I Hate my Gym/Confidence Issue

thatredheadedBAMF

I lost around 95 pounds (not using MFP- on my own) and lately I've just been feeling really bad about myself when I go to the gym. It all started when I started taking new classes and everyone, including the instructor, turned out to be endurance athletes. I live in SoCal, and currently in a VERY image-conscious part, and all I see in the gym are these tiny 5'10 blonde women with really long legs who I highly doubt ever had a weight problem in their lives. I just feel like I don't belong in this gym. It's high end, expensive, and doesn't live up to the hype or price in many ways, but the alternatives are very undesirable due overcrowding and general crappiness. In general, I enjoy the ritual of going to the gym; I often work out by myself but I also like to take spin.

On top of this, I have been struggling with health problems that cause me to bloat up, so my clothes are a bit tighter than normal and I feel even bigger, then I feel even worse when I observe the booty shorts around me. It's ridiculous because I started at the gym weighing 250 pounds and just did my thing. Now, I'm haunted by "not thin enough, not hot enough, and not enough of an athlete to be here." Imposter syndrome.

I'm mainly looking for commiseration by posting this and wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.

jamesalytle

while i haven't lost/regained, i have the confidence issue every time i walk in to the ymca. The looks of all the people judging me, at least in my head that's what they're doing. My solution is to say f' them. It's easy to get buff, it's a lot harder to shrink and become them so we're a step ahead.

CJ_Holmes

"Comparison is the thief of happiness."

You don't know these women at all. Many probably struggle every day, and are just as trapped by the image norms surrounding them as you are. Maybe you can try to make some friends and stop viewing them as a foreign species to yourself. If you can't, it sounds like that gym is a bad fit. ideally, you leave the gym feeling awesome, not down on yourself!

I also think that you are feeling some really normal stuff. I've heard that a lot of people are much more self-critical after losing weight, maybe because your self-esteem gets very tied to the work you're doing on your body. Can you shift your focus to performance goals? You know you rock- you lost 95 pounds!

carla22752

I have found that when I go with a friend I am not as uncomfortable. I care less about what others are doing and if anyone is looking at me. I guess its the whole strength in numbers thing. For me... working out is a lot more fun when I have someone to talk to also. Have you thought about possibly finding a gym buddy?

lexicon28

I feel this way sometimes when I go to the gym at my university and am working out in the weight area. I have felt the "these girls look so nice in their cute little exercise outfits and here I am in my running shorts and a t-shirt that I acquired from who knows where" and I have thought the occasional "wow these people seem to really know what they're doing and I'm just some noob that knows nothing about lifting... i should just go back to my spin bike and give up."
Cliffs:
list of insecurities and thoughts to combat them
basic point of post is: OP don't beat yourself up! You've come such a long way and have such great potential.
keep your head up and benefit of spinning is they turn off the lights (at least the class I attend) to keep people focused on their own their own workout.

What I've tried to do to help fight against these thoughts and feelings is this:
1. Just because they look nice in their little outfits doesn't mean that their fit, know what they're doing, or are judging me because of my outfit, size, lack of ability to push heavier weight than them (lol).
2. To be honest I don't really know what exercises they do or the intensity that they do it at. I'm not watching them that closely which probably means they aren't watching me that closely either.
3. They were noobs at one point too and didn't know what they were doing and probably felt just as insecure.
4. They're only people too and I shouldn't judge them just like i don't want to be judged.
5. Let them think what they want. I don't have any problems with people thinking whatever they want be it good or bad. I can't control that. Even if they were to come up to me and say something rude I still wouldn't care about what they said. Just shows that they are still insecure and need to feel superior to someone else in order to stroke their own egos. , but from what i've found most people in the gym a)don't care what you're doing and b) are there for fitness and are generally very nice

The list could go longer, but inb4 too long didn't read

regardless of all that though everyone has their insecurities. It's just up to you if you're going to let it hold you back and stop you from achieving what you want, plus people are more than likely not thinking about anything else besides their own work out.
Hope this helped.
Best of luck OP.

dreawest

"Comparison is the thief of happiness."

I love this quote, why have I never heard it before?

AllOutof_Bubblegum

This is not meant to be rude at all, so take it exactly as I say it, no subtext, alright?

Don't watch the 5'10 blondes. Put your head down and do your work. Worry about yourself. Work out so hard that the very idea of pausing to people watch becomes absurd. Keep doing this until you stop caring.

Good luck. :flowerforyou:

thomaszabel

Here's my take on the gym. I love my gym, and go religiously. If anyone looks at you judgingly, that's their problem. I personally have lost 60+ pounds in the last year and a half because of my gym. I'm now a biker and runner, and training for my first marathon.

BUT

I still remember when I started at the gym, and saw a lot of people who were in much better shape. I didn't worry about it though. That is kind of the point of the gym. You are using the gym so that you can get in shape and get healthier.

Personally, when I'm on the treadmill running 5-7 miles at a 9:00 pace, and someone who is overweight hops on the treadmill next to me and goes for a walk or a short jog, I personally think to myself "Kudos to that person. He/she making him/herself healthier". Anyone who goes to the gym or goes for a walk or run or bike ride, no matter what their current physical condition is taking control of their future.

Maybe I'm in the minority of gym users. I couldn't tell you what percentage of gym users are judgmental gym snobs and what percentage are like me. But you know what? It does not matter. If you let that worry you, you get off track from your own personal goals. You are not trying to run faster or farther than the girl next to you. You aren't trying to bench press more than that guy over there. You aren't trying to compete in any way with anyone else at that gym. You are competing with yourself. YOU set YOUR OWN goals. YOU are competing with YOURSELF. Anyone that says or thinks differently deserves to be ignored.

Vicxie86

Before i started mfp, whenever i saw a slim/skinny person jogging down the street, i used to think "wtf are they jogging? not like they have anything to lose". Then i started mfp and it made me realise that just because someone is slim or skinny does not mean they aren't going through their own battles. Many people exercise for various reasons e.g weight loss, to relieve stress, to eat more food while not compromising their body. It's the reason why a ton of mfp losers keep up with their calorie counting and exercise cos no one wants to start the cycle all over again. Now, imagine if someone thought just because they looked great, they've probably never had to struggle with their weight. Point is, don't judge or jump to conclusions as to why someone else is at the gym

No one is looking at you nor pointing at you and even if they are, tough s**t, they can watch you turn into greatness. Go to the gym, do your thing, walk out like a soldier!

farfromthetree

Congratulations on the great weight loss! I go to a Crossfit type gym and at 48, I am probably one of the weakest and slowest in the class. I have to make a conscious effort to not look or compare myself to anyone else. Many of the other members who were at or below my skill level have quit.
Good luck, I say keep doing what you are doing without comparing yourself to them. You have proven your strength and commitment with such a great loss!!

ninav1980

Some people are bigger than me and some people are smaller than me. Me personally, I am inspired by women who have great toned figures. I look at them and it makes me work harder to get my results. As for the larger women, at times, I am inspired by them as well. If they are here busting their butts, so can I. It goes both ways.....

aribugg

I have the same problem.. i dont go to a gym, but ive been trying to start running around the neighborhood. and its so hard because even if no one is out, i imagine them looking out their windows and judging me.. i know how ridiculous that is, but when im there and doing it, it doesnt feel ridiculous at all.

dreawest

I would also like to add that the fit people at the gym is actually helpful if you look at it this way - they have to work at it too. Somehow I assumed that MOST beautiful people that weren't packing a ton of muscle came by their bodies fairly easy. I knew they didn't eat like me but I had no idea how much dedication it took for some people. Why assume they were never large and even if not why not admire them for putting in this constant work. They look and feel better than the current me but if I can put in the work than I too will look and feel better than the current me. I especially love the older fit ladies, I would love to be that active and be able to enjoy my later years.

Fit women in the gym give me hope.

andielyn

I can commiserate. I think a lot of people avoid the gym for this reason. If it makes you feel so bad you don't want to go, I suggest you find a different form of exercise that you do feel comfortable doing. Some people can tune it out and hats off to them. That really is the best attitude to have. I can go and do my thing and ignore everything around me but I realized that I really don't enjoy it. But maybe that's because I have never been a gym rat to begin with. thomaszabel is completely right...if you can gain that mindset then that is the best thing you can do. If not, there are also tons of ways to exercise that don't involve a gym.

bciloveme2014

"I still remember when I started at the gym, and saw a lot of people who were in much better shape. I didn't worry about it though. That is kind of the point of the gym. You are using the gym so that you can get in shape and get healthier.

Personally, when I'm on the treadmill running 5-7 miles at a 9:00 pace, and someone who is overweight hops on the treadmill next to me and goes for a walk or a short jog, I personally think to myself "Kudos to that person. He/she making him/herself healthier". Anyone who goes to the gym or goes for a walk or run or bike ride, no matter what their current physical condition is taking control of their future.

Maybe I'm in the minority of gym users. I couldn't tell you what percentage of gym users are judgmental gym snobs and what percentage are like me. But you know what? It does not matter. If you let that worry you, you get off track from your own personal goals. You are not trying to run faster or farther than the girl next to you. You aren't trying to bench press more than that guy over there. You aren't trying to compete in any way with anyone else at that gym. You are competing with yourself. YOU set YOUR OWN goals. YOU are competing with YOURSELF. Anyone that says or thinks differently deserves to be ignored.

I go to the gym to workout and take care my body, and I see people in there doing the same, I don't care in what shape they are, I may be selfish but I want to focus on myself, I don't really care if they judge me or not.

pattycakes80

trust me when i say that most people do not think twice about you.

not to be rude, i am sure there are people that think about you all the time and love you forever, but most people, most strangers may shoot you a glance and then you are simply erased from their mind forever.


i get it. i battled through it myself initially. but currently, i couldn't pick a single person that i recenly worked out beside out of a line-up. not a fat person, not a thin person, not even a really hot person. sounds crazy, but i am so focused that i am in and and out and there to get the job done. keep it up, you are doing amazing.

madhatter2013

It's a mind over matter thing for me. I pay big bucks to be there and use all their resources just like everyone else. No one is going to run me out because of my insecurities. I figure, if they don't like looking at me, they can leave.

Ashes_To_Beast

Watch this video, don't base yourself on the title, listen and you'll see why it relates


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXpqKknfijM

KCoolBeanz

This is not meant to be rude at all, so take it exactly as I say it, no subtext, alright?

Don't watch the 5'10 blondes. Put your head down and do your work. Worry about yourself. Work out so hard that the very idea of pausing to people watch becomes absurd. Keep doing this until you stop caring.

Good luck. :flowerforyou:

^^ This. All day long. :flowerforyou:

thatredheadedBAMF

I know no one is looking at me. I'm not thinking that they are thinking anything about me.

It's also more like resentment as opposed to intimidation. Many of these people seem to show up after me, leave before me, and don't break a sweat. We have a few bad *kitten* women that lift heavy and I feel admiration for those people (I'm sure they are concerned, LOL).

I'm not even going to sugar-coat it. My entire self-worth is wrapped up in my appearance. I was fat for the first 30 years of my life and no one ever let me forget it. I knew what fat was and that it was bad when I was five years old. When I lost all this weight, people acted like I hit the lottery. Nothing happened and nothing really changed. Of course I feel better physically. But I'm still single and I have the same career. Now I can shop in stores that carry regular sizes and I have this burden of maintaining the weight or losing more. I've been around the same weight for a few years now, so it isn't like this is brand new. This gym is new to me, however, and so is this environment.

I have no goals. That's part of the problem. It's been "Yay I'm a not fat anymore! ...now what?" I have no desire to be an endurance athlete. I have a couple of gym buddies from spin and when I was taking running and swimming classes, but I got hurt running (no modifications were offered for new people) and I suck at swimming, so I stopped going to both and obviously they aren't my gym buddies anymore.

AliceDark

Ugh. Gym-going in SoCal is a nightmare. I hate my gym right now. It's over-crowded, I'm always the only girl using actual adult-sized weights (not the cute little 5-pounders that the other girls use) and if one more guy interrupts me to hit on me, I'm going to knee him in the junk and run away. I still prefer it to the super shiny gyms where everyone else is 5'10" and blonde, though.

At some point, you really just have to say "eff it, I'm going to do what I can do. As long as it's better than what I did yesterday, I'm calling it a win." If they want to interrupt their workout to stare at my sweaty, short little self, with my hair that's usually doing something weird and my makeup that's melting off, that just means they're not getting their burn in. Just rock your own workout and don't worry about them.

Chances are, there's something you can do that they can't. (This attitude comes in REALLY handy when I'm feeling insecure about my wimpy upper days. I just have to remind myself that there probably isn't one muscle-bound guy in the gym who could keep up with me on leg days).

Apple31415

I started going to my gym at 315 lbs. a little over a year and a half ago. Walking the treadmill made me feel really foolish and fruitless. I wanted to be one of the "athletes" in the gym! In my mind, I could hear them lining up to take bets on how long this guy would stick with it (i wonder what the over/under was?) I kept telling myself that i knew something that they didn't know and i used this as motivation. I still have a ways to go but my goals are within sight (250 now with a goal of 225 as I'm 6'5") and am frequently approached by longtime members who ask how much i've lost and giving me props. I don't look like a fitness model by a long shot, so why are they approaching me now with respect? I realized that if people are going to judge, let it be the effort, focus and consistency that they see. This mindset worked for and got me through all the doubt and self-consciousness.

yelines1218

do you have a planet fitness in your area?? I used to feel the same at the gym and i started going to planet fitness last week and i love it!!! You even have a trainer available all the time. Good luck and congrats on your weight loss

Alissakae

When I started going to the gym I weighed over 300 pounds. And I'm a grandma. I felt very embarrassed and self conscious. I live in a college town and the gym is full of young, fit people. But I'll never forget the day I was on the treadmill watching some guys lifting weights (the tv was boring and I had to look at something!) and just suddenly had the though, "You should be PROUD to be here changing your life!" I don't know where it came from, but everything changed for me in that moment. Since then I have always walked into the gym with confidence, even if I have to fake it. I am not working on this weight loss thing for any of the people in the gym. If they even notice me, which they probably don't, what they think is not my business. I am there to take care of myself, and to make sure I can actively play with my grandkids for a long time. Why are you there? Focus on that.

thatredheadedBAMF

That's a great question.

Why am I there at all? To avoid the embarrassment of being that person who lost a lot of weight and gained it back. I'm not there for my health; in the middle of this I had cancer, so clearly the damage was already done.

LianaG1115

I belong to a reputable gym in my area, known for exactly what you describe!! I toured all of the other gyms within my area and found this one with all that it offered to be what I wanted and needed in a gym. BUT I was terrified for the exact same reasons that you've stated...let me tell you, they are NOT gawking at the fat chick for coming through the door and with each time I come or each accomplishment I make or each pound lost, I have more cheerleaders than MFP offers me. So don't think that way at all!! OMG they are the driving force that keeps me on my toes there!! And really they are more impressed when they see you coming everyday than when you're NOT there!!

tattsb4u

I spent 30+ years in south county (now I live in Florida) and I know exactly what you are talking about. SoCal is in its own realm. (I lived in Silverado/Lake Forest/Laguna) and when I initially was losing a lot of weight I felt very intimidated....but like others have said, its really just us being paranoid. When I see someone walk into the gym now I generally give them a glance, and never look at them again. My husband and I just visited Laguna in March and its weird because I felt just like I did when I lived there...not good enough....BUT I am, and I am getting stronger every day, just like you are. Keep it up and don't worry about them...

JMoore221979

I feel and maybe I am wrong but most people, almost all people in the gym aren't judging anyone. They are in there getting a workout done for them. In the end people need to get past that so that they can build a healthier version of themselves. I do understand easier said then done but in the end its just another obstacle to get over.

fauxpunker

This is the kind of stuff that makes me glad I go to the gym dark and early in the morning. No one's there yet and I get free reign to workout without distraction.

sloth3toes

When I lost all this weight, people acted like I hit the lottery. Nothing happened and nothing really changed. Of course I feel better physically. But I'm still single and I have the same career.

That's a great question.

Why am I there at all? To avoid the embarrassment of being that person who lost a lot of weight and gained it back. I'm not there for my health; in the middle of this I had cancer, so clearly the damage was already done.

I think you've touched on a topic many of us think about. Maybe it's more common than you think, that feeling that 'if only...' If only I lost weight, or if only I quit drinking, whatever.... I think there's actually a statistic that most lottery winners wind up broke within a certain number of years. So, you've done it, and your life didn't 'magically' change. But, you're forgetting just exactly how you felt before, and have lost sight of how much better you feel now. Because you just do. So, hopefully, the cancer is 'gone' and you have a much brighter future in front of you. I bet most of us, who have lost, and regained lost sight of what was important, and thought we'd reached some 'goal....' which isn't just your goal weight... You don't for a minute think that exercising isn't helping to keep you healthy, and alive, and cancer-free, do you?

It's probably of no help to you.... but, I work out in a community gym, there is every kind of person there. And sometimes, I look around, and I think to myself, that every single person in this gym could beat the *kitten* outa me. The muscle boys, the young student kids, the old people with muscles, and all the girls. All of 'em. Then, I just smile and keep lifting. The alternative would be to cry. :sad:

MagnumBurrito

I'm busy working and checking myself out in the mirror. I'm not looking at others too much. Maybe the occasional cardio bunny who catches my eye. But nothing more than to objectify her for a moment. )

I respect almost everyone that walks into the gym. They're helping our obesity epidemic.