How to not start a juice cleanse

ndj1979

meat...lots of meat...

Unknown

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chelseafxx

OMG people on MFP so HORRIBLE, this poor person only wants advice on how NOT to do a clense..... I heard from my friend's mother's pet dog's goldfish that it will help so don't bother trying to convince me otherwise with science or health studies.

I just peed a little bit :x can be so true though hahah

ndj1979

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Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.

Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

that is how I got to 12% body fat....

jofjltncb6

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In...

...not to find out which toxins aren't being eliminated by not doing this detox that would otherwise not be eliminated by the body while not still eating food.

You do have to name all of them...not just one.

Please, OP, don't just give the name of *ONE* toxin.

Thanks in advance. :flowerforyou:

:huh:

(You'll figure it out. I have faith in you.)

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MirrorLove

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Can the juicer be used to make some kind of alcoholic beverage? After the wang is removed of course.

2 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Raspberry Liqueur
1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
Sweet & Sour Mix
Cranberry Juice

No, no, no, the whole point was to not do a juice cleanse! May I suggest instead:

1 oz. Kahlua
1 oz. marshmallow vodka
4 oz. heavy cream
Mix and pour chocolate syrup all over it.

(BTW that's about 660 cals for a 6 oz. drink - yikes!)

jofjltncb6

show previous quotes

In...

...not to find out which toxins aren't being eliminated by not doing this detox that would otherwise not be eliminated by the body while not still eating food.

You do have to name all of them...not just one.

Please, OP, don't just give the name of *ONE* toxin.

Thanks in advance. :flowerforyou:

:huh:

(You'll figure it out. I have faith in you.)

So rude and mean.

Oops, sorry...typo.

What I meant to type was:

You won't figure it out. I don't have faith in you.

zoeysasha37

ice cream.

Sounds good!! That's my kind of cleanse!!

GBrady43068

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Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.

Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

A candied steak sub? Hmm...we may be onto something here...

GBrady43068

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God you people are so mean. All I want o do is not juice things and you're telling me things to juice. GAWD

more ice cream and oreo's

I have found the oreo's in the juicer really help you get away from that whole not juicing thing.

I have never tasted oreo juice but I now suspect this is the magical weight-loss elixir I have needed all this time. Maybe I just need to squeeze the Oreos harder? Anyone know if there's an isometric exercise for Oreo juicing on MFP so I can log?

judyde

I vote for cheese. And steak.

Here in Philly, we combine these and eat a cheesesteak. :-)

JoRocka

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God you people are so mean. All I want o do is not juice things and you're telling me things to juice. GAWD

more ice cream and oreo's

I have found the oreo's in the juicer really help you get away from that whole not juicing thing.

I have never tasted oreo juice but I now suspect this is the magical weight-loss elixir I have needed all this time. Maybe I just need to squeeze the Oreos harder? Anyone know if there's an isometric exercise for Oreo juicing on MFP so I can log?

add them to your ice cream and mix that up- that will get you what you need.

Did you pre-crush them? it doesn't work the same if they are whole- it's a totally different calorie content when you don't pre-crush them.

also try this- this is a close second to the ice cream thing
http://www.heatovento350.com/2011/04/brownie-cookie-dough-sandwiches.html

zoeysasha37

Coffee enemas.

Lmao!

disneygallagirl

I put out my fruits and veggies and got ready to juice, but then I remembered I don't have a juicer and that I was hungry so I ate them. Is that ok? Then I ate some yogurt, too. I'm pretty sure it all turned into a smoothie in my belly, so I'm counting it as a juice.

Winner :laugh:

Mav3rick54

Dear OP, at 99, I would have thought you would know better than to put your wang in the juicer. :grumble: That being said, my suggestion is to……. Uh sorry, got nothing for you so good luck.

Now as far as the juicer is concerned, I would suggest you place said juicer in a garage sale or on Craig’s list(once the wang is removed, of course). That is where my juicer ended up many years ago after I figured out it was a whole lot cheaper to eat the fruit and veggies than it was to throw them into said juicer to grind to a pulp so I could drink them.

Good luck to you and happy non juicing. :drinker:

TR0berts

1) Go to store.
2) Buy orange juice.
3) Go dumpster diving.
4) Pull out orange peels.
5) Put orange juice into orange peel.*
6) Tape orange peel back together.*
7) Eat whole orange.



* Steps 5 and 6 may need to be reversed and done multiple times, depending upon level of orange peel destruction.

Showcase_Brodown

You could try something that's kind of not juicing: The goat's blood cleanse. It's all the rage.

However you may need to trade in your blender for a larger capacity model. And there's a nutritional difference between just juicing the goat and blending it.

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LiftAllThePizzas

You could try something that's kind of not juicing: The goat's blood cleanse. It's all the rage.

However you may need to trade in your blender for a larger capacity model. And there's a nutritional difference between just juicing the goat and blending it.

If you need practice before doing it IRL you can try Goat Simulator first.
http://www.goat-simulator.com/

jaya_lakshmi27

Ok I'm so confused, I bought the juicer but now what do I do?

You could just make a smoothie (fruits and yogurt) or a vegetable one-juiced vegetables. Pretty much, just juice/blend anything fresh.

smooothieluver

Lolololol

TR0berts

show previous quotes

1) Go to store.
2) Buy orange juice.
3) Go dumpster diving.
4) Pull out orange peels.
5) Put orange juice into orange peel.*
6) Tape orange peel back together.*
7) Eat whole orange.



* Steps 5 and 6 may need to be reversed and done multiple times, depending upon level of orange peel destruction.

That sounds disgusting and unsanitary!

Well, yeah. That's part of "not doing a cleanse."

judyde

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Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.

Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

Vegans don't get heart disease?

Rigger

At a much lower rate than meat eaters. Many vegans still eat junk food, like oils, or else it would probably be a "no" to your question.

So I suppose a diehard "frugivore" like yourself would simply live forever?

Rigger

He won't live forever, but it will FEEL like forever.