Ex- GF Facebook

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  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
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    Look for motivation elsewhere, buddy. Chances are that you've both grown up some and aren't the people that you used to be. You're grasping at the past that never was. I'm not saying that it can't happen. I'm just saying that you're moving backwards.

    If you want motivation without the baggage of an ex, look here on MFP for friends in your area. Find a gym. Join weight watchers. Sign up for a dodgeball team or volleyball... whatever. Do something to get you active.

    If I know I'm going to see one of my exes (I see one about twice a year), I always hit the gym hard for at least a couple weeks. Not because I have a shot to rekindle something... but because I want to show her that it's her loss. Good luck, buddy.
  • copselily
    copselily Posts: 117
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    Do it for yourself! That's what will keep you going when you hit bumps in the road. Even though it's satisfying knowing someone can see you look good now, self-care and fitness aren't about anyone else's approval.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    I tried using an ex as motivation and you're right if she shoots you down when you try to get her back you will loose your steam. Like everyone else has said use that as your intial motivation but find something else because if she shoots you down you have the potential to gain double what you lost.

    I am worried about this. We have exchanged a couple small messages via FB. I told myself I would send another one after meeting my next weight goal, which I achieved today and if I make my final goal I will ask her to lunch. I am worried she will tell me to stop messaging on FB and there goes my motivation.

    She wouldn't know. It is a long story and any reconnection would be for closure and my own mental therapy. I am not leaving my wife and kids for a college love.

    Again, Raymond, the question...


    what do you plan to tell your wife?


    (as I try to get myself out of my own little jam)

    She wouldn't know. It is a long story and any minor reconnection is for closure and my own mental therapy.

    sketchhhhhhhh
  • Loss4TheWin
    Loss4TheWin Posts: 249
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    This kind of makes me sad. I read the story of your weight gain and it kind of mirrors my husband's story. I don't think I'd be mad, but I'd be a little sad if my husband were using this connection to an ex-gf as motivation. Hell, if I'm honest, I'd be crushed. So, actually, thank you for posting this. This has added on to the heaps of motivation I already have to become rock hard - I'M going to be my husbands motivation, damnit...not some tart from his past lol

    Thanks!
    People are insane.
    :noway:

    That was a little hurtful and unnecessary.

    His story involves he and his wife gaining weight together (among other things that mirror my husbands journey) and he sees an ex looking good on facebook and finds motivation there. I don't think it's "insane" to see things from another perspective - that of his wife....I believe it's called empathy and is actually very healthy. If I were her, I'd be sad that my husband found motivation from a hot ex girlfriend.

    As it is, I'm pretty badass and I know my husband finds motivation from my journey - this kind of story just fuels that fire. I'm sad for his wife and this scenario gives me added fuel to keep being badass. It's kind of like when I watch an episode of hoarders. I'm not a hoarder, that's not any where close to my life story, but MAN does it give me motivation to throw things away and tidy up - the house is never cleaner than it is after a hoarders episode. lol
  • RecklezzBeauty
    RecklezzBeauty Posts: 16 Member
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    Candy crush request? She obviously wants the D! Go get her! :wink:

    i died reading this comment lol!
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    I find this Down-Arrow.png

    http://youtu.be/S7MuwPlOiNQ

    VERY motivating.
  • CherryRipe2012
    CherryRipe2012 Posts: 3
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    PS - we broke up b/c I was a stupid college guy who couldn't keep in my pants

    lol, if that is the case have you considered maybe she has been wanting to rub it in your face all these years and has decided now is the time? Sounds like it has worked.

    Nailed it!
  • klyn7788
    klyn7788 Posts: 52 Member
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    You are absolutely underestimating a woman's ability to "stumble" across private Facebook messages. Particularly, because men (and women!) often start acting funny when they have something to hide. I think it's fair to use the fantasy of "running into an ex" as motivation but developing a relationship with them in order to ask them to see you is not.

    After a marriage and twenty years, you don't need "closure".
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
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    I know I'm eventually going to bump into my first love and I want him to see how sexy I've become since him. I want him to think, "That's the girl I should have chosen." since he chose a girl half my size way back when.

    Whatever works for ya is what I say. Good luck.
  • Wookinpanub
    Wookinpanub Posts: 635 Member
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    I know I'm eventually going to bump into my first love and I want him to see how sexy I've become since him. I want him to think, "That's the girl I should have chosen." since he chose a girl half my size way back when.

    Whatever works for ya is what I say. Good luck.

    Finally someone who gets it and is not judging me.
  • He1loKitty
    He1loKitty Posts: 212 Member
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    It sounds like you want to lose the weight for yourself, and your ex-gf is the motivation. That seems totally valid. Right now, my motivation is a pair of shorts, how vain is that?

    But anyway, plenty of people reconnect after years apart. And whether it's platonic or something more on her end, she must have been thinking about you if she friend requested you! But if you suspect it's something more than platonic, on her part or yours, you should probably tell your wife. I understand if you got comfortable in your marriage and gained the weight. I'm sure that's happened to like, 90% of married couples. I can understand the shame of running into an ex and having him judge my weight. But if you are going to meet up for lunch at some point, you really should tell your wife.
  • Wookinpanub
    Wookinpanub Posts: 635 Member
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    It sounds like you want to lose the weight for yourself, and your ex-gf is the motivation. That seems totally valid. Right now, my motivation is a pair of shorts, how vain is that?

    But anyway, plenty of people reconnect after years apart. And whether it's platonic or something more on her end, she must have been thinking about you if she friend requested you! But if you suspect it's something more than platonic, on her part or yours, you should probably tell your wife. I understand if you got comfortable in your marriage and gained the weight. I'm sure that's happened to like, 90% of married couples. I can understand the shame of running into an ex and having him judge my weight. But if you are going to meet up for lunch at some point, you really should tell your wife.

    Very good advice. Thanks. Although I say I would like to meet up, I think I am using that too as motivation as I don't think I could go behind my wife's back like that.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    Candy crush request? She obviously wants the D! Go get her! :wink:

    This totally popped in my mind and caused awkward giggling in the middle of sexy time last night.

    I blamed you MyHaloSlipped!

    :blushing:
  • PJPrimrose
    PJPrimrose Posts: 916 Member
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    Not to get all crazy but have you thought about getting in shape for your wife? Gee, how do I put this? Certain things can vastly improve with weight loss and exercise...wink wink nudge nudge..... See what I'm saying? Ms Rock Hard whatever EX chick is the past. I'm glad she's in shape and sad she's having to hunt up EX's. If she's all so that hot you'd think she'd be too busy being hit on to bother with EX's, just sayin'. Maybe you could motivate your spouse and have some real life fun instead of a fantasy. You'd be amazed how much you can change the people around you by making positive changes for yourself. Good luck!

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