Inappropriate joke? Why yes!
sgtinvincible
Posts: 2,559
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice
children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Heck no they ain't twins." "The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the heck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe someone made love to you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart." :laugh:
The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice
children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Heck no they ain't twins." "The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the heck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe someone made love to you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart." :laugh:
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Replies
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A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice
children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Heck no they ain't twins." "The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the heck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe someone made love to you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart." :laugh:0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Thank you for the great laugh:laugh:0 -
LOL loved that!! :laugh: :laugh:0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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:noway: That's hilarious!! :glasses:0
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How many of us have actually met this woman?!! uh huh.0
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:laugh:0
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Good ol' Wal-Mart!!! Hahaha!!! I have heard the joke but love it every time I hear it again! Thanks for the laugh!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Hey Sgt... I got one for you.
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe's Building Supply when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.
"The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing very tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says..... "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :bigsmile:0
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:laugh:0
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:laugh: Now THAT was funny! :laugh:0
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omg....both of those cracked me up! lol thanks for the laughs:laugh: ....so wrong! lol
hugs!
Ali0 -
I've got one....kind of corny but I thought it was funny.
How do you know it's time to clean out your freezer?
When you open the door and the rump roast farts at you!:laugh:0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners
As she get's up to the counter she is mumbling something about a stain.
The clerk, not hearing her puts his hand to cup his ear and says "What was that?....Come again??"
And she says "No, this time it's mustard!!"
Yikes! That wasn't going too far was it?????????!!!! LOL!0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Good ones guys :laugh:0
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Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners
As she get's up to the counter she is mumbling something about a stain.
The clerk, not hearing her puts his hand to cup his ear and says "What was that?....Come again??"
And she says "No, this time it's mustard!!"
Yikes! That wasn't going too far was it?????????!!!! LOL!
I almost spewed my Iced Tea!!! :laugh:0 -
Sorry blondes
A blonde walks into a library and up to the desk. The librarian looks up and says "yes, how may I help you?"
The blonde says loudly "I'd like a hamburger, two large fries (yummmm), and a diet coke."
Librarian says "Ma'am...... this is a library"
Blonde whispers " Oh, I'm sorry, I'd like a hamburger, two large fries (yummmm), and a diet coke".
Hahahha. email me if you don't get it.0 -
Here's a blonde joke for you...
Q: Why are blond's belly-buttons black and blue?
A: Blond guys are stupid too :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Here's a blonde joke for you...
Q: Why are blond's belly-buttons black and blue?
A: Blond guys are stupid too :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Haha, I am sitting here shaking my head!0 -
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is the best one ever.
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde
jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days
later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped
her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly
creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many
sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course."
The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason
said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably,
totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to
my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally
picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of
the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K.,
now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair
color, can I have my dog back?"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ROFLMOA :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Sarge...............green tea through my nostrils :laugh:
You guys are GREAT!0 -
I pee'd my pants!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Have to admit this - I am a blonde who has gone brunette!!!0 -
hahaha thats funny!!!:laugh: :laugh:0
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My mom sent me this , she a loon ..
Aging With Humor
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?"
_________________________________
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs
__________________________________________________________
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
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Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
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--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I know a few women like that, sorry, am I taking the joke too far?lol!!0
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this one isn't inappropriate but its still pretty funny
A teacher had asked her class on how you decide who you are going to married and this is what they said...
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? <
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 100 -
Oh my God, just read the rest of the replies....TOO FUNNY....
This is the best I got
What do call cheese thats not yours?
Nacho cheese
My 5 year old just told me that, and yes that's all I got lol!!!0 -
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five
dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five
dollars from.
The little girl replied: ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for
doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see
your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I
got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing
a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked
him, I didn't wear any panties today.''
:laugh:0
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