To Tell Or Not To Tell

lisamarin

I decided not to tell my family other than my husband and daughters. I am very close to my parents and stepparents as well as my sister who all live close to me, and even though they would try to be supportive there is something about their support that I don't want right now. For one thing I have tried to lose in the past and have been successful but not long term then I feel like I have disappointed them in some way when I gain it back. This may sound weird but when I have lost before and they tell me how great I look then I almost feel defensive like they didn't accept me when I was bigger. I have told some friends who have proven supportive no matter what and are my cheerleaders. At some point I will talk about it with my family, especially my mom, but it has to be when I am ready and on my terms. Do it when you are comfortable with it but I agree with some of the others here, it is good to have someone know what you are doing because it keeps you accountable. Being on MFP is really helping me this time and I feel confident that this can be the life change that I am working towards. Good luck to you!

GillaMahogany

Dr. Seuss says "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind", or something to that general effect. That doesn't mean that an aunt who isn't supportive doesn't matter in your life, if just means that her opinion about your weight is unimportant.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always feel that way, and these feelings can make us stumble. Sometimes, people stay fat just because other people expect them to stay fat! Let them think what they want, they will anyway, but you will loose the weight for yourself.

Like others have said, you can make heaps of friends here who will support you, and they matter.

yuuen

the first time I did this a couple years back, I was very vocal about losing. this time, I'm not.

I remembered the comments I got the first time around and decided I didn't need that BS bogging me down this go. people can be astonishingly backhanded about their "support" or they can be straight-up unsupportive. I got really fed up with people telling me "the right way" to go about my weight loss, or their friend of a friend who went on some stupid fad diet, or ridiculing my exercise and/or diet choices.

in the end, you're doing this for you and not for anyone else, right? so it's understandable if you don't tell, or at least share only with people who will understand. I find that's what I primarily rely on mfp for.

ywalchle

I ended up being public about my journey into losing weight and changing my life for a few reasons. The major one being I was cutting back on my soda intake and wasn't sure how that would effect me at first. Thankfully I didn't get massive headaches like some do. I have had many of my friends/family support me and cheer me on and help make me accountable for what I put in my mouth. I have also had one family member make back handed comments/compliments. The first time it made me sob cause it was very hurtful and I was still going through sugar adjustments with the soda with drawl.

But than one of the guys at work who dropped weight like a mad man told me some words of wisdom.. There are going to be people who always think they are right. Who are going to be cruel in your journey, surround yourself with good people who love you and will help you through your journey. They are the one's who deserve to be there in the end when you've lost all the weight and be proud of you. Everyone else is just doesn't either understand where you've been or what you've gone through to get where your going. Don't feel bad if you falter, cause you will, but pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back too it.

And that alone gave me what I needed to say to myself screw my horrible cousin for his cruel comments. I'm not doing this for him or to impress him. I'm doing this for ME. And anyone who wants to join me on my journey as a cheerleader is more than welcome, but the negativity is not allowed.

morganwelch165

I didnt tell my family because I am visiting them in two weeks and I just wanted to see how surprised they are

leggup

I really don't think weight loss is anyone's business but the person doing it. I told my husband because we cook together and exercise together, but that's it.

Saratini76

I don't remember if I had to tell anyone or not. I do volunteer it sometimes when it's brought up in conversation. I don't call it "dieting" though, I call it healthier living....or making a lifestyle change. I still get a few people who want to know the "secret" way I did it. They never believe it's just better eating habits and hard work. This ultimately is for YOU so don't worry about telling people unless you absolutely need to!

jamesalytle

My family is supporting me on my journey. We changed what everyone eats and now they've joined the YMCA with me as well. I love that for us it's a family affair. Makes it that much easier.

Jaminjo2

I don't think I really told anyone out right. When offered high calorie stuff or seconds I just refused politely with "not this time, thank you." Sometimes I add that I'm trying to watch my calories a little bit.

I think this approach covers me 2 ways. For those who will try to sabotage your efforts, knowingly or not, they won't catch on to your efforts until they start to see results. By then you will feel good about yourself and it becomes much easier to "just say no."

The 2nd way is I think I don't want to be seen as a failure by my family or friends who have heard this weight loss story a hundred times or more. But I am still accountable for what I'm doing by coming to MFP. This website gives me strength, encouragement, new ideas, and friendship. The friendships in here are with others who are feeling the same emotions you have, dealing with the same issues you have, and desire the same end result as you.

If you are accountable to MFP, it forces you to be honest with yourself. In this case only honesty produces results.

Good luck to you. More importantly YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH ~ DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT.

DrJenO

This whole thing about people being offended when you refuse their offer of ANY kind of food, high calorie or not, is SUPER ANNOYING. Why do you care what I eat or don't eat, random person who isn't me?

It's FOOD, not a referendum on our relationship.

Sheesh.

I adopted an "if they ask, I will tell" policy. My husband knows, of course, because I constantly bug him about weighing meat before he cooks it. If anyone does ask, I tell them all about MFP and how awesome it is; other than that, I just sit back and let my success speak for itself.

Clash1001

My husband and mam know that I am trying to improve fitness and make healthier eating choices...and hopefully lose a little weight in the process!

I have tried before, and told people at work, friends etc...

I know from past experience that as soon as you mention the word 'diet' every man, jack and dog feels the need to impart 'pearls of wisdom' and suddenly becomes an expert on weightloss. Whether it be espousing the virtues of cabbage soup, thirty meals a day or never, ever, ever eating a carbohydrate again, it appears that as soon as you mention that you would like to lose a little weight, everyone wants to give you an opinion on just what you're doing wrong.

It also gives them the right to interrogate you about your starting weight, current weight and goal weight, and pick apart every meal you ever eat. One colleague even asked me about my bowel movements, whilst advocating a high fibre diet.

281Danielle

I was afraid to tell my husband because I have talked and talked about it for years now, even tried last summer and lost weight but just ended up gaining all but 5 pounds back. I felt like he would just feel like it was me talking again and not actually doing it but I did tell him and he hasn't really been supportive and not really nonsupportive, I think he is just waiting for me to give up again but that's not going to happen this time. It has given me even more motivation to workout and eat healthier so I can prove myself to him. My whole family knows I am trying to lose weight just like I have tried many of times before and I don't know if they think I'm going to actually do it this time or not but like I said I just use it for motivation, I want to prove that I can and will to myself and to them.

knra_grl

Thanks for all the replies. I have told my mom because she is the one buying the food (I'm unemployed and living with my family until i can move out), but I don't think I'm going to tell anyone else--maybe my brother or my cousin, both of whom wouldn't have anything to say either way. My family (I have 2 aunts, grandmother, cousin, my mom and my brother that i live with) have always been rather vocal about anything they don't approve of--my weight being one of them. A few years back, my aunt decided I was too heavy (I was fine with where I was) and tried to get me a Jenny Craig subscription because I didn't fit her idea of pretty. I know that if I said anything to her, she would just smile smugly and make a comment about how she told me to lose weight 5 years ago, so I won't say anything to her until I've lost enough for her to notice (although it took her a week to notice I got my hair cut--chopped several inches off--, so it will take a while for her to notice anything).

Just do what needs to be done - this is for you not them - just know that you are doing something that will end with you feeling fabulous about YOU!

Mr_Knight

Earlier, I posted on a thread that I'm leery about telling my family about trying to lose weight and I was wondering if this is something others have felt too. I'm afraid that if I tell my family about this and I don't lose the weight that they won't understand and will be unsupportive. That's just who they are--at least when it comes to me; anything i do is never good enough.

From that is sure sounds like you have significant unresolved issues with your family.

Personally, I'd just keep it to myself and git'er done.

Mr_Knight

I know that if I said anything to her, she would just smile smugly and make a comment about how she told me to lose weight 5 years ago, so I won't say anything to her until I've lost enough for her to notice...

A big part of being successful at this process is being able to admit when others have been right, because that is a huge step in being honest with oneself.

It sounds to me like you still have some ways to go in that regard, to be honest.

Kenazwa

I have told and failed so many times that nobody takes me seriously anyway.
So I don't tell anymore.

TheBadToe

I didnt tell anyone. I just got busy, when the family noticed the changes they got on board

GiveMeCoffee

I didn't tell anyone when I started, I just started when I dropped about 20 pounds my husband made a comment and asked what I was doing differently. Since I didn't cut anything out of my diet, he had no clue. At about 40 pounds lost people starting asking what I was doing.

SharonNehring

I have not told my family yet. They live 700 miles away so I only see them a couple of times a year. My plan is to surprise them on our next visit.

I have many of the same thoughts as you. What if I tell them, then am not successful in this? And for those I see more regularly, I really do not want them being the food police, telling me what I shouldn't be eating. (Are you really eating that?? Ugh!)

My husband knows of course because he does the cooking in our house and has had to adjust what he fixes. But, I haven't even told him exactly how many pounds I've lost so far. I think because he sees me daily, he probably doesn't even see it, just as I have a hard time seeing the change at times too. I'm planning to pull out my wedding dress next month on our 15th anniversary, to show him just how much I've lost. It may even be a little too big.

So my 2 cents are, share if you want but don't feel obligated to. Let your progress speak for itself.

littleburgy

Do not tell anyone you don't trust. You are not obligated to tell them anything.