Depression and coming undone

Scarscub

First, let me apologize for the self-pitying nature of this post, but I would appreciate some advice, or even a word of encouragement.

I have had depression (dysthymia) since I was fourteen. I have been overweight since age eight. I joined a gym in 2012, and as of November 2013 I managed to get down to 147lbs (I am 5'6). Since then I have begun to binge eat, and not from denying myself any pleasurable food. I eat because it brings me pleasure and spikes my dopamine. Hobbies I used to enjoy no longer bring me pleasure.

This more recent bout of depression has brought with it unending fatigue. After many blood tests it was determined that I have hypothyroidism. I take medication for it, and my doctor says that my hormone levels can no longer be the source of this fatigue. My doctor believes it is one of my numerous depression symptoms.

I have gained back at least twenty pounds. My clothes barely fit. I am on my third antidepressant and third therapist, neither of which has proved terribly helpful. My family is not a source of support. My gym attendance has dramatically suffered. I do not have anyone who understands what it is like to have a mental illness, and speaking to my friends about my depression only burdens and exasperates them. I am always tired no matter how much I sleep, which has led to a few instances of distraction when driving. I am not, and have never been, suicidal, but I find no worth in myself.

Is there anything I can do inbetween appointments with my therapist and doctor to regain some control over my eating? I used to log meticulously, but I no longer bother to log my binges---I did before, but it did not change anything. I am utterly defective and disgusting because of my lack of control. I hate and love junk food as much as Gollum hates and loves the One Ring.

editorgrrl

MFP has a Hypothyroidism and Hyperthyroidism group: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/770-hypothyroidism-and-hyperthyroidism

Eating right & exercising is an important part of self-care. Start here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

fishergal5

Read the book "The Mood Cure, Take Charge of your emotions in 24 hours...naturally" by Julia Ross. She holds a master's degree in clinical Psychology and is a leader in the field of nutritional psychology. It sounds like your body is lacking some vital foods, supplements and amino acids. I can attest that it helps me completely naturally find energy, get sleep, find motivation and feel great.

fishergal5

Also in that book, there are quick questionnaires to find out where you are mentally and what you may need for each stage. For me it was the chapter "Blasting the Blahs" that helped me the most. Good luck and read the reviews on Amazon before you dismiss this book!

meritage4

go for a walk outside most days. Really. Clinical studies have shown it helps depression.
Being outside also makes you feel good and gives you some extra vitamin D and the walking will help with weight.

I working on getting down to your weight. We are the same height.

Annie_01

I truly am sorry that I have no words that will help...I wish I did.

Many of us have had periods in our life of depression due to one thing or another. Some have fought their way out of with medication...others through just pure determination...some a combination of both.

Whether you realize it or not...you have already taken the first step of regaining your life...you have faced your problems and acknowledge them. In one sense...that might be the hardest step to take.

As far as binging...IMO...at least when I look back on my own relationship with food...we hide behind it...use it to distract...to fill a need. It wasn't until I defined what I was hiding from and what I needed was I able to get my eating under control. I had to come to terms with my fears...take down the walls that I was hiding behind...a take a step forward.

We all have to learn to love ourselves...love ourselves enough to live the lives that not only we want...but deserve.

I wish you luck...I wish you peace...

Scarscub

MFP has a Hypothyroidism and Hyperthyroidism group: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/770-hypothyroidism-and-hyperthyroidism

Eating right & exercising is an important part of self-care. Start here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

I am part of the hypothyroidism group, but this post pertains more to my depression. And naturally I know the importance of proper eating and taking exercise. The cruel nature of depression is the struggle to actually care about oneself.

Miamiuu

Id trying taking some vitamins and see if that improves your mood at all. Good ones are l tryptophan, vitamin b complex, omega 3 fish oil

Bun_Ya

I am in the same boat as you, OP, but I don't binge on food (I harm myself in other ways).

The only thing I can think to recommend is getting out into nature if you can. It always seems to help me even if only temporarily.
Anyway, I don't have any answers for you but just so you know that you don't have to be completely alone in this - If you ever need to talk just send me a PM.

Graelwyn75

I totally relate, right down to your last sentences.
It is hard. I also have hypothyroidism, alongside depression and issues with binge eating and at times, bulimia(though I am mostly past the latter).
I have slipped into 8 week long phases of severe binge eating, where I barely left my home, only going out to buy more food. I slept and ate, and did little else. It was no way to live.

The only thing that helped, was getting back to the gym, I have to say. The lack of exercise, just compounds the situation as you have all this sugar running through your system, causing endless peaks and dips, and no means of burning that off. The tiredness is also partly, at the very least, caused by the binge eating and lack of exercise.

I suggest getting in a decent pile of healthy and nourishing foods, setting a realistic calorie goal for yourself while you try and break free of this binge eating pattern, and getting that first workout in... I have pushed myself into that gym many a time, when all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, so tired did I feel, but I still went, and came out feeling better and more alert. At the very least, get out and go for a walk, somewhere calm and peaceful if possible. Take yourself to a nice cafe and sit with a tea/coffee and a good book....just get out there and do something, because the alternative, is remaining stuck where you are and getting worse.

Make sure you are in a good routine. I have a bad habit of staying glued to the internet half the night and not getting up until midday and gone. Makes matters worse. Keep your hands and mind busy... I do cross stitch, but you could get yourself a puzzle book, or a colouring book, or take up knitting or writing.

Most of all, remember you are as worthy of happiness and life as the next person. I know believing that is hard, as I myself spend many hours a week, feeling myself to be of no worth, or use at all. But, I am working on it, and so must you.

Good luck.

mbrasure

I am sorry you are going through this tough time. My faith is what gets me up in the morning and keeps with going. Food was my god but I have found another way that is so much better. I will be praying for you.

larodriguez02

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I do understand. I also suffer from depression, along with ADHD and Anxiety. It is very hard to get out of a slump like that. I've been in one for about 6 months now, its frustrating. what helps me, is being outside, I like to take walks at a park near my work that is very peaceful for me, my "happy" place. I was having a really rough time a few days ago, my PMS was really bad, so I went on pinterest and found some inspirational quotes and posted them on my wall. It really helped me. Try setting a small goal for the week. Good luck. hugs.

lilaak007

I am sorry that you are going through this. I hav suffered from post-partum depression and let me tell you, i won't wish it on my worst enemy. I have noticed that eating healthy and exercise helps. Also see if you can find some fitness buddies with whom yo can work out and get some support. Praying also has helped me tremendously.

dintentions3

too sleepy to respond properly to this so will do it tomorrow. i can totally relate to you:frown:

eso2012

I understand where you come from, totally. I know a lot about depression (not suicidal...but definitely super chronically tired) and have been on medication for many years. The way I see it, the drugs help my biochemical imbalance, and then I use workout, good support system, self tracking etc to maintain good mental health.

Depression often goes hand in hand with binge eating, OCD, etc. So remember, you are a typical case, definitely not alone.

Sorry to hear that you do not have a good support system. PLEASE find one, even just online. It is one of the most important thing you can do to not just deal with the bad periods, but to maintain in the long run.

Here's what I suggest
1. Track, track, track. Notice how your reaction to your medication. Never ever stop or change the dosage without talking to your doctor. Bear in mind it is never one size fits all, so the dr has to rely on your to adjust dosage or even the brand.

2. One thing at a time. While everything is related, you may not want to tackle binge eating, depression, fatigue...all at the same time.

3. Don't worry about going to the gym if you don't feel like it. Sometimes when depression hits, you don't even want to get out of bed, let alone making your way to the gym. I definitely feel my endorphin after I work out, and I do not limit myself to a gym. Walk, jump, whatever....just consider that little dosages to pull you out from the dark place.

4. Do not be afraid to change therapist. You need to have that "click".

So much more I can say! I think you are doing absolutely the right thing to have professional guidance.

PM me if you would like to talk more. I am all for open discussions about mental health!

sisterlilbunny

So I finally got a blood test from my doc for my fatigue, everything is fine but she suggested Vitamin D since we're in a huge bad spot for sunlight. I'd big time suggest asking if a Vitamin D vitamin would be beneficial towards your depression. That said, I swear by my citalopram. And it's taken me so many freeken years to find a drug that worked for me. AND that said, it's taken years to figure out what works for me and what is just a placebo.

The oddest that has helped? Blood pressure medication. Now my BP is perfectly fine (125/70) but when my doc put me on Propranolol my anxiety and my migraines have gone down. And the key was for my migraines. However having the help with anxiety has been HUGE. Again, it's your body so it may vary. If you'd like to talk about it please let me know. As you know everyone is different.

In the mean time, take the time to treat yourself well. Depression seriously sucks. *HUGS*

40DayFit

bump to learn and to help friends

dintentions3

ok, so i just wanted you to know i relate to EVERYTHING you say. i have struggled with depression since i was a little girl. been on antidepressants since i was 13. in the last year and a half ive REALLY taken a turn for the worse, and thats when i gained 50 lbs. i also feel that my depression has turned into something more,like maybe bipolar? bc i have extremely uncontrollable ups and downs.actually thats why i decided to joing my fitness pal...bc i know my weight plays HUGE part in how i feel. physically,but mostly mentally. ive been doing better since i started exercising every day and monitoring my calories. now some days,i still cant get myself out of the bed to exercise but most days i can. add me anytime if you want to talk. there is nothing you could say that i would judge you for. ive been through it all. i need motivation too .

dietcoke281

I'm really sorry you're going through that. It's scary to post in a public forum, but I've been through it too. Therapists, psychiatrists, antidepressants, hospitals, the works. It's horrible. But I can relate so I hope that gives you a bit of comfort.

And I know it's so hard when well-meaning people tell you that exercise and eating right will make you feel better. You know in the back of your mind it will but actually having the motivation to do it seems IMPOSSIBLE. It's hard enough getting out of bed some days let alone logging food and exercising.

My advice for right now would be to get back and find a doctor and/or a medication that agrees with you, and don't worry too much about going to the gym every day. Find an activity you like (not a hobby if you can't find any you like - I know I never could). Watching tv seems counter productive but it beats binging. Try and look for something like that if you can. If you're up to it, take a walk, I always find that quite calming.

Please add me/PM me if you like, and I hope everything gets better for you really soon xoxo

eelamme

Read the book "The Mood Cure, Take Charge of your emotions in 24 hours...naturally" by Julia Ross. She holds a master's degree in clinical Psychology and is a leader in the field of nutritional psychology. It sounds like your body is lacking some vital foods, supplements and amino acids. I can attest that it helps me completely naturally find energy, get sleep, find motivation and feel great.

Bump for later...THANK YOU

MaryElvira1959

Hi my name is Mary and I'm truly sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I can truly relate. I had depression and anxiety real bad plus Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome and on top of that Fibromyalgia. I've always been overweight all my life, but the pounds really started to add on when I began with all these symptoms. I didn't want to get out of bed, cook, clean or take a shower. But my health started to suffer to the point that I was a very ill person with lots of health issues that were not getting any better, everything was compounding due to lack of motivation because of the depression. But when they told me how serious my health was, I started to force myself to take 10 minute walks, my knees would ache and my feet would get so tired from the extra weight. As time went by I noticed that I started to feel different, more energy so I walked more until I ended up walking 4.4 miles 5 days a week. It has helped my moods and I no longer stay in bed like I use to. Plus I had my antidepressant changed several times till now I am on a new one called Savella it helps with the depression, anxiety and my Fibromyalgia. I'm back to work so now I go to the gym instead of walking outdoors due to work it's late to walk outdoors alone. I much prefer taking the walks outdoors, I feel the sunshine helps a lot. I agree with a lot of the posts such as from Grelwyn75, eso2012 and dietcoke 281, I feel they all had good advice to offer. Plus the other posts from very supportive people. I feel you are starting out on the right foot by seeing a therapist and like the other ladies posted if you don't feel a connection with your therapist look for another one, I did. Also your antidepressant might need to change. As hard as it may be you have to make the first step to getting some activity in your life. You don't want to end up where health is on the line. Start out slow and praise yourself for what you do positive each an everyday. Try to be an activist for yourself you are worth it and you deserve to smile as much as the next person. I knew no one was going to do any changes for me I had to do the work. Altogether I have lost 70 lbs. and I get a lot of feed back from my co-workers that I look so much happier and I have skip in my step. I'm here to support you