Depression and coming undone

phred_52

First, I 'spose I can relate to much of what you said. Diagnosed major depression 5/05. Moderate anxiety also. Have been on meds for both, and seem to work ok for me. Guess I got lucky with meds, in that I didn't have to try others. No energy, sleeping excessively, total loss of interest in things, been there. I also have hypothyroidism, meds too, some days good, others not.

Don't know how I accomplished my recent weight loss, but I avg. maybe 15 or so big bag of chips, eaten in one setting. Though I never include in food diary.

I find it sad that family especially is not a support, though from many mental health groups I've attended that is a common comment. I can relate also about others not understanding mental health. I've had numerous comments that it's all a figment of my imagination...like whatever. I really gave up driving semi, just to get disability (not), some folk are too funny for words. The big "S", well that does apply to me. 3 ICU's, and 12 stays in mental hospital. Nice to know you haven't plummeted that far.

The overeating, it was hard at first, but when I first began I went from 160 to 199, depression and love of chips mainly, that did it. for me. I'd like to hope that part might motivate you to control binges. I actually cut out all junk/fatty foods until I hit my 160 goal again. As I'm sure you know, we all handle/think differently, but please don't think "defective and disgusting", heck, that applies to many who are not in the mental health system. Chemical imbalance, sure. I still find little to no pleasure in most things at times, but the gym is one where I literally have to force myself at times.

Don't know if this will help at all, or if I rambled toooo much, but may things get better. Self talk?

adrienneh1986

Hang in there! You're trying, and when you're depressed that's super hard. I've struggled with depression and anxiety since 10th grade. But I'm at least lucky in that I have supportive people around me, and have found the right doctor and medication. I can't imagine going through what I have without a support system and I'm so sorry that you have had to!
Recently I've found that my mood has improved with increasing my exercise significantly (which my psychiatrist has been recommending for years). But before that, the best thing I ever did for myself was get a dog! I used to be very sedentary, but having a dog forced me to get outside and walk everyday. When I'm sad or stressed, it's very calming to sit and pet him. And it's great to have that unconditional, non-judgmental love that a dog gives.
If you're looking for any MFP friends to help support you, feel free to add me. Best of luck with with everything!

zella1100

Whenever I get down I go for a walk. It can be in a park or in the neighborhood, etc. My mind goes a gazillion miles an hour sometimes so I walk to burn off the stress and thoughts. Sorry to hear you're going through so much.

Turtlesallthewaydown

I have depression and thyroid problems and just got a new doctor who wants to run all new tests because my current treatment isn't getting results. So I feel for you and I hope things get better for both of us.

jeansnpearls84

This might seem like strange and backwards advice, but maybe you need to forget about losing weight right now. Maybe you should just focus on your mental and spiritual well-being, and your physical well-being will follow. Focus on finding balance and tranquility in your life, rather than trying to lose weight....that's just adding another stressor that you don't need to deal with right now! I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through, because everyone's experience is different...but I know that I wasn't really capable of losing weight until after I was able to finally get my depression and anxiety under control. ****but the most important thing for you to know is that you're not alone, there are tons of people out there going through similar struggles, so don't ever feel like you are worthless or helpless or disgusting. You are human, you are imperfect, and that is beautiful

kuolo

Offering support and encouragement :flowerforyou: I'm sorry I can't do much more than that.

And please know that things will get better.

Are there other pleasurable things you can do than eat? Like massage, music, bath, self-pampering... It won't be the same but it might be a start.

arabianhorselover

Same for me.

I am sorry you are going through this tough time. My faith is what gets me up in the morning and keeps with going. Food was my god but I have found another way that is so much better. I will be praying for you.

arabianhorselover

I agree with this. Take some pressure off yourself.

This might seem like strange and backwards advice, but maybe you need to forget about losing weight right now. Maybe you should just focus on your mental and spiritual well-being, and your physical well-being will follow. Focus on finding balance and tranquility in your life, rather than trying to lose weight....that's just adding another stressor that you don't need to deal with right now! I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through, because everyone's experience is different...but I know that I wasn't really capable of losing weight until after I was able to finally get my depression and anxiety under control. ****but the most important thing for you to know is that you're not alone, there are tons of people out there going through similar struggles, so don't ever feel like you are worthless or helpless or disgusting. You are human, you are imperfect, and that is beautiful

SeattleJill

I can relate. Same two diagnosis. I can only tell you what works for me. Besides the cognitive therapy which helped me to recognize my triggers and early onset warning signs, I have worked to log everything I eat, and not apologize if I go over. Logging it as I eat it when I am in a depressive state helps me to be more cogniscent (sp?) of my actions and this tends to help a bit with the binging. Oddly enough, now I can recognize a pattern in the junk food I eat and the oncoming of a depressive episode. So it helps me with that too. What helps to keep my symptoms in check is walking outside, especially in the sun, or any form or exercise, but walking outside helps, as well as forced interaction with people. I only learned this because I adopted the worlds cutest beagle who needs to go on long walks twice a day and interacts with every person who remotely glances at her. In my depressive state I wouldn't go out for me, but i will always go out for her. The regular walking and interaction with people helped the episodes not to last as long ans the symptoms to not peak as highly (even though I fricken' hate it sometimes at my worst).

These may not work for you at all. We're all weird and freaky and different with our body chemistry. I agree with the previous posters. make weight loss your secondary goal right now. In therapy, I would try and work on the immediate needs of damage control during an episode. Start identifying signs, symptoms and triggers so you can name them and head them off at the pass when you start to recognize them. it takes time. then start experimenting with natural dopamine increasers like outdoors, exercise, animals, etc. And when you find one that works, take it seriously like you would your meds, daily, weekly, regular intervals. The hardest thing for me to do when i am in the middle of an episode is to keep to a schedule, but the routine also really helps to lesson my symptoms. Even if it's as simple as forcing myself to wake up at 7am every day and stay awake for an hour before I go back to sleep. Doing things like this, as well as taking my meds regularly has helped me to lesson the impact of my episodes and the length of them dramatically over the last several years. Side note: no two meds workt he same for no two people. it can take a few years to find the right med and dosage. Work closely with your doctors, communicate regularly with them, and keep a log of your symptoms/reactions with each one if you can manage it. It can be hard to do in a depressive state. Good luck. You are not alone in this, everyone here is rooting for you.

1daylate1dollarshort

I relate to this a bit. No thyroid issue (if I say I think there's something wrong with my eye, they test my thyroid like that's the answer to everything. Weird) but I have bipolar type II or NOS, they don't know.

I was depressed for as long as I can remember, and I didn't turn to food until I was in my early twenties. I was very small up until that point. Then I realized that pancakes are amazing so you know. I get that food can be one of the few sources of pleasure while depressed. I'm medicated right now, but I am afraid of what will happen with the diet when it hits again

Sometimes I do random stuff that makes me feel better rather than eat a load of food. Like I take a couple of minutes to wipe down a counter or something. I know that sounds dumb, but I want to feel like I accomplished something in a day. Certainly is no cure, but I feel like it's a step in the right direction. It takes less than five minutes to sweep the floor. Doesn't make me too happy, but it's something.

So I agree that it would be a good idea to find other things that you find pleasure in, that make you feel useful, even if it's only for a few moments. It's sometimes the best we can do.

I understand that it's so, so hard to get out of bed, or get in the shower, or really do anything. The hardest part for me is getting one foot on the floor. Sometimes things like that help, other times it's like it's so pointless because I won't get 100% better. Food won't do that either though. The self-loathing that comes with overeating doesn't help.

Are you in the US? I get that it's been the worst winter like, ever, but sometimes I just go sit in the sun. Look at the trees or the clouds and listen to the kids playing and laughing in the neighborhood. Look at the pretty things. Not much in the way of advice, I know. I'm so sorry you deal with this as well.

KaiserNiner

****but the most important thing for you to know is that you're not alone, there are tons of people out there going through similar struggles, so don't ever feel like you are worthless or helpless or disgusting. You are human, you are imperfect, and that is beautiful

It's funny how true that is - given the number of people who have or are experiencing it, medicating, controlling it, avoiding it, in remission... At any one time at least a quarter of the people you see near by are in that boat.

In some ways we're complex and simple at the same time.

Negative loops are hard to get out of - the ruts can run deep. Binge-eating-depression can be one of those loops.

I could suggest neuro-linguistic programming as a useful tool, if not on it's own curing, but as a good tool for checking such.

There's another thought that gave me a strange sense of comfort.

It's normal not to be happy all the time.

So we don't have to worry if we're not.

mjudd1990

Are you currently taking levothyroxine or any other meds for your hypothyroidism? Depression is known to occur secondary to hypothyroidism and while it may not be the sole cause it certainly isn't going to help you feel more energized. Also if you are currently taking an SSRI it may be worth asking to be placed on a different one as usually only about 50% of people have remission of their depression on their first medication but if switched to a second it reaches 70% and a third it reaches above 90%.

Other than asking your doc about meds I would agree that getting plenty of sunlight and even light exercise like walking will help you feel better.