To Tell Or Not To Tell

ScifiGirl1986

Earlier, I posted on a thread that I'm leery about telling my family about trying to lose weight and I was wondering if this is something others have felt too. I'm afraid that if I tell my family about this and I don't lose the weight that they won't understand and will be unsupportive. That's just who they are--at least when it comes to me; anything i do is never good enough.

bambishealth

It's entirely up to you who to tell. You could tell the part of your family you live with...they may be able to help you with your eating habits. Otherwise, it shouldn't be something "to tell." If you lose weight and they just start to notice, all the better!

rainydays5

I do this with many things. I think it actually comes from not wanting to disappoint anyone. I have struggled with this all my life. This time its a little easier because my hubby decided to take this journey with me. While he has lost quite a bit compared to me, he is still very supportive and I do not feel like I am disappointing anyone.

lindabeth333

Trust your instinct - they will see your results as time goes by - if you dont feel comfortable talking to them - you can share here. Maybe when they see you doing well - they will be supportive!

blackmax78

For me I told my dad, the most supportive and understanding of the bunch... I'm sure whatever you decide will be right for you.

psmd

It's hard to know exactly without knowing you and your family, but I do think its good to be accountable to someone. If your family ( or whoever) is disappointed that's their problem. But hopefully you'll succeed in a way that at least you're happy with yourself. Good luck!

daw0518

I can totally understand why some people would not want to tell family. I'm really close to my parents & talk to my mom at least once a day, so I told them & they've been great. They were actually my inspiration to get started, because when my dad was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago, they totally changed their eating habits & both lost a ton of weight almost by accident. I was so amazed at how much can happen just by eating in moderation & decided to try it myself!

Other than family, I've only told maybe 2 of my close friends who are also here on MFP, and some of my cohort-mates in grad school. It's hard to secretly diet around people you see every single day - especially since you're often asked to go out to eat, etc. I had to tell them so I didn't look like a total jerk turning down homemade cookies & cupcakes when people make them & bring them in. I purposely haven't said anything on Facebook or any other social media site because I intend to just lose weight quietly and let any pictures that show up throughout the year speak for themselves.

michellewelch2010

I tell people who will cheer me on through the race. Negative/pessimists mo way. It's the same with quitting smoking. You are supposed to tell people so it makes you accountable, but at the same time you want to tell people who will support you "if" you fall, not snicker.

Cameronbear

If you don't feel they will be supportive, and that their negativity would impact you in a bad way, keep it to yourself for now.

krawhitham

The only person I told was my boyfriend because I live with him! Everyone else will get to see once I lose a considerable amount of weight. If they notice or ask, I plan on just telling them "oh I'm not doing much of anything" and changing the subject. I don't think my weight or weight loss should be a topic of conversation. Everyone around me should just accept me for me no matter the size.

MizMimi111

Do you mean extended family or immediate like husband, boyfriend, SO? It took me about a week and a half to tell my hubby and kids. They've been very supportive.

My extended family I've said nothing about it and they have not mentioned any changes they've noticed. Me? I like it that way.

If they won't be supportive, don't tell. You're doing this for you, not them.

Get your support here and from people you know will be positive.

elansc

I agree with an earlier post -- share here and tell whomever you think will be supportive. At the beginning I only told a few people and as I lost more weight I told more people and then eventually people started noticing -- it is a great way to be accountable I am losing 1 lb/week so this is a LONG term goal and I have found that lots of friends and colleagues have been very supportive which really helps me to keep on track. It is very interesting to me that there are people who think they should have an opinion about your weight loss (I was at -30 lbs and someone was telling me not to lose any more -- and I definitely needed to lose more so I just ignored that advice -- at -68 lbs it is still an "issue" but I have learned to ignore (still annoying but I don't let it get to me). IF you do tell your family and they are not supportive then find someone that you can talk to about it so that you don't get yourself off track There are lots of supportive people here -- who have been through this!

hedomommy

It is a hard decision, I don't discuss with family members. I did have a body fat analysis done in January.( I skipped the waist & hip measurement). With another body fat analysis on the 17th of this month, I struggle if I have lost enough weight or if I should have done more. I know I should only have to be accountable to myself but the trainers response weighs heavily on my mind.

ScifiGirl1986

Thanks for all the replies. I have told my mom because she is the one buying the food (I'm unemployed and living with my family until i can move out), but I don't think I'm going to tell anyone else--maybe my brother or my cousin, both of whom wouldn't have anything to say either way. My family (I have 2 aunts, grandmother, cousin, my mom and my brother that i live with) have always been rather vocal about anything they don't approve of--my weight being one of them. A few years back, my aunt decided I was too heavy (I was fine with where I was) and tried to get me a Jenny Craig subscription because I didn't fit her idea of pretty. I know that if I said anything to her, she would just smile smugly and make a comment about how she told me to lose weight 5 years ago, so I won't say anything to her until I've lost enough for her to notice (although it took her a week to notice I got my hair cut--chopped several inches off--, so it will take a while for her to notice anything).

No_excuses_nikki

I lost 10 pounds before telling anyone about my lifestyle change. I did it this way because I tried so many other times and failed.

AwesomeGuy37

You will lose the weight. The worst thing about telling someone is when they make negative comments about you or your diet. I do hope when buying your food, she isn't the kind to look at what you get and criticize. I eat all kinds of stuff that someone on a "diet" shouldn't eat according to popular beliefs. I still will lose the weight because I'm on a deficit.

happyfeet1993

I have struggling between telling my boyfriend and not telling him.
It's been over a month and I still refuse to tell him.
Part of it is because I've tried to lose it so many times and told him and then failed so I feel like he just wont take me seriously if I tell him again, and I want it to be a surprise this time. Kinda like I wanna see how long it will take before he notices and says something like "babe you look different.."
I've told my mom but she's not really supportive at all. I find the most support to be from everyone on MFP to be honest.

spicegeek

if you think telling people will help you stay on track because it is making you accountable - tell them - if you think it will put unnecessary stress on you each time you eat a little too much or you plateau in your weight loss - don`t tell them

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

I didn't tell

rondaj05

if you think telling people will help you stay on track because it is making you accountable - tell them - if you think it will put unnecessary stress on you each time you eat a little too much or you plateau in your weight loss - don`t tell them

^This

seltzermint555

It's entirely up to you who to tell. You could tell the part of your family you live with...they may be able to help you with your eating habits. Otherwise, it shouldn't be something "to tell." If you lose weight and they just start to notice, all the better!

I agree with this.

When I joined MFP, I didn't tell anyone except my husband (then boyfriend) and my best friend, who was using a similar site to help get her diet in check due to diabetes.

This may sound really bad. But I have just known so many people (usually, but not always female) who make a really, really big production about their latest diet, exercise habits, or weight loss product they are using. And it always just kind of annoys me. So I didn't want to be that annoying person and I definitely didn't want to set myself up to feel ashamed and embarrassed if it didn't really work...or if my progress stalled after like 5 lb or something.

I'd rather be that person causing their friends, family, and coworkers to say "Whoa, have you lost weight?" It is much more satisfying. But I know there are many people out there (including here on MFP) who seem to be motivated even more by sharing as much as possible. Some people talk about weekly facebook posts sharing their progress and so on. I can't even imagine. I was shy to do a "year end" random Q's thing and include the detail that I'd lost 58 lb in 2013.

lisamarin

I decided not to tell my family other than my husband and daughters. I am very close to my parents and stepparents as well as my sister who all live close to me, and even though they would try to be supportive there is something about their support that I don't want right now. For one thing I have tried to lose in the past and have been successful but not long term then I feel like I have disappointed them in some way when I gain it back. This may sound weird but when I have lost before and they tell me how great I look then I almost feel defensive like they didn't accept me when I was bigger. I have told some friends who have proven supportive no matter what and are my cheerleaders. At some point I will talk about it with my family, especially my mom, but it has to be when I am ready and on my terms. Do it when you are comfortable with it but I agree with some of the others here, it is good to have someone know what you are doing because it keeps you accountable. Being on MFP is really helping me this time and I feel confident that this can be the life change that I am working towards. Good luck to you!

GillaMahogany

Dr. Seuss says "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind", or something to that general effect. That doesn't mean that an aunt who isn't supportive doesn't matter in your life, if just means that her opinion about your weight is unimportant.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always feel that way, and these feelings can make us stumble. Sometimes, people stay fat just because other people expect them to stay fat! Let them think what they want, they will anyway, but you will loose the weight for yourself.

Like others have said, you can make heaps of friends here who will support you, and they matter.

yuuen

the first time I did this a couple years back, I was very vocal about losing. this time, I'm not.

I remembered the comments I got the first time around and decided I didn't need that BS bogging me down this go. people can be astonishingly backhanded about their "support" or they can be straight-up unsupportive. I got really fed up with people telling me "the right way" to go about my weight loss, or their friend of a friend who went on some stupid fad diet, or ridiculing my exercise and/or diet choices.

in the end, you're doing this for you and not for anyone else, right? so it's understandable if you don't tell, or at least share only with people who will understand. I find that's what I primarily rely on mfp for.

ywalchle

I ended up being public about my journey into losing weight and changing my life for a few reasons. The major one being I was cutting back on my soda intake and wasn't sure how that would effect me at first. Thankfully I didn't get massive headaches like some do. I have had many of my friends/family support me and cheer me on and help make me accountable for what I put in my mouth. I have also had one family member make back handed comments/compliments. The first time it made me sob cause it was very hurtful and I was still going through sugar adjustments with the soda with drawl.

But than one of the guys at work who dropped weight like a mad man told me some words of wisdom.. There are going to be people who always think they are right. Who are going to be cruel in your journey, surround yourself with good people who love you and will help you through your journey. They are the one's who deserve to be there in the end when you've lost all the weight and be proud of you. Everyone else is just doesn't either understand where you've been or what you've gone through to get where your going. Don't feel bad if you falter, cause you will, but pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back too it.

And that alone gave me what I needed to say to myself screw my horrible cousin for his cruel comments. I'm not doing this for him or to impress him. I'm doing this for ME. And anyone who wants to join me on my journey as a cheerleader is more than welcome, but the negativity is not allowed.

morganwelch165

I didnt tell my family because I am visiting them in two weeks and I just wanted to see how surprised they are

leggup

I really don't think weight loss is anyone's business but the person doing it. I told my husband because we cook together and exercise together, but that's it.

Saratini76

I don't remember if I had to tell anyone or not. I do volunteer it sometimes when it's brought up in conversation. I don't call it "dieting" though, I call it healthier living....or making a lifestyle change. I still get a few people who want to know the "secret" way I did it. They never believe it's just better eating habits and hard work. This ultimately is for YOU so don't worry about telling people unless you absolutely need to!

jamesalytle

My family is supporting me on my journey. We changed what everyone eats and now they've joined the YMCA with me as well. I love that for us it's a family affair. Makes it that much easier.

Jaminjo2

I don't think I really told anyone out right. When offered high calorie stuff or seconds I just refused politely with "not this time, thank you." Sometimes I add that I'm trying to watch my calories a little bit.

I think this approach covers me 2 ways. For those who will try to sabotage your efforts, knowingly or not, they won't catch on to your efforts until they start to see results. By then you will feel good about yourself and it becomes much easier to "just say no."

The 2nd way is I think I don't want to be seen as a failure by my family or friends who have heard this weight loss story a hundred times or more. But I am still accountable for what I'm doing by coming to MFP. This website gives me strength, encouragement, new ideas, and friendship. The friendships in here are with others who are feeling the same emotions you have, dealing with the same issues you have, and desire the same end result as you.

If you are accountable to MFP, it forces you to be honest with yourself. In this case only honesty produces results.

Good luck to you. More importantly YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH ~ DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT.

DrJenO

This whole thing about people being offended when you refuse their offer of ANY kind of food, high calorie or not, is SUPER ANNOYING. Why do you care what I eat or don't eat, random person who isn't me?

It's FOOD, not a referendum on our relationship.

Sheesh.

I adopted an "if they ask, I will tell" policy. My husband knows, of course, because I constantly bug him about weighing meat before he cooks it. If anyone does ask, I tell them all about MFP and how awesome it is; other than that, I just sit back and let my success speak for itself.