Feeling defeated as always (sorry a little bit of a rant)
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CassieR6
Posts: 280 Member
Ok, before my daughter was born back in 2010 I did pretty well. Stayed between 135 and 145, not my ideal weight but not bad. I was consistent working out 4 days a week and eating generally 1200 calories a day. I got pregnant and only increased my intake by about 300 calories. So I watched what I ate and even still worked out some. I only gained about 25lbs and most were lost by the time she was 2 weeks old. Then I became lazy and unhappy in my marriage (which I am now divorced and I am sure all that didn't help). So I stopped watching what I ate and working out. I tried several times to pick it back up but I never was able to, so I just put on weight. Then last year I became unemployed, and was for about 8 months. So once again I put on more weight with more failed attempts to get back into being healthy. I am now at my highest weight, even more than what I was pregnant, I am 174 and only 5'3. I now have a job and an amazing man in my life and once again have tried to make a go of it, but as normal I am having a horrible time. I always eat over my calories after I log them and I have worked out once since I rejoined MFP. And lately I have just felt like giving up and maybe I am meant to be this big. I am getting in bad moods daily and just feel so beat and defeated. I know this change can only come from within and I need to want to change but I am wondering why I can say I wanna change and complain about my weight but yet I do nothing about it. :frown:
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Hey! Our moods can be such a huge predictor of the actions we decide to take. In order to lose weight you have to put work and time into yourself. Before you can do that, you need to believe that you are worth the work. You need to see yourself in a positive manner.
You are not meant to be "this big" if you are not comfortable. I don't know how tall you are, but if you feel big, regardless of what others thing (unless you are aiming for an unhealthy, underweight goal) you are not doing yourself a favor by not being kind to yourself.
When you start getting down on yourself about your weight know that you and only you have the power to change it. If you want to give you bf a sexy body to look at and your daughter a healthy mom to play with - then you can make the changes. Nobody can or will do it for you. It can be hard to remember WHY we want to lose weight or why we are worth it, but you need to remember that you are. You have the amazing man and you ahve the amazing daughter. Now you have to believe that you are equally as amazing to earn and work for the body that will make you happy!0 -
It's easier to complain about it and wonder why you can't then it is to actually do it. That's simple.
If it was easy, this site wouldn't exist.
You don't need exercise to lose weight. So maybe right now just focus on eating at a calorie deficit for a while. If you try to do too many things, you might be overwhelmed. Make a goal that you are going to lose 10 lbs just eating less and once you reach that you will incorporate a 2 day a week work out or what have you.0 -
When you want it bad enough, you will actually do it.
I would also recommend doing a bit of research and finding out how many calories you can actually eat to maintain your weight and how much you can eat to lose 1 pound a week. Eating only 1200 may not be the best option for you.
If you have a hard time getting motivated to exercise, then yes, start with just the food. But when you exercise more you get to eat more, so that is something to think about.0 -
It's easier to complain about it and wonder why you can't then it is to actually do it. That's simple.
If it was easy, this site wouldn't exist.
You don't need exercise to lose weight. So maybe right now just focus on eating at a calorie deficit for a while. If you try to do too many things, you might be overwhelmed. Make a goal that you are going to lose 10 lbs just eating less and once you reach that you will incorporate a 2 day a week work out or what have you.
This is very true
PS - mschicagocubs - I've seen your posts - you seem really nice, friendly, give good advice and all these really nice things. Which is unfortunate as I am a die hard Brewer fan and I have an inclination to dislike Cubs fans. You make this hard in the virtual world
:flowerforyou: haha 0 -
I agree with all of that. And believe me I am starting to get on my man's nerves by always *****ing about it and then coming up with yet another excuse. I am just trying to figure out why before it was so easy but now it seems so difficult! I am starting to become a really negative and I don't like it. I didn't notice it till recently. Its like I let the littlest thing defeat me for the day and I just go home after work and eat whatever and then have dinner too. Again I do realize I am just complaining but your words are helping so I do appreciate those that have responded so far. I need a little tough love to kick my *kitten* into gear I feel.0
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I always eat over my calories after I log them and I have worked out once since I rejoined MFP.
Not sure how to read this. Are you logging first or after you eat? For me logging the bulk of what I'm going to eat on a day helps me see where the wiggle room is for treats, etc. If you're already logging first then over eating that's a whole other issue.0 -
One thing you can do is PLAN. If you start planning what you will eat, and planning to eat within a calorie goal, then you start doing it, then you will overcome the defeat.
“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!” - Benjamin Franklin
Of course everyone has slip ups sometimes but if you start following and sticking to a plan for the most part, it won't matter, you can get beyond that and establish habits which will enable weight loss.0 -
So this may be an odd question, but did you go on BC after your pregnancy? If so what kind? I was on Yaz for about 8 years, and I finally did some research about it and decided to try a low estrogen one.
When I was on yaz, I was depressed and sad, had awful mood swings. I wanted to lose weight, but couldn't get up the motivation to do it, I felt worthless and ugly and all sorts of negatives. Since I switched things have gotten a lot better and I feel more positive.
While I agree that when you want something bad enough you'll do something, it may not be exact something that you expect. For me it was my boyfriend pushing me to look at my BC and consider if it could be a contributor. I blew him off for a long time because "I'd been on it for so long." Now I'm losing weight, happier, and he's happier.
And if not a BC, is there some other change that happened medicine-wise after the pregnancy and now? Drugs mess with our chemical balances by definition so maybe something to talk to your doctor about.
Also not trying to say that any of the other comments are invalid, just trying to throw another idea out there. It just sounds like what I went through while on Yaz.:sick:0 -
It only has to be as hard as you make it. At my heaviest, I was well over 200 lbs (at 5'4 - TOTALLY not cool). After a little bit of 'accidental' weight loss, I meandered over to MFP to see exactly what I was eating each day. I made a commitment to be HONEST with myself, and that first day of logging food was REALLY eye opening. I didn't do anything special at first. For a few weeks, I logged what I was eating. That was it. Then, one day I decided not to eat something because I didn't want to see the calories from it. Choosing to be honest with myself was the beginning of my real journey, but the first step was me deciding to put the cookie down, since I really wasn't hungry. From there, I've lost almost 50 lb, and am close enough to my pre-pregnancy weight (that I haven't seen in 14 years) that I can almost taste it. Not from 'diet and exercise', but from honesty. Just choose to be honest with yourself. That is the first step. The second is to be KIND to yourself. LOVE you for who you are, not for the amount of skin covering your bones. The THIRD thing is watching what you eat. But no one can have a successful and sustained (here, I mean that you KEEP the weight off) unless they are honest and kind with themselves. You can do it, honey.0
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I always eat over my calories after I log them and I have worked out once since I rejoined MFP.
Not sure how to read this. Are you logging first or after you eat? For me logging the bulk of what I'm going to eat on a day helps me see where the wiggle room is for treats, etc. If you're already logging first then over eating that's a whole other issue.
Yes, I log everything I bring to eat at work and then what I plan on eating for dinner. And for the most part I stay in or under. But then when I get home at around 6 as I make dinner I will have chips and salsa, bread, whatever. Then add at least 300 more calories if not more on top. I need to re-learn my self control but so far I have none. Again I know only I can change it. Just don't understand why its so damn difficult.0 -
So this may be an odd question, but did you go on BC after your pregnancy? If so what kind? I was on Yaz for about 8 years, and I finally did some research about it and decided to try a low estrogen one.
When I was on yaz, I was depressed and sad, had awful mood swings. I wanted to lose weight, but couldn't get up the motivation to do it, I felt worthless and ugly and all sorts of negatives. Since I switched things have gotten a lot better and I feel more positive.
While I agree that when you want something bad enough you'll do something, it may not be exact something that you expect. For me it was my boyfriend pushing me to look at my BC and consider if it could be a contributor. I blew him off for a long time because "I'd been on it for so long." Now I'm losing weight, happier, and he's happier.
And if not a BC, is there some other change that happened medicine-wise after the pregnancy and now? Drugs mess with our chemical balances by definition so maybe something to talk to your doctor about.
Also not trying to say that any of the other comments are invalid, just trying to throw another idea out there. It just sounds like what I went through while on Yaz.:sick:
I actually went with an IUD (the old school copper one, not the one in the lawyer commercials)0 -
It only has to be as hard as you make it. At my heaviest, I was well over 200 lbs (at 5'4 - TOTALLY not cool). After a little bit of 'accidental' weight loss, I meandered over to MFP to see exactly what I was eating each day. I made a commitment to be HONEST with myself, and that first day of logging food was REALLY eye opening. I didn't do anything special at first. For a few weeks, I logged what I was eating. That was it. Then, one day I decided not to eat something because I didn't want to see the calories from it. Choosing to be honest with myself was the beginning of my real journey, but the first step was me deciding to put the cookie down, since I really wasn't hungry. From there, I've lost almost 50 lb, and am close enough to my pre-pregnancy weight (that I haven't seen in 14 years) that I can almost taste it. Not from 'diet and exercise', but from honesty. Just choose to be honest with yourself. That is the first step. The second is to be KIND to yourself. LOVE you for who you are, not for the amount of skin covering your bones. The THIRD thing is watching what you eat. But no one can have a successful and sustained (here, I mean that you KEEP the weight off) unless they are honest and kind with themselves. You can do it, honey.
Wow, thank you those were some great points. And you hit a big one for me, I don't love myself. I feel totally gross and unattractive. I am sure in some ways I am depressed. Defiantly things I need to work on.0 -
Habits culminate over the years. You really just have to create new ones again and stick to them. And don't do it all at once. For weight loss, just at least start with planning and adhering to a couple of meals a day. Then keep adding on from there. Then later add a little exercise. Just don't try to do it too fast.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
It's easier to complain about it and wonder why you can't then it is to actually do it. That's simple.
If it was easy, this site wouldn't exist.
You don't need exercise to lose weight. So maybe right now just focus on eating at a calorie deficit for a while. If you try to do too many things, you might be overwhelmed. Make a goal that you are going to lose 10 lbs just eating less and once you reach that you will incorporate a 2 day a week work out or what have you.
This is very true
PS - mschicagocubs - I've seen your posts - you seem really nice, friendly, give good advice and all these really nice things. Which is unfortunate as I am a die hard Brewer fan and I have an inclination to dislike Cubs fans. You make this hard in the virtual world:flowerforyou: haha
Haha! Thanks I try...I don't like how some people on this site are quick to judge and make others feel bad about their struggles.
With that said ... Go Cubs, we suck! But I am one of the rare people that love Ryan Braun
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I know you hear it all the time, but it didnt happen overnight and its not going to be fixed overnight!! Dont look at the big picture...start with the small steps. Every sunday sit down and think of one diet goal for the week and one workout goal for the week. Maybe meeting your calorie goal at least 3 days maybe making sure you do 4 workouts for the week. Once you meet those goals, make new ones. Slow and steady ALWAYS wins the race!!0
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hi there......I understand how you are feeling and I can relate.....but I disagree that you are "meant to be this big".....I'm the same height as you...5'3" and I started off my weight loss at 172lb.....so almost the exact same weight.....I'm going to be 44 in May and my profile pic was taken a few weeks ago.....so it is possible and I know you can do it....I'm not going to repeat what everyone else has already said because the advice you have been given already is awesome.....please add me for motivation....at my lowest weight in January 2013 I was 118lb....but since I've started lifting I've put on about 10-12lb which I'm trying to get rid of.....just as people have said....it's not easy....but this is a great site for encouragement.....add me as a friend and ask any questions you like.....
I will leave you with this quote, from the amazing Amelia Earhart:.......
“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward.”0 -
When I'm ravenous when I get home, it's usually from 1 of 2 reasons:
1. I didn't eat enough during the day because I'm trying to hit too low of an overall calorie goal
2. I ate way more carbs than protein during the day
When I balance the carbs better and got out of the 1200-cal-a-day mindset, I'm happier and it's easier. It's still HARD, but not quite as hard!0 -
I've done the same thing off and on for several years, I understand what you're saying. Especially the part about "meant to be this big."
And my poor boyfriend. Oh my god, the whining I did to him about how I hate how I look and whatever and he started saying "Well then do something about it!" and it was like I didn't even hear or comprehend that. The last time I lost a fair chunk of weight, I didn't complain to him ONCE. The scale was going down, I was doing well and I felt good, even if I was still heavy because I knew that I was going in the right direction. I've only been at it for about a month this time, but it's the same. I don't whine at all at this point because I know I'm doing the right thing.
Then I have absolutely no clue what happened. I just stopped giving a ****, I guess?
And I can't say that it won't happen this time either. I have to do things differently than I did before. I truly wish I would have spent a few days logging what I actually ate in a day before starting the calorie reduction because that probably would have been an eye opener. It was probably close to 2500 calories a day, and I'm a 5'3 woman. That's not good.
It's hard to get going. A huge contributor to that for me was that I would get hungry later on in the day (like you) and I would literally say to myself "I'll eat whatever I want today because TOMORROW I'll start reducing calories" like it was a last horrah or something lol. I did that for a few months before I ACTUALLY started. I felt crummy about that. I stopped saying "tomorrow" eventually. The day I started I just decided NOT to have my "last meal" lol.
It's so hard to do. I know that. I replaced higher calorie items with lower calorie things like fruits and veggies which I thought I hated. I do not. When I do that, I have way more room to eat when I'm hungry, even if that happens 8 times a day. And if I want a treat, I can make room for it during the day that way without starving, or wonder if it's truly worth the misery to eat that thing and go over.
Don't close your food diary tonight until you're truly done. Log it all and see what it amounts to. Don't beat yourself up. Start when you are ready. Don't have countless "last meals" hahaha. I don't know how many people do that, and you may not, but that was my downfall. You are not defeated! Don't think you're doomed! You are NOT doomed! It's just really effing hard to do. But stop believing it won't work before you commit seriously to it.
That might be useless advice and may not even apply, but it's what got me personally to finally do this again. I hope you get back to it! You'll feel a lot better about yourself and you deserve that!0 -
Why don't you start by setting your weight loss goal at 0.5lbs a week so that you don't feel deprived, see how it works out before taking it up to 1lb a week. You don't need to rush into it. You could even start by just cutting 100 calories for 2 weeks and then increase it by another 100.
Good luck0 -
It's easier to complain about it and wonder why you can't then it is to actually do it. That's simple.
If it was easy, this site wouldn't exist.
You don't need exercise to lose weight. So maybe right now just focus on eating at a calorie deficit for a while. If you try to do too many things, you might be overwhelmed. Make a goal that you are going to lose 10 lbs just eating less and once you reach that you will incorporate a 2 day a week work out or what have you.
So true! I don't have much time to exercise unless you count playing with my daughter, I have a ft job, a five year old, my own business, and am a ft night class student four nights a week. So I rarely exercise. But I have changed some of my eatine habits in deciding not just to lose weight but be healthier. MFP is great for portion control and accountability if nothing else. You have to do the rest, even if it's just making sure the deficit is there.....and add the exercise when you are ready (mine won't happen til graduation in may probably!)
I am not sure if you [the OP] mean by eating the calories after you log them, that you eat back calories burned? I had a friend who did that, my suggestion was not logging her exercise til the end of the night so her macros wouldn't update. Or logging them before dinner so that it is the only meal the macros change for, if you exercise throughout the day like she does.0
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