The Challenge Of Being Honest

FoxyLifter

I find this interesting...

Not to diminish the struggle but why lie about what you eat??? esp to strangers who have no care really on if you eat in a deficet or not????

Family and friends can see if you are in a deficet and most can't see your diary.

I have mine open, it will remain open to all...

:flowerforyou: Thank you for posting this. I had a couple bad days last week and this week. I was going to skip completing Monday and Tuesday, but I just added the last minute snacks. I need to be honest with myself and it's only going to get worse if I can hide it.

GothyFaery

Not being honest in your diary, whether it's open or closed, is like cheating in solitare. You're only cheating yourself. Strangers on the internet might look at your diary and think "good job for sticking to it" but if it's not the truth, you're the one slowing your progress down. I have a hard time understanding why people feel the need to lie about what they ate. It was your choice to lose weight. Everyone stumbles but those stumbles help us understand what needs to change if we want to succeed.

SezxyStef

I find this interesting...

Not to diminish the struggle but why lie about what you eat??? esp to strangers who have no care really on if you eat in a deficet or not????

Family and friends can see if you are in a deficet and most can't see your diary.

I have mine open, it will remain open to all...

For me it was those strangers who were most critical. I decided that since I didn't really know these people - and they didn't know me - I didn't really need their "advice." So, it's closed. It's for my use only anyway, so doesn't need to be open.

Again, I know that for some people, having it open is the motivator. But clearly, for some of us, it is not helpful.

Yes "we" can be...I know I've looked at diaries and been accused of just that...I am not trying to be critical just pointing out areas of improvement...just like I hope others will do for me if I ever need it. I would not do it unless they asked on the forums tho...

FoxyLifter

Not being honest in your diary, whether it's open or closed, is like cheating in solitare. You're only cheating yourself. Strangers on the internet might look at your diary and think "good job for sticking to it" but if it's not the truth, you're the one slowing your progress down. I have a hard time understanding why people feel the need to lie about what they ate. It was your choice to lose weight. Everyone stumbles but those stumbles help us understand what needs to change if we want to succeed.

"Why would I lie?" That's a good question to ponder. I hate seeing that red number.I hate seeing the "If you eat like this for 5 weeks, you'll weigh XXXlbs. I hate letting my friends down. Not everyone on my friends list is a stranger. I talk and workout with quite a few people. I want to set a good example. All of my friends have been nothing but supportive, so my struggle is strictly internal. I guess going through this, I can more easily relate to the friend who comes to me for advice on how to get back on track. But all of that doesn't matter. I can't complain if I know what I'm doing wrong. It's just hard to admit that, for this day, you failed.

kelli_panzera

We're all human, and nobody's going to beat you up harder than you beat up yourself. This is supposed to be a site where people are supportive and genuinely care. I've noticed more this time around how snarky some people can be, but no one has to live my life but me. If I want to eat ice cream all day I will...then I'll log it in my food diary and if you don't like it, don't look : )

PhearlessPhreaks

I find this interesting...

Not to diminish the struggle but why lie about what you eat??? esp to strangers who have no care really on if you eat in a deficet or not????

Family and friends can see if you are in a deficet and most can't see your diary.

I have mine open, it will remain open to all...

I can appreciate your point. I wish I didn't give a rats behind, but to answer your question...

Pride. Vanity. Embarrassment. The appearance of being a hypocrite (do as I say, not as I do) when giving advice to others in trying to help. I know what I *should* do in theory, but the practical application is where I sometimes trip up. And it can be bad. Also, what others have already said- you want to hide it; you don't want to others to know what you're struggling with; that red number is a big 'you Fed up today'; you sometimes don't even want to admit to yourself how bad it can be.

And I will admit (since I'm being ultra honest and all) that I've looked at others' diaries and my thoughts have often been critical. Do I say anything? No, becuase I wasn't asked and its not my place to go around telling others what they're doing right or wrong... but I've been a critical biznich all the same... so there's that aspect of it too. If I've done it to others, how can I not expect it to have happened to me. I happen to be sensitive and give a crap what people think. I don't like it, but that's how I am.

But like another poster said- it's like cheating in solitare, the only person who gets hurt is you. And I get that... which is why, for the time being, my diary is for me and me alone- to scrutinize, to judge, to condemn, to applaud.

CJ_Holmes

I definitely understand this. When I first started MFP, I didn't log on the weekend. I loved seeing all my lovely weekdays with perfect numbers. Then I had to get real and realize that my weekends were undoing my progress every time. I also would stop logging when I went through spells of overeating. It was a huge step to decide to log everything, no matter how I felt about it.

For those of us with emotional issues tied to food, or who are people-pleasers in general, it can be a huge challenge to allow anyone to see the whole picture. We crave that "great job" even if it is based on fals information. I would guess many of us have this issue in other areas of our lives as well. Great fodder for therapy!

I really admire OP for posting about this so candidly, and working through this process. If a closed diary is the best way to keep yourself honest, then do it! This whole site is a tool to be used the way it works best for you. MFP pals can support eachother without critiquing food choices. I already *know* what I need to change about my food habits, and the most important thing for me is just to know my pals are there and expecting me to show up!

I do love looking through food diaries for ideas, but I totally respect your choice to close it. You do you!

PhearlessPhreaks

Thank you all for the replies! Support is encouraging- both giving and receiving it. I'm writing down how I feel in the "note" section of my diary- I haven't yet discerned what exactly the triggers are- sometimes it's not eating properly earlier in the day; other times it seems to be just mindlessness, and yet others there seems to be no real reason other than seemingly uncontrollable desire.

You might want to look into the theory of 'ego depletion' - there has been research indicating that willpower is an exhaustible resource, and that there are several factors (mood is one of them) that run down the amount you have to trade on at any moment. You might find it enlightening.

The New York Times had an interesting article about it here: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html?pagewanted=all

Thank you! Sounds interesting, will definitely read.

PhearlessPhreaks

and you sure as hell don't want anyone else to know how out of control you are.

This, a thousand times. Especially when you tend to be a control freak. The rest of my life is in order... but this. This thing is so incredibly difficult to master and control.

Rose6300

I have an open diary and log every morsel. But I don't eat for emotional reasons, and if I did, and felt like I'd be criticized, I would certainly close it. What I see very often is people asking "why aren't I losing weight on 1200 calories a day?" and then being asked to open their diaries. And once they do, people comment on what the problems likely are, such as "you're not completing your logging" or "you must not be weighing your food." The problem is not everyone commenting is nice about it. A lot of people who have been successful will make snarky or insulting comments, and I'm not sure why. Maybe they're sick of people under-reporting their calorie intake, but why don't they just not comment? People who are having trouble, for whatever reason, don't need to be insulted and these self-proclaimed experts may be technically right but their delivery is awful. They probably have their own unresolved issues that make them behave that way. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your diary should be a tool that helps you, and you should do whatever you need to do to to use it to your own benefit. Best of luck. :flowerforyou:

PhearlessPhreaks

I really appreciate all the replies, from both those who understand it or experience this same thing, as well as those who (fortunately!) do not have this particular issue. Respectful feedback and dialog is a great help, and so many positive responses is definitely encouraging! :flowerforyou:

bimpski

this is a great thread. I completely understand the op, but I cannot explain it. it will definitely take some soul searching.

ravenribbs

I keep my private for same reason. I can be 100% brutally honest with myself and nobody will judge me for it.

Yup, that's me.

DorisInTheDena

I've never had an open diary. I am hard enough on myself and need to be honest. Everyone has to find what works for them. Keep at it!

jmv7117

I find this interesting...

Not to diminish the struggle but why lie about what you eat??? esp to strangers who have no care really on if you eat in a deficet or not????

Family and friends can see if you are in a deficet and most can't see your diary.

I have mine open, it will remain open to all...

For me it was those strangers who were most critical. I decided that since I didn't really know these people - and they didn't know me - I didn't really need their "advice." So, it's closed. It's for my use only anyway, so doesn't need to be open.

Again, I know that for some people, having it open is the motivator. But clearly, for some of us, it is not helpful.

I definitely could not handle the judgmental comments others make which is why my diary is closed and will remain closed. The criticism is given whether or not asked for as soon as you post in the forums. I've seen it become used as a weapon when attacking another member. So, no thanks. I think anyone with poor self-esteem would have issues with this type of criticism.

Sreneesa

I leave mine open to friends but haven't been posting it on newsfeed lately because ive been under my 1800 cals by 400-500 at times. Still eat at least 1200 but was doing good keeping track and at least eating 1600-1700 but got tired of the constant keeping track of eating most cals and maro watching that im kind of hiding...not trying to bring attention to myself.

There was a few days a few weeks ago where I was under 1000. Just too tired and exhausted to eat.

yesterday did well with macros and ate a little over 1600 but that is my confession. Lol

Feels good to get it off my chest. Lol

edit.,, looks like there was a few days of under 1000 last weekend as well but I m sure it was me not logging drinks. No excuse to skimp on nutrition.

Thanks for this blog. I need to get my **** together

electrickazoo

I definitely understand this... I do log everything, but when it's getting close to my calorie goal or *gasp* even over, I feel like if I just don't write it down, my eating it never actually happened. I have mine opened (I think) because I know I am a lot harder on myself than anyone else is.

PhearlessPhreaks

Thank you all for the replies! Support is encouraging- both giving and receiving it. I'm writing down how I feel in the "note" section of my diary- I haven't yet discerned what exactly the triggers are- sometimes it's not eating properly earlier in the day; other times it seems to be just mindlessness, and yet others there seems to be no real reason other than seemingly uncontrollable desire.

I think the most important thing for me is being honest with myself. I haven't figured it all out yet, and I really am so fearful of falling back to that place of absolutely no control- *knowing* I shouldn't but feeling so unable to help myself. I can't actually explain what's in my head when it's happening. Perhaps I should write that down!

It takes a while to really get in touch with why you feel the urge to binge eat. For me it's not so much feeling bad or feeling good. My issue is more one of not wanting to really feel any emotions good or bad. So, I try to keep myself in a state of numbness. Eating to the point of excess allows me to avoid processing my feelings or really thinking about anything other than food. I know you feel like it's mindless and a compulsion solely related to food's taste or texture. I'm also sure you're starting to learn that it's often not about the food at all. It does get better and you can train yourself out of these habits. Use your fear to develop a plan for how to avoid binges and how to quickly get back on track. If you have a plan in place you won't feel so lost and hopeless when a binge happens. And they will happen. Hopefully, you can get to a place where they aren't frequent and don't last long. Good luck to you!

Thank you so very much, Gruno, I really appreciate your advice and support!

PhearlessPhreaks

I leave mine open to friends but haven't been posting it on newsfeed lately because ive been under my 1800 cals by 400-500 at times. Still eat at least 1200 but was doing good keeping track and at least eating 1600-1700 but got tired of the constant keeping track of eating most cals and maro watching that im kind of hiding...not trying to bring attention to myself.

There was a few days a few weeks ago where I was under 1000. Just too tired and exhausted to eat.

yesterday did well with macros and ate a little over 1600 but that is my confession. Lol

Feels good to get it off my chest. Lol

edit.,, looks like there was a few days of under 1000 last weekend as well but I m sure it was me not logging drinks. No excuse to skimp on nutrition.

Thanks for this blog. I need to get my **** together

It appears we have opposite problems! Nevertheless, if my post is in some way helpful, I am glad! Everyone is on their own journey, unique and individual as the person who's living it.

blunderball

Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for this post. I closed mine for the same reason. Having an open diary seems to be such a "thing"on here that I was feeling like I might be "doing it wrong". It is so reassuring to know that others fudged with their diaries when they're open. I've been doing much better since I closed mine.