Failing :(

HanamiDango

You have gotten a lot of great advice. I understand how you feel and it is not easy. One thing, you have to make a life change for yourself, that you can keep up with. This means when the next time your stressed, you move, or something changes, you can still work around that change and keep up with your weight/fitness goals. This is my ultimate goal, to keep up with my weight for the rest of my life and never go back to emotional eating, over eating, and just eating. What better time than now to change, not tomorrow, not later, but now. If you want to change, than start trying. I made so many excuses for myself during the last year when I could have been just doing, and probably feeling better about my stressed out situations.
I am not going back to who I was before I started losing, even if something horrible happens, I will keep learning to live healthy with food. I love my runs outside. Or at least I fake it enough to do it at times ^_^ This is what a life change means. I am still working on it and will keep it up, till I am happy with it. I struggle but I keep getting back up.
I looked up your disorder. I fit that, however, I have never thought of my personality as a disorder or anything, just weak points to work through. And doing for your son or someone else really will only get you so far, you will have to make it about you. Do a work out vid at home if possible, go outside on walks or to the park with your son. Watch your dad cook, ask to cook, limit your potions, write everything down, and talk to your parents too. You have control over you and your life, even when you feel like the control slips, it is still there. I have to remind myself of this, alot!
As far as your can not resist food, it is hard, I buy cookies and eat 6, well, bought some, ate 3 one day and than one a day after. I was soooo happy with myself. However Cinnamon Disc hard candies, I still have little control over. :grumble: Taking it one step at a time is great, or two steps at a time. Do what you can now, right this moment.
Good luck hun :flowerforyou:

Ashwee87

...you said your brother didnt eat 80% of the food in th the house...how did he manage that?

He pretty much eats nothing but Atkins bars. It is ridiculous honestly. I am totally happy and all for him that he lost the weight and maintains it, but it just seems so damn unhealthy.

Ashwee87

Just read through all the comments. Thanks to many of you for the feedback, suggestions and best wishes.

I think for now I will do my best to keep up with my food diary, then slowly make changes from there. Thankfully as it is warming up some, I can take my son outside more. He does enjoy walking down the road when myself and/or mom do. Though being 2, he does get sidetracked easily.

Also, not that it may matter to most, but my stb ex-husband cheated on me multiple times, so yeah, that has made my AvPD worse. I won't go into my life drama on that though.

Also, that really offends me that I am being called a "child". I don't know the tone since I am just reading it, but it really bothers me. I am a grown woman, I have a child of my own, have been out of my parents house since 2006 and I just got stuck in a very ****ty situation which gave me no option BUT to move into my parents house. Calling me a child because my parents cook (wtf?) is kinda not a nice thing to say....just thought I would throw that out there...I do NOT enjoy cooking. I never have. Some people like it, some don't. But just because my dad mostly cooks, doesn't mean I don't occasionally, despite me hating it. But even then my dad will sometimes go behind me and "fix" things.

ebilwabbit

"I was trying to walking/jogging and do C25K, but I find myself giving up because as much as I really do enjoy it, my shin splints act up really bad"

There are a few things you can do to prevent these. Most people get shin splints because of the way they are running, not the amount (especially just starting out, since we aren't sprinting nor packing on the mileage).

Running with a heel-first strike can give even the most fit person shin splints, and it's the normal foot-to-pavement strike when walking. So, if you don't change how your foot lands when you go from walking speed to "gotta jog a bit to keep up", you're gonna be in pain. How to evaluate yourself:

The first 1.5 minutes of this video make it pretty clear, (Video by Newton Shoes) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OE1OPzBc04

1) Your shoes:

A good pair of running shoes will keep your ankles upright (not sagging inward/outward while you jog), and will have some flex in the front third of the shoe. Have someone look at your ankles from behind as you jog in a straight line. If your ankles are sagging outward or inward, you need a support running shoe. The flex in the front third of the shoe allows your foot bend naturally when it lands rather than slamming heel-first in a concrete bootie. For me, I need a very flexible shoe to run in to avoid splints, but it varies a lot depending on your build. The brand doesn't matter, as long as they correct your stride problems.

2) Your stride length:

It's really hard to break the habit, but running doesn't mean you have to use big strides. A big stride forces you to heel-strike, unless you're a very athletic sprinter, which most of us aren't. So, shorten your stride so your feet land under your body, and you land on the middle of the foot. This bounces the strike force of the run all the way up the whole leg and hips, rather than jarring it all into the shin. It takes practice, because it feels too-short, and the steps feel extra fast.

You don't have to suffer to jog, especially if you otherwise enjoy it! You enjoy it and it's fabulous exercise, so see if you can tweak it to make it work.

Brandolin11

Also, that really offends me that I am being called a "child". I don't know the tone since I am just reading it, but it really bothers me. I am a grown woman, I have a child of my own, have been out of my parents house since 2006 and I just got stuck in a very ****ty situation which gave me no option BUT to move into my parents house. Calling me a child because my parents cook (wtf?) is kinda not a nice thing to say....just thought I would throw that out there...I do NOT enjoy cooking. I never have. Some people like it, some don't. But just because my dad mostly cooks, doesn't mean I don't occasionally, despite me hating it. But even then my dad will sometimes go behind me and "fix" things.

I don't think the person meant you're actually a child, they meant you're sort of living in the *role* of a child as you live in your parents' home... which is very common for adult children who move back in with their parents so you're not all that out of the ordinary in that respect... But the way it looks right now is that you're allowing yourself to be somewhat dependent upon them (i.e., to cook and shop and such), which is the role of a dependent. Your role of a dependent is further exacerbated since you're also upset that you can't "control" what they cook and feel you can't lose weight because of it. This puts you in the role of a victim.

If you're genuinely upset about the inability to lose weight, and yet you're really an adult, then you shall have to step outside your comfort zone of "not enjoying cooking" and take control of your own situation. This is what an adult would do. A person in a child's role would continue to blame the parents and say they "just don't like cooking" and that's the end of it. Like you said, you're an adult and even a mother yourself - so you will have to act like one, in this situation, like you do in other areas of your life.

I think you'll find tremendous self-fulfillment, power, and peace in this, even though cooking isn't your favorite. And let's not forget - if you are divorced and will eventually move out of your parents, then you WILL be the primary caregiver in your home and will HAVE to cook for your child. May as well start now, right?

Fullsterkur_woman

Also, that really offends me that I am being called a "child". I don't know the tone since I am just reading it, but it really bothers me. I am a grown woman, I have a child of my own, have been out of my parents house since 2006 and I just got stuck in a very ****ty situation which gave me no option BUT to move into my parents house. Calling me a child because my parents cook (wtf?) is kinda not a nice thing to say....just thought I would throw that out there...I do NOT enjoy cooking. I never have. Some people like it, some don't. But just because my dad mostly cooks, doesn't mean I don't occasionally, despite me hating it. But even then my dad will sometimes go behind me and "fix" things.

I get what you're saying, but really what was meant was that you are in the child role. Your parents need to step out of the parent role and let you manage your own affairs. They can support you during this time of difficulty by sharing their resources with you, but to allow you to develop into your best self (which is one of their jobs as parents, right?!), they need to step back and let you stand or fall on your own.

I hate cooking too. But I either do it or my husband will or we will pay someone else for food. Regardless of the method we choose, we ourselves are taking the responsibility for meeting the need. You can choose to meet your need by eating what your father cooks, or you can choose to do it some other way (cooking for yourself, buying a ready-made meal, etc.). All of the choices have their own consequences, but when you are in the adult role, you own the consequences, so you own the responsibility AND the authority.

Fullsterkur_woman

Also, that really offends me that I am being called a "child". I don't know the tone since I am just reading it, but it really bothers me. I am a grown woman, I have a child of my own, have been out of my parents house since 2006 and I just got stuck in a very ****ty situation which gave me no option BUT to move into my parents house. Calling me a child because my parents cook (wtf?) is kinda not a nice thing to say....just thought I would throw that out there...I do NOT enjoy cooking. I never have. Some people like it, some don't. But just because my dad mostly cooks, doesn't mean I don't occasionally, despite me hating it. But even then my dad will sometimes go behind me and "fix" things.

I don't think the person meant you're actually a child, they meant you're sort of living in the *role* of a child as you live in your parents' home... which is very common for adult children who move back in with their parents so you're not all that out of the ordinary in that respect... But the way it looks right now is that you're allowing yourself to be somewhat dependent upon them (i.e., to cook and shop and such), which is the role of a dependent. Your role of a dependent is further exacerbated since you're also upset that you can't "control" what they cook and feel you can't lose weight because of it. This puts you in the role of a victim.

If you're genuinely upset about the inability to lose weight, and yet you're really an adult, then you shall have to step outside your comfort zone of "not enjoying cooking" and take control of your own situation. This is what an adult would do. A person in a child's role would continue to blame the parents and say they "just don't like cooking" and that's the end of it. Like you said, you're an adult and even a mother yourself - so you will have to act like one, in this situation, like you do in other areas of your life.

I think you'll find tremendous self-fulfillment, power, and peace in this, even though cooking isn't your favorite. And let's not forget - if you are divorced and will eventually move out of your parents, then you WILL be the primary caregiver in your home and will HAVE to cook for your child. May as well start now, right?

You posted while I was typing. Jinx. :drinker:

Ashwee87

There are a few things you can do to prevent these. Most people get shin splints because of the way they are running, not the amount (especially just starting out, since we aren't sprinting nor packing on the mileage).

Running with a heel-first strike can give even the most fit person shin splints, and it's the normal foot-to-pavement strike when walking. So, if you don't change how your foot lands when you go from walking speed to "gotta jog a bit to keep up", you're gonna be in pain. How to evaluate yourself:

The first 1.5 minutes of this video make it pretty clear, (Video by Newton Shoes) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OE1OPzBc04

1) Your shoes:

A good pair of running shoes will keep your ankles upright (not sagging inward/outward while you jog), and will have some flex in the front third of the shoe. Have someone look at your ankles from behind as you jog in a straight line. If your ankles are sagging outward or inward, you need a support running shoe. The flex in the front third of the shoe allows your foot bend naturally when it lands rather than slamming heel-first in a concrete bootie. For me, I need a very flexible shoe to run in to avoid splints, but it varies a lot depending on your build. The brand doesn't matter, as long as they correct your stride problems.

2) Your stride length:

It's really hard to break the habit, but running doesn't mean you have to use big strides. A big stride forces you to heel-strike, unless you're a very athletic sprinter, which most of us aren't. So, shorten your stride so your feet land under your body, and you land on the middle of the foot. This bounces the strike force of the run all the way up the whole leg and hips, rather than jarring it all into the shin. It takes practice, because it feels too-short, and the steps feel extra fast.

You don't have to suffer to jog, especially if you otherwise enjoy it! You enjoy it and it's fabulous exercise, so see if you can tweak it to make it work.

Thank you for this. I did get some really nice shoes over Christmas, but I still had the issue, which I honestly have felt may have been more due to how I run/jog. I am flat-footed, so I think that may be an issue as well.

uglycrying

That's great that you've maintained some healthy changes! It's also great that you posted here. You are by no means a failure. You need to stop beating yourself up, which I'm sure you know. I wish I could give more advice on that but it's something I struggle with too (depression here). Perhaps look into cognitive behavioral therapy/techniques to end the negative self-talk, there are plenty of techniques available free on the web (just did a quick cursory google search myself). Talk to yourself kindly like you would another person, be fair to yourself. Call that negative voice on its bull**** when it starts talking to you.

I agree with other advice to just begin with logging everything, most of my healthy changes came from this act alone. This is probably the most valuable thing you can do. You cut out drinks other than water/coffee/almond milk, you can approach other changes the same way you managed that. Measure everything to the extent you can.

I don't see why you can't cook your own meals separate from what your parents eat. Making your own meals will require extra effort... but isn't it worth it? It doesn't have to be elaborate either, if time is an issue.

I get that it sucks to live with people who don't care about making the same healthy changes but you can't change them and it's their house. The best & most influential thing you can do is lead by example, but even then they may not be interested. Control what you can: yourself. This isn't about them, it's about you. You can't use what they eat or do as an excuse for the choices you make. Other than cooking your own meals (which is probably the most feasible course of action), can you take over the cooking completely? Or cook with your dad? There are plenty of recipes on sites like skinnytaste.com that anyone could appreciate.

As for the Nutella and other junk, I've found that "out of sight, out of mind" works wonders. Can you convince your family to keep snacks like that out of sight, like in a special cabinet? Otherwise just measure how much of it you eat, gradually cut down-- or you may find it easier to abstain from it all together than to limit yourself. Personally, I make room in my calories to have something sweet almost every day, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. For best most long lasting results (imo), the food you eat to lose weight shouldn't be that radically different from what you'd normally enjoy.

You are stuck in a ****ty cycle... you need to break it and start a new cycle. Take some control. You are not powerless. I find that making one positive change leads to more and more... start a new cycle.

Brandolin11

You posted while I was typing. Jinx. :drinker:

High five!

Ashwee87

I get what you're saying, but really what was meant was that you are in the child role. Your parents need to step out of the parent role and let you manage your own affairs. They can support you during this time of difficulty by sharing their resources with you, but to allow you to develop into your best self (which is one of their jobs as parents, right?!), they need to step back and let you stand or fall on your own.

I hate cooking too. But I either do it or my husband will or we will pay someone else for food. Regardless of the method we choose, we ourselves are taking the responsibility for meeting the need. You can choose to meet your need by eating what your father cooks, or you can choose to do it some other way (cooking for yourself, buying a ready-made meal, etc.). All of the choices have their own consequences, but when you are in the adult role, you own the consequences, so you own the responsibility AND the authority.

That makes sense. It is hard to take the context of what is written and understand the tone and I easily can get upset over things. (I am working on it...) I was trying to take it with a grain of salt, but it just bothered me.

I do understand what is being said and I do understand I will have to cook once my son and I get our own place. I guess I dread it so much because I have no clue/interest in cooking. That is not to say I don't know how, because I do. But anywho, I do decent through-out the day when it is just my son and I home. But when it comes to dinner, that is when my dad (or mom) cook and I guess being Southern, I feel it is rude to not eat what is fixed for the family. But I guess, I may need to start taking the reins at least a few nights a week and trying to find healthier foods to fix for the family. May start off with like 1 day a week though...haha

acb2144

bump

cj731

What a sad situation for you. You've had a rough time lately, try not to pile on your stresses with beating yourself up about your weight so much. There have been some great suggestions here - taking on a bigger role with food prep sounds really smart as you can more accurately log what you're eating.

Please don't think you're a failure, even if the weight loss takes some time. Is that your son on your ticker? If so, he's absolutely gorgeous. You can't possibly be a failure when you've managed to raise a happy and healthy little boy, and you can be successful in your other ventures too - you've lost weight before and you'll do it again! You've had some hurdles but you're doing a good job

bnybanker

In the words of the most stubborn man who walked the face of the earth, Winston Churchill, "Never give up, never!" Every morning, when you wake up, tell yourselve 3X- "I have to live right, for myself and my child." Motivate yourself every single day! You recognize that you make excuses and give in- it's not easy but it is all mental- SELF TALK- win small victories- keep hiding the Nutella until your mom gives up!!! You are a winner- o start winning! Keep a food log AND record your VICTORIES, not just your lapses. You are important, you are strong- assert yourself!

nomad1000

You have gotten some great advice here so I thought I would add some websites where you can look for delish and healthy recipes. I know when I started cooking healthier it was pretty overwhelming since there are so many recipe sites and so many cook books and so much info out there.

Here are some of my go to sites for recipes...

www.skinnytaste.com
www.coookinglight.com
www.skinnykitchen.com
www.eatingwell.com

Ashwee87

What a sad situation for you. You've had a rough time lately, try not to pile on your stresses with beating yourself up about your weight so much. There have been some great suggestions here - taking on a bigger role with food prep sounds really smart as you can more accurately log what you're eating.

Please don't think you're a failure, even if the weight loss takes some time. Is that your son on your ticker? If so, he's absolutely gorgeous. You can't possibly be a failure when you've managed to raise a happy and healthy little boy, and you can be successful in your other ventures too - you've lost weight before and you'll do it again! You've had some hurdles but you're doing a good job

Thank you. Yes, that is my son and thanks. I am thankful he is not a picky eater and will eat just about anything and he loves him some fruit too.

Thank you all, seriously. I think I may have gotten the small push I needed. I successfully logged everything for yesterday.

Fullsterkur_woman

Let me be the first to congratulate you and positively reinforce this behavior!

What a sad situation for you. You've had a rough time lately, try not to pile on your stresses with beating yourself up about your weight so much. There have been some great suggestions here - taking on a bigger role with food prep sounds really smart as you can more accurately log what you're eating.

Please don't think you're a failure, even if the weight loss takes some time. Is that your son on your ticker? If so, he's absolutely gorgeous. You can't possibly be a failure when you've managed to raise a happy and healthy little boy, and you can be successful in your other ventures too - you've lost weight before and you'll do it again! You've had some hurdles but you're doing a good job

Thank you. Yes, that is my son and thanks. I am thankful he is not a picky eater and will eat just about anything and he loves him some fruit too.

Thank you all, seriously. I think I may have gotten the small push I needed. I successfully logged everything for yesterday.

cj731

No problem at all and congratulations on the logging! You can do this x