First time in I don't know how long I have a complaint

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2

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  • kjllose
    kjllose Posts: 948 Member
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    Poor Banks, I feel for you, your inbetween a rock and a hard place. I'm probably not as enthusiastic as your wife about the gym, but I did love my cardio and walking and I was even starting to strength train when I did my back in back in November of 07. It all came to a complete stop too and it drove me nuts and it still does. 6 months later and I'm still at the PT and we are working on it. So from a female point of view if my hubby talked to my PT person without telling me, I would seriously take issue with it. That would mean he thought I was lying to them. I just don't like people going around behind other peoples backs(no pun intended). But someone said in this post that she would have to start from the beginning and I know from experience that is true and tough to do, and even when you get going you hurt, so she's not apt to be in a good mood because of that too. I know you don't want to see her get hurt more so I would butt heads with her a little more but don't go behind her back. Good luck to you and even more luck that her back heals well. Thinking of you~Karen
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    Hey Banks!

    I don't really have much to add because most of these people have covered what I was going to say. :)

    Anyway, all I can do is wish you luck with this. I know how hard it is. You care about her and want her to be safe but you know that her frame of mind won't see things they way you see them in regards to working out. And there is nothing worse than being told you CAN'T do something. It just makes you crazy with wanting to do it that much more!

    Maybe just be honest but gentle. Tell her how worried you are that she might injure herself even worse and then where would she be...remind her how important is it is to take care of her body and slowly gain the strength again. Also, tell her you have the confidence that she has the strength to get through this and that you will be there to support her whenever she needs it. That is a huge thing. Just be supportive without condescending.

    I feel for you! Good luck getting through this!

    Tami
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
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    Banks...does your wife still check in here. I remember one time you did a post and she replyed. :bigsmile:
  • MargieM
    MargieM Posts: 2,248 Member
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    Banks,
    You really have gotten some great advice and thoughts on this. You posted earlier about getting as much info as you can to make an educated decision, so I'll throw in my thoughts as well.

    I would not go behind her back to her PT or gym friend. As a wife (and woman) I would see that as complete disrespect for my feelings and for me as a person. Your wife may feel differently, but that is how I would react, if I found out. Talk to her, tell her how afraid you are that she will do permanent damage. It's because you want her to be happy and healthy, and to be the best person she can be. Not for you, but for her. As her husband, all you want is the best for her, and therefore, the best for you two as a couple. She has to make the decision for herself as to how she treats her body and her health, you can't do that for her. But you can let her know that she has your full support and love and caring, and everything else. But, after you let her know how you feel and what your fears are for her, then give her some time and space. Don't bring it up again for several days, unless she wants to talk about it. Encourage her to talk to her PT and ask if there are other exercises she can do to maintain strength. They can even give her picture cards of certain positions so you can get back to "gettin' some" without making an injury worse. (I worked in PT for awhile, so I know these exist!:laugh: )

    Anyway, any time that you have to have these discussions with a spouse, it can be daunting and scary. Just be open and honest, and don't be accusing. You seem to have a big heart and I'm sure she knows it. Give her a big hug and a sloppy kiss and tell her how much you love her. Usually works in my household!

    Good luck! Thoughts and prayers for courage and healing coming your way for both you and your honey!
    - Margie
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
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    Banks...does your wife still check in here. I remember one time you did a post and she replyed. :bigsmile:

    nah not really.
  • frenchfoodlover
    frenchfoodlover Posts: 95
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    Banks... this is tough for you because as a woman I can tell you when we are upset, your going to be staring down the barrel of a gun no matter what you do!!! :explode:

    First step - this was a huge part of her life - both time wise and clearly where she felt value. To lose this is devastating. It is important to recognize that.

    2nd step - get her an activity that she can go hard at and can do. For many back injuries the pool is the best place to be - helps stretch out the back and there is no weight bearing. Perhaps if she was given a "goal" or "requirement" of X number of lengths, etc, would give her something to focus on and help tap into that drive she has.

    3rd step - If all else fails, try to find someone you know who has made the mistake of a back injury and let her see the reality of where this will lead her.

    Good luck.... to both of you.
  • Nich0le
    Nich0le Posts: 2,906 Member
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    having had back issues and trying all different types of routines I get the stir crazy part, and I don't know the dynamics of your relationship but my husband has this great way of giving me a giant hug and looking me straight in the eye and telling me to get better before I make the injury permanent. She might like to know that you are totally understanding and supportive during this time and then ask the physical therapist and the owner of the gym to recommend some alternative exercises that will make her feel like she is still getting that high intensity workout she is used too!
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
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    Thanks again guys, I really appreciate all the great advice. We'll see how this goes. Wish me luck!
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
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    GOOD LUCK:flowerforyou: :drinker: :drinker:
  • maybeoneday
    maybeoneday Posts: 42
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    itll be allright
  • plantlady99
    plantlady99 Posts: 1,338 Member
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    Write her a lovely note how you feel.
  • FatDancer
    FatDancer Posts: 812 Member
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    How about the two of you taking a Latin Dance class together...she wouldn't be doing any lifting and it would be low impact but intense cardio...if you're interested, you could make her promise not to workout and to take this class with you until she is well healed...also, it is a very sexy artform and it will get your motors running...plus dance makes you feel high!
  • SunnyInBuffalo
    SunnyInBuffalo Posts: 58
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    this may help...

    "I know you are struggling with this. I am worried that in that struggle you'll get hurt. I love you so much. Do what you need to do, but know I am here when or if you need me"

    and then just love her and keep checking in every so often...

    I believe that supported people make the best decisions.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Hi

    My gut is telling me after reading your post, is at the right time to have a heart to heart with your wife, BEFORE going to her trainer/therapist

    GOOD LUCK, like another poster said it's a tough situation and there is no right answer

    Kim
  • cinandchris
    cinandchris Posts: 229 Member
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    Best of luck buddy :flowerforyou: I hope she doesn't cause you any permanent physical damage when you discuss this with her. :laugh:
  • foxfire9372
    foxfire9372 Posts: 184 Member
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    one more thought, if you don't think she will kill you, have her read the posts that we all have made. Either she will want to rearrange your most private parts or she may realize that there are a whole lot of people who have gone through similair situations and have overcome, survived and thrived.
  • DianneLynn
    DianneLynn Posts: 156 Member
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    Aww Banks...and Mrs. Banks...I truly feel your pain...

    About 2 years ago I got bored with my Bowflex routines and decided to "shake it up" with some Winsor Pilates (I have the tapes and have done 10 week stints before). After the 3 day of Pilates I awoke on the 4th day in the most incredible pain of my life and thus it began. Life and Stress just twisted my spine intto a pretzel!!! Literally!!! from the C1 right down to S1 twisting my pelvis and shortening my one leg..rolls my eyes...God forbid I ever have an accident if this is what "just life" can do to ya.

    Traditional Docs don't help ~ shooting me up with Cortisone bilaterally in the hips for Bursitis...or maybe its Arthritis ...as if!!!

    My Naturopath recommended an excellent Osteopath in the area after her clinics Chiropractor did nothing. I tried Acupuncture...only temporary pain relief then it was right back.

    Finally last August I found the Alternative Health Clinic's owner told me about someone who helped her when she hurt her back while vacationing in Florida. By this time, it was very difficult to walk, sleep, sit. This Chiropractor practices the Activator Method (www.activator.com) and is totally awesome but got me halfway. Now I've employed this Personal Trainer/Lifestyle Coach and he's bringing me the other half...hopefully soon I'll be a whole functioning human being again.

    Mrs. Banks I truly feel your pain. I have so been there. When my Chiro told me I could start resistance training again I was elated to say the least (& I never ever thought I'd say that about exercising). Pleas e go easy on Mr. Banks...he just loves ya and is probably feeling a tad useless right now. Men naturally just want to "fix" things...its a gene or something like that.

    Banks, being a gym rat, surely your wife knows some Personal Trainers (Kinesiologists would be the best choice) and can consult with them as to what should be done and how it should be done in conjunction with her other medical consultants.

    I wish you both the best and hope you take it easy on each other and maybe Banks, this is something you can't "fix" but hearing it from someone else will help and definitely keep you safe!
  • sapphyre0702
    sapphyre0702 Posts: 68
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    I agree with Shannon talk to her about it. Back injuries are really serious and can quickly develop into something more serious. I ended up fracturing my back slightly as a result of lifting weights that were too heavy. I had a pre-existing back condition and after the fracture I couldnt sit or stand for any longer than 30 minutes without a lot of pain for 3-4 months.

    Your wife sounds very health conscious and I'm sure it would absolutly crush her to get a greater injury and not be able to work out at all.

    You only have one body and the spine is so important and so fragile.

    Please talk to your wife. This is serious and could take some time to heal. Maybe in the interim while she is healing you two could do something together to help get her mind off of the gym and get some together time as well!

    Good luck!
  • chriss1tt
    chriss1tt Posts: 365 Member
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    So how's it goin Banks? Hope your still with us.:wink:
  • REB89
    REB89 Posts: 493 Member
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    sorry, i missed this post when you first wrote it as i haven't been online for a couple of days. i hope everything went well!!! :flowerforyou:

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