Extremely Insecure And Self-Conscious

Polygontus

I wasn't exactly sure which category to put this under, but to me "Support" seemed kind of accurate.

Last night I kind of had a mental breakdown. All of a sudden I was feeling extremely insecure, self-conscious etc.
I started poking at my sides, collar bone, ribs, legs. I just stared at myself in the mirror for a good hour or so.

After a while I started to cry, I wanted to just hide away. I began brushing through my hair with my fingers. I even flat-ironed my hair. Keep in mind, I NEVER do my hair, except special occasions. Very special occasions.

I'm still feeling extremely insecure and I really don't want to go to school today ((It's 3 in the morning lol)). Earlier yesterday I had told my friend ((ex-boyfriend...)) that I had started getting a little better with my eating ((Possible eating disorder)), but now I'm feeling terrible like this. I feel like I'm disappointing him again and again, as well as my best friend.

I don't know what the hell to do. I don't want my friends to worry about me at school.

muzichick

Hello,

I'm not sure exactly what to tell you, but it sounds like perhaps you are suffering from anxiety, in addition (or that might be causing) your insecurity.

Have you thought about talking to a counsellor or therapist about your feelings?

Polygontus

Hello,

I'm not sure exactly what to tell you, but it sounds like perhaps you are suffering from anxiety, in addition (or that might be causing) your insecurity.

Have you thought about talking to a counsellor or therapist about your feelings?

I got to see a psychiatrist every so often.

allana1111

I do the same thing one in a while.. sit and poke at myself.. overanalyze everything .. look too closely almost.. I understand. we all have low moments. its just important to pick ourselves back up, and if we can't do it ourselves, to get some help doing it!

arabianhorselover

Wondering how you are doing by now?

lunapetu0311

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Just know that many of us feel this way every once in a while. I too, overanalyze my body and have a very negative self image. It's not good!!! But I know it's hard to break the habit of looking down on yourself.

What is is that you dislike? The ONLY thing that helps me feel better is having a healthy eating day and exercising (since my issue is a some excess chub). You have to do something to change what is bothering you. If extra weight is bothering you, then do some exercise and have a healthy meal - I guarantee that will start helping you feel better.

Or try to focus on something about yourself that you like. Like the way your hair looks flat ironed? Then do that each day. Feel prettier with extra makeup - go buy a new lipstick. Buy a new shirt that makes you feel pretty. That way you don't focus so much on what you don't like.

Baby steps! Each day do something that makes you feel better. Sulking and feeling sorry for yourself won't make it go away. Take the steps to fix what is making you unhappy. If you're feelings start to get too strong and depressed - talk to your parents, a friend, your doctor or a school counselor. Good luck

Polygontus

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Just know that many of us feel this way every once in a while. I too, overanalyze my body and have a very negative self image. It's not good!!! But I know it's hard to break the habit of looking down on yourself.

What is is that you dislike? The ONLY thing that helps me feel better is having a healthy eating day and exercising (since my issue is a some excess chub). You have to do something to change what is bothering you. If extra weight is bothering you, then do some exercise and have a healthy meal - I guarantee that will start helping you feel better.

Or try to focus on something about yourself that you like. Like the way your hair looks flat ironed? Then do that each day. Feel prettier with extra makeup - go buy a new lipstick. Buy a new shirt that makes you feel pretty. That way you don't focus so much on what you don't like.

Baby steps! Each day do something that makes you feel better. Sulking and feeling sorry for yourself won't make it go away. Take the steps to fix what is making you unhappy. If you're feelings start to get too strong and depressed - talk to your parents, a friend, your doctor or a school counselor. Good luck

My issues lie a little deep. Pure self-hatred.

I've struggled with self harm and the scars remain for anyone and everyone to see during swim practice. I'm a "skinny little *kitten*" as some of my friends say.

If I lose weight it is both good and bad to me.

If I gain weight it is both good and bad to me.

I can't win.

sentaruu

I am sorry you are feeling down. Its rough dealing with poor self image sometimes. just know that you were strong enough and worthy enough to start bettering yourself, and you are strong and worthy enough to continue to better yourself. I know it's hard, but try to stay positive and keep moving forward. :flowerforyou:

Vonikins

Have you ever studied any of the portraits by Monet or Renoir. Faraway they are beautiful, graceful, alluring. Close up they are a blurry mess. I think there are times we are all a blurry mess and get caught up in aghanizing over the mess and lack of crisp definition. Did yourself harm really give you the courage to face another day, probably not, so maybe use the scars to find your inner strength to never go there again and to embrace your messiness. Don't focus on anyone else's opinion about yourself. Because it is your healthy core not the shape that they care about most. Your friends and family will be joyous for you once you can capture and love yourself in all its messy, blurry gloriousness that is a fact of being human. Up close we all have flaws, far away, we are radiant if we choose to be. I bet from the other end of the lane, at the far side of the pool, no one can see your scars, only your beauty. Focus on that fact and that the further you walk away from the destructive behavior, one small step at a time, the less pronounced they will be even to your inner image of yourself. Have courage, you already possess all the beauty and grace inside of you. you just need to step away to get clarity.

Polygontus

Have you ever studied any of the portraits by Monet or Renoir. Faraway they are beautiful, graceful, alluring. Close up they are a blurry mess. I think there are times we are all a blurry mess and get caught up in aghanizing over the mess and lack of crisp definition. Did yourself harm really give you the courage to face another day, probably not, so maybe use the scars to find your inner strength to never go there again and to embrace your messiness. Don't focus on anyone else's opinion about yourself. Because it is your healthy core not the shape that they care about most. Your friends and family will be joyous for you once you can capture and love yourself in all its messy, blurry gloriousness that is a fact of being human. Up close we all have flaws, far away, we are radiant if we choose to be. I bet from the other end of the lane, at the far side of the pool, no one can see your scars, only your beauty. Focus on that fact and that the further you walk away from the destructive behavior, one small step at a time, the less pronounced they will be even to your inner image of yourself. Have courage, you already possess all the beauty and grace inside of you. you just need to step away to get clarity.

^^^ This flows so wonderfully. :sad: Thank you.

Sundancer128

I'm so sorry for you.
You are not alone.
*hugs*

Polygontus

I'm so sorry for you.
You are not alone.
*hugs*

*Huggles*

nomeejerome

Hello,

I'm not sure exactly what to tell you, but it sounds like perhaps you are suffering from anxiety, in addition (or that might be causing) your insecurity.

Have you thought about talking to a counsellor or therapist about your feelings?

I got to see a psychiatrist every so often.

It sounds like it is time to make an appointment.

Cre8veLifeR

(((hugs to you)))

Self-hatred is a terrible thing. Do you know the origin of these issues? You should see a therapist for sure. I struggled with the same sorts of issues when I was young (like 19-22) and I went to therapy and it helped so much to overcome and learn to love myself. You deserve to feel at peace and happy with who you are. If you can't go to therapy, read the book "Healing Through Dark Emotions" - it changed my life. xoxo

Jeffs_Jess

We all have our days of insecurity.
I know I do.
And at first, I feel bad about myself. But I snap out of it. Firstly, the reason I'm overweight is my own fault. And secondly, there's too much self hate in the world. I try to find things I do like about myself. And like mentioned above, I feel really good when I eat right and exercise.

Polygontus

Hello,

I'm not sure exactly what to tell you, but it sounds like perhaps you are suffering from anxiety, in addition (or that might be causing) your insecurity.

Have you thought about talking to a counsellor or therapist about your feelings?

I got to see a psychiatrist every so often.

It sounds like it is time to make an appointment.

Lol I have an appointment today.

Polygontus

We all have our days of insecurity.
I know I do.
And at first, I feel bad about myself. But I snap out of it. Firstly, the reason I'm overweight is my own fault. And secondly, there's too much self hate in the world. I try to find things I do like about myself. And like mentioned above, I feel really good when I eat right and exercise.

It's been three days since I really started feeling insecure, I wish I would just "snap out of it".

ChelseaSueSolognier

Hope you're feeling better.
School is hard.
I wouldn't ever want to go through middle or high school again.
Felt so judged.
Feel judged now too, but I feel more equal to everyone out of high school.
Maybe I'm not helping at all...
Maybe just another ear here - nice to know others are out there that struggle.

DP325i

Hi!
I know the feeling truly, I Used to cut myself back in high school as well, I had scars for years that helped me overcome my fears. Over time, they faded, now only one is visible, which still serves as a reminder that I refuse to go down that path again. I was always the heavier kid in school up until my senior year. I've done it all, poked, pinched, grabbed every problem spot, instead of crying, I got furiously angry, disgusted even. And for me, personally, that was the fuel I needed to lose it. Everyone has their days of insecurity, its all how you let it affect you that determines success.
And by what you told me, your drive to see this through is stronger than ever, I see you being a success in the near future!

:flowerforyou: javascript:add_smiley('flowerforyou','post_body')

Polygontus

I appreciate everyone's comment(s).

arabianhorselover

Don't feel like you should "snap out of it". If you are truly depressed, you cannot do that.

Polygontus

Don't feel like you should "snap out of it". If you are truly depressed, you cannot do that.

I know... :,(

lessismoreohio

Know that you are not alone. We all struggle and we all break down from time to time. When I have those dark nights I try and pray and ask God for strength, courage and wisdom. I find I cannot handle it alone and need to turn it over to him.

Polygontus

Know that you are not alone. We all struggle and we all break down from time to time. When I have those dark nights I try and pray and ask God for strength, courage and wisdom. I find I cannot handle it alone and need to turn it over to him.

I'm sorry... I do not share the same beliefs...

"I believe in science."

courtneylee31

When I start poking at myself, I turn that finger around and point at the door. Exercise releases endorphin's that make you feel better. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't when you are depressed. At least I am not poking at myself while I am walking or at the gym. Also I don't feel guilty about not doing it.

arabianhorselover

Perhaps as you get older you will have experiences that will change your mind.

Know that you are not alone. We all struggle and we all break down from time to time. When I have those dark nights I try and pray and ask God for strength, courage and wisdom. I find I cannot handle it alone and need to turn it over to him.

I'm sorry... I do not share the same beliefs...

"I believe in science."

Polygontus

Perhaps as you get older you will have experiences that will change your mind.

Know that you are not alone. We all struggle and we all break down from time to time. When I have those dark nights I try and pray and ask God for strength, courage and wisdom. I find I cannot handle it alone and need to turn it over to him.

I'm sorry... I do not share the same beliefs...

"I believe in science."

......................... No.

V0lver

If i were you, i'd start reading "Feeling good: The New Mood therapy". It's a book based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Google it!) and it has changed my life in a million ways. Just dont think and get your hands on it right away. You'll thank me.

rjmudlax13

Sounds like you should see a psychotherapist or social worker. Psychiatrists are fine, but they usually specialize in the medication side. You need to talk to a professional that you trust and can be completely open with.

Dragonslayer183

Stay strong sweetie, everything gets better with time. :flowerforyou:

Dedshot

When I start poking at myself, I turn that finger around and point at the door. Exercise releases endorphin's that make you feel better. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't when you are depressed. At least I am not poking at myself while I am walking or at the gym. Also I don't feel guilty about not doing it.

OP is underweight and is either suffering from disorered eating or is on the brink of it. I don't think advising to her exercise is really the best option. I know when I was extremely underweight back when I was a teenager (only for a short period of time) the only thing that caused me to "snap out of it" was a few months of consistent therapy, including one-on-one, family therapy, food therapy.. et cetera.
It's about rebuilding the relationship with food and healthy thinking, not doing more such as working out to make the anxiety "go away".
Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk to someone who's been in your shoes OP, but I'll warn you I'm not the type to sugarcoat anything, especially now being older and looking back at how stupid and burdening I was for those few months...