why am i lying to myself?

isitreallyme64

i need help understanding why i keep reverting back to old, bad bad habits.

hiding snacks from my boyfriend. cheating by getting a junior chicken and not logging it, knowing ill be over calories if i do. i bought cookies from the dollar store the other day - why would i do that when i know my goals and how to reach them?

these habits (or whatever) are what brought me to my highest weight - a scary 244lbs - last year. i am desperate to not repeat history, and yet i keep letting it happen. i remember a few years back, my mom was watching oprah (naturally) and one of the things she (or dr phil, or oz, or whomever) said was 'why do you keep breaking the promise to yourself?' and that has really stuck with me.. but.. i keep breaking the promise. why?

how do you keep your promises to yourself? what (helpful, please) advise would you offer me?

bethlaf

subconcious fear of success? something is holding back those chances to make this work , it sounds like an emptional eating issue, you need to examine that first.

chelso0o

I used to do this. I started therapy and it has really helped. It's called self sabotage and it happens because of an underlying belief that you don't deserve something, or a belief that you aren't good enough etc. Something is happening that is keeping you from achieving your goals. If you can, I would see a therapist to understand these road blocks better.

Chickee8586

I used to do this. I started therapy and it has really helped. It's called self sabotage and it happens because of an underlying belief that you don't deserve something, or a belief that you aren't good enough etc. Something is happening that is keeping you from achieving your goals. If you can, I would see a therapist to understand these road blocks better.

This!

I'm not worthy of being who I once was because I know me and don't deserve to be happy.

walkinthedogs

I know I was doing it because I was fearing success, not for the success part, but for the failure that was sure to follow (since that had been my habit). Also staying overweight is easy, easy to excuse all the reasons I don't have a love of my life, can't do certain things etc. etc. I had to really ask myself (and still do) why I am scared to succeed, why I keep sabotaging my own efforts and do I really want this because it is in my power. I haven't actually come up with a good reason yet (therapy would prob help, but too poor), but now that I've lost 30 total, I love it. I love the way clothes fit, I love the way I feel, I love the way my fitness has improved. So you've got to ask yourself, why and really try to figure it out and in the mean time, keep trying to make better choices and don't beat yourself up when you don't, just make better one's next time. I have to remind myself constantly that this is forever so everyday is a new day to make better choices and quit fooling yourself or you will stay in the same whirlpool of unhappiness. Good luck!

jwooley13

This is something I struggle with as well. When I first started using MFP, I would think to myself, "If I just eat this cookie and don't log it, then it never even happened," which is not the case at all. I kind of got over that by making a resolution to log absolutely everything in MFP while NOT on any sort of healthy eating plan to prove to myself that I could watch the calorie count creep up without cheating. After that, logging became much easier and I find that I'm more honest with myself.

Also, as folks above me have suggested, seeing a therapist could really help if you continue to struggle. Absolutely everyone benefits from therapy!

lavendy17

I did similar things. I just went to a 7/11 and got the junkiest cakes. Then had a giant blueberry bagel and wasn't even hungry. A few hours later came home, acted like nothing happened, enjoyed dessert with my DH and pretended I was fine. I knew I wasn't. I was being self destructive. I could see all the signs in front of me. But you know something- the fact that you see it, is great, you can do something about it. You learn to catch yourself early on, you can stop the cycle.
I eventually told my husband that I was eating bad things when I am out and about, and we just had this long open discussion about all the things that I was feeling. We do so much and never see how amazing we are, but the people around us see it. It's great that you came here to seek advice and was open about it all. In the long term you will see how this is all going to help you reach your goals.

schaskes

I agree with the other posters. The underlying issue is that you need to believe in yourself and your ability to overcome minor "blips" in your new healthy lifestyle. If you find yourself gravitating toward unhealthy snacks, try finding really delicious healthier snacks. If you really need cookies, try eating half and throwing the rest away. Log what you do eat and know that if you go over one day, it doesn't mean anything about the next day. Surround yourself with positive messages and people. If you need more MFP friends, feel free to add me. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Llorraine11

i feel ur pain.. i do this to myself all the time.. just last night i did it and i hate me today.. i always ask why why why but i do agree i need therapy..

gramarye

I was using food to either a) improve my mood artificially, instead of addressing the underlying reason I was unhappy enough that I needed to eat my feelings or b) to cause myself some harm, usually emotionally to reinforce that I'm a complete failure and don't deserve to treat my body well.

What has worked for me is to be conscious of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Some days I'm going to eat an entire pizza; as long as I recognize what I'm doing and don't make a habit of it, I don't stress it. There are going to be cookies and cakes and fast foods in the rest of my life. I have to learn to coexist with those things and enjoy them, rather than living on them. If that makes sense.

Jestinia

If you're going to eat it, own it. A lot of times I will even prelog if I decide it's going to be an eat all the food day. That has put a damper on my bad days before. And if I eat more than I logged, I make sure to go back and log the rest. If I've totally lost track, I put in at least a thousand over what I know it had to be. Seeing MFP say "If every day were like today, you'd weigh 200 pounds in five weeks" is very sobering. At least it makes me try harder the next day.

KatherineLynnKane

I bought myself an inexpensive bead bracelet and wear it every day.
Each time I look at it and fondle it, it reminds me of the reasons WHY I want to lose weight.
Having a physical reminder seems to help me whenever I start to lose focus.

My friends and I created a weight-loss support group and meet every week to weigh in.
Knowing that someone else is going to weigh me and mark my progress is a very good incentive.

Like alcohol and drugs, food can be a dangerous addiction.
Reading some literature about substance abuse and how to conquer addiction may help.

gibulet

Oh my god I am doing the same thing. If I don't log it, it never happened. I'm trying to fit into my wedding dress and I'm so disheartened because the scale won't move. It didn't move when I was crazy watching what I eat, so I just give up. It's has been a year since I've made any real progress weight wise. I don't know what to do. I'm 267# , the scale should be moving!

Ftw37

how do you keep your promises to yourself? what (helpful, please) advise would you offer me?

I make myself accountable by making public announcements of my goals and my progress. I have told my friends, my colleagues and my family about my commitments and I'm damned if I'm going to reneg on them.

In the past, when I tried to "lose weight" I was private about it so I couldn't let anyone else down if I failed.

Now if I fail, it will have real-world consequences to my credibility and my pride.

Maybe a foolish reason, but it's one of mine!

FTW

cholepapi

Wow we can all relate to you. It sounds like you haven't found your drive. What drives you to want this change? Get used to feeling uncomfortable during this process because that's the way to success. We are our own worst enemy. Turn that negative voice that tells you to not change and create that positive voice in your head that says " enough I will succeed"!!!! )

AsaThorsWoman

I did the same thing recently.

I was eating non-Paleo ice cream and gluten-free cookies when my boyfriend wasn't around.

All the advice I can give is that I think it was a stage.

I was just lacking self-control at the time.

I came here on MFP and fell in love with the idea that I could eat whatever I want and lose weight if I ate under my TDEE caloric goal.

I gain 7 lbs, almost tipped myself back in to the "obesity" BMI range doing it.

So, I just got serious.

I don't know what to say, I just wanted to eat and cheat and have cookies before, but than woke up one day looking at a scale number going up daily and knew what I had to do if I wanted to change that.

I guess I was just giving myself a break before another long stint of Keto.

anewdesign

thank you all so much - its good to know im not the only one that struggles with this type of issue.

its clear to me that its an emotional thing - its literally like once i start dropping some weight, its like i think to myself 'oh well i lost 2 lbs last week, this doughnut wont hurt. or those cookies. i have time to work those off.' but then i dont. and i get all depressed bc my next weigh in is less than ideal, and i know why. but im depressed right? so i go get a bag of chips. or ice cream cone. or something. anyone know any good hypnotists to kick me off sugar? lol.. goodness.

self-sabotage. self-destruction. yes to both. but i dont want that anymore. i want to love my body, and myself. ive considered seeing a therapist before.. but aside from money challenges, im also worried that it would make me look weak to those who know me.

AsaThorsWoman

A bracelet! I like that idea very much!

FTF2014

Oh my god I am doing the same thing. If I don't log it, it never happened. I'm trying to fit into my wedding dress and I'm so disheartened because the scale won't move. It didn't move when I was crazy watching what I eat, so I just give up. It's has been a year since I've made any real progress weight wise. I don't know what to do. I'm 267# , the scale should be moving!

I ran into that problem before the way I broke out of it was to eat tight for 5 days and on the weekend I would eat more. For example I would eat 1,800 cal during week and 2,500 cal on the weekend. That seemed to throw my body off and get it to drop pounds.

anewdesign

I eventually told my husband that I was eating bad things when I am out and about, and we just had this long open discussion about all the things that I was feeling. We do so much and never see how amazing we are, but the people around us see it. It's great that you came here to seek advice and was open about it all. In the long term you will see how this is all going to help you reach your goals.

how did you approach this topic with him? my boyfriend struggles with weight issues as well and its a sensitive topic for both of us.

sweetpea03b

1) make yourself accountable by having an open diary. Honestly, it makes me aware of how people must see my habits if they're seeing what I'm eating. But at the same time... don't cheat by not putting something in your diary because... who cares? This isn't elementary school... you're not going to be graded... you're not going to get in trouble if you eat something that's less than great for you... the only one suffering is you.

2) Take pictures... often. If you have a pic of you when you were younger... keep that on your dresser/nightstand so you can use it as fuel to get back to that size again.

3) Are you eating out of boredom? I do this after my hubs goes to bed and I'm up watching my "girly" shows at night. I've started crocheting while I watch to keep my hands busy... or drink a hot cup of tea... i'm not really hungry... I just think i am.

4) Pick a goal outfit... I have these cute capris I haven't been able to wear in a while right in the front of my closet where i'll see them everyday... and I try them on now and again to see how close they are to fitting.

5) If cutting things out of your diet isn't working for you... eat them... but you have to work it off. This sunday I had a piece of cake. 270 calories I wasn't planning for... but we had company over so I didn't want to refuse when everyone else had 1... so I just went for a 3mile walk to work it off.

At the end of the day... only you can do it. You can't do it for anyone else... you have to do it for you. If you can't make the necessary changes and sacrifices and put in the work... then you're not ready. Just remember... EVERYONE has bad days, weeks, months... but don't use that as an excuse to give up completely. Keep going. Make tomorrow better. Good luck!