I Hate my Gym/Confidence Issue

BinaryPulsar

It's fascinating how many people chose to focus on the fact I noticed other people's appearances to the exclusion of everything else I wrote. I know no one is looking at me. I've been at this for eight years and am bored out of my ****ing mind with all of it.

you know how therapists and interrogators poke at people to get at the truth? i feel like this is your truth right here.

I think you need to get OUT of the gym.

Now that you are thinner it's time to explore what your in shape body can do. Try any variety of challenging activities. Make a "bucket list" for this year or the next two. Go all out. At the end of the bucket list go back and make a habit of the ones that truly MOVED you in your soul. For me dance is life. For a guy I dated surfing fed his soul. For a woman I knew when I was a girl Rock Climbing challenged her every weekend. She said to me that she felt "triumphant" reaching the top EVERY TIME. Some people like the exploratory nature of mountain biking or trail running. Inside you, you are a dancer, a reacher for the top, an adventurer, a meditator, SOMETHING. And you now have given yourself this wonderful gift of the physical body to do it with. Go do it. Find it and do it. Do it now. While you can. The other lady is right, years pass fast, make them count. There's a song in spanish that says "Mrs. ____ don't take years off your life (lie about age), give life to your years". You will be X age one day like it or not, it's your choice what those years are filled with. Adventure or woe, it's up to you. YOU CAN DO IT.:flowerforyou:

Yeah! This is great advice.

Also, I need variation. On a day to day basis I need choices available. And every couple of years I need to make changes. I join a gym for a few years, then unjoin, join a new gym, then switch gyms. I have options available and financially work my way towards it. I chose to live near gyms. Within walking distance (20 minutes each way) there are 4 gym options. Also a free outdoor exercise park. And now I have weights at home. Dancing is also my passion. And I explore active recreation.

SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish

You know, probably the 5'10" blondes are all doing exactly what you are doing, one is thinking how they don't have as big of breasts as the other one on the left, or their hair isn't as nice as another, or their legs aren't as toned as the two up front and the one next to you is hoping you don't notice she found a spot of cellulite on her leg she noticed in the mirror in the locker room and the instructor is trying to hide the fact she is tired today and out of shape compared to where she used to be....relax.

lizzyclatworthy

I am 5'10, have matching gym outfits and look like I know what I am doing at the gym.

I am faking it. I have to squash the voices of self doubt and it's getting easier.

My friends won't come to the gym or classes with me because I am much fitter than them.(apparently... I have only been doing it for 6 months)
I was up and down weight wise. I always convinced myself that everything would be better if I was just thinner / prettier/ had bigger boobs... It's rubbish. Being fit is great but it's not going to fix every aspect of your life. It's a terrifying realisation when you first discover that it's not the be all and end all. You need to find a way to be happy in all areas of your life. At least now you can take the first step!

ashleycde

I work out at home and outside, not at a gym, but I did used to work reception years ago at a small gym and though I was thin, at the time I didn't work out, I smoked, and opening heavy doors winded me. Every single person that worked out there motivated me to become more active, in order to better myself, and my health. Instead of bringing yourself down thinking that people are judging you, or even thinking that no one is looking at you, think that they are noticing you and that they are thinking you are awesome for wanting to better yourself. Every time I see someone running on the street, with a gym bag, carrying a yoga mat, or riding a bike I always think, "Awesome," so it's not unrealistic to expect that someone else could look at you and thinking the exact same thing.

SpicesOfLife

"Comparison is the thief of happiness."

I love this quote, why have I never heard it before?

i second that

also, try to imagine that some of the skinny women dont look at you to judge, but that they are looking at you thinking "good for her bravo!"

lLionMindl

just try and remember most people feel the same way
put your tunes in & focus on the work.

kdeaux1959

You are a glass half full, not one half empty. Consider your accomplishments. As long as you are not being ridiculed or abused at this facility, don't worry about what others thing -- do this for you... When I first started working out at the gym I was somewhat self conscious about what others may have thought about this "fat guy" doing everything wrong sort of image I had of myself... Of course, I actually WAS a fat guy and probably did more things wrong than right. But I persisted. After a few short months, one of the guys ( in really pretty good shape -- a body image I would aspire toward), said to me, "Hey, didn't you just start here a few months back and were really big"? I responded, yes and told him a bit about myself -- we are friends to this day @ the gym... Long story short, this guy who looked much like I would aspire to look like did not think, "hey what in the heck is he doing' or look at fat-so... He was impressed with the fact that I was doing something about it... Guess what, my guess is that MOST of those people are really not studying you... By all means, pursue your goals and one day you will be one of those girls that others look forward to... Otherwise rest assured, most of them are just impressed that you are coming in and doing something about it. Relax and do it for the only one that matters -- you.

shoneybabes

I can relate, I used to hate running outside when I was fat. I felt like everyone was watching me waddle. The only way I coped was pretending I was invisible by wearing a baseball cap, earphones on and running in the dark. It actually worked and I got fitter. Gyms are hard because there are mirrors everywhere. I don't particularly enjoy doing classes alot because everyone seems to be super skinny and I look chubby beside them all. I just keep my head down and persevere. At the end of the day I have a different body to all the other girls, I am fit, I can outrun most of the girls that go to those classes and frankly if they aren't breaking a sweat and look a hot mess then they aren't trying hard enough. I see this in the abs classes I have been a part of. At the end of the day work hard and its you will always benefit. You will become fitter and stronger no matter what size.

Good luck on your journey

pkw58

I am over it. I work out at home, mostly yoga, Barre3, and wear a nike fuel band to track my 10,000 + steps in a day. I am 55, and only go to the gym when we visit our son and daughter in law out of state or am traveling. If a Barre3 studio opens up in my neighborhood I will attend one class a week to keep focused. I like an occasionally zumba class or barre class. I applaud those who find the gym a fitness haven, I just don't.

I am in better shape than I was in high school. During the short "it is pleasant to be outside in Houston, TX" season I walk/run a 5k every morning. I take the stairs, park as far away as it is safe in every parking lot, etc. If I am working in Downtown Houston I walk the tunnels at lunch.

Honestly, every time I joined a gym or series of yoga classes or signed up for tennis lessons stuff happened - suddenly my "NO TRAVEL" job had required travel, or the gym management changed and the place was much less than when I joined (favorite classes dropped, dirty, trashy new people at the front desk that said pleasant things like "oh, do you want to sign up to be a new member " -when I had a membership for over 3 months, etc.



I own my self-image issues and lack of confidence in my appearance - I am in a better place than I have ever been. You don't need a gym membership to get and stay fit. I decided my emotional health is better off with working fitness into my life all day long rather than the trial and tribulations (many of my own doing) of going to the gym.

hortensehildegarde

I'm mainly looking for commiseration by posting this and wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.

Yes, which is why I am too scared to even go into a gym, and often even exercise outside. You are clearly very much not alone in this! Personally I think it is pretty darn impressive that you would find yourself in a class full of endurance athletes- that must say a lot on the improvements you have made in your fitness if you can keep up with a bunch of endurance athletes.

Pinkranger626

I've been at this for eight years and am bored out of my ****ing mind with all of it.

Maybe it's time to find a new goal other than weight loss. I know for me, the goal of losing x amount of pounds doesn't do it for me anymore. I know you've said that you're not interested in becoming an endurance athlete, but maybe that's just because you've only done classes. I HATED running until my cousin convinced me to sign up for a warrior dash... now I'm hooked and I'm running my second half marathon in a week. I found out that I love obstacle course races the best, it's something different, no course is the same, and it gives me some focus for my training in the gym. I used to be a class junkie, but I've definitley lost the drive to go to classes, the politics of a lot of them make me tired.

The other suggestion would be to change your attitude. Of course you hate it when you go in thinking that you hate it. If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting what you've been getting.

thatredheadedBAMF

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. I appreciate the suggestions, ideas, and all the discussion.

Normally I don't have anxiety about the gym or fear going into the gym, in general I know I kick *kitten*. I have a problem with the smug, snooty way many of the patrons interact with me and one of the instructors as well. I find this all very draining. My health has also been a presence lately and has contributed to a string of workouts that were much less than I usually can do, which has frustrated me. I may be bouncing back finally.

I have a couple of gym buddies (people from classes) and one instructor that I really like. I'm not walking around with a frown on my face. This is my third gym since I started working out; I was at a different location of this same chain and had a very different, much more positive experience and before that, also had a very positive experience. I've always taken a sense of belonging from going to the gym too and that's also missing. It sounds so very high school, but I struggle with feeling like I don't belong. Again, being socialized as a fat girl in SoCal and being bullied contributes to all of that, even though I have had many years of therapy. I wouldn't have been able to lose the weight without having gone through therapy, no question.

I am disillusioned by the "false premise of weight loss," absolutely. I'm trying to incorporate weight training now but I am a cardio addict. Since it has worked, I am afraid (terrified!) to do less. I'm pretty soft and squishy.

I try to hike on the weekend a couple of times a month. Sometimes I just walk to the beach and then walk along the coast but that feels lightweight to me. Hell, if a hike is flat or less than 8 miles I consider it to be lightweight. I used to play tennis many years ago. I always loved it. I am so numbers-focused these days that I fear it wouldn't be enough, that I'd feel like I was losing a workout day. I wear my HRM for every single cardio workout and I don't walk away until that sucker says 800 calories burned (yes I know that's not entirely accurate).

Btw, I live in South Bay- Redondo Beach area. The gym options here, oddly enough, not that varied. There are many studios that mainly offer classes, 24 Hour (nope), Spectrum, and Equinox. You can probably guess which of those last two I am a member of. I had a crappy experience last night with some "mean girls" in a class, so I guess I need to take a tour of some of those small places, or turn my dining room into my gym!