY - either you do something or you DON'T - 'I tried' is simply a way to avoid saying that you failed (we will talk about this a little later). BTW - 'I am going to' is the same phrase and creates the same back door that 'try' creates.
'I want' - this childish phrase is even worse coming from an adult than it is coming from a child! Nobody is interested in what you want - what we want to know is what you are willing to get out and put your *kitten* on the line and work hard to achieve!! Wanting something will NEVER make that something come about - the only way to achieve a specific outcome is to put in the effort and make it happen!!

'I would like' fits into the same catagory as 'I want' - it is a dream and will stay a dream until you make the committment to do the work to make the dream come true.

My advice - toss all 3 of these phrases from your life totally! Better ways to express these - notice that all of these turn the 'wish' factor of the above phrases into an action that you are taking and that you personally own:
'I am doing...' instead of 'I am trying...' - you are actually DOING something to change your life instead of wishing that your life would change.
'I am working towards...' instead of 'I want...' or 'I would like...' - again, you own the process and you are making the process work towards your goals (much better than a wish!).

Couple more phrases that I will bring up and then I will get off my soapbox:
'I have to' - as in 'I have to lose weight' or 'I have to get into shape' or any other way that you talk about something as if these is some power greater than you that is making you do these things. You see, as long as someone else is making you do this, you have no ownership in either the process or the results and thus, when it doen's work (and it won't as long as you have this attitude) then you are not responsible for the failure of the process (there's that word again - I am getting to that in a couple more paragraphs). The other problem with 'I have to' is that it becomes a chore or something that I do not because I want to but because it MUST be done. My experience is that if you turn this phrase around and word it as 'I GET TO' it is a much more motivating and positive experience - I GET TO LOSE WEIGHT or I GET TO GET IN SHAPE - doesn't that sound like something that you would rather do instead of 'I HAVE TO'? This phrasing also helps in the ownership of the task because now you are the one making you do and not some outside force!

DIET - diet is the sum-total of the food that I eat and it is not something that I do (i.e. diet should not be used as a verb but as a noun). I am not on a diet - I have made a lifestyle choice to eat healthy and get in shape - this is not something that I will stop at some point in the future - i.e. there is no end to this (like there would be if I were 'on a diet').

Lastly - let's do a quick talk about failure. Such a simple word and yet so many people are terrified of the word. The main problem here is one of beliefs - most people believe that if they fail at something (like losing weight or getting in shape), then they themselves have become defined by this word and they are FAILURES! The biggest problem with this is that failing is a normal part of being a human being - we all fail at something and that does not make us failures - it simply means that we have another opportunity to attempt that task that we didn't complete. Let's get real here - if all of the people who attempted to create something new (like inventors) gave up when they failed at something, we would still be living in caves and painting on the walls using charcoal and berry juice!! Just because you have failed at something doesn't make you a 'FAILURE' - it just means you get another chance to succeed!!

I think I have bored you enough for one posting - feel free to flame away :)

denitahawkins

Great post! There truly is power in the words we chose.

4realrose8

I completely agree. And, the language you use shows were you are at in your commitment to the lifestyle change. :flowerforyou:

amandarunning

On a similar note I get irritated by "the weight" - "when I lose the weight"..."I need to lose the weight". It's not "the" anything and seems to disassociate the owner from their excess weight!

Not sure why it bugs me but it does!

RllyGudTweetr

Provided my language does not go against community guidelines, kindly refrain from trying to censor the way I choose to express myself.

Ang108

I am new to these boards (only been here a couple of months), so I don't know if this has been posted before or not but here goes - I'll do my best to not get too philososhical here...

I am a firm believer that the way we express ourselves has a profound impact upon our results and our outlook on life in general. I have been reading lots of posts on these boards and I constantly see people phrase things as 'I am trying to...' or 'I want....' or 'I would like...'. These phrases just make me want to puke because there are a set-up for FAILURE! Let's examine each of the phrases in a little detail:

'I am trying to...' - this is one of the ultimate back-doors that we all setup for ourselves - as long as I 'try', then I am not a failure, because even tho I missed my goal, I still tried hard to get there - ugh!!!! People - there is NO TRY - either you do something or you DON'T - 'I tried' is simply a way to avoid saying that you failed (we will talk about this a little later). BTW - 'I am going to' is the same phrase and creates the same back door that 'try' creates.
'I want' - this childish phrase is even worse coming from an adult than it is coming from a child! Nobody is interested in what you want - what we want to know is what you are willing to get out and put your *kitten* on the line and work hard to achieve!! Wanting something will NEVER make that something come about - the only way to achieve a specific outcome is to put in the effort and make it happen!!

'I would like' fits into the same catagory as 'I want' - it is a dream and will stay a dream until you make the committment to do the work to make the dream come true.

My advice - toss all 3 of these phrases from your life totally! Better ways to express these - notice that all of these turn the 'wish' factor of the above phrases into an action that you are taking and that you personally own:
'I am doing...' instead of 'I am trying...' - you are actually DOING something to change your life instead of wishing that your life would change.
'I am working towards...' instead of 'I want...' or 'I would like...' - again, you own the process and you are making the process work towards your goals (much better than a wish!).

Couple more phrases that I will bring up and then I will get off my soapbox:
'I have to' - as in 'I have to lose weight' or 'I have to get into shape' or any other way that you talk about something as if these is some power greater than you that is making you do these things. You see, as long as someone else is making you do this, you have no ownership in either the process or the results and thus, when it doen's work (and it won't as long as you have this attitude) then you are not responsible for the failure of the process (there's that word again - I am getting to that in a couple more paragraphs). The other problem with 'I have to' is that it becomes a chore or something that I do not because I want to but because it MUST be done. My experience is that if you turn this phrase around and word it as 'I GET TO' it is a much more motivating and positive experience - I GET TO LOSE WEIGHT or I GET TO GET IN SHAPE - doesn't that sound like something that you would rather do instead of 'I HAVE TO'? This phrasing also helps in the ownership of the task because now you are the one making you do and not some outside force!

DIET - diet is the sum-total of the food that I eat and it is not something that I do (i.e. diet should not be used as a verb but as a noun). I am not on a diet - I have made a lifestyle choice to eat healthy and get in shape - this is not something that I will stop at some point in the future - i.e. there is no end to this (like there would be if I were 'on a diet').

Lastly - let's do a quick talk about failure. Such a simple word and yet so many people are terrified of the word. The main problem here is one of beliefs - most people believe that if they fail at something (like losing weight or getting in shape), then they themselves have become defined by this word and they are FAILURES! The biggest problem with this is that failing is a normal part of being a human being - we all fail at something and that does not make us failures - it simply means that we have another opportunity to attempt that task that we didn't complete. Let's get real here - if all of the people who attempted to create something new (like inventors) gave up when they failed at something, we would still be living in caves and painting on the walls using charcoal and berry juice!! Just because you have failed at something doesn't make you a 'FAILURE' - it just means you get another chance to succeed!!

I think I have bored you enough for one posting - feel free to flame away :)

I had to chuckle when I realized that you are the language police. While I agree that language says a lot about a person and their views of life in general ( as shown in your post ), I was also was impressed with how narrow mindedly you define language, which is available to all of us to use as we see fit or are able to. You also sound very much like one of those New Age people who just took a course in Neuro Linguistic Programming.....:o).

Timelordlady85

I have used plenty of these phrases before. I can see how they can easily be used as crutches but were all here to support one another and everyone has different choice words and phrases when expressing their own goals and actions in life. I don't sweat the small stuff, I tend to focus on myself and my goals and not let others words or actions effect my life.

ccrdragon

I am not trying to censor anyone's language - just trying to provide an alternate way of looking at/expressing one's self...

Also - not a new age convert - just a mathematician with an interest in linguistics. I also realize that English as a language is one of the least specific languages on the planet and I find it extremely interesting and telling in the way that people choose to express themselves.

wolverine66

Here's the TL;DR version:

4legsRbetterthan2

Just because you have failed at something doesn't make you a 'FAILURE' - it just means you get another chance to succeed!!

I really like this, the rest of the post is good too but this is my favorite part

Ang108

I am not trying to censor anyone's language - just trying to provide an alternate way of looking at/expressing one's self...

Also - not a new age convert - just a mathematician with an interest in linguistics. I also realize that English as a language is one of the least specific languages on the planet and I find it extremely interesting and telling in the way that people choose to express themselves.

As some one for whom English is the fourth language I obviously have studied it and also find it very interesting and telling how people express themselves. This is exactly why I would never criticize them for the way they express themselves, nor would I assume to know their motives in using one expression over an other .
For example:
Tomorrow I will try and walk 60 minutes at a pace faster than 1 km per 10 minutes. I am consciously using the word " try " which means to attempt or to make an effort, because I am in my mid sixties and until today have only walked 45 minutes a day. I am fully aware that I might not succeed, but will attempt it with great effort...which is just another way to say that I will try.

I will not go on in making an example for well chosen, health and fitness related usage of the expression you are so against.
I accept that for example someone who says " I basically log all my food " actually does not log all their food, but don't feel it is my role to point out how self deceiving ( if that is what it is ) they actually are. As another poster said; it's none of my business.
I know you probably meant well, but I think many people ( myself included to a certain degree ) do not read your post as an invitation to reflect on language usage , but as a criticism on the language we use personally. People don't like it if they are made to feel dumb or ignorant.

4realrose8

I am not trying to censor anyone's language - just trying to provide an alternate way of looking at/expressing one's self...

Also - not a new age convert - just a mathematician with an interest in linguistics. I also realize that English as a language is one of the least specific languages on the planet and I find it extremely interesting and telling in the way that people choose to express themselves.

As some one for whom English is the fourth language I obviously have studied it and also find it very interesting and telling how people express themselves. This is exactly why I would never criticize them for the way they express themselves, nor would I assume to know their motives in using one expression over an other .
For example:
Tomorrow I will try and walk 60 minutes at a pace faster than 1 km per 10 minutes. I am consciously using the word " try " which means to attempt or to make an effort, because I am in my mid sixties and until today have only walked 45 minutes a day. I am fully aware that I might not succeed, but will attempt it with great effort...which is just another way to say that I will try.

I will not go on in making an example for well chosen, health and fitness related usage of the expression you are so against.
I accept that for example someone who says " I basically log all my food " actually does not log all their food, but don't feel it is my role to point out how self deceiving ( if that is what it is ) they actually are. As another poster said; it's none of my business.
I know you probably meant well, but I think many people ( myself included to a certain degree ) do not read your post as an invitation to reflect on language usage , but as a criticism on the language we use personally. People don't like it if they are made to feel dumb or ignorant.

Good points here as well.

TR0berts

I would like you to mind your own business.

I want to express myself as I see fit.

I am trying to type right now. I am succeeding.

seltzermint555

Weird. None of that bugs me. Not even a little bit.

What does bug me?

"I'm trying to loose 50 LBS by summer because wen I trye d raspberry keiton it didn't work good"

RllyGudTweetr

I am not trying to censor anyone's language - just trying to provide an alternate way of looking at/expressing one's self...

Also - not a new age convert - just a mathematician with an interest in linguistics. I also realize that English as a language is one of the least specific languages on the planet and I find it extremely interesting and telling in the way that people choose to express themselves.

Having read your opening post in the thread, I find your commentary on what you are 'trying' to do particularly confusing. I was under the impression that 'try' was a word you wished to eliminate.

cmriverside

Pretty deep for MFP.

We have trouble calculating calories in strawberries here. I think you may be micro-managing a bit.

JoRocka

The thing is those things are not about the language- but about the mental process behind it.

It has nothing to do with the words but the mentality of the person behind it. I under stand the point of the post- but from teh fact that- I don't make time for my workouts- I don't try to go to the week X number of times a day.

I just do them.

Because it's what I do. I do try to be more academic- but it's not a priority- which is why I try.

it has a lot less to do with the words than the mentality. And you can only go so far into changing someone's mentality really which is why I don't give it a lot of thought.

Nascha333

Pretty deep for MFP.

We have trouble calculating calories in strawberries here. I think you may be micro-managing a bit.

:laugh:

Myhaloslipped

Pretty deep for MFP.

We have trouble calculating calories in strawberries here. I think you may be micro-managing a bit.

^This. Also, lol about the strawberries.

Ang108

Because it's what I do. I do try to be more academic- but it's not a priority- which is why I try.

it has a lot less to do with the words than the mentality. And you can only go so far into changing someone's mentality really which is why I don't give it a lot of thought.

I accept that and then would have to say that the usage of words ( even if they are the only way we can directly express " mentality " ) is even more insignificant and we should not try to limit people, because we have no idea what their mental processes are.

breeshabebe

I tend to pay attention to what the poster is actually TRYING to say, rather than get bogged down with the "english" particulars.
I TRY to give them the benifit of the doubt.

JoRocka

Because it's what I do. I do try to be more academic- but it's not a priority- which is why I try.

it has a lot less to do with the words than the mentality. And you can only go so far into changing someone's mentality really which is why I don't give it a lot of thought.

I accept that and then would have to say that the usage of words ( even if they are the only way we can directly express " mentality " ) is even more insignificant and we should not try to limit people, because we have no idea what their mental processes are.

indeed.

I myself prefer action words- but meh- if someone else doesn't- go on with your bad self.

Shuuma

What does bug me?

"I'm trying to loose 50 LBS by summer because wen I trye d raspberry keiton it didn't work good"

That makes me so crazy! Typos are okay, but consistently using words that have entirely different meanings is just maddening.

Ang108

Pretty deep for MFP.

We have trouble calculating calories in strawberries here. I think you may be micro-managing a bit.

Fresh Strawberries USDA:

100grs = 32 calories

cmriverside

Pretty deep for MFP.

We have trouble calculating calories in strawberries here. I think you may be micro-managing a bit.

Fresh Strawberries USDA:

100grs = 32 calories

:laugh: But what if I don't have a food scale?

Don't tell me to buy one, either.



I think this whole thread is a bit over the top. How painful it must be to have things like the OP bother one. How do you ever interact with anyone without over-analyzing every word they say? Exhausting.

wonderwoman234

I think I grasp the point of your post, OP, but I think you are resorting to black and white thinking. It's the MEANING behind the language that is the key. And each person assigns their own specific meaning to the words they use. I think that is why there can be a lot of miscommunication on these boards, and sometimes, hurt feelings.

Limiting beliefs tend to do us all in and language may or may not be reflective of that.

macjewels

I really appreciate that these messages are here to post and read, especially in the motivational section-as that is one area that I struggle with constantly...and yes I do use some words that can diminish my efforts so I really appreciate reading one person's perspective on how our language can affect our motivation and our results. (I am sure that someone can look at that last sentence and realize that I could use a lesson on punctuation for the lack of it...:laugh: but that is not what the intent of these blogs are for). It is not to criticize someone when they choose to share a perspective, that is just mean and self-righteous....please take them in stride and there is a wonderful saying, "take what you want and leave the rest", which I think may apply to anyone who does not like something they read. I do not believe the original author of this post, meant this as a personal judgement to any one person...but may have been hoping to offer some insight to the ones that are receptive to similar thinking....is it really necessary to attack them? If you disagree, so be it....just move on to the posts that you like then please...but to banter back and forth with someone really puts a negative spin on the whole message that otherwise may resonate with people and provide them with some "aha! moment that they are grateful for, such as I was when I read the original post...

Timelordlady85

I am not trying to censor anyone's language - just trying to provide an alternate way of looking at/expressing one's self...

Also - not a new age convert - just a mathematician with an interest in linguistics. I also realize that English as a language is one of the least specific languages on the planet and I find it extremely interesting and telling in the way that people choose to express themselves.

As some one for whom English is the fourth language I obviously have studied it and also find it very interesting and telling how people express themselves. This is exactly why I would never criticize them for the way they express themselves, nor would I assume to know their motives in using one expression over an other .
For example:
Tomorrow I will try and walk 60 minutes at a pace faster than 1 km per 10 minutes. I am consciously using the word " try " which means to attempt or to make an effort, because I am in my mid sixties and until today have only walked 45 minutes a day. I am fully aware that I might not succeed, but will attempt it with great effort...which is just another way to say that I will try.

I will not go on in making an example for well chosen, health and fitness related usage of the expression you are so against.
I accept that for example someone who says " I basically log all my food " actually does not log all their food, but don't feel it is my role to point out how self deceiving ( if that is what it is ) they actually are. As another poster said; it's none of my business.
I know you probably meant well, but I think many people ( myself included to a certain degree ) do not read your post as an invitation to reflect on language usage , but as a criticism on the language we use personally. People don't like it if they are made to feel dumb or ignorant.

Well said!

jofjltncb6

I tried to read that epic post, but failed. (I am such a failure at things like this.)

I want to be able to read epic posts, but just can't.

I would like to get better at it...I really would...but I probably never will.

GBrady43068

What does bug me?

"I'm trying to loose 50 LBS by summer because wen I trye d raspberry keiton it didn't work good"

That makes me so crazy! Typos are okay, but consistently using words that have entirely different meanings is just maddening.

All two many times people are shooting four won word but instead use another.

GBrady43068

I tried to read that epic post, but failed. (I am such a failure at things like this.)

I want to be able to read epic posts, but just can't.

I would like to get better at it...I really would...but I probably never will.

+1