Anyone else resent their parents for...

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  • laurie62ann
    laurie62ann Posts: 433 Member
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    Life is too short! You're an adult now; live your life and make good choices. If that's the worst thing your parents did was make you finish all the food on your plate, then consider yourself pretty lucky. Just saying, it could have been worse.
  • VanillaSmile427
    VanillaSmile427 Posts: 45
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    I didn't eat chips, cakes, and "unhealthy" food to gain weight. Just because one is overweight doesn't mean they are eating unhealthy. I ate healthy, just too much food. Traditional mexican food is quite healthy but when my portions are too big I gained weight. When you're used to eating everything on your plate you get used to eating too much until you're stuffed. This may not be the case for everyone, but it is harder to change habits as an adult.
    I also think there is a fine line with this - I hear people talk about it all the time and I guess I just don't get how this can be the cause for obesity into adulthood. I'm NOT trying to be rude, but I am interested to understand the link.

    So, your parents made you finish your plate at dinner. So did mine. But then they didn't make me eat the chips, ice cream, cake, etc when I was done that was the real cause of my obesity. I guess once I got older I never felt like I had to finish my meal if I was full.

    I do make my daughter finish her meal at dinner. I also give her small portions of everything on a plate and if it's something I know she hates I will sometimes let her get her own meal ready with help (she's 7). Last night we had grilled chicken and red potatoes. She didn't like the potatoes but I did make her eat 3 slices of one as sometimes she changes her mind. I made her eat the chicken because I gave her a small portion and it's good for her.

    I HATE when I make a meal, she eats 4 bites, says she's full and asks for a snack later. No. Not happening.
  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
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    My parents never did this but my moms parents were like that so she vowed never to do that to her kids and she didn't.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    No, I'm responsible for my choices. All my dad would say was "Get all you want, but eat all you get."
  • Frank_Just_Frank
    Frank_Just_Frank Posts: 454 Member
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    No I don't. It's a dumb habit they were raised to do as well and they didn't get fat so that's not what happened to me.
  • Bounce4
    Bounce4 Posts: 288 Member
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    One of my favorite sayings is "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

    Find a way past this one (and all the others that are around the corner because life will present you with many).

    My mom also used to talk about the starving children. I hear that in my head. I finally told myself I'll drop groceries off at the food pantry for the starving children because my growing *kitten* isn't helping any of them.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
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    No...and I still believe in cleaning ones plate. I hate wasting food; it is expensive and I spent valuable time preparing it. If you take it and put it on your plate then you best eat it.

    My parent's always made me clear my plate...but they also let me put the food on my plate...I learned portion control at a pretty young age. I still clear my plate, but I have a reasonable serving of whatever it is on my plate....if I want more I can go back for more but I don't pile my plate up to the point where I'm going to have to either stuff myself or let the food go to waste; personally I think that's where people go wrong. It's all about proper portions.

    I didn't get fat from clearing my plate....I got fat because I used to be extremely active and ate to support that activity...then I became far more sedentary but continued to eat like I was moving all of the time. To rectify this situation I brought my consumption back in line with my activity.
  • TriShamelessly
    TriShamelessly Posts: 905 Member
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    I was very active as a child and therefore, never needed that admonition. (I got fat as an adult when my activity level dropped off due to career demands and my food intake didn't take a similar dive). Same goes for my 5 y.o. twins. What I do try to instill in them is that they have to finish all of the "healthy" food (the proteins, veggies, etc.) on their plate if they expect to get a treat - which is inevitably asked for within 10 minutes of dinner being finished. Seems to be working as they can readily identify what they should be eating and what is a treat.
  • Bounce4
    Bounce4 Posts: 288 Member
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    No I don't. It's a dumb habit they were raised to do as well and they didn't get fat so that's not what happened to me.

    Ha! Good point.
  • SarahWSU36
    SarahWSU36 Posts: 19 Member
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    I for sure blame my Mom for giving me an unhealthy relationship with food. She started taking me to Weight Watchers when I was 8. I think that if she would have just left me alone and let me grow out of my baby fat I would have just gone about my business and settled into a healthy weight.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    I think of this a lot as I raise my two boys...there is a fine line in making sure they eat enough so they aren't asking for a snack in 5 minutes and forcing them to eat past when they are hungry.
    I was also made to clear my plate most of the time and so was my husband so it is a hard habit to break. I am currently working on my portion control and weight loss and my husband isn't so I feel a little more sensitive to it when he makes them eat more and more.

    I don't know if this works or not as a solution since my son is only 3. But if he doesn't want to clean his plate, I don't force him. But I save the leftovers so if he wants a "snack" a little later, he gets his dinner back. I don't want him trying to use "snack" to circumvent "dinner."
  • crazymama2both
    crazymama2both Posts: 195 Member
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    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.

    this.

    pretty sure owning your own bad habits is the only way to break them. youre the one in charge of you...in every area. you dont like it, change it, dont place blame. where does that get anyone anyways?
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    Resentment is the poison you drink (or the food you eat) hoping the other person will die.

    My parents raised me the best they could, given the resources, knowledge and experience they had at the time.
  • VanillaSmile427
    VanillaSmile427 Posts: 45
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    In my original post I said as an adult I am taking charge. I am now aware of my habits and taking control, I no longer "blame" them but I do wish they had raised me differently regarding portion sizes.
    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.

    this.

    pretty sure owning your own bad habits is the only way to break them. youre the one in charge of you...in every area. you dont like it, change it, dont place blame. where does that get anyone anyways?
  • ChaplainHeavin
    ChaplainHeavin Posts: 426 Member
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    ... making you eat everything on the plate even when you were stuffed?

    I know I can't be the only one... I LOVE my parents and I know they did the best job they could but sometimes I feel they are the reasons I packed on pounds when I was a child and now I struggle with my weight as an adult. ...... " ugh. Anyways, now as an adult I am aware of this and taking my life back, no excuses.. but I still kind of resent my parents for this...

    Well, I was raised the same way, my parents telling me there were hungry children in Africa that would love to have what I'm eating ( or not eating). Then I would respond, "Then send it to them." And then get in trouble.

    But if that's the worst they did, rather than resent them a bit just make sure you don't pass on the trait if you decide to have children.
  • Quasita
    Quasita Posts: 1,530 Member
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    I didn't eat chips, cakes, and "unhealthy" food to gain weight. Just because one is overweight doesn't mean they are eating unhealthy. I ate healthy, just too much food. Traditional mexican food is quite healthy but when my portions are too big I gained weight. When you're used to eating everything on your plate you get used to eating too much until you're stuffed. This may not be the case for everyone, but it is harder to change habits as an adult.
    I also think there is a fine line with this - I hear people talk about it all the time and I guess I just don't get how this can be the cause for obesity into adulthood. I'm NOT trying to be rude, but I am interested to understand the link.

    So, your parents made you finish your plate at dinner. So did mine. But then they didn't make me eat the chips, ice cream, cake, etc when I was done that was the real cause of my obesity. I guess once I got older I never felt like I had to finish my meal if I was full.

    I do make my daughter finish her meal at dinner. I also give her small portions of everything on a plate and if it's something I know she hates I will sometimes let her get her own meal ready with help (she's 7). Last night we had grilled chicken and red potatoes. She didn't like the potatoes but I did make her eat 3 slices of one as sometimes she changes her mind. I made her eat the chicken because I gave her a small portion and it's good for her.

    I HATE when I make a meal, she eats 4 bites, says she's full and asks for a snack later. No. Not happening.

    I'm sorry, but while I didn't live for years in Mexico, I spent plenty of time eating "traditional" Mexican food in Mexico. I'm talking uber poor areas where it's all about the beans, rice and tortillas. Truth be told though, the food isn't exactly uber-healthy. Tacos made with flour tortillas, pulled meats, onions and lime? The main meat staple in Mexico is pork, for crying out loud! Mexican beans, spaghetti, desserts and such, even the poor kids can get their hands on those things, and they are not particularly healthy in comparison to traditional meals here in the US. While you can go to the market to get things, fresh meats, veggies, fruits and cheeses aren't always plentiful or even able to be eaten due to shelf life.

    And you know what? While I was down in Mexico, I never saw a fat kid. EVER.

    The North American influence has had a great impact on the health of the Mexican people, I will not deny that, but the number of overweight people I found in Mexico as opposed to Nebraska was probably a single digit percentile.

    I don't resent my parents for how they raised me. I believe wholeheartedly that they love me and they did what they felt was best for me and my 5 siblings. We didn't have a lot of money because of the number of kids, and often, they would fall back on cheaper, less nutrient dense foods just so they could feed us all. Lots of pastas and pizzas. However, only two of the 6 kids ended up overweight.

    You know what it boiled down to? Emotional issues and psychological trauma. My sister and I were relentlessly bullied and ate away our feelings, both at the dinner table and in secret. Our parents did the clean your plate thing, but doesn't that make sense? Why would you make more food than you can eat? the only thing I can possibly say is that my parents may not have understood portions... but after we were like 10, we were doing almost everything for ourselves, including getting a second helping.

    Ultimately, unless you have a biological issue, being overweight is due to an inappropriate relationship with food. The lesson to value food when it's there because you may not have it for a few days is not a bad one. It's one of survival. Even saying there are starving kids, teaching your kids not to waste food just because they want to be ornery or whatever is a good lesson. Unless your parents actively forced you to eat when you were sad and eat when you were angry and eat when you were nervous and eat when you are happy, I can't see why adulthood obesity should be placed on their shoulders.

    Resent is for those relationships and events and choices that did you harm.

    Now, recently, there was a little girl who died because her parents punished her by forcing her to drink so much water and soda in a short period of time she died of water toxicity. Had she survived, SHE would be in a place to resent her parents for food-related trauma.
  • Quasita
    Quasita Posts: 1,530 Member
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    In my original post I said as an adult I am taking charge. I am now aware of my habits and taking control, I no longer "blame" them but I do wish they had raised me differently regarding portion sizes.
    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.

    this.

    pretty sure owning your own bad habits is the only way to break them. youre the one in charge of you...in every area. you dont like it, change it, dont place blame. where does that get anyone anyways?

    To say you kind of resent them is to lay blame. If you don't blame them, then it's time to drop this sense of resentment.
  • ChaplainHeavin
    ChaplainHeavin Posts: 426 Member
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    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.

    I'll bet that saved you a lot of money for therapy:)
  • crazymama2both
    crazymama2both Posts: 195 Member
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    In my original post I said as an adult I am taking charge. I am now aware of my habits and taking control, I no longer "blame" them but I do wish they had raised me differently regarding portion sizes.
    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.

    this.

    pretty sure owning your own bad habits is the only way to break them. youre the one in charge of you...in every area. you dont like it, change it, dont place blame. where does that get anyone anyways?

    To say you kind of resent them is to lay blame. If you don't blame them, then it's time to drop this sense of resentment.

    just what i was going to say...you beat me to it.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.

    this.

    pretty sure owning your own bad habits is the only way to break them. youre the one in charge of you...in every area. you dont like it, change it, dont place blame. where does that get anyone anyways?

    Yeah but it's not always that easy to break a 16 (or more) years habit. I definitely wish it was as easy as 'just break it'. Heck I'm 20 years older and I still struggle with some of it!

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