Judgy know it all's...

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  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.

    Yeah, it's complete nonsense, it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.
  • GummyHuman
    GummyHuman Posts: 193 Member
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    This. We men like to think that every problem has a simple A-to-B solution. Like changing a lightbulb. While you're thinking of your weight loss on several different levels of thought, I can guarantee that his train of thought is "Ug. Wife need motivation. Me man. Me motivate. Ug. Work harder, woman. You must work harder. Ug.". We have the best intentions at heart, it's just unfortunate that we can't understand that not every problem needs fixing.


    This is so true.... and funny :bigsmile:
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    This has been on my mind for sometime.

    My husband lost around 60 lbs three years ago by starting to run and watch his diet better. He still can eat and still eats some junk here and there but he runs about 5 miles five times per week. Honestly, I loved him the same as when he was bigger. Maybe more but I'll get to that.

    Meanwhile, I can name all the excuse monsters as to why I put on weight during that time. I got big and I was lazy. I was not/am not happy with how I look. Anyway, in January during a serious talk we were having he mentioned how he'd lost weight and I'd gotten big. It wasn't said in a mean way but having someone who is suppose to love you unconditionally telling you that you need to slim down hurts no matter how you say it. He doesn't criticize me but I know he's not as attracted to me as he once was which is an awful feeling.

    Anyway, after that talk I came back here and started a diet bet. I am down almost 10 lbs but its coming off so slowly. I hate that. I have no patience. My husband will travel for a few days and eat junk and put on 8 lbs and in a few days he'll be down 10 lbs. Not the kind of thing I want to hear when I'm busting my butt and losing 1.5 in a week. I know I'm doing it the right way but its so frustrating. I feel like he's judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly.

    Last month during my TOM I put on a few pounds, I tried explaining water weight to him and I could just tell he didn't buy it. Way to really pi$$ off a raging hormonal woman, let me tell you.

    I'm not giving up and he really is supportive when it comes down to it. He's come with me to buy new running shoes and goes grocery shopping with me and those things really help. I just hate feeling judged by someone who's suppose to love me.

    You admit he supports you and his actions show he loves you (if he didn't, he wouldn't put up with such neurotic stuff). I see a lot of venting towards him for anger that you really have directed at yourself.

    This.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.

    Not if you are doing it right... giggity. :laugh:
  • GummyHuman
    GummyHuman Posts: 193 Member
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    I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.

    Yeah, it's complete nonsense, it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.

    I think men just don't have the water-based fluctuations women have, so it seems more linear for men.
  • thatjosiegirl
    thatjosiegirl Posts: 362 Member
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    I think you are projecting your negative feelings about yourself onto your husband. He may have mentioned your weight but it doesn't sound like he did it in a negative or hurtful way. Sounds to me like you are really hard on yourself and beat yourself up for the weight gain and mistakenly believe that your husband feels the same.

    ^^ THIS! 100%
  • missomgitsica
    missomgitsica Posts: 496 Member
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    He didn't buy that you put on weight during your TOM? Does he watch you weigh yourself and then make you explain your weight to him? If so I say leave.

    Also, it's virtually impossible that your husband actually gains 8 pounds of fat in a few days of eating junk and loses 10 pounds of fat in a few days afterwards. I wouldn't put any stock whatsoever in those numbers because they sound like just daily fluctuations and whatever.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    I think the same as above. You're not feeling good about yourself so you're thinking your husband isn't attracted to you. That's our own insecurity.

    I've done this too. My b/f broke up with me and I thought it was because I was too fat. Some months later I talked to him about it and he said "what are you on about? you're not fat, you're sexy! I fancy you, you turn me on.....!!"

    You know what OP? Men just dont think the same way as we do!! :laugh: Okay, some men are shallow and some men want a slim body, but mostly, if a man loves you then he's happy and finds you sexy and attractive. Men are honest and straight forward (in general) and if he said you put on weight he was just saying that you put on weight - nothing more, nothing less!

    Do yourself a favour and stop second guessing him and definitely stop comparing your weight loss to his. It really is not comparable!

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
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    I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.

    Yeah, it's complete nonsense, it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.

    I think men just don't have the water-based fluctuations women have, so it seems more linear for men.

    We have beer based fluctuations ... tasty beer ... mmmmmmmm.
  • GummyHuman
    GummyHuman Posts: 193 Member
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    I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.

    Yeah, it's complete nonsense, it's just as hard for the typical male as it is for the typical female.

    I think men just don't have the water-based fluctuations women have, so it seems more linear for men.

    We have beer based fluctuations ... tasty beer ... mmmmmmmm.

    :drinker:

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