Husband eats what he wants/ I'm trying to lose weight

jlynnm70

I think you got to the answer I was looking for. He isn't overweight (or is underweight, depending on how you look at it) because he eats enough calories to support his activity level/weight. He doesn't need to try to eat less now to compensate for having eaten too much previously. (I'm not sure how you would know that he has a "naturally high metabolism" though as it would seem that his activity during the day would completely confound any visibility into that...but I'm still giving you full credit for the overall answer nonetheless. =P )

Many times, it would seem that there are people on MFP who seem to think that their spouses are "doing it wrong" (however it is they're doing it) when they are the ones who are not currently dealing with a weight problem...because they are eating an appropriate amount to support their activity level and are not having to compensate now for having the equation messed up previously.

I'm currently cutting and am at a calorie level that prevents me from eating as much of (or sometimes, any of) the food I would like to eat...and my family is not, so there is a slight disparity in our current approach to food, but that's the result of my decision to restrict calories and has nothing to do with them. (I still fix bacon and eggs and pancakes and pasta and etc., I just simply eat less of it than I wish I could.)

Ok - rather than assume his metabolism is naturally high - I will say he has a natural tendency to be thinner - some people don't have to watch what they eat -others do. (Him and Me). I suppose other than some crazy test to determine metabolism, I can't be sure - but he and my kids can just eat more. He had a very sedentary lifestyle up until about a year ago - still didn't gain weight - he ate horribly - and drank a lot of his calories.

I still eat what the family does - maybe small adjustments (last night I skipped the bun on my burger) or I have a bigger salad and less potatoes/rice/etc. I make egg whites for breakfast - they get the whole egg. And definitely implement portion control. One piece of chocolate rather than a whole bag. I sometimes get individual frozen treats - better than dipping into a whole gallon of ice cream. I live by my food scale too - so that if I am alloted a portion - I don't over do it.

But I still understand how hard it is to watch them eat ice cream and potato chips right in front of me - when if I do - that is going to put me over for the day. I'm very short - with a family tendency to put weight on - other than my dad - everyone of his brothers and sisters could lose about 100# (Dad does pretty well but I still bet he could drop 20) My mom's family all keeps it in check - but the girls really watch it - and I mean closely - every one of them was on a diet of some sort while I was a kid. Grandma too.

You have to really make the sacrifice. I also have asked them if they want that stuff to try to eat it when I'm not around. There is no reason he can't get a chocolate shake at lunch and try to not want to go out for ice cream after dinner. He gets off work first - take the kids out after school. I'd rather hear about how Daddy took them out on the way home, than WATCH them eat it later.

I can't restrict them, but a little consideration is nice too and fortunately they all are pretty supportive - I have the best 8 year old coach there is! Max (my son) always makes me take stairs places, or race jim into stores "come on Mommy - you need the exercise!"

Galatea_Stone

My husband is on a bulk and regularly brings a Wendy's Triple and Frosty home and asks me to sit at the dinner table with him. Most of the time he calls or texts me to see if I want anything from Wendy's.

It's up to me to say no and be happy with saying no. I can't begrudge his eating habits because they have nothing to do with me. I make my own food choices independent of his.

It doesn't matter if he eats it in front of you or simply brings it into the house. Part of success is learning to deal with temptations, whether that be the juicy triple being consumed 3 feet from my nose or the chocolate chunk cookies in the break room. Just let someone else enjoy it if it doesn't fit within your daily calorie goals.

Unless your husband ties you up and forces food into your mouth, he isn't being unsupportive. He's not coddling you, but he isn't being unsupportive.

1luv4rissa

I feel your pain! My boyfriend is one of those people who can eat whatever he wants and not gain a pound! It's not that he isn't supportive but it's very difficult to stick to my diet when he's getting a second helping of mashed potatoes and a delicious beer with dinner. That's a big reason I came to MFP, to be part of a community with the same goals as I have. If anyone on here would like to add me please feel free! The bigger our support group is the better!

bl1nk6

I do know what you mean. Your on a diet and others aren't and they rub your face in it ? lol

Its about you and being strong for yourself, your doing this for you. Ignore others and let them get on with themselves.

There are seven others in my house that i cook or make all the meals for, 4 of them are on high calorie diets because theyre like me when i was younger and have a high metabolism so burn it off before they gain a pound . A couple have food allergies and they all eat cakes and munchies .. My house is like a restaurant ... i take orders cook several different meals every meal time and Im on diet food :P

seltzermint555

You don't have to eat special foods to lose weight. It's all in the portion sizes.

Agreed.

And it is (for most people) a natural progression to making smarter, healthier food choices when you find that eating pizza, chips, and chocolate and trying to fit that into your calories/macros is not very satisfying long-term. You then seek out foods that pack more nutritional punch most of the time.

cwolfman13

Well, now I just feel like an un-supportive *kitten* hat. Yesterday I went on a good 30 mile ride on my bike and ate about 3200 calories including a snickers bar for some quick recovery and a few slices of pizza...I did this all in the presence of my wife...I mean I was sitting their shoveling pizza into my face while she ate a salad. Very inconsiderate of me...next time I will just let my body go to waste in the name of support.

deksgrl

Well, now I just feel like an un-supportive *kitten* hat. Yesterday I went on a good 30 mile ride on my bike and ate about 3200 calories including a snickers bar for some quick recovery and a few slices of pizza...I did this all in the presence of my wife...I mean I was sitting their shoveling pizza into my face while she ate a salad. Very inconsiderate of me...next time I will just let my body go to waste in the name of support.

She's a good woman with great willpower to put up with all your nonsense.

osothefinn

I wonder if a couple of these guys who can eat whatever they want and not gain weight could log for a week. My guess is they're not consuming excessive calories at all, just doing a non-tracked IIFYM plan intuitively, but I could be wrong.

IIIIISerenityNowIIIII

My husband eats at least 1000 more calories than me per day. He eats some tempting foods sometimes and if it looks that delicious I will just have a small portion as well just within my allotted calories. I don't expect him to eat the same way I do because I am a woman and men typically have different nutritional needs than women.

Not to say I haven't in the past said the same thing you just did. Its an excuse, quite honestly. Do you want excuses or results? There are countless excuses you can have for your diet, even if your husband starts eating perfectly.

If you really want to lose weight, you won't make excuses as to why you can't, you will simply focus on how you CAN.

Marcia315

If I want to lose weight, why does my husband have to change his diet?

madhatter2013

I feel your pain. I've been watching my weight since I was 8 years old and, even though I've been maintaining for years, I have to be vigilant with both my exercise and eating habits to hang on - and I weigh myself every day.

My other half, however, all 188 lbs of him, is naturally lean and tight. He weighs himself "every so often" and controls his weight range (185 - 192 lbs) by "just eating a bit more, or a bit less sometimes." That's it - that's his whole plan - that's all he has to do.

I just keep reminding myself that killing him would be wrong . . . and I'd miss him, so I've had to learn to live with it.

LOL I feel YOUR pain!!!

jofjltncb6

Well, now I just feel like an un-supportive *kitten* hat. Yesterday I went on a good 30 mile ride on my bike and ate about 3200 calories including a snickers bar for some quick recovery and a few slices of pizza...I did this all in the presence of my wife...I mean I was sitting their shoveling pizza into my face while she ate a salad. Very inconsiderate of me...next time I will just let my body go to waste in the name of support.

Congratulations on your obviously high metabolism.

And I wouldn't worry about your eating habits in front of your wife...

I'm sure she thinks you're an *kitten* hat for various other reasons anyhow.

Clash1001

My husband has suffered from two attacks of acute pancreatitis and as a result suffers from malabsorption of food. Due to this he doesn't put on weight like a healthy person would - at 5'5 he weighs eight and a half stone.

Because he can eat and drink without putting on weight, he has previously been very careless about what he eats - his calorific intake at one point was around 3,000 a day, mostly alcohol and processed food and takeaways. Of course, this really didn't help his health - he was lethargic, suffered bowel problems, developed alopecia etc.

Although I do sometimes wish I could eat what I want and not put any weight on, I wouldn't wish his previous health issues on anyone....and it does go to show that just because someone can eat what they want and stay slim, doesn't mean they are healthy.

As I have started eating healthier, so has he - although my goal is weight loss, he is slowly beginning to understand that just because he doesn't put on weight doesn't mean he can eat what he wants regardless without it having a negative impact...

It wasn't really a conscious decision to start with on his part, mind, I do most of the cooking anyway so he was kind of stuck with it! He actually now takes an interest in trying new vegetables etc, which is a big step up from just eating chips.

He actually requested those 'things that are kind of like a cross between carrots and chips' with tea the other night - took me a while to figure he was talking about parsnips...

cwolfman13

Well, now I just feel like an un-supportive *kitten* hat. Yesterday I went on a good 30 mile ride on my bike and ate about 3200 calories including a snickers bar for some quick recovery and a few slices of pizza...I did this all in the presence of my wife...I mean I was sitting their shoveling pizza into my face while she ate a salad. Very inconsiderate of me...next time I will just let my body go to waste in the name of support.

Congratulations on your obviously high metabolism.

And I wouldn't worry about your eating habits in front of your wife...

I'm sure she thinks you're an *kitten* hat for various other reasons anyhow.

Good point...

Chezzie84

My partner is 6 foot and has a very high metabolism.
He can eat what he wants and he does.

I don't stop him eating anything and I don't think he is being unsupportable when he does.
It's my choice what I eat.

QuietBloom

Since when does eating what you want equate to being unsupportive?

Am I in bizarro land, or should I feel guilty because I run almost every day and eat like a pig?

You could at least try to be sneaky about it.

jofjltncb6

I wonder how many of these "high metabolism" people are actually "normal metabolism" people but it just looks that way because of their relatively higher activity level/LBM?

QuietBloom

I wonder how many of these "high metabolism" people are actually "normal metabolism" people but it just looks that way because of their relatively higher activity level/LBM?

My guess would be 99.9% of them have normal metabolisms. Sometimes I let people tell me I have a 'fast' metabolism because it seems more polite than me pointing out that I eat half as much at lunch time as they do.

mehitabel83

Well, now I just feel like an un-supportive *kitten* hat. Yesterday I went on a good 30 mile ride on my bike and ate about 3200 calories including a snickers bar for some quick recovery and a few slices of pizza...I did this all in the presence of my wife...I mean I was sitting their shoveling pizza into my face while she ate a salad. Very inconsiderate of me...next time I will just let my body go to waste in the name of support.

Congratulations on your obviously high metabolism.

And I wouldn't worry about your eating habits in front of your wife...

I'm sure she thinks you're an *kitten* hat for various other reasons anyhow.

:-) Just what I was thinking.....

I suspect that she doesn't object to him eating more, she objects to him pushing his eating habits. For example, my husband (who is rapidly losing his much-vaunted metabolism, and may have to make some healthy changes himself) would park himself in front of my treadmill and eat a bowl of ice cream with cookies and drink a big glass of whole fat milk. F*cker. Inconsiderate asshat. The entire workout and the following day I was dreaming of ice cream, cookies and milk. In bulk, not some little taste tease like they say with their portion control BS. So I went to him and said, "F*cker, inconsiderate asshat, I love you but if you do that again I will immediately burst into tears." (If that didn't work I was prepared to threaten to slip laxatives in his whole milk.) So he cut back on that.

Then the next day, he said, "Do you have to go to the gym? Why don't we go for a walk together?" Ugh, my calories burned went from 1000 a workout to 250 that day. When we got back from the walk, which was about 45 minutes, he declined to participate in pushups or situps but wanted to cuddle then go out for brunch buffet (it was sunday). So, lets see. Your fat wife whom you love, wants to lose weight and get fit. She is literally busting her *kitten*. But she loves you, so if you want to spend time with her, ok. So you suggest bringing the fat girl to a f*ckign BUFFET? So I went once, and controlled myself well and enjoyed a delicious but healthy repast, but for an entire week I dreamed of eating what was on his plate(s). Rashers of bacon, deviled eggs, waffles piled high with real whipped cream and sugared strawberries. Pasta salad and beef tri tip in burgundy sauce. Fettucini alfredo with chicken. An entire plate of dessert confections. Glass after glass of orange juice, apple juice, and champagne. Tortured dreams that a little portion-controlled bite in a reasonable diet when LOSING WEIGHT, is not going to satisfy. Lets distinguish between busting lard and maintenance, please. So, when he pulled the same routine the following sunday, I said, "F*cker, inconsiderate asshat, I love you but if you do that again before I've lost at least 30% of the weight, I will immediately burst into tears." So he stopped that, and I made him figure out a couple things we could do instead.

So, I'm going to the gym a lot, as part of my lard busting routine, and the lard is busting fast, I'm seeing great progress, husband is duly appreciative. He feels a little left out, because, you know, I'm going to the gym all the time. So I say, why don't you come with me? Don't do what I do unless you want, but play around, whatevs, we'll go for sushi afterwards and you can get your dragon platter, and I'll enjoy the hell out of my alaska roll with spicy dabs of deliciousness and the extra sides of sake sashimi. He hems and haws and offers sedentary alternatives, but I am firm. I am going to the gym, and he can come if he likes. So he comes, and it takes him 45 minutes to pack his FOUR items. Then when we get there, he's bored after 30 minutes (approximately 25% of the way through my workout). He finds me every 5 minutes to tell me a) he's all done b) I should be doing 'x' if I really mean it when I say I want to lose weight and get fit (as I am pounding out 30 second sprint intervals one time, and another while I am grunting audibly I'm pushing so hard on a set of smith squats.) Meanwhile, he says "Oh, stay as long as you want, I'll just be right over here," looking dejected, rejected and totally bored. Five minutes later--"So how much longer? I'm getting hungry." So we leave with an hour to go on my workout. We go get sushi, and he tells me he just doesn't like to sweat, and why don't I lose weight by drinking slimfast shakes for a month? (I restrain myself from strangling him for his deep and profound ignorance) At first I resolve to NEVER bring him with me again--but you know, we've been married awhile and I have noticed (though I still love him like crazy) that he is not as fit as he once was, that his family has a history of heart disease and the men die off early, and that his profession of 'I don't like to sweat.' really makes that middle observation kind of scary, so if he wants to come, I better support him. But he does the same thing again, dragging his heels, getting done in half an hour, sitting around in my range of view looking bored, then asking me when I'll get done or telling me how I should be working out to lose weight. (Says the man who only recently learned the actual definition of a calorie. Before he thought it was like a taste rating.) So eventually I said, "F*cker, inconsiderate asshat, I love you but if you do that again I will immediately burst into tears."

As this is actually a fairly truthful account of actual events (though instead of tears I may have threatened violence) and we are actually (although from this limited data set you might have trouble believing it) very happy together and in general, one can see a good husband/man can still be an asshat to his wife while she is losing weight. This doesn't even touch on issues like fear of her rejection if she gets skinny/hot/fit, fear of fun patterns changing if she gets healthy (like the mutual buffet ransacking plus lazy sundays plus saturday night dinner/movie/drinking on the town, plus post-work snackies in front of the tv....), fear of judgement once she is fitter than him, fear of her being fitter than him, fear of his own lack of self-control or diminishing physical capacity....

So all those people saying totally unsupportive crap like "it comes from within.." Sure, yes. OK. But that's already been said, so move on peace sign.

QuietBloom

Well, now I just feel like an un-supportive *kitten* hat. Yesterday I went on a good 30 mile ride on my bike and ate about 3200 calories including a snickers bar for some quick recovery and a few slices of pizza...I did this all in the presence of my wife...I mean I was sitting their shoveling pizza into my face while she ate a salad. Very inconsiderate of me...next time I will just let my body go to waste in the name of support.

Congratulations on your obviously high metabolism.

And I wouldn't worry about your eating habits in front of your wife...

I'm sure she thinks you're an *kitten* hat for various other reasons anyhow.

:-) Just what I was thinking.....

I suspect that she doesn't object to him eating more, she objects to him pushing his eating habits. For example, my husband (who is rapidly losing his much-vaunted metabolism, and may have to make some healthy changes himself) would park himself in front of my treadmill and eat a bowl of ice cream with cookies and drink a big glass of whole fat milk. F*cker. Inconsiderate asshat. The entire workout and the following day I was dreaming of ice cream, cookies and milk. In bulk, not some little taste tease like they say with their portion control BS. So I went to him and said, "F*cker, inconsiderate asshat, I love you but if you do that again I will immediately burst into tears." (If that didn't work I was prepared to threaten to slip laxatives in his whole milk.) So he cut back on that.

Then the next day, he said, "Do you have to go to the gym? Why don't we go for a walk together?" Ugh, my calories burned went from 1000 a workout to 250 that day. When we got back from the walk, which was about 45 minutes, he declined to participate in pushups or situps but wanted to cuddle then go out for brunch buffet (it was sunday). So, lets see. Your fat wife whom you love, wants to lose weight and get fit. She is literally busting her *kitten*. But she loves you, so if you want to spend time with her, ok. So you suggest bringing the fat girl to a f*ckign BUFFET? So I went once, and controlled myself well and enjoyed a delicious but healthy repast, but for an entire week I dreamed of eating what was on his plate(s). Rashers of bacon, deviled eggs, waffles piled high with real whipped cream and sugared strawberries. Pasta salad and beef tri tip in burgundy sauce. Fettucini alfredo with chicken. An entire plate of dessert confections. Glass after glass of orange juice, apple juice, and champagne. Tortured dreams that a little portion-controlled bite in a reasonable diet when LOSING WEIGHT, is not going to satisfy. Lets distinguish between busting lard and maintenance, please. So, when he pulled the same routine the following sunday, I said, "F*cker, inconsiderate asshat, I love you but if you do that again before I've lost at least 30% of the weight, I will immediately burst into tears." So he stopped that, and I made him figure out a couple things we could do instead.

So, I'm going to the gym a lot, as part of my lard busting routine, and the lard is busting fast, I'm seeing great progress, husband is duly appreciative. He feels a little left out, because, you know, I'm going to the gym all the time. So I say, why don't you come with me? Don't do what I do unless you want, but play around, whatevs, we'll go for sushi afterwards and you can get your dragon platter, and I'll enjoy the hell out of my alaska roll with spicy dabs of deliciousness and the extra sides of sake sashimi. He hems and haws and offers sedentary alternatives, but I am firm. I am going to the gym, and he can come if he likes. So he comes, and it takes him 45 minutes to pack his FOUR items. Then when we get there, he's bored after 30 minutes (approximately 25% of the way through my workout). He finds me every 5 minutes to tell me a) he's all done b) I should be doing 'x' if I really mean it when I say I want to lose weight and get fit (as I am pounding out 30 second sprint intervals one time, and another while I am grunting audibly I'm pushing so hard on a set of smith squats.) Meanwhile, he says "Oh, stay as long as you want, I'll just be right over here," looking dejected, rejected and totally bored. Five minutes later--"So how much longer? I'm getting hungry." So we leave with an hour to go on my workout. We go get sushi, and he tells me he just doesn't like to sweat, and why don't I lose weight by drinking slimfast shakes for a month? (I restrain myself from strangling him for his deep and profound ignorance) At first I resolve to NEVER bring him with me again--but you know, we've been married awhile and I have noticed (though I still love him like crazy) that he is not as fit as he once was, that his family has a history of heart disease and the men die off early, and that his profession of 'I don't like to sweat.' really makes that middle observation kind of scary, so if he wants to come, I better support him. But he does the same thing again, dragging his heels, getting done in half an hour, sitting around in my range of view looking bored, then asking me when I'll get done or telling me how I should be working out to lose weight. (Says the man who only recently learned the actual definition of a calorie. Before he thought it was like a taste rating.) So eventually I said, "F*cker, inconsiderate asshat, I love you but if you do that again I will immediately burst into tears."

As this is actually a fairly truthful account of actual events (though instead of tears I may have threatened violence) and we are actually (although from this limited data set you might have trouble believing it) very happy together and in general, one can see a good husband/man can still be an asshat to his wife while she is losing weight. This doesn't even touch on issues like fear of her rejection if she gets skinny/hot/fit, fear of fun patterns changing if she gets healthy (like the mutual buffet ransacking plus lazy sundays plus saturday night dinner/movie/drinking on the town, plus post-work snackies in front of the tv....), fear of judgement once she is fitter than him, fear of her being fitter than him, fear of his own lack of self-control or diminishing physical capacity....

So all those people saying totally unsupportive crap like "it comes from within.." Sure, yes. OK. But that's already been said, so move on peace sign.

Well. You MARRIED him, so...