Language Police...

LiftAllThePizzas

I am a firm believer that the way we express ourselves has a profound impact upon our results and our outlook on life in general. I have been reading lots of posts on these boards and I constantly see people phrase things as 'I am trying to...' or 'I want....' or 'I would like...'. These phrases just make me want to puke because there are a set-up for FAILURE! Let's examine each of the phrases in a little detail:

But you are assuming that these words and phrases have identical internal representations to all people. The word "try" for example may have many different meanings not only between individuals (some may use it in a much more passive sense than others) but between contexts. The word "try" means two different things in the sentences, "I'm trying to quit smoking," and, "I'm trying to deadlift a new PR."

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

I skimmed what you wrote and I agree with you, especially the part about "trying to". I notice that usually when people use this language they are less likely to accomplish what they want. There is a big difference between "trying to" and "doing".

PikaKnight

I am new to these boards (only been here a couple of months), so I don't know if this has been posted before or not but here goes - I'll do my best to not get too philososhical here...

I am a firm believer that the way we express ourselves has a profound impact upon our results and our outlook on life in general. I have been reading lots of posts on these boards and I constantly see people phrase things as 'I am trying to...' or 'I want....' or 'I would like...'. These phrases just make me want to puke because there are a set-up for FAILURE! Let's examine each of the phrases in a little detail:

'I am trying to...' - this is one of the ultimate back-doors that we all setup for ourselves - as long as I 'try', then I am not a failure, because even tho I missed my goal, I still tried hard to get there - ugh!!!! People - there is NO TRY - either you do something or you DON'T - 'I tried' is simply a way to avoid saying that you failed (we will talk about this a little later). BTW - 'I am going to' is the same phrase and creates the same back door that 'try' creates.
'I want' - this childish phrase is even worse coming from an adult than it is coming from a child! Nobody is interested in what you want - what we want to know is what you are willing to get out and put your *kitten* on the line and work hard to achieve!! Wanting something will NEVER make that something come about - the only way to achieve a specific outcome is to put in the effort and make it happen!!

'I would like' fits into the same catagory as 'I want' - it is a dream and will stay a dream until you make the committment to do the work to make the dream come true.

My advice - toss all 3 of these phrases from your life totally! Better ways to express these - notice that all of these turn the 'wish' factor of the above phrases into an action that you are taking and that you personally own:
'I am doing...' instead of 'I am trying...' - you are actually DOING something to change your life instead of wishing that your life would change.
'I am working towards...' instead of 'I want...' or 'I would like...' - again, you own the process and you are making the process work towards your goals (much better than a wish!).

Couple more phrases that I will bring up and then I will get off my soapbox:
'I have to' - as in 'I have to lose weight' or 'I have to get into shape' or any other way that you talk about something as if these is some power greater than you that is making you do these things. You see, as long as someone else is making you do this, you have no ownership in either the process or the results and thus, when it doen's work (and it won't as long as you have this attitude) then you are not responsible for the failure of the process (there's that word again - I am getting to that in a couple more paragraphs). The other problem with 'I have to' is that it becomes a chore or something that I do not because I want to but because it MUST be done. My experience is that if you turn this phrase around and word it as 'I GET TO' it is a much more motivating and positive experience - I GET TO LOSE WEIGHT or I GET TO GET IN SHAPE - doesn't that sound like something that you would rather do instead of 'I HAVE TO'? This phrasing also helps in the ownership of the task because now you are the one making you do and not some outside force!

DIET - diet is the sum-total of the food that I eat and it is not something that I do (i.e. diet should not be used as a verb but as a noun). I am not on a diet - I have made a lifestyle choice to eat healthy and get in shape - this is not something that I will stop at some point in the future - i.e. there is no end to this (like there would be if I were 'on a diet').

Lastly - let's do a quick talk about failure. Such a simple word and yet so many people are terrified of the word. The main problem here is one of beliefs - most people believe that if they fail at something (like losing weight or getting in shape), then they themselves have become defined by this word and they are FAILURES! The biggest problem with this is that failing is a normal part of being a human being - we all fail at something and that does not make us failures - it simply means that we have another opportunity to attempt that task that we didn't complete. Let's get real here - if all of the people who attempted to create something new (like inventors) gave up when they failed at something, we would still be living in caves and painting on the walls using charcoal and berry juice!! Just because you have failed at something doesn't make you a 'FAILURE' - it just means you get another chance to succeed!!

I think I have bored you enough for one posting - feel free to flame away :)

I had to chuckle when I realized that you are the language police. While I agree that language says a lot about a person and their views of life in general ( as shown in your post ), I was also was impressed with how narrow mindedly you define language, which is available to all of us to use as we see fit or are able to. You also sound very much like one of those New Age people who just took a course in Neuro Linguistic Programming.....:o).

:laugh:

jofjltncb6

I am a firm believer that the way we express ourselves has a profound impact upon our results and our outlook on life in general. I have been reading lots of posts on these boards and I constantly see people phrase things as 'I am trying to...' or 'I want....' or 'I would like...'. These phrases just make me want to puke because there are a set-up for FAILURE! Let's examine each of the phrases in a little detail:

But you are assuming that these words and phrases have identical internal representations to all people. The word "try" for example may have many different meanings not only between individuals (some may use it in a much more passive sense than others) but between contexts. The word "try" means two different things in the sentences, "I'm trying to quit smoking," and, "I'm trying to deadlift a new PR."

Indeed. As a very type A person, I take great measures not to overstate the probability of something occurring. I use "try" to describe something that I will attempt to do to account for things in and out of my control. When I say I will try to run six miles tomorrow, that allows for all kinds of things keeping that from happening.

Meh.

I tried to participate in this discussion with something meaningful...

...but decided just now to do something else instead.

beardedwarriortx

Look, I was raised in a barn. Like almost literally. I aint got no redding skills, no arithmaticaltical skills or nothing. But I got the beard and the moves (hehehe) all the ladies luv! So keep moving language boy (or girl, i was to bored to look).

futurejedi

I will drink a beer this weekend I will drink a beer this weekend, guess this really works :drinker:

in_the_stars

I am a firm believer that the way we express ourselves has a profound impact upon our results and our outlook on life in general. I have been reading lots of posts on these boards and I constantly see people phrase things as 'I am trying to...' or 'I want....' or 'I would like...'. These phrases just make me want to puke because there are a set-up for FAILURE!

So... don't read the posts? If you have the secrets to success in life and happiness, etc... please share.

beardedwarriortx

I will drink a beer this weekend I will drink a beer this weekend, guess this really works :drinker:

Its like I met my best friend

beardedwarriortx

I am a firm believer that the way we express ourselves has a profound impact upon our results and our outlook on life in general. I have been reading lots of posts on these boards and I constantly see people phrase things as 'I am trying to...' or 'I want....' or 'I would like...'. These phrases just make me want to puke because there are a set-up for FAILURE!

So... don't read the posts? If you have the secrets to success in life and happiness, etc... please share.

I know the secret to success! Booze and um, much much playing! :smokin:

walkinthedogs

I tried to read that epic post, but failed. (I am such a failure at things like this.)

I want to be able to read epic posts, but just can't.

I would like to get better at it...I really would...but I probably never will.

You took the words right out of my mouth, but you did a better job. I was TRYing to come up with something better because I really really WANTed to, but I couldn't. You win.

in_the_stars

I am a firm believer that the way we express ourselves has a profound impact upon our results and our outlook on life in general. I have been reading lots of posts on these boards and I constantly see people phrase things as 'I am trying to...' or 'I want....' or 'I would like...'. These phrases just make me want to puke because there are a set-up for FAILURE!

So... don't read the posts? If you have the secrets to success in life and happiness, etc... please share.

I know the secret to success! Booze and um, much much playing! :smokin:

Haha! ;D

fast_eddie_72

On a similar note I get irritated by "the weight" - "when I lose the weight"..."I need to lose the weight". It's not "the" anything and seems to disassociate the owner from their excess weight!

Not sure why it bugs me but it does!

But that's what it said on the google.

Ang108

On a similar note I get irritated by "the weight" - "when I lose the weight"..."I need to lose the weight". It's not "the" anything and seems to disassociate the owner from their excess weight!

Not sure why it bugs me but it does!

There is nothing wrong with " the weight " and does not disassociate the user at all.

It is usually used after the weight has already been mentioned or in direct reference to the weight a person plans to lose, or already has lost.

" When I lose the weight ( the 20 kilos I have mentioned three sentences ago ) , my lab figures will hopefully be better " ....or " I am still obese; the weight I need to lose will hopefully push me into the overweight category ".

Yea, you are right, I am not sure why it bugs you either.....:o).

in_the_stars

On a similar note I get irritated by "the weight" - "when I lose the weight"..."I need to lose the weight". It's not "the" anything and seems to disassociate the owner from their excess weight!

Not sure why it bugs me but it does!

But that's what it said on the google.

yeah... I put the word sneeze in when I google something and it tells me I'm going to die tomorrow. lol

disneygallagirl

Pretty deep for MFP.

We have trouble calculating calories in strawberries here. I think you may be micro-managing a bit.

+1

fast_eddie_72

On a similar note I get irritated by "the weight" - "when I lose the weight"..."I need to lose the weight". It's not "the" anything and seems to disassociate the owner from their excess weight!

Not sure why it bugs me but it does!

But that's what it said on the google.

yeah... I put the word sneeze in when I google something and it tells me I'm going to die tomorrow. lol

Dang. That sucks. Nice knowing you. Probably the cancer.

paperpudding

It all seems silly semantics to me OP.

I know you think your post is very clever and all that but I really don't think all this exact words people use stuff matters nearly as much as you think it does.

RhineDHP

I tried to read that epic post, but failed. (I am such a failure at things like this.)

I want to be able to read epic posts, but just can't.

I would like to get better at it...I really would...but I probably never will.

OllyReeves

As long as people use correct spelling and grammar, I don't care how they choose to express themselves.

If I am trying to do something, I say I am trying to do it.

If I want something, I say I want it.

If I don't manage to do something, I have failed to do it.

I am not twelve years old, and you do not speak for everyone.

OllyReeves

I really appreciate that these messages are here to post and read, especially in the motivational section-as that is one area that I struggle with constantly...and yes I do use some words that can diminish my efforts so I really appreciate reading one person's perspective on how our language can affect our motivation and our results. (I am sure that someone can look at that last sentence and realize that I could use a lesson on punctuation for the lack of it...:laugh: but that is not what the intent of these blogs are for). It is not to criticize someone when they choose to share a perspective, that is just mean and self-righteous....please take them in stride and there is a wonderful saying, "take what you want and leave the rest", which I think may apply to anyone who does not like something they read. I do not believe the original author of this post, meant this as a personal judgement to any one person...but may have been hoping to offer some insight to the ones that are receptive to similar thinking....is it really necessary to attack them? If you disagree, so be it....just move on to the posts that you like then please...but to banter back and forth with someone really puts a negative spin on the whole message that otherwise may resonate with people and provide them with some "aha! moment that they are grateful for, such as I was when I read the original post...

It seems to me that you misunderstand the entire point of a forum.

bigmamabird

I JUST started on MFP three days ago and have been getting into the groove. Last night I had to work at a dance for my daughter's school and knew I was going to be in and out of the kitchen with snacks all night. Previously, I had told myself I would try to stay out of the cookies and brownies and such. Before I left I was looking around on these boards and found this thread. It was all the encouragement I needed. I decided I WOULD stay away from the treats, no try. I see you've gotten a lot of flack on this thread, but it was motivational for me. Wanted to say thanks.

tigersword

I like where OP blasts people and talks about how terrible the phrase "I want" is, but then uses the phrase "we want" in the rant.

Protip - if you're going to try and tell people what phrases they shouldn't use, you shouldn't use those same phrases in your rant.