Why don't you want me to take Kickboxing?????

Sawjer

My only concern would be you getting hurt, maybe that's it.

Pirate_chick

, and GOD the stress relief I feel for getting to ground, and pound the bag is wonderful,

Did you explain this part to him? It may help him understand better. My husband started getting a bit jealous and a bit needy as I started taking classes and losing. A big part of the exercise is stress release for me and he has seen the change in my stress levels.

Yes he is VERY aware! I am a finance manager for "High Risk" loans, and started to have bad anxiety issues, because of job stress he knows that my exercise is essential to keeping me sane, and keeps me level-headed at home. I leave my stress at the gym, and the gym is my escape form home stress, and work stress. I could not picture me not having that time. I tell him that ALL the time. I am extremely vocal, and outspoken. I have no problem telling someone exactly what I am thinking. He has told me woman don't always tell you how they really feel. I tell him I am not that woman, and never have been. When I tell you something I mean it word for word. I tell him that he is the one who does not always express his true feelings, that a lot of time it comes out as anger, and that it takes him 2 or 3 arguments before I really know what is bugging him. I try to understand that, mostly because we have to very different backgrounds. He had a very hard life growing up, and I know he has self-esteem issues (things I have never had). I try to be understanding that he does not always articulate his feeling well, but sometime I am just lost, because I have never been where he has. I try to tell him to take me at face value. It sounds silly, but i can tell him the sky is blue, and the day is beautiful..... I swear he hears, We are under attack, and it is his fault it's happening. I am sure that comes from his background, but I can not for the life of me see where he gets that conclusion from??????????

He sounds like an *kitten*.

TheBrolympus

and have know he has always been clingy, and very jealous of anything that takes me away from him, but this is just getting ridiculous.

If he has always been that way then why do you expect him to change now? How have you dealt with his clingy and jealous behavior in the past?

_funrungirl

That is really a tough situation. It is unfortunately common when one person starts to make great progress in improving their health and weight.

Without knowing everything (or his side), it probably has to do with how you have changed over the past year and a half. You are probably gaining a lot of confidence in yourself. You probably feel better, look better, and that you are doing so many things without him, probably seem (to him) that you are becoming more independent. All of these are really great things and nothing you should ever be ashamed of, but he might be feeling a little "well what about me?" Your confidence in yourself might be growing but his is sinking.

Communication is key. I don't believe in telling someone to "just get over it" or "deal with it". To me these seem uncharitable and unsympathetic to his feelings. Most likely it has absolutely nothing to do with kickboxing, and everything to do with him feeling insecure about himself, his relationship with you, and your relationship with him. If he is not a gym goer and you've become a gym rat, he might be wondering where he will fit in your new life.

Take the time to reassure him, talk with him about something other than fitness, diet, etc, be affectionate, and just make sure you spend time with him doing some of the things he likes to do.

Communicate and be patient.

*Edited: This is all said with the assumption that there is no violence in the marriage. Violence, hitting, shaking, or any other unwanted physical contact is never ok and should never be tolerated.

Val_from_OH

We have this same situation in my marriage, but the opposite, I get so frustrated with my husband who has taken up running for the past year or so. It is NOT because I am jealous of his fitness, or because I don't think running is a good hobby for him to have, I actually think it is fantastic, but the time involved is killing me!

When the hubs decides to go for a run, he takes about 2 hours from the start of changing clothes to the after-run shower. It upsets me that he is choosing to use his 2 hours to run, rather than help with the never-ending housework. Add to it the additional laundry caused by his running gear, and I get pretty pissy. Not the most rationale line of thinking - I mean, I know how much he enjoys it, how it helps him destress, get rid of his gut, etc.; but I get overwhelmed by what is then left for me to do. Hubs doesn't get it, and is not willing to negotiate some type of schedule that works for both of us.

So I guess my point is: are you holding up your end of the load at home? Does your husband end up with more work to do, like making dinner, or watching the kids, so that you can work out? If he is, that is okay, but you would need to see it from his perspective and figure out a way to better share the responsibility.

KarmaKills

He sounds a little jealous, insecure about himself and scared of the changes you're making to better yourself. Maybe he's afraid you'll leave him for somebody better if you become healthy and hot. Instead of trying to hold you back....he should join you so you can get healthy together.

Bottom line....if you're happy taking these classes....don't stop! If he doesn't wanna better himself, that's HIS choice.

Saucy_lil_Minx

Thank you all for your opinions. I am absolutely certain that counseling would be beneficial, however, you can lead a horse to water......,

but until my husband realizes what I already know .... he won't go. Honestly I am not sure what will happen, but I know I am going to take care of me on my priority list. I may not be top on the list, but I will be close. To me my health, is not just important for myself, but for my son too. I get to be a better parent, because I am healthy enough to participate in his life, instead of sitting on a sideline. My husband will either come to terms, or start seeking a solution if he becomes unhappy enough. I can only seek inner peace for myself, and love him the best I can. I will work at it as long as he does too, I will not cease being me. I will always be in a constant state of flux, because I love change. I know change is hard for my husband, but it is part of life, and he would have to deal with some change even if it did not involve me. Thank you MFP'rs for being the support system I need.

PennyM140

I am in a similar situation. My husband complains when I give up family time to go to the gym and I feel so guilty about missing time with my son that I never go anyway. They are both use to me being home all of the time (when I'm not at work) it is hard to say "I'm leaving, just deal with it."

No one can get the whole story from just hearing your side which I assume is partly a rant. You changed. You said you've been going to the gym for a year and a half and you are surprised that he isn't use to it yet. People rarely change so it isn't so odd to me that he thinks it is a fad or that he is having a difficult time adjusting.
I think It's great that you are taking charge of your health, but your family is important too. It seems almost impossible for me to balance working full time, raising a family, and working out. I honestly don't know how anyone does it but i certainly applaud their efforts.

I hope you are able to work out something you are both happy with. I just hate seeing these threads that turn into husband bashing on a poor guy that can't even defend himself.

Saucy_lil_Minx

and have know he has always been clingy, and very jealous of anything that takes me away from him, but this is just getting ridiculous.

If he has always been that way then why do you expect him to change now? How have you dealt with his clingy and jealous behavior in the past?

This is different, because it is morphing into a much more severe form of clingy, and/ or jealousy. It is no longer just about being stuck to my side while we are out, or people approaching me. It is now about wanting to stop me from trying things I want to try, or living what I consider "normal life" without having to have an argument before I head out of the house. I don't want to feel restricted...deal with his base insecurities I can handle, and understand with his background, but getting angry, or telling me I can not do something without a valid or rational argument as to why IS NOT OK.

ChaplainHeavin

I don't know, honey. I guess at some point you just have to say, "I need this and you have to understand and accept that," and end the discussion. Don't argue with him. Let him vent and don't react.

Things in my relationship (different issues) got to the point where I was ready to walk away and he knew it before it got better. And as bad as it was, it was worth how good it is now. Some things can't be compromised, I think. It sometimes comes down to whether you can both be content. I don't think it's OK for one person to be miserable and give in 100% to the other. That is a slave, not a husband or wife.

He may just need a serious wakeup call.

This

Saucy_lil_Minx

*Edited: This is all said with the assumption that there is no violence in the marriage. Violence, hitting, shaking, or any other unwanted physical contact is never ok and should never be tolerated.

My husband would NEVER raise a hand to me, or any of mine! Nor would I tolerate something that would even resemble a physical threat! He is a very good man, and do not want to "husband bash" him in anyway. He my have his flaws, and does not always use the best words to express himself, but I am truly looking for solutions to handle what I consider an "irrational anger" toward a class or two. I want to make sure I am not just being bull- headed about not giving in on this. (Something I can sometimes be). He knows he can always come to the gym, as a matter of fact I ask if he is going to almost every time I go. I encourage him to try things he is interested in, and I have always been an evolving person. He should be VERY used to change happening around, and with me. So yeah this "irrational anger" over a class is an evolution for him above his normal insecurities, and clingy behavior. Far more than just a normal "jealousy" thing. I could see if I was adding these classes, and keeping to the five days week I go to the gym, but no I modified my workout schedule so that I am pretty much on the same schedule I have been. This way I am taking no more, or no less time away from family or obligations. I only need his schedule, because he has had schedule changes at work himself, where I may need to pick our son up before I go to the gym, or go directly from work.

dbanks80

Is he afraid you're going to kick his *kitten*?

But seriously...is the class extra cost outside of the gym membership? Do you spend hours upon hours in the gym? If not then maybe you can do some periodic outdoor exercises (bike ride, jog, long brisk walk) and encourage him to join you.

Saucy_lil_Minx

Is he afraid you're going to kick his *kitten*?

But seriously...is the class extra cost outside of the gym membership? Do you spend hours upon hours in the gym? If not then maybe you can do some periodic outdoor exercises (bike ride, jog, long brisk walk) and encourage him to join you.

He is a pretty big guy, so kicking his butt would be rather difficult (6ft 2, 220 lbs) vs. (5ft 6, 205 lbs). Yes there is extra cost of $30.00 a month which I have worked into the budget, and discussed with him prior to starting the class. It does not take extra time away b/c if I go to the class it replaces a cardio day at the other gym. I always ask him to go to the gym, and almost always he is too tired, or he is already settled at home..ect. He does walk Sundays at the lake with me, but that is about it. Sometimes he is still at work when I go to my class, so I would not be with him anyway.

shawn1369

I'm in a similar situation with my wife. She's a very outgoing person and I'm the complete opposite. She's always been interested in kickboxing and recently started at a new MMA gym. While I try to be supportive of her, our agreement was that she could train for fitness / weight-loss purposes but absolutely no competitive fighting. Well that lasted a few months, then she approached me about fighting. I wasn't happy but I don't want to stand in the way of her dreams, so I agreed to one fight. Bear in mind we're trying to get pregnant so I already don't approve of the sport. About 2 weeks prior to her fight, she fractured her ankle at the gym which resulted in an operation and now she's on crutches for several weeks and then physio.

So now as much as I know it could've happened outside the gym, I immediately assign blame to the gym. I didn't want to see her get hurt and she did. She is still persistent about wanting to fight again even though we should be concentrating on trying to conceive. And the last thing I want to see happen is that she hurts herself again.

I can as her husband admit to being insecure in our marriage. I worry that she spends time at the gym to be away from me. I worry that she will develop feelings for guys at the gym who have better bodies than I do and share her interests. I worry that she will lose weight and I will seem less desirable to her. I worry about her safety.

I unfortunately don't have any interest in the sport, so joining her isn't for me and I don't want to suffocate her. But I do try support her as much as I can by accompanying her to watch fights. Deep down, I just want to step in and stop her from going to kickboxing but that will lead to arguments, and marital stress.

Any advice for me?