A question for all you MEN!!!!!! (From a chick)

xoalyssaox

I left my husband 15 months ago. The Florida divorce system is just REALLLLLY slow. I think 15 months is enough time to start dating...?

You left your husband, are going through the divorce at the moment, and are looking for a relationship that hard already?

If I was looking for a relationship, I would find that a bit intimidating..

xoalyssaox

Thank you guys for all you're imput..

He said he was "sick" on Thursday, and he want's to go out again this Tuesday.. What I don't understand I guess is why he wants to keep going out, if he doesn't want a relationship.. But maybe he will change his mind. I know I shouldn't be out LOOKING for a relationship, and yes I know that I am still young. Yes I got married at 19, and the man I married ended up being physically, mentally, and verbally abusive. So I was STRONG enough at 22 years old to leave him. I know I should give myself time to heal, but I miss having someone there.

But yeah, you are all right. And my son is the most important thing in my life, and he is my best lil friend, so I try and focus and do what's best for him, but at the same time, I miss having a man in my life too.. Oh well, I guess I will keep on doing what I do, and focusing on my son, school and work, and forget about boys, and then maybe one will come one day..

jackpotclown

If you're going to continue to hang out with him, by all means go ahead, as long as you understand that "it is what it is" (companionship, a date, a friend, whatever)....but if he's not interested in a relationship, you're probably wasting your time thinking he's going to change his mind. And, since you're not in a relationship, it would be wise to be open (not looking, just open to the idea of.....) to dating other people, since you haven't found someone on the same page as you. Otherwise, you're blocking out other possibilities of finding the right person for you.

Oh, and all the posts about "He's just not that into you".....yeah, there is truth....not all.....but definitely enough to think about when it happens

Voncreepy2

Thank you guys for all you're imput..

He said he was "sick" on Thursday, and he want's to go out again this Tuesday.. What I don't understand I guess is why he wants to keep going out, if he doesn't want a relationship.. But maybe he will change his mind. I know I shouldn't be out LOOKING for a relationship, and yes I know that I am still young. Yes I got married at 19, and the man I married ended up being physically, mentally, and verbally abusive. So I was STRONG enough at 22 years old to leave him. I know I should give myself time to heal, but I miss having someone there.

But yeah, you are all right. And my son is the most important thing in my life, and he is my best lil friend, so I try and focus and do what's best for him, but at the same time, I miss having a man in my life too.. Oh well, I guess I will keep on doing what I do, and focusing on my son, school and work, and forget about boys, and then maybe one will come one day..

You may want to seek counseling and give it some time before getting involved, if possible. I was strong too, but I think the things in my past made me more accepting of certain behaviors that I wouldn't put up with now at all. Take some time for yourself to heal as well. Strength or not, you have been unknowingly affected by your abuser. I thought I was ok but I am now able to look back and see things I couldn't then.Good luck to you. Sincerely, i wish you the best.
If nothing else, when you do meet someone look for those warning signs and if your heart tells you its not right then listen.

KimikoAnne

Okay, here's my 2 cents (a very wordy 2 cents)...because I think everyone has gone through some stress when it comes to dating, haha.

I think that the idea of dating in itself needs to be revamped. Speaking from a female perspective, I'm pretty sure every woman has had a time in her life (past or present) where she felt desperate to find that great guy for a relationship. But I soundly believe that changing perspective can help bring such joy that soars right over the heads of a lot of gals.

Why do people date? Well, men surely can have vastly different reasons, but most of the time woman date to find companionship, connection, or even a future husband. Because what can I say? Woman always plan, it's in our nature (in general) haha. So, if you're looking for a relationship or a future husband, what do you want? Generally someone who can be your best friend, someone who can understand you--just "get" you. Women love to be listened to/understood (hint for men! we will love you forever if you try to hear how we feel.)

Start to enjoy getting to know people and stop rushing. I know it can feel lonely, but start paying attention to what you like and don't like in each person you date. No one is perfect, but everyone has those things that are "deal breakers". Find your values/ideals/things that you can't bend and stick with them. Everything else can be compromised. Just listen to your instinct, and don't let loneliness get the best of you.

What I've learned from the past is that every relationship teaches you something. Much like everything we go through makes us who we are. Just to open up a little, I've had a mentally abusive relationship when I was young which scarred me some, but I've also had 2 great relationships where I was treated well but we just didn't end up being compatible for marriage.

But overall I learned what I want to take from those and look for in the right person, and what I don't want. Look at it like an exciting adventure! You can go out and meet new people, get to know them and figure out what you truly want in life! Don't settle, but be flexible.

Lastly, if I learned anything in life it is that no matter how hurt or alone you feel there is ALWAYS another love in store for you, no matter how much you think it will never happen again. I don't believe you have one true love in life, you can love a lot of different people. It's just a matter of enjoying being yourself, enjoying being alone, and embracing the idea of someone complimenting your life instead of needing them to make you happy.

Good luck, keep looking and never give up!

pat0419

God I love being married. I was never good at the dating thing and am quite happy I don't have to think about it any more.

For the record, everyone's mind is complex. Men's thoughts aren't complex, but the way they work together is. I know for me, the only thing that comes in when figuring out if I like a girl is "She's kind of cool, and pretty hot/cute." There's nothing more. No over-thinking about the future, because why should one think about the future when the first date hasn't even happened? That's a man. He'd not simple minded, he just thinks efficiently. Thats why it might take a couple dates for him to really think about what this could eventually be. Women think about that stuff all the time. My wife thinks about everything that could possibly ever happen, and then gets worried about the consequences of things that haven't even happened yet. It's kind of annoying for someone like me who tends to stay more in the here and now. Men, I think, tend to let things flow more naturally, as opposed to forcing things or over-thinking everything.

bennyboy89

Hrmmm, ill try to be honest as I can, Well maybe its just a lack of confidence to stay in a relationship, Or the blokes just a wanker and wanted something to happen on the first few dates instead of just getting to know you better.

tater8589

He may be afraid of losing a friendship if ya'll have been friends for 18 years. Or scared of comittment. I was with my ex for 4 years and had a common law marriage. (I have friends who don't know my maiden name..) We were getting ready to buy a house, had picked out rings, and baby names. The day he was supost to propose (he told my best friend and his, they told me) he acted like a jerk and told me he just couldn't do it. We are still friends (oddly) but I am happily married to someone else. I think men are just as confused about what they really want as us girls are. It may not get you the results you want, but you may just start out blunt and ask what the intentions are to start with. I saved some time with this, but it did leave me dissapointed at times.

Brat3073

Just a side note-- I have three daughters and a wife. 2 Granddaughters. 2 Sisters. 3 Sister-in-Laws. 4 nieces. My boss is a woman.

I am surrounded by women and I still don't have a freakin' clue.

Wow, thats alot of PMS for you to deal with. im so sorry! lol

mrsyac2

From the famous book and movie... He's just not that into you!

No point in questioning just move on to the next. Plenty of fish in the sea

amicklin

Just a side note-- I have three daughters and a wife. 2 Granddaughters. 2 Sisters. 3 Sister-in-Laws. 4 nieces. My boss is a woman.

I am surrounded by women and I still don't have a freakin' clue.

You crack me up! But you know, I don't think any person REALLY has a clue what is going on in another persons head. And its smart to recognize that and accept things as they are.

RoadDog

Thank you guys for all you're imput..

He said he was "sick" on Thursday, and he want's to go out again this Tuesday.. What I don't understand I guess is why he wants to keep going out, if he doesn't want a relationship.. But maybe he will change his mind. I know I shouldn't be out LOOKING for a relationship, and yes I know that I am still young. Yes I got married at 19, and the man I married ended up being physically, mentally, and verbally abusive. So I was STRONG enough at 22 years old to leave him. I know I should give myself time to heal, but I miss having someone there.

But yeah, you are all right. And my son is the most important thing in my life, and he is my best lil friend, so I try and focus and do what's best for him, but at the same time, I miss having a man in my life too.. Oh well, I guess I will keep on doing what I do, and focusing on my son, school and work, and forget about boys, and then maybe one will come one day..

Unfortunately, sometimes we aren't asked to help define the rules of the game. Sometimes our only choice is to play or not to play.

Believe me; there's a guy out there right now thinking "How come she doesn't notice me?"

rml_16

Thank you guys for all you're imput..

He said he was "sick" on Thursday, and he want's to go out again this Tuesday.. What I don't understand I guess is why he wants to keep going out, if he doesn't want a relationship.. But maybe he will change his mind. I know I shouldn't be out LOOKING for a relationship, and yes I know that I am still young. Yes I got married at 19, and the man I married ended up being physically, mentally, and verbally abusive. So I was STRONG enough at 22 years old to leave him. I know I should give myself time to heal, but I miss having someone there.

But yeah, you are all right. And my son is the most important thing in my life, and he is my best lil friend, so I try and focus and do what's best for him, but at the same time, I miss having a man in my life too.. Oh well, I guess I will keep on doing what I do, and focusing on my son, school and work, and forget about boys, and then maybe one will come one day..

When you're used to having someone there, it's tough to not have someone there. I'm going through something similar myself. But you need to know that you will get over that feeling with time. You get used to being "alone" after a while, and that's a really good thing to learn. Because once you know you can do it, you're less likely to settle for less than you're worth just to have a warm body next to you.

fat_forever

I don't understand why women are answering this question. They really have no clue as to how men think...they just think they do.

I was married for 15 years, and then my wife left. I began dating again, so I know what it's like out there. First, let me say that when I was young and single, I wasn't out for sex....not every guy is, so ladies, give that a rest. Also, all men are not scumbags.....we get that rap because some guys are just out for sex and that ruins it for the rest of us.

To answer your question, there are many possible explanations for his comment about not wanting a relationship, but the main reason is because he's not into you like that. He may like you and enjoy your company, but he finds something about you lacking. Whatever that something is, he knows that it makes him not want to be in a relationship with you. One thing I've found out at my age....women need men but men don't need women.

Another reason.....he doesn't want to get serious. See, women always want to get serious if they like the guy, but men don't necessarily want to get serious. Women always complain that guys don't want to make a commitment....well, gee, I wonder why? Let me see....the guy is presently single, his only cares are working and paying his bills. He can come and go as he pleases, he doesn't have to answer to anyone, he can hang with the guys all he wants, and he can spend his money on whatever he wants to. Let's look at married life....he can't spend his money on whatever he wants to, he has to answer to his wife, he can't hang with his friends anymore, he can't come home when he pleases, his net worth has dropped significantly. He is in debt up to his neck what with paying for the house that his wife wants, the second car that she needs to drive, her clothes, any kids they might have, putting up with her parents, etc, etc., etc. Gee, I can't imagine why that would scare off a guy.(duh!)

You are only 23, so enjoy your own life, make your life a success, and if the right guy comes along, then go for it, but don't grab whoever comes along and hope that he wants a relationship with you. That is not how to be successful in life or to have a successful relationship.

rml_16

I don't understand why women are answering this question. They really have no clue as to how men think...they just think they do.

I was married for 15 years, and then my wife left. I began dating again, so I know what it's like out there. First, let me say that when I was young and single, I wasn't out for sex....not every guy is, so ladies, give that a rest. Also, all men are not scumbags.....we get that rap because some guys are just out for sex and that ruins it for the rest of us.

To answer your question, there are many possible explanations for his comment about not wanting a relationship, but the main reason is because he's not into you like that. He may like you and enjoy your company, but he finds something about you lacking. Whatever that something is, he knows that it makes him not want to be in a relationship with you. One thing I've found out at my age....women need men but men don't need women.

Another reason.....he doesn't want to get serious. See, women always want to get serious if they like the guy, but men don't necessarily want to get serious. Women always complain that guys don't want to make a commitment....well, gee, I wonder why? Let me see....the guy is presently single, his only cares are working and paying his bills. He can come and go as he pleases, he doesn't have to answer to anyone, he can hang with the guys all he wants, and he can spend his money on whatever he wants to. Let's look at married life....he can't spend his money on whatever he wants to, he has to answer to his wife, he can't hang with his friends anymore, he can't come home when he pleases, his net worth has dropped significantly. He is in debt up to his neck what with paying for the house that his wife wants, the second car that she needs to drive, her clothes, any kids they might have, putting up with her parents, etc, etc., etc. Gee, I can't imagine why that would scare off a guy.(duh!)

You are only 23, so enjoy your own life, make your life a success, and if the right guy comes along, then go for it, but don't grab whoever comes along and hope that he wants a relationship with you. That is not how to be successful in life or to have a successful relationship.

This post is funny. You state that women shouldn't answer because we know nothing about how men think ... Then proceed to say almost exactly what I (a woman) said.

Cute.

mrsyac2

I don't understand why women are answering this question. They really have no clue as to how men think...they just think they do.

I was married for 15 years, and then my wife left. I began dating again, so I know what it's like out there. First, let me say that when I was young and single, I wasn't out for sex....not every guy is, so ladies, give that a rest. Also, all men are not scumbags.....we get that rap because some guys are just out for sex and that ruins it for the rest of us.

To answer your question, there are many possible explanations for his comment about not wanting a relationship, but the main reason is because he's not into you like that. He may like you and enjoy your company, but he finds something about you lacking. Whatever that something is, he knows that it makes him not want to be in a relationship with you. One thing I've found out at my age....women need men but men don't need women.

Another reason.....he doesn't want to get serious. See, women always want to get serious if they like the guy, but men don't necessarily want to get serious. Women always complain that guys don't want to make a commitment....well, gee, I wonder why? Let me see....the guy is presently single, his only cares are working and paying his bills. He can come and go as he pleases, he doesn't have to answer to anyone, he can hang with the guys all he wants, and he can spend his money on whatever he wants to. Let's look at married life....he can't spend his money on whatever he wants to, he has to answer to his wife, he can't hang with his friends anymore, he can't come home when he pleases, his net worth has dropped significantly. He is in debt up to his neck what with paying for the house that his wife wants, the second car that she needs to drive, her clothes, any kids they might have, putting up with her parents, etc, etc., etc. Gee, I can't imagine why that would scare off a guy.(duh!)

You are only 23, so enjoy your own life, make your life a success, and if the right guy comes along, then go for it, but don't grab whoever comes along and hope that he wants a relationship with you. That is not how to be successful in life or to have a successful relationship.

This post is funny. You state that women shouldn't answer because we know nothing about how men think ... Then proceed to say almost exactly what I (a woman) said.

Cute.

I may not be a man but I am surrounded by them and have learned quite a bit in my life. Yet hate to burst your manly bubble the percentage of men chasing sex is a lot higher the the ones that aren't especially when your a 20 something year old guy, he may not want to get serious for the simple fact that she has a child already, or he may just want to have some fun with her but then fun with someone else with no consequence of hearing nagging, It could also be that he is busy himself and wants to do things on his terms. What needs to be done is ask him why. Maybe he doesn't want to be the rebound guy. There could be a number of different reasons. But like I said before "He's just not that into you" So you take that and keep it moving because it's really not that serious when there are so many guys out there. I don't understand why people can't be single and enjoy life without someone instead of always searching for a mr right or a mr.rightnow!

Then again if I just came out of a relationship I wouldn't be looking for one either but thats just me. I would focus on the most important things in my life especially if it was a ****ty relationship that I came out of gotta work on yourself before you make an attempt at another relationship