Failing :(

Ashwee87

First off, let me start by saying I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, so I am not using this as an excuse, but it really has messed with me mentally and is a big part why I have struggled for so long on losing weight. I have always struggled with low self-esteem, beating myself up mentally, etc.

I joined MFP last year and for a while, was doing really great and had an unusual boost of self-appreciation and high self-esteem. I dropped around 17 lbs between March and June, but since then, my weight loss halted and mentally I started tearing myself apart again. Then things got worse as my marriage fell apart Oct/Nov, and now my 2 year old and myself are living with my parents again. (Since Nov, 2013)

So, since my parents kinda control the food for the most part, I found myself also just eating whatever. I have gained some weight back and now hovering around 230-233 again. I did however manage to stick to some of the things I removed from my diet/life, like I only drink water and coffee; and only drink almond milk (cow milk messes with me). But as far as controlling my eating, I am finding it harder and harder. I know -what- I need to do, but I just struggle mentally to do it.

I was trying to walking/jogging and do C25K, but I find myself giving up because as much as I really do enjoy it, my shin splints act up really bad. I have a bike and do like riding it, but I find myself making up dumb excuses to not do it. I have a cart as well so my 2 yr old son can ride with me and he does enjoy it, mostly. (Sometimes he shakes it and fusses, which has almost caused me to wreck a couple times.)

I just wish I could mentally get myself back into a good spot and work on this. It is a constant struggle and I am always beating myself up for it. It is a horrible and vicious cycle. I want to be healthy for myself and my son. I want to teach him good habits while he is young so he doesn't end up overweight and face bullies like I did.

Oh and also, I have a very unhealthy addiction to freakin Nutella. Screw that stuff and my mom keeps buying it and I can't seem to say "NO" to it. I need help....:(

WBB55

(1) If you're alive, you're not failing. You may have failed to reach a particular goal, but if you have breath left in your body, you aren't "failing."

(2) don't try to do everything at once. if it were me (and I used to weigh 240, just FYI) I'd start logging my food every day, as accurately as possible. Even if it's rubbish. Even if I'm eating 4000 calories. Just log it. Learn how to be honest with yourself and build a consistent habit of knowing what you're eating.

That's my suggestion.

Ashwee87

(1) If you're alive, you're not failing. You may have failed to reach a particular goal, but if you have breath left in your body, you aren't "failing."

True. Like I said, I beat myself up pretty bad.

(2) don't try to do everything at once. if it were me (and I used to weigh 240, just FYI) I'd start logging my food every day, as accurately as possible. Even if it's rubbish. Even if I'm eating 4000 calories. Just log it. Learn how to be honest with yourself and build a consistent habit of knowing what you're eating.

That's my suggestion.

I think that is a huge problem of mine, I try to take on more than I can handle.

Also, I have tried to start logging food in general, but my dad makes a lot of food from scratch and I have no clue how to log some of the stuff he cooks. x_x Like his rice for example, he puts unknown amounts of butter, salt and Tony Chachere's in it. I end up just getting frustrated.

Edit: I think I could control myself better if my son and I had a place of our own, BUT, that won't happen for a while. I have almost nothing right now since my stb ex-husband and I split. I have no car, no job, no income...I am attending a career school and trying to work on that so I can hopefully get a good job by the end of this year.

ImaWaterBender

Try to imagine the Nutella as having something really gross in it.



I won't have it in the house. No way.

WBB55

I have no clue how to log some of the stuff he cooks.

can you watch him cook and guess? personally, I'd just do my best and get into the good habits of logging as accurately as I can.

Ashwee87

Try to imagine the Nutella as having something really gross in it.

I won't have it in the house. No way.

So hard....LOL

I keep telling my mom we DON'T need it, but she continues to get it. I rather not have it in the house at all, but she is just as addicted as I am. I swear, they put crack in that stuff....they have too...

Ashwee87

can you watch him cook and guess? personally, I'd just do my best and get into the good habits of logging as accurately as I can.

I suppose I could. He never measures anything for the exception of like water. But I think that is what I do need to try to focus on for now, just getting into a great logging habit.

AliceDark

Moving and having a marriage end are two of the most stressful things that can happen to you, and you've dealt with both in the past six months. You're not a failure. You had a lot of stress and trouble come your way, and it takes time to recover from that.

I agree with the suggestion to start logging without trying to make changes just yet. Log everything -- don't judge it, criticize it or change your eating patterns -- just log for two weeks or a month. Then make one little change. The last thing you need in your life is more stress, and trying to do a major overhaul of your eating or exercise patterns is just going to cause you more stress. Weight loss isn't punishment, and it shouldn't feel like something you're forcing yourself to do. Other people think differently, but I'm of the opinion that small, sustainable changes over the long term are better for you than trying to change everything and go 100% "healthy" (whatever the heck that means) all of a sudden.

As for the exercise, for right now, just take your son and go for a walk around the neighborhood. That's a better start to teaching him good habits than anything else. Do whatever feels good for you -- finding something that you enjoy and that makes you happy will do you more good right now than running a 5k if it makes you miserable. Good luck :flowerforyou:

PJPrimrose

I agree with AliceDark completely! Small changes, this isn't a punishment it's an improved lifestyle, and go easy on yourself.

freemystery

I think it's time for you to step out of the child role in your family (being cooked for, being shopped for) and into the adult role. Which means you have to be firm with your parents, clue them into your goals and do your best to get their support.

Spend time in the kitchen with your dad and watch how he cooks, quantities and ingredients. If you have to, say you're making a note of the recipe just so that you know what you're eating.And who knows when you might want to recreate his cookery?

To change things you can't just claim helplessness, if you truly think there's nothing you can do that might help you, strangers on the internet are unlikely to be able to help.

Be clear with your mother about exactly what you don't want in the house and why you don't want it, and if she must buy it to either hide it or to get those tiny one-portion packs so that you can't overdo it. Go shopping with her if you must, and explain to her what your goals are and what you need to achieve them.

Your best hope is to get them on your side and they can be your encouragement and your help when you need it. You don't want to do this all on your own. Let them be part of the solution. Don't fall into dejection and despair, this isn't over while you choose to play on.

Ashwee87

Thank you AliceDark.

@Freemystery - They do know, my brother lost over 60 lbs and has maintained it, BUT, he can't eat 80% of what they cook in order to maintain it since he is on low carbs. (He did Atkins.) I do most of the shopping, and I try to buy healthier foods, BUT, it still doesn't seem to do any good. Both of my parents, god I love them to pieces, but they are very stubborn.

My mom is slightly overweight, but my dad is pretty overweight. Not like morbidly obese, but enough that he does need to lose weight and he KNOWS it. He has done it; but it seems to be a common thing in my family to have no self-control. His sister just suffered a heart attack about a month ago and both of his parents have heart issues. He sleeps with a CPAP.

ottermotorcycle

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much. I agree with the others that just developing the logging habit makes a huge difference. It's okay if you don't know the measurements of things. I tried to get my boyfriend to join MFP a while ago, but seeing the calorie and nutrition numbers just made him nervous and frustrated. It felt too limiting when he really just wanted to watch his weight rather than lose a predetermined amount of it. So I got him a little notebook - he now writes down everything he eats, but doesn't log it into MFP. When he picks up a spoonful of cashew butter (his nutella I guess!), he has to write it down, so he only has one. It's mostly about awareness!

handyrunner

I think it's time for you to step out of the child role in your family (being cooked for, being shopped for) and into the adult role. Which means you have to be firm with your parents, clue them into your goals and do your best to get their support.

Spend time in the kitchen with your dad and watch how he cooks, quantities and ingredients. If you have to, say you're making a note of the recipe just so that you know what you're eating.And who knows when you might want to recreate his cookery?

To change things you can't just claim helplessness, if you truly think there's nothing you can do that might help you, strangers on the internet are unlikely to be able to help.

Be clear with your mother about exactly what you don't want in the house and why you don't want it, and if she must buy it to either hide it or to get those tiny one-portion packs so that you can't overdo it. Go shopping with her if you must, and explain to her what your goals are and what you need to achieve them.

Your best hope is to get them on your side and they can be your encouragement and your help when you need it. You don't want to do this all on your own. Let them be part of the solution. Don't fall into dejection and despair, this isn't over while you choose to play on.

This is pretty spot on...you said your brother didnt eat 80% of the food in th the house...how did he manage that?

Its a struggle but do what you can and the first step is to realize you are not a failure...you had the courage to be open with it here..putting it in writing kinda throws it in your face and you should feel good about that.

if small baby steps are all you can manage then take them...eventually they will turn into strides...

either way good luck to you.

yellowlemoned

I had lost about 50 lbs but fell off the wagon last Sept, and started back up again in February. Something that always helps me get going in the right direction again is to look at what i'm cooking/eating and see what the suggested serving size is and just eat that much of it. If it's chocolate cake and icecream, or rice and chicken, as long as I -try- to keep it in the suggested serving size range it makes me more conscious of what I'm eating without having to restrict or remove anything from my diet yet. It won't yield you fantastic results, but sometimes just making an effort of some sort is enough to motivate you to keep going.

Wtn_Gurl

First off, let me start by saying I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, so I am not using this as an excuse, but it really has messed with me mentally and is a big part why I have struggled for so long on losing weight. I have always struggled with low self-esteem, beating myself up mentally, etc.

I joined MFP last year and for a while, was doing really great and had an unusual boost of self-appreciation and high self-esteem. I dropped around 17 lbs between March and June, but since then, my weight loss halted and mentally I started tearing myself apart again. Then things got worse as my marriage fell apart Oct/Nov, and now my 2 year old and myself are living with my parents again. (Since Nov, 2013)

So, since my parents kinda control the food for the most part, I found myself also just eating whatever. I have gained some weight back and now hovering around 230-233 again. I did however manage to stick to some of the things I removed from my diet/life, like I only drink water and coffee; and only drink almond milk (cow milk messes with me). But as far as controlling my eating, I am finding it harder and harder. I know -what- I need to do, but I just struggle mentally to do it.

I was trying to walking/jogging and do C25K, but I find myself giving up because as much as I really do enjoy it, my shin splints act up really bad. I have a bike and do like riding it, but I find myself making up dumb excuses to not do it. I have a cart as well so my 2 yr old son can ride with me and he does enjoy it, mostly. (Sometimes he shakes it and fusses, which has almost caused me to wreck a couple times.)

I just wish I could mentally get myself back into a good spot and work on this. It is a constant struggle and I am always beating myself up for it. It is a horrible and vicious cycle. I want to be healthy for myself and my son. I want to teach him good habits while he is young so he doesn't end up overweight and face bullies like I did.

Oh and also, I have a very unhealthy addiction to freakin Nutella. Screw that stuff and my mom keeps buying it and I can't seem to say "NO" to it. I need help....:(

Hi - I know you said you have a disorder, and if you feel that way - though true - still here is the key to overcoming it - act like you dont have it. Feel about yourself (while you know in your mind that you have it) but still go about your life as if you are cured from it. it might greatly change your outlook and things getting you down. its kinda like that phrase "fake it till you make it" for some reason, the way we think about ourselves is kinda how we act and feel about ourselves. its kinda like a person with no leg going for a walk and not letting their disability stop them from out jogging. it makes a huge difference. When you begin to feel like you are "handi-capable" rather than "handi-capped" it makes A huge difference!

Brandolin11

There are some very good suggestions on this board. I would also suggest you get into a support group of some kind to help you through this incredibly difficult time. Either a Divorce Recovery group and/or Overeaters Anonymous. Either or both of those will help you know you're not alone, you CAN recover both from the divorce and your overeating/self-beating tendencies. Don't go through this alone, whatever you do!

AdventureFreak

Try to imagine the Nutella as having something really gross in it.



I won't have it in the house. No way.

I think that it has too much sugar (something really gross) in it.

crissi725

I know that it might frustrate them, but tell you need to cook for yourself. It sounds like they control the grocery budget. So ask if you can have a small amount of that or take on all the cooking if necessary. You sound like the only one who want control of what they eat badly. Which is excellent . First, ease up on yourself. Second, you must find a way to control at least the groceries YOU need.

LVCeltGirl

First off, you're not failing! And that is coming from a lady who's had 2 failed marriages, and struggles with clinical depression with a 9 year old son.

From one self-saboteur to another, baby steps and cheer them on. So as everyone says, log everything. Watch your dad cook and create the measurements as best you can so you can recreate it in the recipe section of the diary. Then you can log that fairly accurately too. Every day that you log everything, give yourself a pat on the back. Include your child. 2 years old is still old enough to tell "mommy" that she's doing a good job. Make a big deal about how good veggies are (I did this with my son around age 2 and he now thinks that green beans with a little bit of Cajun seasoning is as good as candy).

You have to switch your thinking and that starts with you. Before you come up with a "but" for that, understand that I'm currently 44 years old, (45 in a few weeks) and I've proven time and again that I can quit bad-mouthing myself, knocking myself down. Yes, old habits die hard and I have to constantly work at it (especially when I'm in the middle of a depression) but it can be done. Every morning when you wake up, tell yourself (out loud) something you like about you. Every night before bed, tell yourself (out loud) something that you did right (well, good, are happy with etc). Sticky notes (or dry erase markers on the mirror) in the bathroom about how you're worth it, about how you're a good mother, about how you're getting healthier each and every day. Nothing but positives surrounding you. Trust me, within 30 days, you'll see a change in your attitude. As a side note to this, the recent divorce (from my son's father) had originally hit me really hard (my ex left on my birthday and filed for divorce 2 months later). My motto "I'm doing it for the DAMN, you got HOT!" came from the divorce and there are so many other reasons I'm doing the weight loss now but I still like to think about how "sad" his dad will be when he realizes that he let a "hot thing like me" get away.

Start with an "I can" attitude even when you don't believe it!

You can do this! (BTW - you can have Nutella but you have to learn moderation with it. I believe you can learn that too!)

LunaZuriel

Try to imagine the Nutella as having something really gross in it.



I won't have it in the house. No way.

I think that it has too much sugar (something really gross) in it.

Could always imagine it being fecal matter..*Blinks* I think I just grossed myself out..=-/

sktcporter

Just a thought on shin splints, when I first started jogging mine hurt too. I had to slow down until I got stronger, after a month or so I increased my speed with no pain. For me, jogging slow, at about the same pace as fast walking, is still a better workout than walking. I felt like an idiot on the jogging path but I improved and now pretty much look like a normal jogger