Teenagers and random room inspections
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My sons are young now, but once they are teenagers I don't plan on going through their room unless I see a huge red flag as to why I should. But my goal is to let my sons know that they can tell me anything without judgement and therefore I won't feel the need to go through their things. I know that my mom went through my room, and all it did was make me want to do bad things and get away with it, that's mainly why I don't want to be that way with my sons when they are older. Plus, I never hid my bad things in my room anyway. I hid everything in my old play room from when I was little among my barbie collection. She never thought to look there
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Mom?! Is that you?? ...oh goodness. I'm 23 and I own my own home, but I am the absolute WORST when it comes to putting clean laundry away....I don't like to wash the laundry I had already washed because she was too tired, lazy, bored, busy...ect. to put it away properly.
Anyway, to answer the OP's question...My parents had the rule of "We pay for the roof over your head and all of your stuff. This gives us the right to pop in at any time if we feel that it's necessary." My sister and I never gave them a reason to, but they let us know that they would do it. We were cool with that.
Edited for typo.0 -
only if they gave me reason to search their rooms. i gave them their privacy.0
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I do it all the time. My house my rules.
This.
Mom and I pay the bills. We have free reign.
Having said that only one of the kids has given us a reason to do it. This does not include going in to investigate a bad smell caused by an unintended new life form being cultivated in a long forgotten dish.0 -
against it
my mom would never ever had done it...she had no reason too id tell her anything and I mean anything because I knew I could
no matter what it was.......drugs,sex,rock&roll
This. Kids should be able to go to their parents for anything. Kind of hard to do when they search your room for answers.
True but, when they don't go to their parents for anything and they use a "follower" mentality with the wrong crowds. There is a fine line
If you see something suspicious or think he's acting strange, then maybe you could search his room when he's not around, but I would hate it if my parents searched my room with me there, or told me they searched my room... because it would definitely lower my chances of coming to them when I needed help or advise.0 -
I was a really good kid and would never even contemplate doing anything bad. My parents were ultra conservative, ultra strict, and ultra untrusting. I never did anything bad to make them not trust me and they never really gave me their trust. I knew that my mom would regularly snoop through my room when I was in school. I just learned not to keep anything that I'd want found in the house - which for me was just that I stopped keeping a diary. As a result of the lack of trust and snooping, I lied lied lied lied about anything that would trigger my parents (no, I'm NOT going to a movie with guys and girls... just my girl friends...).
I think and an open and honest relationship with your kids is something to strive for. I also think that room inspections are sometimes necessary to keep your kids safe. If you have a good relationship with your kids in the first place, it might feel less like violating privacy.0 -
This does not include going in to investigate a bad smell caused by an unintended new life form being cultivated in a long forgotten dish.
Been there.....I never knew a half glass of Tang could actually turn green until a few months ago0 -
I'm a snooper, can't help it. I don't actually have teens yet but I'm guessing its a Yep.0
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I disagree; UNLESS the kid has given you a reason to inspect. For example, the kid has been in trouble for drinking...then an appropriate "punishment" would be random room inspections.
When my mom was a teen (back in the 60's), her mother did random room inspection for no other reason than my mom liked art...so she had to be "on drugs." Yeah, my mom still resents it.0 -
This does not include going in to investigate a bad smell caused by an unintended new life form being cultivated in a long forgotten dish.
Been there.....I never knew a half glass of Tang could actually turn green until a few months ago
Maybe this is where I won out by being a little bit of a neat freak even as a teen ;-)
I remember my friends getting in trouble sometimes even when they were 20 yrs old and in college, for having food and dirty dishes and glasses causing issues with bugs or rodents in their parents' homes. What in the world!? I know I probably sound snotty saying this but EWW that's disgusting. I rarely ate or drank outside of the kitchen/dining areas and if I did I washed my plates.
So I guess that may be part of why my parents didn't find my stash of illicit items!! haha0 -
Coming from a good kid who had her parents snoop and find birth control I was on for endometriosis, which, in turn, caused them to change their will instead of being freaking adults and talking to me about it... I'm against it, unless mine gives me a reason to.
*giant sigh* I didn't think it was possible to hate your parents more.
My mom found my birth control too. I was 16 and it was a friggin huge deal that I was having sex with my serious boyfriend. So my mom interrogates me...my whole life she said that sex is for people who love each other. So I find someone who I love and it's not good enough for her that not only I'm having a loving relationship, but I'm doing my best to make sure I don't get pregnant. I'd clearly already been lying to her for a long time, but this type of **** is why you have to talk with your kids.
Don't make assumptions. Sit down with them. LISTEN TO THEM. Try to understand, you remember what it was like to be a kid. Don't lie. You're still a friggin kid.
This reminds me of the time my mother took my pants from my room to wash them, and found my condoms in the pocket. She confronted me abut it, and threw them away and said, I wasn't allowed to have sex at 15. Really, what she did was tell me I couldn't have "safe" sex at 15.0 -
Against it, unless you have a valid reason to believe child is a danger to herself/himself or others.
Edited for typo.0 -
Never happened to me, but all they would have found would have been lost socks and empty Dr. Pepper bottles.
I'm against it, unless you have cause for concern and the teen wasn't being truthful with you. If I ever have a son, I'll make sure to check he has a good supply in his tissue box every now and then.0 -
My parents tried that on me when I was a teenager. They never found anything that I had hidden though and they quit shortly after I started doing random inspections of their room.0
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omg the coffee filters hahahahahahaha - i have no kids but man I dunno if I would want to lmao who knows what you would find0
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I have one kid who has graduated college, is building his first house, and is basically doing very well. And his younger bother by 2 years, same deal as his older brother on everything, is in his 3rd (and final) rehab for drug addiction.
Random room searches would not have made a difference. At any high school assembly, 85% of the kids there either have drugs in their system or have tried them. These are hard statistics.0 -
Only controlling parents would do that. If you actually trusted your child maybe they wouldn't have to hide stuff, therefore room inspections wouldn't be required.0
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If you're having to resort to deception and deceit to maintain authority you're going wrong somewhere0
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Absolutely against this idea.
Parents who want their kids to trust them and be able to come to them with any problems would absolutely destroy that trust with a random room search. Just because teenagers are younger doesn't mean that they're not entitled to a measure of respect and common decency.
My parents did occasional, random room searches when I was in high school (for no reason whatsoever: they just wanted to "make sure" I wasn't into anything I shouldn't be) and not only did it make me feel like my personal space had been violated, but it made me lose all trust and respect for them forever.0 -
My daughter is almost 10 and we just started random room-checks. They started because she'd come out to the living room to grab her water bottle after having been "asleep" for an hour - except there was no part of her that looked "just woke up." I asked her what book she'd been reading (really hard to get mad at a kid whose favorite pasttime is reading) and she denied being up that whole time. When I said I'd go get the book out of her bed, she fessed up. When I went into her bed to get the book, I found a dozen or so candy and granola bar wrappers. Turns out she's been waking up in the middle of the night, eating, then taking the trash back to bed with her so I wouldn't know.
Had I not gone into her bed that first time, I'd never have known that she's been stress eating (school, custody issues, etc.) and we wouldn't be working on correcting it.
The room-checks I do aren't an abuse of my parental authority and aren't meant to terrify her or strip her of her right to privacy. They're a way of keeping our lines of communications open so I can help her. If I ever find anything that I think is dangerous or affecting her health in some way, then we'll discuss it and remove it.0 -
I have an understanding with my kids - the wife and I pay for the roof over their heads and nothing in the house is off limits to me or their mother. I have never done a random room inspection but the possibility is and always will be there.
This ^^. I have two teenagers and haven't done any random room inspections but they both know that at any point in time we reserve the right to do whatever we want in their rooms as they are living in a house provided by us. My teenage son is quite the slob, so periodically we help him clean his room anyway. I do feel that we have very open relationships with our kids and I would have a keen sense if something was going wrong. We also reserve the right to read their texts and or social media pages anytime. Not a right we've exercised often but they are well aware that we will if we deem in necessary.
We don't consider ourselves controlling, just not naive. We were once teenagers and my brother-in-law had gotten into drugs in high school but his parent's refused to see what was going on. We're not going to make the same mistakes. Someday my children will understand and appreciate the work that goes into being the parent of a teen.0 -
Whaaaaaaat?
Random room inspections for no ****ing good reason?!?
Unless I have good reason to suspect they're doing something illegal or harmful to themselves....Hell. To. The. No.
And this is coming from someone who considers herself to be a fairly strict parent.
Good grief...0 -
i don't have any kids, my parents though were the kind that would clean my room when i was at camp or some ****, mostly because i really was a downright slob. i never had anything too crazy to hide, when i was middle school i used to hide snacks in my room all the time and binge on them in the middle of the night. my sister actually found a box of zebra cakes in my dresser but never told my parents about it. in hs i never kept alcohol in my room, that was kept at my best friends house whose parents never checked her room and didn't really care if we were drinking, because we were at their house drinking, not going anywhere and at a safe location.
when i do have teens, unless there is valid suspicion of something going on (not just paranoia) i would first talk to them about my concerns, give them the chance to come upfront with anything before doing a check.
i always always so scared to talk to my mom about anything (i didn't tell her i got my period when i was 12 for like 2 years bc i was scared she would get mad at me bc i was in middle school still and i was embarassed - my mom was very strict and is very conservative and traditional) but when i have kids i hope that they can talk to me about anything and everything, and never feel the need to hide anything in their room to begin with (or in their best friends room lol)0 -
Unless they give me reason to distrust them with important things (illegal or harmful), I think they should be allowed to have their privacy. As teenagers, I'm sure most have stuff they'd rather their parents didn't see, they're not necessarily bad. Honestly, I don't think random room inspections are going to create a healthy relationship, and is more likely to just cause arguements and/or more secrets to be kept. I'd want my kids to trust me and feel they can talk to me about anything, while also feeling secure that they have their own space.
I don't disagree with checking their rooms, making sure it's tidy etc etc but I wouldn't go snooping or rifling through all their stuff.0 -
Yeah...if there is owt to be suspicious about! I have ...and would again, inspect my teenage sons rooms! As a parent, you need a clear picture of what is going on, if they are stepping out of bounds! My eldest meddled with canabis,. He needed to know the consequences, sanctions and pros of doing it!0
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I told my 13 year old that since she lives in our house and we pay for all her stuff, we reserve the right to check things we need to check if we feel she's being unsafe.
HOWEVER, that being said, will there be -secret- checks? No. I told her that if we feel the need to see something, we will let her know about it...
...five seconds before looking at it.0 -
Coffee filters make me lol
I live in BC, they would know better.0 -
I do plan on doing random room inspections/checking social media sites, etc when my kids are teens. It can be construed as an invasion of privacy, but it really is for their benefit.
Although I don't think I'd call them on anything unless I felt it was absolutely necessary.0 -
I never have and never will inspect my teen's room unless I suspected they were hurting themselves in some way. My son and I don't have perfect communication (and who does, really?) and I am in no way one of those ignorant parents, but I think trust is best built when it's a two way street.0
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Trust but verify. Give me a reason and I'm digging in with a backhoe. I remember the *kitten* I did growing up. I'm not going through what I made my mom go through.0
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