Anyone else resent their parents for...

VanillaSmile427

Mexico is now the number one obese country in the world. And I lived in rural southern mexico. The diet is different than northern mexico. We always ate beans, rice, corn, chicken.. i never ate a flour tortilla until I got the US. Diets vary through out mexico. So yes I ate relatively healthy just too much. Either way if I ate twinkies, and candy and chips... overeating is still overeating... I felt the need because of the guilt of letting food go to waste. It's not easy to break a habit when the'yve instilled a sense of guilt if you don't finish your plate...

I didn't eat chips, cakes, and "unhealthy" food to gain weight. Just because one is overweight doesn't mean they are eating unhealthy. I ate healthy, just too much food. Traditional mexican food is quite healthy but when my portions are too big I gained weight. When you're used to eating everything on your plate you get used to eating too much until you're stuffed. This may not be the case for everyone, but it is harder to change habits as an adult.

I also think there is a fine line with this - I hear people talk about it all the time and I guess I just don't get how this can be the cause for obesity into adulthood. I'm NOT trying to be rude, but I am interested to understand the link.

So, your parents made you finish your plate at dinner. So did mine. But then they didn't make me eat the chips, ice cream, cake, etc when I was done that was the real cause of my obesity. I guess once I got older I never felt like I had to finish my meal if I was full.

I do make my daughter finish her meal at dinner. I also give her small portions of everything on a plate and if it's something I know she hates I will sometimes let her get her own meal ready with help (she's 7). Last night we had grilled chicken and red potatoes. She didn't like the potatoes but I did make her eat 3 slices of one as sometimes she changes her mind. I made her eat the chicken because I gave her a small portion and it's good for her.

I HATE when I make a meal, she eats 4 bites, says she's full and asks for a snack later. No. Not happening.

I'm sorry, but while I didn't live for years in Mexico, I spent plenty of time eating "traditional" Mexican food in Mexico. I'm talking uber poor areas where it's all about the beans, rice and tortillas. Truth be told though, the food isn't exactly uber-healthy. Tacos made with flour tortillas, pulled meats, onions and lime? The main meat staple in Mexico is pork, for crying out loud! Mexican beans, spaghetti, desserts and such, even the poor kids can get their hands on those things, and they are not particularly healthy in comparison to traditional meals here in the US. While you can go to the market to get things, fresh meats, veggies, fruits and cheeses aren't always plentiful or even able to be eaten due to shelf life.

And you know what? While I was down in Mexico, I never saw a fat kid. EVER.

The North American influence has had a great impact on the health of the Mexican people, I will not deny that, but the number of overweight people I found in Mexico as opposed to Nebraska was probably a single digit percentile.

I don't resent my parents for how they raised me. I believe wholeheartedly that they love me and they did what they felt was best for me and my 5 siblings. We didn't have a lot of money because of the number of kids, and often, they would fall back on cheaper, less nutrient dense foods just so they could feed us all. Lots of pastas and pizzas. However, only two of the 6 kids ended up overweight.

You know what it boiled down to? Emotional issues and psychological trauma. My sister and I were relentlessly bullied and ate away our feelings, both at the dinner table and in secret. Our parents did the clean your plate thing, but doesn't that make sense? Why would you make more food than you can eat? the only thing I can possibly say is that my parents may not have understood portions... but after we were like 10, we were doing almost everything for ourselves, including getting a second helping.

Ultimately, unless you have a biological issue, being overweight is due to an inappropriate relationship with food. The lesson to value food when it's there because you may not have it for a few days is not a bad one. It's one of survival. Even saying there are starving kids, teaching your kids not to waste food just because they want to be ornery or whatever is a good lesson. Unless your parents actively forced you to eat when you were sad and eat when you were angry and eat when you were nervous and eat when you are happy, I can't see why adulthood obesity should be placed on their shoulders.

Resent is for those relationships and events and choices that did you harm.

Now, recently, there was a little girl who died because her parents punished her by forcing her to drink so much water and soda in a short period of time she died of water toxicity. Had she survived, SHE would be in a place to resent her parents for food-related trauma.

lindabeth333

I don't remember having to clean our plates but I do wish my parents had taught me to eat slowly and stop eating when I was satisfied - not full. Neither of my parents were overweight but all 4 of their children are either overweight or obese - and none of their 12 grandkids are overweight. Curiouser and curiouser….

BlueBombers

No because they didn't make me fat....I made me fat.

Francl27

No because they didn't make me fat....I made me fat.

What would you tell an overweight 16yo then... that they made themselves fat? Are parents not supposed to teach proper nutrition and manage their kids' weight to some extent?

lorigem

I never cleaned my plate. In fact, my mom purposely served herself less so that she could finish my leftovers - or my brother would just eat them. Either way, the food was going to get eaten.

My husband, however, was raised with that "clean your plate" mentality. I also don't clean my plate when we visit his parents - and they look at me weird. Oh well.

caminoslo

... making you eat everything on the plate even when you were stuffed?

I know I can't be the only one... I LOVE my parents and I know they did the best job they could but sometimes I feel they are the reasons I packed on pounds when I was a child and now I struggle with my weight as an adult. We grew up in Mexico and having food and especially meat was always very valued, so my mom instilled with me the mentality that letting any food go to waste is a sin and a waste. To this day I know I've gained weight because I would eat food out of guilt of letting it go to waste. It's very hard to change that mentality and get my portions out of control. My mom always used the whole "there are starving children in the world who don't have food and we aren't wasting any... " ugh. Anyways, now as an adult I am aware of this and taking my life back, no excuses.. but I still kind of resent my parents for this...

When I was a kid from 3-12 I did not like eating food my parents had to manipulate me to eat food.
When I was 12-17 I was addicted to food, this i blame on my fellow classmates because I was told I was too skinny and I also started taking up my fellow classmates food habits. My parents also let me eat what I wanted when I got home but they probably wernt educated about food.
From 18-22 years old I followed a low fat and high exersize diet and always felt hungry. Weight loss happened I also took nutrition class and learned a lot.
from 23-32 years old I sure was discourage having my own diet and just gained and gained.
Now at 32 years old i found that low carbs works for me and i feel that counting carbs is the best thing I could do. I also can over eat without feeling too bad. I love not having to exercise and Im trying to convince my mom to join me.
BUT HERES THE THING, my father comes from super skinny on BOTH sides his mom and dad. This made me feel jipped and my moms side are all pretty thin.........Ive only a few cousins that are fat like me everyone else is skinny. My one cousin who is severly over weight exersizes all the time and is losing, i just changed my diet and i am losing will shall all be back to healthy weight soon.

cuinboston2014

No because they didn't make me fat....I made me fat.

What would you tell an overweight 16yo then... that they made themselves fat? Are parents not supposed to teach proper nutrition and manage their kids' weight to some extent?

My niece is 16 years old and overweight. Her parents do teach her about eating, as well as my mom and myself. She knows about nutrition. But, when she gets home from school and nobody else is home, she has free reign. And guess what, you can overeat ANY food. They also live with my sister's father-in-law and the other two nieces are extremely active, so they can have some junk in the house.

My niece owns the fact that she eats too much and this is the cause of her weight gain. Her mom, myself, and my mom all encourage her to exercise and participate when we can and help her find healthy substitutes.

I'm sorry but when you are 16 you are responsible for the portions that you consume. She eats mindlessly out of boredom and she knows it and we have no problem having that discussion. If she were obese when she was 2 I would blame her parents... but not now. Sorry

AsaThorsWoman

One of my favorite sayings is "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Find a way past this one (and all the others that are around the corner because life will present you with many).

My mom also used to talk about the starving children. I hear that in my head. I finally told myself I'll drop groceries off at the food pantry for the starving children because my growing *kitten* isn't helping any of them.

LOL's. So funny but so true.

I can't believe my mother used to send me on the bus with a Diet Coke, a Honey Bun, and an anti-depressant.

I remember her mom telling me french fries were fat-free.

They all very, very confused about health.

accebersmith

I think of this a lot as I raise my two boys...there is a fine line in making sure they eat enough so they aren't asking for a snack in 5 minutes and forcing them to eat past when they are hungry.

^^^ This. My seven year-old has two hollow legs and a bottomless gut, with the metabolism of a hummingbird. The only time he's not hungry is when he finally falls asleep. Unfortunately, he also has ADHD, so keeping him focused enough to finish a meal is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

I was raised by grandparents who survived the Great Depression eating blackeyed peas and cornbread. While I don't necessarily resent them for the clean plate thing, it was definitely an obstacle I had to recognize and overcome to lose weight successfully. I, too, know the "guilt" of throwing away perfectly good food when there are "starving children in (fill in the blank with foreign country of the moment)".

Lize11e

My Grandmother did it to me. I would get a "Gold Star" for finishing my plate but then she put me on diet pills when I was 8. Then she'd take me to Burger King and buy me 2 cheeseburgers and a chocolate shake and some fries and make me take a diet pill with it. I've struggled my whole life and I wonder if I would have if she hadn't done that to me.

AsaThorsWoman

Our family was very messed up, but one time that we would actually spend together was at restaurant. We all had our favorite places and we all went together.

We all left feeling bloated and sick, and using food to numb our obvious emotional issues within the family. It was some real first world bull****.

But I left when I was 16, now I'm 31.

I can't blame them anymore, FFS.

IPAkiller

Not at all. However, my mother knew how to serve proper portions due to a small grocery budget. It wasn’t like she blindly slapped 5lbs of meatloaf on a place and forced me to eat. She gave portions appropriate to each family member and if we wanted more, there was always seconds (which came out of her and my Dad's next day lunches usually).

Additionally, I wasn't an obese kid and if anything was on the skinny side. If I was one of today's morbidly obese children who get forced to clear their plate of McDonalds before they can go back to the couch and their video games.... maybe I'd have some resentment.

IPAkiller

Lize11e Wrote:
My Grandmother did it to me. I would get a "Gold Star" for finishing my plate but then she put me on diet pills when I was 8. Then she'd take me to Burger King and buy me 2 cheeseburgers and a chocolate shake and some fries and make me take a diet pill with it. I've struggled my whole life and I wonder if I would have if she hadn't done that to me.

I knew a girl whose Mother and Grandmother promoted eating like "one of the boys" by cheering and rewarding her. They also took her behind closed doors and taught her to binge.

xscat

No resentment;

But I stayed with my grandma for a few summers in grade school. Not only wasting food was not an option; she portioned my food for me and had a rule of "finishing within 15 min". She also had rules about getting up at 0600 for swimming class, no TV except for 0200 to 0300 and after 1900, no talking with your mouth full and bed by 2200. (yep military clock style)

And at my parents' house being picky about what I wanted to eat was not an option either. I don't eat carrots cuz they make me nauseous and give me hives (later on a doctor told my parents I'm actually allergic to them). My mom believed firmly in carrots' nutritional values and therefore tried to sneak them into everything... She made meals with shredded carrot fine pieces in literally every single bite.... So the rules were:

1. I was not allowed to have food "I don't like", especially those with nutritional values.

2. Whatever she believed to have high nutritional values, whether they do or not in reality (she believed orange juice, chocolate milk, fatty pork, brown-sugar ginger tea, etc. have high nutritional values), she'd try everything she could to slip those in my food.

While I appreciate her effort, I do wish she had more knowledge about food. And I don't exactly care for being forced to eat what I don't like

Quasita

Mexico is now the number one obese country in the world. And I lived in rural southern mexico. The diet is different than northern mexico. We always ate beans, rice, corn, chicken.. i never ate a flour tortilla until I got the US. Diets vary through out mexico. So yes I ate relatively healthy just too much. Either way if I ate twinkies, and candy and chips... overeating is still overeating... I felt the need because of the guilt of letting food go to waste. It's not easy to break a habit when the'yve instilled a sense of guilt if you don't finish your plate...

I didn't eat chips, cakes, and "unhealthy" food to gain weight. Just because one is overweight doesn't mean they are eating unhealthy. I ate healthy, just too much food. Traditional mexican food is quite healthy but when my portions are too big I gained weight. When you're used to eating everything on your plate you get used to eating too much until you're stuffed. This may not be the case for everyone, but it is harder to change habits as an adult.

I also think there is a fine line with this - I hear people talk about it all the time and I guess I just don't get how this can be the cause for obesity into adulthood. I'm NOT trying to be rude, but I am interested to understand the link.

So, your parents made you finish your plate at dinner. So did mine. But then they didn't make me eat the chips, ice cream, cake, etc when I was done that was the real cause of my obesity. I guess once I got older I never felt like I had to finish my meal if I was full.

I do make my daughter finish her meal at dinner. I also give her small portions of everything on a plate and if it's something I know she hates I will sometimes let her get her own meal ready with help (she's 7). Last night we had grilled chicken and red potatoes. She didn't like the potatoes but I did make her eat 3 slices of one as sometimes she changes her mind. I made her eat the chicken because I gave her a small portion and it's good for her.

I HATE when I make a meal, she eats 4 bites, says she's full and asks for a snack later. No. Not happening.

I'm sorry, but while I didn't live for years in Mexico, I spent plenty of time eating "traditional" Mexican food in Mexico. I'm talking uber poor areas where it's all about the beans, rice and tortillas. Truth be told though, the food isn't exactly uber-healthy. Tacos made with flour tortillas, pulled meats, onions and lime? The main meat staple in Mexico is pork, for crying out loud! Mexican beans, spaghetti, desserts and such, even the poor kids can get their hands on those things, and they are not particularly healthy in comparison to traditional meals here in the US. While you can go to the market to get things, fresh meats, veggies, fruits and cheeses aren't always plentiful or even able to be eaten due to shelf life.

And you know what? While I was down in Mexico, I never saw a fat kid. EVER.

The North American influence has had a great impact on the health of the Mexican people, I will not deny that, but the number of overweight people I found in Mexico as opposed to Nebraska was probably a single digit percentile.

I don't resent my parents for how they raised me. I believe wholeheartedly that they love me and they did what they felt was best for me and my 5 siblings. We didn't have a lot of money because of the number of kids, and often, they would fall back on cheaper, less nutrient dense foods just so they could feed us all. Lots of pastas and pizzas. However, only two of the 6 kids ended up overweight.

You know what it boiled down to? Emotional issues and psychological trauma. My sister and I were relentlessly bullied and ate away our feelings, both at the dinner table and in secret. Our parents did the clean your plate thing, but doesn't that make sense? Why would you make more food than you can eat? the only thing I can possibly say is that my parents may not have understood portions... but after we were like 10, we were doing almost everything for ourselves, including getting a second helping.

Ultimately, unless you have a biological issue, being overweight is due to an inappropriate relationship with food. The lesson to value food when it's there because you may not have it for a few days is not a bad one. It's one of survival. Even saying there are starving kids, teaching your kids not to waste food just because they want to be ornery or whatever is a good lesson. Unless your parents actively forced you to eat when you were sad and eat when you were angry and eat when you were nervous and eat when you are happy, I can't see why adulthood obesity should be placed on their shoulders.

Resent is for those relationships and events and choices that did you harm.

Now, recently, there was a little girl who died because her parents punished her by forcing her to drink so much water and soda in a short period of time she died of water toxicity. Had she survived, SHE would be in a place to resent her parents for food-related trauma.

Just for the record, I wasn't in Northern Mexico either.

I stand by the fact that I think teaching kids to not waste food, especially in financially strapped families, is a very good lesson. I also did state that I feel the northern influence has had a drastic impact on the Mexican people, and am well-aware of the obesity stat. That doesn't erase the fact that I didn't see obese children.

You made it out to sound like you were from a poor family but it seems my definition of poor Mexican family is pretty darn different. It's all good though. I may not have been to the deep Southern tip of Mexico, but I went pretty dang far, and I didn't come across a single family that regularly had chicken, unless they actually owned land for farming.

I wholeheartedly believe a person should feel bad for wasting food. Regardless of where you come from, lives were spent either to feed you with their flesh or to feed you by gift of their hands. Harboring resentment of any sort for a good lesson is counter-intuitive, and doesn't really sole the problem anyway.

tomomatic

These are the good kinda problems. Your parents are expressing their love for you by putting more food on your plate than your plate should handle. One day, you'll wish you had more of those interactions.

If you want to put a smile on their face, ask them if you can bag up some of their food for the road because it reminds you of home. See how they react. You'll see how much love went into that food.

I don't mean to sound judgey or preachy. I just miss the old days and I'm a big mama's boy.

histora

I actually don't blame my parents for that. They were raised by "Depression" kids in the 40's - my mother in particular was always told to "clean her plate" because HER mom and dad (my grandparents) lived through a time where they literally had NOTHING and were grateful to get any scrap of food that they could. So... my mom only taught me what SHE knew. It's not like she deliberately set out to sabotage my health or anything - it's just the way things were.

None of us have any clue of what it's like to go hungry - none. My grandparents, on the other hand.... they knew all too well and didn't want to see their kids struggle like they had to, know what I'm saying?

I can't blame my parents for teaching me to "clean a plate" when they didn't know any better. And my bad habits later in life had nothing to do with them. My mom didn't force Twinkies down my gullet, you know?

I just wanted to point out that yeah, some of us have gone hungry before. It isn't like poverty and food insecurity magically disappeared with the first rains after the Dust Bowl.

I don't blame my mom. We were poor and she was doing what she could to keep me alive. I do it now with my oldest because he is on meds that suppress his appetite. If I let his stomach dictate his food he'd be more underweight than he already is.

GertrudeHorse

I wholeheartedly believe a person should feel bad for wasting food. Regardless of where you come from, lives were spent either to feed you with their flesh or to feed you by gift of their hands. Harboring resentment of any sort for a good lesson is counter-intuitive, and doesn't really sole the problem anyway.

I think forcing yourself to eat something when you are already full (especially if you feel bad about it later) is equally as wasteful as chucking it in the rubbish. Generally I try and save things for leftovers but there is a small amount of waste that is usually unavoidable. I agree that resentment doesn't solve the problem but neither does saying people should feel bad.

Natmarie73

Yep my sister and I were not allowed to leave the dinner table until our plates were clean and we got the whole starving children in Africa speech as well. The few times we thought we'd try to outsmart the parents by sitting at the table well after bedtime with uneaten food they retaliated by letting us go to bed then bringing out the cold dinner leftovers for our breakfast. We basically were not allowed to eat anything else until that meal was finished no matter how long it took. And there was never any dessert if our meals weren't finished and rarely even if they were unless it was a special occasion.

My parents grew up during WW2 when food was scarce and I completely understand why they did that. We were never rich and good food was expensive even when I was growing up. Now as an adult I hate to see food go to waste and still tend to clean my plate, but now I take smaller portions. It really riles me when my partner throws half of his son's dinner in the bin because he is full and then lets him have ice cream and cookies half an hour later grrrrr :mad:

I definately don't resent my parents for it though as it gave me a good basis in not being wasteful.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Resent parents for doing their best to make sure their children are well fed? :noway:

No. Because as an adult, I don't feel the need to blame anyone else for my own actions. Do they STILL force you to eat everything on you plate? Probably not. At one point or another everyone has to take responsibility for their own lives and choices.