I know this is stupid but..

RllyGudTweetr

His behavior is a reflection on him. It is not a reflection on you, or on other guys. Don't give his behavior more authority than it already carries. He's a dipstick; not everyone is.

uconnwinsnc

We're not all jerks. Don't shut everyone out just because of a few bad apples.

Mr_Bad_Example

Obviously he gave you a compliment for a reason, guys do NOT go out of their way to give compliments.. EVER. Keep your head up, confidence is a very attractive trait!!!!

Um, have you ever been around men before?

Ahahaha!

I love you.

I love you too.

Wait, could that be considered a compliment? I shouldn't give those out being a man and all.

miqisha

He is a jerk, and he was a jerk to everyone, so it wasn't aimed at your personally. He called to you because you are attractive and you shouldn't let his rubbish get to you and make you lose your self confidence. Keep in mind, that sometimes in life you have to go through a whole bunch of jerks to find that one good one. Don't make that force you to shut yourself off from the world of men.

Feel better and good luck!!!!

rowlandsw

Sadly guys like that are why it's so hard to date. By the time you find someone you click with they've already been hurt so much it's hard to get them to let you in. I've run into guys with that issue too, they've been burned enough to have problems trusting/dating but they don't talk about it like women are willing to. I literally had next to no luck dating until 2008 and even though that didn't end as well as it could have it led to who i'm with now. You just have to keep at it, always go into it with some reservations and your guard up but never give up.

tworthen79

Not all men are jerks. And I don't think this guy would go out of his way to give a compliment and not mean it. Maybe he really does find you attractive, but didn't like to be a room full of your friends. Some guys may feel like their been judged or examined. Maybe invite him to coffee in the park...alone(not with your buddies) and see how it goes. Don't pass him up just yet. I say give him another shot!

Also: Did he disrespect you? Did he say mean things to you? Or did just show up and not give you all his attention? Standoffish? I say if he insulted you then yes, move on. But if he was just standoffish, shy, non talkative or overly nervous( saying distasteful comments) I wouldn't say he's JERK.

mccindy72

We've all been there. What's really great is when they hit on you, and then just move on to the next girl in the room, and then the next. That makes us all feel UBER special. Honestly it reflects on the guy, not the girls he's hitting on. It certainly doesn't say anything negative about you.

Booksandbeaches

I've got a few more years under my belt than you do so listen up: He was a jerk before he met you. He was a jerk the night he came over and guess what??? He's still a jerk as I write this.You were just his most recent addition. Really, be grateful you found out so quickly and didn't waste any more of your time. What I'm trying to say is that there are a lot of creeps out there and you are going to run into them. The best advice I can give you is to immediately remove yourself from the vicinity of any jerks as soon as you figure out what/who they are.

On how to prevent this from happening in the future:

1. Own your own space. You invited an unknown quantity (said jerk) into your space and received an unexpected outcome. Never ask someone you've just met into a personal space, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Go out for coffee, meet at the library or a bar, but never bring someone to your home turf (work or home) until you know what/who you are dealing with. Trust me, actually knowing takes a lot longer than you would think.

2. Protect your heart as you would your stuff. You wouldn't leave you phone or some clothing around for anyone to do what they wanted.

3. Ditto your self esteem and self respect.

4. Guy hitting on you??? Fine, that's nice but you have goals to achieve and stuff you want to do with your life. IF he's really interested he will persist. If he's just out to up his numbers he'll move on.

Sound like I've been there and done that???? You betcha!! I was stomped on, mistreated, and disrespected until I finally figured out that I didn't really need a guy and that I could take care of myself. Around age 26 I got it. I learned to be happy with myself. Eventually, at 35, I married the most wonderful guy on the planet. He's not fabulously wealthy, he doesn't look like Brad Pitt (although he is pretty cute) but respects me and treats me like a queen and that, THAT RIGHT THERE is what you really need from a man.

Great post! I was going to say some of the same things.

ripzone13

Oh girl. If I'd have known now at 33 when I was 20, I would have saved myself a whole lot of heart break and or jerk interactions. You can't let anyone else define who you are. You have to love yourself. You must keep your standards high. I swooned anytime a decent looking guy showed me any attention. I was thirsty for it because I wasn't showing myself enough attention. The fact is, if some guy is a jerk and you see it right away, consider it a blessing and walk away quick...cause he prob won't change. Most of the guys I stressed about in college, I look back now and think WTH was I doing? And most of those guys have not gotten very far in life. Treat yourself well, and keep your standards high, if I guy see's that in you, a good one will try and win you over. Chin up girlie, you're better than that

SoreTodayStrongTomorrow222

You probably get hit on way more often than you realize - and you're just completely oblivious to it. Anyway, work on your self-worth and don't have that "Man Haters Club" mentality. It does more harm than good.

Finally, that guy was just one more drop in YOUR bucket - if he's an @$$hole - he clearly has something to be insecure about as well.

danielpronata

Obviously this jerk doesn't know how to treat a real woman. He'll pay for that later in life. He doesn't speak for all men though, or even most of them. From my experience good guys are everywhere, most of them are too insecure to approach a beautiful woman like you.

Amanda, I don't know you, but from your profile picture I can tell your beautiful on the outside. From the way you write I can say you appear to be beautiful on the inside too. I know these are words from a stranger, but I wish you all of the best in discovering how truly worthy you are.

Amanda_Tate28

Sadly guys like that are why it's so hard to date. By the time you find someone you click with they've already been hurt so much it's hard to get them to let you in. I've run into guys with that issue too, they've been burned enough to have problems trusting/dating but they don't talk about it like women are willing to. I literally had next to no luck dating until 2008 and even though that didn't end as well as it could have it led to who i'm with now. You just have to keep at it, always go into it with some reservations and your guard up but never give up.

Yeah I agree. I am trying to not get all shut in but it is difficult.

Amanda_Tate28

You probably get hit on way more often than you realize - and you're just completely oblivious to it. Anyway, work on your self-worth and don't have that "Man Haters Club" mentality. It does more harm than good.

Finally, that guy was just one more drop in YOUR bucket - if he's an @$$hole - he clearly has something to be insecure about as well.

:]

Hehe I like that. A drop in my bucket. Im trying to not be in man haters club because it is not other guys faults.

Amanda_Tate28

Oh girl. If I'd have known now at 33 when I was 20, I would have saved myself a whole lot of heart break and or jerk interactions. You can't let anyone else define who you are. You have to love yourself. You must keep your standards high. I swooned anytime a decent looking guy showed me any attention. I was thirsty for it because I wasn't showing myself enough attention. The fact is, if some guy is a jerk and you see it right away, consider it a blessing and walk away quick...cause he prob won't change. Most of the guys I stressed about in college, I look back now and think WTH was I doing? And most of those guys have not gotten very far in life. Treat yourself well, and keep your standards high, if I guy see's that in you, a good one will try and win you over. Chin up girlie, you're better than that

Thank you. Yeah self love is first on my to-do list. :]

Amanda_Tate28

Obviously this jerk doesn't know how to treat a real woman. He'll pay for that later in life. He doesn't speak for all men though, or even most of them. From my experience good guys are everywhere, most of them are too insecure to approach a beautiful woman like you.

Amanda, I don't know you, but from your profile picture I can tell your beautiful on the outside. From the way you write I can say you appear to be beautiful on the inside too. I know these are words from a stranger, but I wish you all of the best in discovering how truly worthy you are.

I know most guys are nice but it just not fun when you get a jerk.
I need to not give up on all men just because one is a jerk.
Thank you very much.

astronomicals

Some guys hit one everyone.

Take what you want.

That whole male pursuit of female nonsense it outdated.

If you never get hit on its because you arent flirting with guys.

ComradeTovarich

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

2essie

Someone got there before me

minibandit

Dating and stuff is a process of elimination - to find out what you like and what you don't. Unfortunately that means a few frog snogs before you meet your prince but, take it as a learning experience and not a stick to beat the rest of the male population with.

PrettyPearl88

I can't help but feel upset.

On Sunday I was hit on by a guy at the cafeteria (I'm in college).
He seemed really nice so I invited him over to my dorm to play games with me and my friends.
The moment he came to the dorm he started acting like a total jerk. None of us could stand him and one of our friends that came over later told us that he hits on a ton of girls all the time and is always a jerk.

Now I know that I shouldn't let some jerk get into my head but I don't get hit on....ever.....like ever.
So when it happens I get really happy and it boost my self confidence so much. (unfortunately my self worth is far to connected to how the opposite sex feels about me) and just to find out that it was a lie.

To find I'm just another drop in the bucket hurts.

Makes me kind of hate guys and I'm avoiding guys for a while now.

Does any other girl feel this way?

And yes I know I am probably being an over emotional girl.

I'm an emotional girl who struggles with self-confidence and rarely gets hit on by men too (no matter what weight I'm at), so I can really sympathize with you.

That being said, what I've learned to do during moments like the one you're in is to remember ME. I often forget about MY wants, MY dreams, MY needs, MY likes, MY preferences, and MY feelings. I get so caught up in the fact that some man finally likes me and finally wants me....that I completely forget to ask myself if I actually like and want him! :laugh: Now that I make sure to ask myself how I feel about the rare man who hits on me, I often conclude that he's not my type or that his personality annoys me or turns me off. I realize that I don't even actually like him, I just like the attention he's giving me. And when I realize that, I can confidently say: NEXXXTTTT! :yawn: :laugh:

TripZeros

I've had this happen to me too, well kind of....

I was upset for a second and then came to the conclusion of "well if I'm a drop in the bucket, why shouldn't he be as well?"

Men aren't the source for self confidence, or value. You will *almost* always attract the wrong types of people by having the other person be responsible for how you view yourself. I know it sounds stupid... but it's true... Your self worth, your beauty, that all needs to be something you see in yourself.

He is just one guy... You are not a drop in the bucket because his rating doesn't hold any value.

:flowerforyou:

IronPhyllida

Imagine if you'd fallen for him big time, started a relationship and planned (maybe just in your mind) a future together and THEN found out he was a jerk.
Count yourself lucky and move on... The hurt will heal but you've get hurt more before you find what you're looking for.
Enjoy the little twists and turns life gives you, you've only got one

jenilla1

I didn't even bother with guys until after college. I think it's all just a game for them (with some exceptions) when they're still in that growing up phase. I didn't want to be somebody's "Friday Night." Playing games with immature idiots doesn't interest me, and I wasn't into older men preying on youth, either, so I avoided all guys until I started to get to an age where a higher percentage of the guys my age (mid twenties) were thinking more along the lines of building relationships, not just hittin' it and quittin' it. Obviously, there are still players and douche bags in all age groups, but there are plenty of good prospects.

That's not for everybody, though. There are plenty of girls who just want to have fun and keep it casual, and that's OK if that's your thing. But if you're not one of them, I suggest waiting for them to grow up a little before you start messing with them. Otherwise you're gonna get hurt a few times, which some would say is a growing experience. It's just a part of "dating" at your age. Being played with by boys at this stage in life is not a reflection on you and your value as a woman. Wait a few years for the grown men to come along, and things will be very different (with exceptions, of course. Some guys never grow up and some are just A-holes anyway.)

Good luck and don't despair.

Lesa_Sass

Its not stupid, its normal.

It never gets any better.

If you are lucky, you will meet a nice guy that is actually nice and that you will actually want to be with and end up marrying him. I was in an abusive relationship before I met my husband or I do not think I would have stayed with him, ya know, cause he is a nice guy and all. There is just something about guys that treat us like crap that makes us think we can change them and want to hang in there with them. Then the nice guys bore us.

denisegunnels

Hang in there kids and ALWAYS take care of yourself. You're going to do great.

tsubaki4

That's why I'm gay. :laugh: No, women can be just as bad.

I'd say, still take the compliment. Stay positiive. You'll find him eventually.

Right on!:happy:

culo97

I can't help but feel upset.

On Sunday I was hit on by a guy at the cafeteria (I'm in college).
He seemed really nice so I invited him over to my dorm to play games with me and my friends.
The moment he came to the dorm he started acting like a total jerk. None of us could stand him and one of our friends that came over later told us that he hits on a ton of girls all the time and is always a jerk.

Now I know that I shouldn't let some jerk get into my head but I don't get hit on....ever.....like ever.
So when it happens I get really happy and it boost my self confidence so much. (unfortunately my self worth is far to connected to how the opposite sex feels about me) and just to find out that it was a lie.

To find I'm just another drop in the bucket hurts.

Just know the guy is an immature butthead who needs to grow up. His behavior has nothing to do with who you are as a human being. You're still a lovely young lady.

There's no guarantee that you won't meet other guys like that. Now you have an idea of what can go badly. In the future, you know to ask around before inviting someone to your house.