Okcupid
Replies
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You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.0 -
I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(
I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.
Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.
They rarely quit doing the thing that they're doing, From experience, its not that they get "smarter" they get shadier and better at hiding crap...
Doesn't help when he has all these computer skills to hid stuff either and multiple email addresses I'll never know about. I know what I need to do, just going to take time to be able to part ways! I am a stay at home mom on top of it so makes it even harder.
My advices:
1) Let him be, dont control him too much. A guy will always say "You think too much..Relax!" "It''s just online..Babe, I still love you" <~ He feels suffocated with you watching every of his 'little' movement
2) Change your appearance, from the way you dress at home to how you talk to him. Keep in mind..be a 'Hot Momma'.Eventually he will look at you in fascinating ways..and forget abt those slores that he is paying attention to.
3) You did mentioned you both have great bedroom activities. Thrill him more,wear sexier, talk sexier..Do whatever it takes to tease him until he stops watching porn chicks. The real hot woman is You
4) Find time to workout at gym, make yourself look more desirable. He will worry a lot if other men start looking at his woman
I really hope this was sarcasm.
I was just about to say the same thing..for goodness sake don't go changing yourself to please a man. Small things sure..but he should love you for you.
Sounds like to me he may have a slight sex addiction..maybe not. but I know from expeience with a ex that the situations are similar and if thats the case he will only change when he wants too..nothing you can do at home will change it..its an addiction. It wouldn't have mattered to my ex if I were an actual porn star living with him and at his beck and call 24/7 he craved the online interaction with other women..it makes them feel wanted..or validated. Like I said though..may not be the case.
If the man is a keeper, we change ourselves to improve relationship..Because you have children
If the man is not a keeper..Do as you see it right..which is Move on
If a man truly loves his woman..he wont stray in the least..
If he does..he never truly loved her.
Staying in a broken relationship and changing yourself just for the sake of children can often be worse than the alternate..because then both or one parent is miserable..and the children see that.
just the way I see it..0 -
I see dating advice on this forum, so here goes! What would you do if your significant other was caught on a dating site multiple times and you found out every single time and it happened again afterwards? Even if there was no real activity besides answered questions? Oh and constantly clears out history and changes passwords non-stop. AND we have children.
I would get rid of the cheating little rat!0 -
I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(
I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.
Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.
They rarely quit doing the thing that they're doing, From experience, its not that they get "smarter" they get shadier and better at hiding crap...
Doesn't help when he has all these computer skills to hid stuff either and multiple email addresses I'll never know about. I know what I need to do, just going to take time to be able to part ways! I am a stay at home mom on top of it so makes it even harder.
My advices:
1) Let him be, dont control him too much. A guy will always say "You think too much..Relax!" "It''s just online..Babe, I still love you" <~ He feels suffocated with you watching every of his 'little' movement
2) Change your appearance, from the way you dress at home to how you talk to him. Keep in mind..be a 'Hot Momma'.Eventually he will look at you in fascinating ways..and forget abt those slores that he is paying attention to.
3) You did mentioned you both have great bedroom activities. Thrill him more,wear sexier, talk sexier..Do whatever it takes to tease him until he stops watching porn chicks. The real hot woman is You
4) Find time to workout at gym, make yourself look more desirable. He will worry a lot if other men start looking at his woman
I really hope this was sarcasm.
I am sorry if it sound like a sarcasm.. But think carefully, we,ladies spend less time with our partner/spouse during weekdays,only family time at weekends. Basically we are only talking to our men for less than 5hrs every day.
Men can do online chatting while at work,even at home with us. So..instead of nagging him or having argument..do the opposite ways to get his attention
Maybe in your case..but if I talked to my spouse anymore than I already do, we'd grow tired of each other quickly. We talk non stop..I can see where you were coming from..but she shouldn't change the way she dresses or even change her body to stop him from straying...thats just crazy talk. If he were unhappy with the way things were in life..then he should be adult enough to man up and start a conversation about it..then they could make changes TOGETHER..this came off as you putting all the blame on her.
I agree with you on this, so both need to compromise and talk it out on what is going wrong or seems unright.
I don't say I am putting blame on her..but if she wants it to work it out well, a bit of changes to appearance wont harm either both of them.
Well it depends on her..if she wants to try it out for few weeks.0 -
You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.
I actually agree with this..i've never seen a problem with Porn..even women watch it on occasion..no matter how hard they try to deny it. They do. I thinks its the dating profiles that really causes the issues.0 -
You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.
Oh, well maybe "men" should be upfront and honest about watching porn. I made it clear before we were official, that I was not okay with it. If he had such an issue he could have ended it right then and there, or you know..be honest! So tired of men making excuses for bad habits. Everyone has their deal breaker.
In regards to the other comments, I do not need to change my appearance to keep my guy interested. I am attractive, fit, and always keep up with my appearance. I think this is more of a emotional connection issue or the fact that he appears to be a pathological liar.0 -
You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.
I actually agree with this..i've never seen a problem with Porn..even women watch it on occasion..no matter how hard they try to deny it. They do. I thinks its the dating profiles that really causes the issues.
It's really simple. If couples don't share the porn its as good as over. You have to at least have some overlap in what you both like, even if its not everything.
OP also said their sex life is good. Somehow I really doubt that if he's hiding porn and making OKC accounts. She might think its good, but he doesn't.0 -
You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.
I actually agree with this..i've never seen a problem with Porn..even women watch it on occasion..no matter how hard they try to deny it. They do. I thinks its the dating profiles that really causes the issues.
Not everyone, I have a personal issue with it from my past, and I have a very good reason to be disturbed by it. Therefore, I make it very clear before any relationship that I am not okay with it...Why watch others having sex when you could be having the real thing any way? I understand some people get their kicks of of it, but me personally I could not be with someone who constantly watches it.0 -
You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.
I actually agree with this..i've never seen a problem with Porn..even women watch it on occasion..no matter how hard they try to deny it. They do. I thinks its the dating profiles that really causes the issues.
Umm..:embarassed:0 -
You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.
I actually agree with this..i've never seen a problem with Porn..even women watch it on occasion..no matter how hard they try to deny it. They do. I thinks its the dating profiles that really causes the issues.
It's really simple. If couples don't share the porn its as good as over. You have to at least have some overlap in what you both like, even if its not everything.
OP also said their sex life is good. Somehow I really doubt that if he's hiding porn and making OKC accounts. She might think its good, but he doesn't.
Well, you will never know, so I'd stop judging my sex life if I was you. Maybe you don't get enough since you are so high up on porn? Two can judge.0 -
You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.
I actually agree with this..i've never seen a problem with Porn..even women watch it on occasion..no matter how hard they try to deny it. They do. I thinks its the dating profiles that really causes the issues.
Not everyone, I have a personal issue with it from my past, and I have a very good reason to be disturbed by it. Therefore, I make it very clear before any relationship that I am not okay with it...Why watch others having sex when you could be having the real thing any way? I understand some people get their kicks of of it, but me personally I could not be with someone who constantly watches it.
OK you realize that 99.9% of all men are into teh porn right? If you hate all porn, and then expect a guy to also hate all porn with you, you're gonna be looking for a long time. Just saying, women who demand their man give up his porn are asking for problems. Guys will get stupid passive aggressive in order to try and please his woman but still find ways to get what he wants. Its playing with fire.0 -
Well, you will never know, so I'd stop judging my sex life if I was you. Maybe you don't get enough since you are so high up on porn? Two can judge.
I like you.0 -
I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(
I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.
Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.
They rarely quit doing the thing that they're doing, From experience, its not that they get "smarter" they get shadier and better at hiding crap...
Doesn't help when he has all these computer skills to hid stuff either and multiple email addresses I'll never know about. I know what I need to do, just going to take time to be able to part ways! I am a stay at home mom on top of it so makes it even harder.
My advices:
1) Let him be, dont control him too much. A guy will always say "You think too much..Relax!" "It''s just online..Babe, I still love you" <~ He feels suffocated with you watching every of his 'little' movement
2) Change your appearance, from the way you dress at home to how you talk to him. Keep in mind..be a 'Hot Momma'.Eventually he will look at you in fascinating ways..and forget abt those slores that he is paying attention to.
3) You did mentioned you both have great bedroom activities. Thrill him more,wear sexier, talk sexier..Do whatever it takes to tease him until he stops watching porn chicks. The real hot woman is You
4) Find time to workout at gym, make yourself look more desirable. He will worry a lot if other men start looking at his woman
I really hope this was sarcasm.
I was just about to say the same thing..for goodness sake don't go changing yourself to please a man. Small things sure..but he should love you for you.
Sounds like to me he may have a slight sex addiction..maybe not. but I know from expeience with a ex that the situations are similar and if thats the case he will only change when he wants too..nothing you can do at home will change it..its an addiction. It wouldn't have mattered to my ex if I were an actual porn star living with him and at his beck and call 24/7 he craved the online interaction with other women..it makes them feel wanted..or validated. Like I said though..may not be the case.
If the man is a keeper, we change ourselves to improve relationship..Because you have children
If the man is not a keeper..Do as you see it right..which is Move on
Where is the facepalm emoticon?0 -
You asked him to stop looking at the porn he enjoys, and then expected him to sit around and be a good little boy.
No offense to you ladies, but you either need to share the porn or give up the man. That porn is what he's interested in, if you can't handle that then leave. If you ask him to stop looking at it, 9 times out of 10 he will agree to, and then look at it with another layer of secrecy. You forced him to do that, by scolding him rather than enjoying it with him. Demanding your man give up his porn preferences will just force him to lie to you.
Yes he's a cheater, but you turned into mommy. Two unsexy people being unsexy together. You're both culpable for the relationship breakdown.
I actually agree with this..i've never seen a problem with Porn..even women watch it on occasion..no matter how hard they try to deny it. They do. I thinks its the dating profiles that really causes the issues.
Not everyone, I have a personal issue with it from my past, and I have a very good reason to be disturbed by it. Therefore, I make it very clear before any relationship that I am not okay with it...Why watch others having sex when you could be having the real thing any way? I understand some people get their kicks of of it, but me personally I could not be with someone who constantly watches it.
OK you realize that 99.9% of all men are into teh porn right? If you hate all porn, and then expect a guy to also hate all porn with you, you're gonna be looking for a long time. Just saying, women who demand their man give up his porn are asking for problems. Guys will get stupid passive aggressive in order to try and please his woman but still find ways to get what he wants. Its playing with fire.
That is a ridiculous statistic that men who watch porn and want validation and a free pass to do as he pleases throws at women who have an issue with it. Not all men watch porn, and not all women watch porn. A lot do of course, not denying that. I mainly just don't like being lied to about it. Maybe if he was upfront and honest we would be able to compromise, but this isn't even the issue. Way to go to turn this around on me. You must be proud!0 -
all i can think of is the things my parents and grandparents had to deal with. yet still they loved each other, and still they learned to deal with things and stay together, no matter what.0
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OK you realize that 99.9% of all men are into teh porn right? If you hate all porn, and then expect a guy to also hate all porn with you, you're gonna be looking for a long time. Just saying, women who demand their man give up his porn are asking for problems. Guys will get stupid passive aggressive in order to try and please his woman but still find ways to get what he wants. Its playing with fire.
That is a ridiculous statistic that men who watch porn and want validation and a free pass to do as he pleases throws at women who have an issue with it. Not all men watch porn, and not all women watch porn. A lot do of course, not denying that. I mainly just don't like being lied to about it. Maybe if he was upfront and honest we would be able to compromise, but this isn't even the issue. Way to go to turn this around on me. You must be proud!
I agree with you he did several bad things. Your husband should not be creating online dating accounts. He's being a bad actor and putting you in a bad spot.
It would be helpful to you if he was more upfront and honest. But you are where you are. I do agree with previous posts that he's crossed a line and you should ditch him, he's no good. More to the point he's no good for you, betraying you like that. You got children, its difficult, I understand.
If you want to take action I don't think you have too many options. How many more times can you have him betray your trust?0 -
If you don't reciprocate or condone this behaviour move on.0
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Before taking any action, try getting to the bottom of it. Confront him and try to work it out. I remember getting in trouble for the same exact reason, because I had a profile on OkCupid. It was back when "personality tests" was all the rage and OkCupid seemed to have a great variety of them which I spent hours having fun with. I don't recall ever contacting anyone or replying to anyone.0
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Ask him to shut down the accounts. If he won't, ask why he still has them. If he is genuinely out to flirt with or hook up with other women, you need to re-evaluate your relationship.0
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How did you find out about his accounts anyway? If he is as good with computers as you say he is, then he obviously knows how to selectively clear internet history. Were you on okcupid and stumbled across his profile?0
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Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.
If you feel the need to check his emails, phone, online history etc. then there are serious issues here. Has he cheated on you before? There is obviously a reason why you're checking up on him.0 -
AND we have children.
move. on.
Totally THIS!0 -
I see dating advice on this forum, so here goes! What would you do if your significant other was caught on a dating site multiple times and you found out every single time and it happened again afterwards? Even if there was no real activity besides answered questions? Oh and constantly clears out history and changes passwords non-stop. AND we have children.
Why is this even a question? The most important thing in a relationship is trust. Without trust, you're having one night stands and don't know if this person will be there every night of the week. Move on.0 -
all i can think of is the things my parents and grandparents had to deal with. yet still they loved each other, and still they learned to deal with things and stay together, no matter what.
Yes, because people should always put up with a cheating spouse, a spouse who treats them like crap or just stay in an unhappy marriage. Different times my friend. If you're not happy and you've exhausted every possibility then it's time to get out and move on. This is not a dress rehearsal. You're not going to get another shot at life and happiness.0 -
all i can think of is the things my parents and grandparents had to deal with. yet still they loved each other, and still they learned to deal with things and stay together, no matter what.
Probably had more to do with the fact of how taboo divorce was (especially for women) not so long ago, not so much with how much couples loved each other back then. Not saying your parents and/or grandparents didn't love each other....just that it was common not so long ago for couples to stay together, even when they hated each other, because divorce was frowned upon by society and religions.0 -
I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I really am, it's a horrible feeling. Just a few things though...
1. How did you come about these profiles? If you were looking through his things/passwords online that makes me think maybe you were already mistrusting him or had some instincts?
2. You say he's clearing his history and resetting passwords. Does he know you've found these accounts and continues to play around on them? Or is he just that paranoid he'll get caught. Either option is less than desirable for a partner.
3. Your sex life is your business. If you say it is healthy, only you two know that. But I have to somewhat agree that if he is watching porn perhaps he's looking for something different? If you are dead set against porn, you have that right. But maybe try talking to him about what the attraction is to porn. Or compromise and find some that you could watch together and have a little fun with it.
I hate you're going through this, but ultimately you know what is best for you. I found out my ex was cheating through all these dating sites once we broke up and it was way worse, and with much higher volume than I ever imagined when I saw the first profile. Just be smart and protect your heart and body.0 -
I see dating advice on this forum, so here goes! What would you do if your significant other was caught on a dating site multiple times and you found out every single time and it happened again afterwards? Even if there was no real activity besides answered questions? Oh and constantly clears out history and changes passwords non-stop. AND we have children.
If you want to save your marriage then you need to confront him about it and get into some marriage counseling pronto.
He needs to understand how his actions are impacting you. He needs to take stock of what it will costs him an re-evaluate who he wants to be as a man.
I've been there. At the very least this is gateway behaviour, very strong gateway behaviour.0 -
I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(
I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.
Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.
They rarely quit doing the thing that they're doing, From experience, its not that they get "smarter" they get shadier and better at hiding crap...
People have the ability to reflect on their lives and improve. I truly believe that. Is it a small percentage of men that actually do that? Maybe. It's not impossible.0 -
Two main reasons why guys cheat
1) his needs are not being met at home
2) he is a "notch carver" and is always looking for someone new.
#1 can be worked out.
#2 can't.
End of story.
I don't agree with this. I think the biggest reason men cheat is they are insecure and need validation as a man.0 -
Leave. Unless you're ok with the idea that he's hiding conversations/affairs/hook ups from you. As for the porn, I'm of the belief that those things should by enjoyed together as a couple to enhance your sex life and get ideas to try new things. If he's accessing porn regularly alone, he has an F'd up idea of what sex is about...which is probably why he's looking for greener grass.0
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