Struggling

steelyjoe22

Without going into it too much (really not fishing for any sympathy or trying to make excuses for myself), but i have anxiety issues that i guess have led to me having... perhaps unrealistic views about myself and my body. I really don't love myself, i enjoy seeing my weight go down and looking at myself in a mirror and seeing how thin i am. I am trying to change and eat more, but like i said, i'm struggling.

Thank you very much steelyjoe, i'm so grateful to you and the other posters. I think i sort of needed to get some of this out in the open and hopefully your advice and that of the other people on this forum will help. I need to eat more.

We're here to support you . . . feel free to friend request me and others who have commented. Almost all of the people on this site are looking to make or already have made some positive changes, so in a lot of cases, we can relate to struggles with body image and self-confidence. We have no idea what you look like, but you seem like a really nice guy - and people here are willing to take the time to invest in you and support you, as is evident by the length of this thread.

As far as feeling guilty about eating a large meal . . . I get the same way. What helps me is if I exercise in advance of the meal, then I feel like I've earned it. Tonight, I really want to eat a bunch of Sushi, so I ran during lunch and ate a little lighter to compensate. I use MFP as a tool basically to make sure the math actually works out, and the balance is correct. In your case, setting a goal of maintaining or maybe gaining some weight can help you to reliably track this. Balancing my diary to 0 gives me a feeling of accomplishment - I met my goals, one day at a time. Coming in over or under is not going to get me where I want to be long term, since the goals are already factored into the tool.

Netherling

I have been trying to offset large meals by exercising - but often then find myself not having a very large meal. Also i often struggle with the exercising because i'm so low on energy! It's a terrible cycle, i need to change my mindset.

deksgrl

Food = Fuel
Food = Nutrition
Food = Good for You
Food = Healthy (in the proper amount)

Okay so what is the proper amount? For you, 2500 calories, without extra working out. You aren't going to gain weight here at this amount, if you do it will be minimal and you can certain afford it. So..... relax.

Netherling

You really think if i have 2500 a day i won't gain weight? why has mfp set my goal to 2290? I really hate the idea of gaining weight, i know i shouldn't but i do.

deksgrl

Because MFP does not include exercise. When you do exercise, you need to eat more for that.

Netherling

Ok. Sorry to sound so pathetic etc. Thank you for your patience and contiued replies!

Blue801

Thank you everyone for taking the time to post a response, i guess i knew i was having problems and as i've said i have talked to a doctor (and am awaiting further contact). What was getting to me was that even when i ate a reasonable amount (today for breakfast and lunch) i was still so out of energy. I've done reading about the dreaded 'starvation mode' that seemingly doesn't exist so i can't blame that. Again, thanks for the responses, i really appreciate it.

Don't be confused! Starvation does exist. When someone who is overweight thinks they need to increase their intake because of "starvation mode" it is completely!!!!! different from someone like yourself who is in fact underweight and undereating and literally starving yourself. Your doctor seems to be on to something. This is a mental issue. You should be attempting to gain weight. You need to be looking at your MFP calorie goal as the very least amount of calories you need to eat during a day. Your real goal should be to meet or excede this number. Good luck and use all the eating disorder help you can get from the medical team.
:drinker:

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Ok. Sorry to sound so pathetic etc. Thank you for your patience and contiued replies!

You don't sound pathetic. You're getting help and that's a really good sign.

chrysippus

Hi Netherling

When you say that MFP says 2290 it might be worth checking your settings.



If you're using a phone go to the main menu and select goals and then see what you have there for your target weight and weight loss goal. I am a little worried that you have set these at a time when you were still set on reducing your weight further and are now using these settings as confirmation of this harmful idea.

It is very important to remember that the app is just doing maths in the background and doesn't know anything about you.

I absolutely agree with the others on here who have said you should go and see the team your doctor has referred you to. Please don't try and 'get past it on your own'... they should be experienced and sympathetic and will have all the information and support you need to get to a good place.

However, you have said that there may be a delay before they get in touch with you, so how about trying the following in the meantime?

1. Work really hard on thinking that you have done really well to reduce your weight and now you are in a different phase and need to switch to a new goal.
2. Use something simple like the BMI chart to set a goal weight to aim for. I'm a 6' male too and the 'mid point' BMI (i.e. equal distance from being underweight or overweight) is about 160 lbs. This might seem too scary so maybe pick a weight that is still on the lower end of the healthy range - say 145lbs.
3. Now, if you go back into MFP and put your target in as 145lbs and choose the smallest possible weight gain per week (.5lb) it would be interesting to see what your calorie goal would be but I am suggesting this will be much closer to what is appropriate for you.
4. Set yourself the challenge (in the same way you did for your weight loss) to get as close to that calorie goal each day as possible.

This simple exercise will hopefully encourage you to eat more in the short term and may provide some useful background for when you get to your first appointment with the team you've been referred to.

Very best of luck

C

Netherling

Thanks Chrysippus, i know you're right in everything you've said and i will take it on board and really try to up my calories. The thing i can't get past.. quite.. is that i don't want to gain weight (or rather, fat). I feel really bad that i'm here complaining that i'm underweight, seems so ungrateful and ridiculous that people are telling me to eat more (surely everyone wants to do that?). The trouble is i can completely understand what you're saying, i know i'm being irrational (and to use my words, pathetic), i even know i feel better when i do eat more (physically), i need to get away from the bad psychological feelings.

You're all right i have to focus on the good - having more energy, being healthier and remember that i have achieved my goal.

I wasn't intending to go into this when i started the thread but as you're all recommending the eating disorder team so much... I'm currently seeing a therapist for my anxieties and they won't allow me to see both at the same time. This is really the main reason i wanted to move past it on my own - i want to continue trying to solve one problem in my life, really sucks i've developed another one and i guess i don't really want to face that.

I know i'm repeating myself, (but i'm not used to seeing this sort of support on the internet!) thank you so much for taking the time to respond and give such patient and good advice to someone you've never met and probably never will. I am so grateful.

tl:dr: You're right, i'll try harder and thank you!

ps. sorry for wall of text and the venting.

AnnieRN6

If your doctor wants you to be seen by an eating disorder team, you're already past "doing it on your own." Strength is when you do the right thing, even when it's hard. Do the hard thing--get in touch with that team, and love yourself.

Netherling

Well to be honest, she asked me what i wanted to do. She asked if i just wanted another appointment in 2 weeks to check my weight and i said i'd probably just lose more.

mustlovecats

Gosh! Your story touched me.
It sounds like you definitely need the psychological support so I would certainly encourage you to get the help you need in this area. Our relationship with food varies with each person and our addiction/struggle is always so personal. You are very brave for reaching out for help and you should be commended for that. It takes courage and insight to recognise that you have a problem.

The only additional food for thought I would like to add to the advice you have received from the MFP community is that food is such a fundamental requirement of the body's make up. By the sounds of things you definitely aren't eating enough and underweight is as bad as being overweight. If you don't feed your body enough - especially the good stuff - you end up doing harm over the long term. Over time, your body systems (organs, muscles, brain, heart, reproductive ability, respiratory function etc) start to fail in varying degrees (depending on how much and for how long you have deprived them).

You have your whole life ahead of you with such awesome things to learn and participate in. Don't deprive yourself of self love and good health.
Love yourself enough to feed yourself enough. It's all about balance.... and please get good support from a professional. If you don't like one counselor then keep on looking until you find the right one.

quirkysterks

Hi Netherling,

You therapist for anxiety will probably have some good information on your food struggles. I've had issues with anxiety in the past, and it's really tempting to seek any outlet for control- and food intake is something that commonly becomes a target.

Tell your therapist, and see if he/she can offer suggestions. In the mean time, focus on how much healthier you'll be when you eat the right amount of calories and the right amount of nutrients (which includes healthy fats... and more than what you're currently intaking. Do your very best to make sure you get as close as possible to that mark).

See if you can shift what you're trying to control... not a solution, but a temporary patch until you can get a better handle on your compulsions.

Hang in there! You've got a group pulling for you

LTKeegan

Thanks Chrysippus, i know you're right in everything you've said and i will take it on board and really try to up my calories. The thing i can't get past.. quite.. is that i don't want to gain weight (or rather, fat). I feel really bad that i'm here complaining that i'm underweight, seems so ungrateful and ridiculous that people are telling me to eat more (surely everyone wants to do that?). The trouble is i can completely understand what you're saying, i know i'm being irrational (and to use my words, pathetic), i even know i feel better when i do eat more (physically), i need to get away from the bad psychological feelings.

You're all right i have to focus on the good - having more energy, being healthier and remember that i have achieved my goal.

I wasn't intending to go into this when i started the thread but as you're all recommending the eating disorder team so much... I'm currently seeing a therapist for my anxieties and they won't allow me to see both at the same time. This is really the main reason i wanted to move past it on my own - i want to continue trying to solve one problem in my life, really sucks i've developed another one and i guess i don't really want to face that.

I know i'm repeating myself, (but i'm not used to seeing this sort of support on the internet!) thank you so much for taking the time to respond and give such patient and good advice to someone you've never met and probably never will. I am so grateful.

tl:dr: You're right, i'll try harder and thank you!

ps. sorry for wall of text and the venting.

This post breaks my heart a little bit. You seem like such a motivated/determined person yet all you post is negative things about yourself. I know that I am guilty of the same things, often, which is why I think this post struck a nerve, but please, in addition to seeking help, PLEASE try to say one nice thing about yourself every day (or in every post).

You're worth it and you're worth getting healthy :flowerforyou:

Netherling

Thank you everyone for your kind messages and advice. I just wanted to come and post a bit of an update and ask another question or two (sorry!). I have started eating more, the last few days I've eaten around 2500 calories, probably more yesterday. I've stopped keeping a diary of it as I don't want to obsess so much and just enjoy the food for what it is. This morning I had a very large breakfast: a big bowl of porridge, 1 weetabix, a slice of seedy wholemeal toast with spread and peanut butter, some ham with cream cheese and 1 wispa bite. That was at around 7:30 and now already by 10:30 I feel absolutely wiped out. Can someone please tell me why?

deksgrl

Thank you everyone for your kind messages and advice. I just wanted to come and post a bit of an update and ask another question or two (sorry!). I have started eating more, the last few days I've eaten around 2500 calories, probably more yesterday. I've stopped keeping a diary of it as I don't want to obsess so much and just enjoy the food for what it is. This morning I had a very large breakfast: a big bowl of porridge, 1 weetabix, a slice of seedy wholemeal toast with spread and peanut butter, some ham with cream cheese and 1 wispa bite. That was at around 7:30 and now already by 10:30 I feel absolutely wiped out. Can someone please tell me why?

I'm going to guess because either because it was high in carbs, and/or the sugar in the chocolate. May be a sugar crash from the candy bar. I'm not familiar with Wispa so I don't know if this is like an entire candy bar or a very small piece of candy.

Netherling

It was only a very small square of chocolate (19 calories). I guess my breakfast was high in carbohydrate but I had around 200-250ml semi skimmed milk, 20g peanut butter, ham and cream cheese.

Edit: should I eat less (carbs) to have more energy??

Edit 2: all I wanted to do this morning was eat, I could haven eaten so so much I think.

deksgrl

It was only a very small square of chocolate (19 calories). I guess my breakfast was high in carbohydrate but I had around 200-250ml semi skimmed milk, 20g peanut butter, ham and cream cheese.

Edit: should I eat less (carbs) to have more energy??

Edit 2: all I wanted to do this morning was eat, I could haven eaten so so much I think.

It was probably not a sugar crash then. What was the total carbs in grams from the porridge, weetabix, toast? I would try substituting one of those with something higher protein.

Netherling

I imagine somewhere around 100-120g carbs total

deksgrl

I imagine somewhere around 100-120g carbs total

That is quite a bit.

Netherling

I thought that I should be trying to eat more though, am I now just eating the wrong things?

I really do struggle sometimes with how much I can eat. I ate all that breakfast and still just wanted to eat more. I really don't know what I'm doing.

deksgrl

I thought that I should be trying to eat more though, am I now just eating the wrong things?

I really do struggle sometimes with how much I can eat. I ate all that breakfast and still just wanted to eat more. I really don't know what I'm doing.

Yes, you should be eating more calories. Just try to get more protein in there instead of so much carbs. Or make it fruit (which although it still has carbs, shouldn't make you feel as bushed as the wheat/bread carbs.) Fruits, meats, yogurt, dairy instead of so many grains.

Netherling

Ok, how many grams of porridge do you recommend i have and would whey protein milkshake powder be good for breakfast?

Netherling

I'm gonna sound even more pathetic now. I really don't know what i should be eating in terms of carbs. I'm having chicken and pasta tonight with a tomato sauce and some green veg. I was going to have around 150g of wholewheat pasta but if you're saying cut carbs, what should i have instead?

Really grateful for your advice, as always.

deksgrl

I'm gonna sound even more pathetic now. I really don't know what i should be eating in terms of carbs. I'm having chicken and pasta tonight with a tomato sauce and some green veg. I was going to have around 150g of wholewheat pasta but if you're saying cut carbs, what should i have instead?

Really grateful for your advice, as always.

You can eat the carbs, just if eating all those carbs in the morning doesn't make you feel good, then try to get a different combination for tomorrow.

How many calories were you shooting for in the morning, approximately? There are a lot of different combinations of foods you could eat in the morning that would be less carb heavy.

Netherling

That's the thing, I don't know what I should be aiming for. I just don't want this feeling of being so tired and irritated all the time. I cycle to work but it's not far. I have chocolate whey protein powder that I could start taking but I was focusing on foods that would make me feel full and supposedly release energy slowly throughout the day (or so I thought).

deksgrl

That's the thing, I don't know what I should be aiming for. I just don't want this feeling of being so tired and irritated all the time. I cycle to work but it's not far. I have chocolate whey protein powder that I could start taking but I was focusing on foods that would make me feel full and supposedly release energy slowly throughout the day (or so I thought).

Okay, well if your goal is 2500 calories, then you want to break that up through the day, something like 700 calories each for 3 meals plus 2 snacks of 200? Maybe you don't feel hungry for snacks so you have to have 3 meals of 825-850 each.

So, figure out a 700 calorie breakfast that you like which incorporates carbs/protein/fats. Like, eggs/toast/butter. Or, porridge with a little butter, protein shake with milk, peanut butter on an apple. Then look up quantities so you make it to that 700 calorie or 825 calories range.

Maybe you find it easier to eat a larger dinner of 1,000 calories. Adjust the other two meals and/or snacks accordingly. You have to make this fit into your life.

Netherling

Well I like having porridge and like the idea of having a protein shake but both are nicer with milk. However if I want a decent amount of porridge (to fill me up) the amount of milk needed for both is too high in terms of calories. Should I do the porridge with water then add a little milk? Or should I just use skimmed milk on both? Is whole milk much healthier than skimmed / semi skimmed milk? Will this sort of breakfast actually give me the energy I need?

God I have so many questions just about breakfast - but I guess it is the most important meal of the day. I'm so sorry to ask all these stupid questions.

deksgrl

Well I like having porridge and like the idea of having a protein shake but both are nicer with milk. However if I want a decent amount of porridge (to fill me up) the amount of milk needed for both is too high in terms of calories. Should I do the porridge with water then add a little milk? Or should I just use skimmed milk on both? Is whole milk much healthier than skimmed / semi skimmed milk? Will this sort of breakfast actually give me the energy I need?

God I have so many questions just about breakfast - but I guess it is the most important meal of the day. I'm so sorry to ask all these stupid questions.

I personally drink 2% milk I don't like skim, it is just like water to me. I wouldn't go with skim milk when you are trying to increase calories.

8 ounces 2% milk and 1 scoop of protein powder = 282 calories (from my diary) this keeps me full for awhile
So now you have 418 calories for whatever else. What amount of porridge fits that? Maybe you need to make it with water to make it fit, and add a pat of butter or a little sugar for taste. Maybe the amount of porridge you can have for 400 calories isn't enough and you want to choose something else instead. I'm betting with the protein shake, it will be enough. Use the food database here and see what fits in the amount of calories you have.