Bring me your corniest jokes!

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  • April_KT
    April_KT Posts: 332 Member
    Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?




    A. Ground beef.
  • April_KT
    April_KT Posts: 332 Member
    “Ok everyone,” said the the instructor at the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, that’s purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.” “We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial stomach with a strap. ”This imitates the feeling of being pregnant.” Which Husband volunteers to be the first one to try it on?” “I will” said one man, taking the suit and trying it on. ”This isn’t too bad said the man walking around. I think I could get used to this.” “Ok”, said the instructor smiling, “now I would like you to bend down and pick up my pen from the floor.” “You want me to pick it up?” he said hesitantly, ”just as I would if I was pregnant?” “Yes!” said the instructor. “Honey,” said the man turning to his spouse “do you mind picking up that pen for me?”
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle packing factory. For many years he had a powerful urge to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to dismiss the thought he sought professional help. After six monthly sessions, his therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would never have peace of mind.

    Several days later, Yossel came home from work very early. His wife Sarah became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that he finally went ahead, did it and had just been fired from his job.

    Sarah gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and boxer shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. Looking up she said, "Yossel, I don't understand. What happened with the pickle slicer?"

    Yossel replied, "She got fired, too."
  • Ilikelamps
    Ilikelamps Posts: 482 Member
    Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle packing factory. For many years he had a powerful urge to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to dismiss the thought he sought professional help. After six monthly sessions, his therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would never have peace of mind.

    Several days later, Yossel came home from work very early. His wife Sarah became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that he finally went ahead, did it and had just been fired from his job.

    Sarah gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and boxer shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. Looking up she said, "Yossel, I don't understand. What happened with the pickle slicer?"

    Yossel replied, "She got fired, too."

    Holy FK I'm supposed to read this? Footnotes anyone?
  • April_KT
    April_KT Posts: 332 Member
    A group of prosperous businessmen were dining at the Sam’s Hotel in Las Vegas.

    “Seems to me you are getting a little slimmer,” remarked one.

    “I should be!” replied the other.

    “I went on one of those high protein diets. Nothing but expensive steaks and chops. And would you believe it?-in just two weeks I lost thirty dollars!”
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    What kind of milk do you get from a cow with no legs?

    Dragon milk.
  • rick3791
    rick3791 Posts: 4 Member
    Why do golfers wear 2 pair of pants ?



    In case they get a hole in one
  • tlangenfeld
    tlangenfeld Posts: 2,330 Member
    what do you call 10 blondes standing in a row?

    a wind tunnel
  • tlangenfeld
    tlangenfeld Posts: 2,330 Member
    what is a brunettes mating call?

    where are all the blondes :laugh:

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