I Have a Confession

sallyannnaidoo

I started on my weight lost journey on New Year's and I have lost a total of thirteen pounds. However I recently found out I am having issues with my thyroid because it is under active. Now I am so discouraged to actually get up and exercise. Do you guys have any advise in getting motivated to work out?! Thank you

glowgirl14

I could have almost written this...mine took a bit longer to get there. I lost from 200 down to 117. I lost the weight in a healthy way, but just like you, being under 120 did something to me mentally...it was the weight I could never attain. When I did, I got obsessed with food/exercise/clothing. Standing in front of mirrors wondering where the fat was going to come off next...freaking out when I did't have control of the food at someone's house/restaurants.

Same as you, I went on a trip. Mine was 5 weeks. It was filled with days of binges, followed by days of extreme cardio, followed by binges...That was in October/November of last year. Came home from that 11lbs heavier, and after the water weight came off, I also had a 5lb gain.

Still on MFP. Logging sporadically. Making excuses. Exercise some days, don't some days...and oh GOD the binges. Feeling sick. Hating myself. Punishing myself the next day with restrictive food and excessive exercise. Reading on the forums here, and elsewhere trying to find something that would get me back on track. Just trying to find some plan I could cling to until my brain kicked into gear. None of it worked...

Basically I have maintained at about 122 since I got back. I've been back to 118 a couple of times, up to 126 a couple of times, but mostly the scale stays between 121 and 123. I haven't recorded a loss in two months. What's to complain about though? I know exactly why I'm not losing weight. People see this stupid ticker and think I'm some kind of guru, and I feel like an imposter. "She's lost 76lbs, she must know what she's doing!" And I try to help, and watch these new people start recording losses...eating enough...logging...and here I am, feeling like my 200lb self. No self control. Obsessing over things.

I also have been struggling with how hard it was...like you, before that trip, it was so easy. I followed my plan. I lost weight. It wasn't fast, but that's ok. Because I was consistently eating within my calories, and consistently hitting macros, and consistently following my exercise plan. I didn't struggle with binges...I'd see "those foods" and want them, but it was a passing thought, not something I had to actually fight. I was floored, because I thought I was okay, and I guess I'm not.

It's hard to find a balance here...between obsession and self control...but I've been "back on track" for about 2 weeks now. This feels like it did before. Just following my plan. Just being normal. No binges, no crazy low calories. Making room for my treats in my plan. But I'm still a bit scared...and maybe that's a good thing. I don't want to ever experience the last few months again.

I applaud you for posting this. I guess I feel alone with this part of my life. I hate posting because - like you, I'm a healthy weight. At 5'4, I'm at the low end of healthy. I post on my newsfeed about being frustrated with my weight, and always wonder if my friends are annoyed. They're struggling to get to a healthy weight, and I am "thin". I want to think I'd be more understanding in their shoes, but I remember obesity. I remember just wanting to get into the overweight category. To not be obese anymore...I wonder if I would have deleted a friend like me...who can't just be satisfied where she is. But it's not about the weight, it's about the excess. The inconsistency. Obsession followed by strong doses of fukitol.

Anyway. Sorry for the long post. Like I said, I could have written this. It is really nice to see that I'm not alone.

kaylatee0

I must say, my intent in posting this was to tell others they weren't alone, not realizing that I didn't know that myself!!
Im inspired to hear the stories of others, you are all so amazing!