"You must STOP losing weight"

maQmIgh

I'm irritated that I now have to keep my weight loss progress secret from friends, family and colleagues ....

I had one colleague who would keep telling me to stop losing weight when I was 173lbs (down from 187).
I've now had two different people at work (today alone) ask if I've stopped now n when I've said I've got 10lbs to go (am currently 142lbs (well within BMI healthy range), they've given me a shocked, worried look and told me to stop... I've had two of my fb friends telling me to now stop... I still have fat that I don't like... But now feel stressed by the opionions of others... My boyfriend has confirmed that, although I have lost a tremendous amount of weight, I am in no danger of looking anerexic anything soon (which is what I was worried about) ... I've now switched off the setting on MFP that automatically posts on fb when I lose, and I'm now starting to tell people that I've reached my goal weight...

Why should I have to hide the fact that I've done so well just because they can't handle the last 10lbs to go >:-( grrrr..... Rant over


Has anyone else had to deal with this over their journey? and if so, how did you deal with it?

amberrenee813

FattyFatsoMcTubby

It's pretty arrogant of people to think they know more about your journey than you do. Ignore them. You are doing GREAT!

maQmIgh

Im so nicking that picture

Love it

BekaBooluvsu

Yes. My brother tells me my goal weight is too skinny and I would be unhealthy. His wife weighs 115. My goal is 130, I'm 5'6".
I just keep doing what I'm doing for me despite the lack of enthusiasm from my family. My mom says similar things because she didn't want me smaller than her. Point is: ignore them. Those same people will knock you down no matter what your doing.
You are doing this for your own health and happiness! Also it helps not to have real life friends on your friends list with MFP.

GibbsGirl13072

I haven't had to deal with that, but I'm just starting on this journey. People are always going to have an opinion, whether it's positive or negative. Ignore them and keep on doing what you've been doing, you look great!

Dogwalkingirl

You do what you feel is best for you.

Maybe your friends and coworkers just want you to know you don't NEED to lose anymore. They want to let you know you don't need to keep going as you already look great.

Or if you were being somewhat obsessive...(I think a lot of us have a tendency to get that way when we have got interested in fitness, are seeing the weight come off on the scales etc)..they don't want to hear it anymore.

I would at your point (just from looking at your photos) focus now on some lifting and strength training and see how your body will transform. To say you have 10lbs left to lose may not be the case...you may be very happy at the same weight and more toned with muscle, you may be happy only down 5 more lbs, you may be happier just when your clothes fit just that extra bit better. Do not get too hung up on that 10lbs.

Ke22yB

Sure people feel obligated to give their opinions ( for who knows how many reasons) mostly it is about how they feel about themselves. During the 6 years I have been losing dozens of times and people have asked and then said " what you still are losing more?" In the beginning I patiently explained about my goals and body fat and my bad knee and hip arthritis and so on and found it went in one ear and out the other as they hardly listened to what I was saying about myself because all they cared about was me hearing their opinion of my health.
I have lost over 180 pounds and want to lose another 20 I am losing about 3 pounds or less a month. I like to run and feel in the 160's my legs will be happier so that is my goal and people don't get it.
The questions always keep coming " why do you run at your AGE? why lose more your OK now.
The people in my running club or the lean and fit people I know NEVER ask because they get it.
Your dreams your goals your body don't worry about the rest

Mischievous_Rascal

Yup. There was one person who was over the top, and I finally told her that her opinions, including her opinions about me, were really none of my business and she really didn't have to share them with me. It confused her for a bit, but she finally figured it out and shut up.

Jennisin1

All the time. This weekend it was my mom, then I posted something on Facebook and got a similiar reaction. I am 5'10 160lbs and want to get to 145... it's not like that is model thin, just normal thin, well within my BMI.

At least my boyfriend is supportive.

Nadal1991

I'm at the beginning of my weight loss so this isn't from my experience but I think people generally tend to judge a person's weight loss based on the difference in how they looked and how they look now. If somebody weighed 145 and wanted to go to 135 they would probably receive support from family and friends as "its only 10 pounds" and depending on the persons hight ect a safe weight. However when a person has already lost X amount of weight due to the person no longer being overweight there is a general reaction of "Well done, you've reached your gaol. Stop" when in reality the person losing the weight probably still has that 10-20 they want to lose and still be healthy. Anybody who has lost a significant amount of weight looks a lot thinner to the people who know them simply due the difference. So although it sucks you can't share the last part of your journey you shouldn't let it bring you down. As long as your happy and healthy your winning.

YumiBoxer

It's only because you're losing weight that they wish they had the will power to do! Just don't listen to them, think more in terms of being healthy and be the best you, you can be.

maQmIgh

Thanks guys,

You've been a weight off my mind (pardon the pun) :embarassed:

I thoought 135lbs would have been WAY to light when I first started out on this journey, so I made small checkpoints then reassessed.

I personally think 135lbs is perfectly plausible but have always said that only two people would stop me from continuing and that would be :

Me - If I woke up one day and thought, I look perfect now, thats its, Im maintaining... or
My Boyfriend - If I still 'thought' i looked 'fat' when I ACTUALLY began to look unhealthy. If he told me to stop (even if I wasnt ready) then I would maintain.

We both agree that Im now, what I would describe as 'chubby' Im now working on toning as well as losing.... then if its just toning thats required, I can maintain before I reach my goal

You have all been a great help to my confidence and motivation :flowerforyou:

dlionsmane

People probably just aren't used to the new you yet. I get it all the time to.. They are just concerned. Give them a smile and say something like, when my BF % is _ (fill in here), or say I am recomping now (if you lift), or if that is not the case you can just say, thank you, I will 'stop' losing weight when I am at the weight I am meant to be.. and move on. I tell people I am never going to stop being healthy, that it is a lifelong endeavor, that usually stops the conversation.

They will get used to the way you look now and in no time will forget that you were ever heavier.

Congrats on the work you have accomplished so far!

Edited to add - that I am 5'7" and still in the 170's.... so still much over the 'healthy' weight for me. But I also lift heavy stuff so I am going to end up with a higher body weight and then when I do and I tell people how much I weigh they will never believe me... lol its a no win in those situations.. Be happy with yourself! That is all that matters! Cheers!

juliemouse83

I used to get that all the time, as well...I found that if I smiled, nodded, thanked them for their concern, and kept how many pounds I had left to go they would eventually shut up.

You're doing great! Keep up the good work, and have fun with it!

I'm hoping to ultimately get to somewhere in the neighborhood of 135-140 (am 5'7") and still have a bit to go, but I've simply stopped "sharing" that I have some left to go. When folks tell me I look like I've lost more, I just thank them and move on. :bigsmile:

healthytanya1

I'm totally in the same boat. Everyone thinks their stupid comments are welcome and they're not!! I get the "you don't need to lose anymore" and "don't get to skinny". I want to lose about 15 more lbs and I'm hoping that will come off my legs. I can agree my upper half of my body is getting fairly small. That is why I'm due to lose more off my lower half to catch up and even up (fingers crossed). Sometimes I want to show them naked pics of my butt and thighs to shut them up. Also I've never had someone who is smaller than me tell me to stop losing weight. The skinny and fit ones seem to be the most Iimpressed and genuinly happy for me. And I'll have to admit when I was fat, I was always thinking some skinny people were to small. Now I understand how warped societies views on weight are. I think bmi is a load of crap. The charts need to be cut in half for men and women. Men and women who are the same height should not be the same weight, except for in extreme cases. I'm just saying on average men will have more muscles mass at the same height and weight of a women.

My stats
5'7"
Sw 200
Cw 140-143
Gw 125ish

ShieldFirefly

Yes...

I don't eat the dinners that my Dad makes anymore, because he cooks very unhealthy things in large portions. I do cook for myself, but he hardly ever sees me doing it. Whenever he asks if I'm eating at home that night and I say no, he goes on a rant about how I look "borderline anorexic." He says things like "you're going to end up hospitalized," which can get pretty annoying. He completely looses his **** when I tell him I have 10 pounds to go lol. My BMI is 20.5, and I have very little muscle, so I look far from "borderline anorexic." I eat 1800 cals a day on average, so I'm not too concerned haha. Maybe he's just butt-hurt because I'm not eating his fried chicken..

1971MLJ

I get the same thing all the time. Ignore it. As long as you're healthy and happy and you know you're not overdoing it then it's nobody else's business.
Well done.

HaibaneReki

Closest family is the worst! People fear change and new-found confidence. I feel You, "shake the dust off of Your coat" and move on.

craftywitch_63

You don't have to hide your progress, in fact, I doubt that you can, but this:

I used to get that all the time, as well...I found that if I smiled, nodded, thanked them for their concern, and kept how many pounds I had left to go they would eventually shut up. wink

Sometimes it's just better to present the masses with fait accompli.

geebusuk

People get used to you at a certain weight and to them you will look excessively thin at a lower weight.

jeffininer

I've had it too.

This one co-worker likes to tell me her opinions ALL the time.

I started at 174. When I had lost 10 pounds, people really started to take notice. I told her that I had lost 10 pounds and I had about 20 more pounds to go (my goal is 145). She said (very rudely I might add) You don't need to lose any more weight! You'll be too skinny. I told her that my goal was 145 and it wasn't unreasonable for my 5'6 body. She said, oh, I'm 5'6. I said how much do you weigh? She said 148. I said ok, I'm about 160 right now. Is 145 so unreasonable?! She shut up pretty quick after that.

She's also the one that makes fun of me when I post of facebook about my weight loss or exercise. I've stopped talking about it so much because I just don't want to hear it from anyone any more

I'm sorry you are having to deal with similar issues. It sucks when you want to be proud of your accomplishments and everyone tries to bring that great feeling down.

Azurite27

I've been starting to get these kinds of comments from coworkers and my mom even though I'm not even in the healthy bmi range yet. I just try to ignore them. I've discussed my goals with the trainers at the gym and they agree that my goals are reasonable. I think a lot of people are just shocked by drastic changes in others or are unfamiliar with what a healthy weight actually is.

Mangopickle

My trick is to give them a redirect. They think you are losing weight for vanity. Tell them you are in training for some event...any thing will do. Fitness competition, your first 5k, 10k, triathlon , marathon, iron man,aquathalon, swimsuit competition, fitness model. I know someone who was getting grief for all the time she spent in the gym and watching her food. They all shut up when she told them she was training to be a fitness model. Southerners love their food but they will sacrifice crazy for sports, so they don't bother anyone in training.
I have an easy out with my health. I tell them my orthopedic surgeon has given me an exact weight he wants me at to delay hip surgery because I am to young to replace it.
You have to keep it short and simple.

For example if they say "Aren't you finished losing weight?!" Respond "Oh, Did you think I was still dieting?... Oh no, I am a triathlete/fitness model/ dancer now!" "I am just in training for the season". They will then tell you about their friend who is a triathlete.

ChaplainHeavin

I'm irritated that I now have to keep my weight loss progress secret from friends, family and colleagues ....

I had one colleague who would keep telling me to stop losing weight when I was 173lbs (down from 187).
I've now had two different people at work (today alone) ask if I've stopped now n when I've said I've got 10lbs to go (am currently 142lbs (well within BMI healthy range), they've given me a shocked, worried look and told me to stop... I've had two of my fb friends telling me to now stop... I still have fat that I don't like... But now feel stressed by the opionions of others... My boyfriend has confirmed that, although I have lost a tremendous amount of weight, I am in no danger of looking anerexic anything soon (which is what I was worried about) ... I've now switched off the setting on MFP that automatically posts on fb when I lose, and I'm now starting to tell people that I've reached my goal weight...

Why should I have to hide the fact that I've done so well just because they can't handle the last 10lbs to go >:-( grrrr..... Rant over


Has anyone else had to deal with this over their journey? and if so, how did you deal with it?

I feel your frustration on two levels:

One, because I live a healthy lifestyle (eating right but enjoying some snacks and regular exercise) some folks at work judge me quite a bit. What they don't see is that I'm 55 and I'm in better shape than those 20 or 30 years younger than me. As one man older than me stated, "I used to see you out there walking all the time and told the guys, 'I'll never do that.' Now after my heart attack I wished I had been more like you."

Two, I have been a pastor for many years and always had those few talking behind my back and in front as well.

Here is what I learned and put into practice and suggest you may consider it as well: "What others think of you is none of your business." As Jesus said about the Pharisees, "They are blind guides, leave them alone." You can't control other people's thoughts and it's just a waste of your precious time.

FJcntdwn2sknyluv

DITTO!!!!...
I had a friend tell me I looked gaunt and I don't!.. This coming from a woman who's gained 40lbs since i meet her AND has a severely morbidly obese daughter she's not dealing with....
I've had other friends tell me it too and I just tell them I'm done losing and I'm toning, which is partly true.. I have another 15 or so pounds I want to lose.. but yes I have, had to enter the land of white lies to placate jealousy it sucks but oh well....90% of my friends are obese and I just chalk it up to jealousy/not wanting me to change... but I needed to do this for ME and I"m glad I did!
Keep on trucking girl and feel free to add me!

Nachise

When people persist, I will thank them for their concern, and stress that I am working with a nutritionist and an exercise physiologist. If they continue to persist, I will mention (nicely) that they are being rude. If they feel so free to offer their opinions, they should be as open to mine as they expect me to be of theirs.

Shropshire1959

What's wrong with people? .. Why can't they say "Wow you look great" and leave it at that?.

Seems like you have done a lot of great work and should be proud of what you're doing....

Plus, from my position as Grump master .. you must be doing something right if you're pissing idiots off - Keep up THAT good work!!

skyekeeper

Yes, I deal with this all the time. Everyone has an opinion and there's always gonna be a negative person or two out there. My responses to those people are now just sweet and simple and nothing specific and I keep on going. I have learned that people are happy for you and proud of you, but there are a lot of the same people that are just as jealous of what you have accomplished. Just keep doing what you are doing for you and forget all the negative Nancy's out there!

dammitjanet0161

They are also seeing you clothed and therefore hiding the bits you don't like. Clothes can be deceptive - people at work told me they thought I'd lost weight when I hadn't, just because I had taken off my usual baggy cardigan and was wearing a more fitted top underneath. Not suggesting you strip off in front of your colleagues to prove a point though

I do however think this person below has a very good point:

I would at your point (just from looking at your photos) focus now on some lifting and strength training and see how your body will transform. To say you have 10lbs left to lose may not be the case...you may be very happy at the same weight and more toned with muscle, you may be happy only down 5 more lbs, you may be happier just when your clothes fit just that extra bit better. Do not get too hung up on that 10lbs.

Cheeky_and_Geeky

Yes, I get that all the time from family members. A family member recently posted a joke about a skinny hairless cat needing to eat a cheeseburger on my FB wall & said "hey this is you!" Yeah.... Not funny at all. I'm a comfortable size 5 & plan on staying that way.