Not getting the attention you want from your SO?
Replies
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My boyfriend is like that. It occurred to me that the reason he's like that is that he's just not concerned about my physical appearance. I have literally gained almost 100 pounds since I've known him and not once has he ever complained about my weight. When I asked him if I should lose weight, this is what he said, "yes. But only because you were happier when you were thin."
Maybe your SO is just not concerned about your physical appearance enough to really care about it. If you need a compliment, just do what I do and fish for one. lol
Me and my guy have known each other for more than 23 years, we've been together off and on for the past 7 and he watched me gain 40lbs and never said a word about it. I've lost around 45lbs in the past 2 years and he's also not said a word about that. He loves me for more than just my body and whatever I do is ok.0 -
You get treated the way you let ppl treat you, if you don't like it lay down the law or move on.0
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I'll just be blunt: Is sex still in the picture? Are you initiating it?
Men are still sex machines and it's still one of the main ways to keep their attention. If he's disinterested in sex, then he may be going through either weight issues of his own, or hormonally he might be starting to go low. Men go through depression too.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Eh, you need to ask him. Men don't read minds. "Hey, honey. I've been trying really hard to lose wait, and I'd really really appreciate it if you could compliment me more." Then when you are wearing a nice outfit ask "Do you like this? Tell me I look nice.". Sure it's not perfect, it's not what you see in the movies but this is real life. Some men just a, aren't that observant and b, aren't naturally prone to compliments. I've serious said both of those things to my husband.0
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Personally, I would just come out and say, "It would mean a lot to me to have more of your support in my weight loss." Just tell him how you feel, but in a gentle non-accusatory way (not to say that you would be accusatory), it's just important to not put the other person on the defense or else it just turns into a battle. Best of Luck!
^^^^this
Most, if not all, guys are terrible at reading signals. Best to just say it.0 -
Your boobs are ginormous compared to the rest of you.
this.
Think that they are as big as my head, or only as big as yours?
OP, we're going to need a size comparison. Fruit is an acceptable measurement.
if we put our heads together we might have something comparable to dem cans.
Since most women have one breast that is smaller than the other, I'm pretty sure that we'd be pretty damn accurate if we did that.
OMG!! We can go as her boobs for Halloween!!!
I'll be her taint.0 -
Stop wearing pants and undies at home.
Get's me all the attention I can handle every time.0 -
Your boobs are ginormous compared to the rest of you.
this.
Think that they are as big as my head, or only as big as yours?
OP, we're going to need a size comparison. Fruit is an acceptable measurement.
if we put our heads together we might have something comparable to dem cans.
Since most women have one breast that is smaller than the other, I'm pretty sure that we'd be pretty damn accurate if we did that.
OMG!! We can go as her boobs for Halloween!!!
HA! I loled.0 -
*waits for Losing75byDecember's pearl of wisdom*0
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If you're going to do this, you have to do it for you....if others are coming along for the ride, cool....if not, so what....
as for the bewb brigade, I think it's more about stature....stand a certain way and they look enormous (basically pick em up and throw 'em out there).....no need to completely go falling all over yourselves \m/0 -
Why are you discouraging these people from helping this woman who wants an ego stroke?!If you're going to do this, you have to do it for you....if others are coming along for the ride, cool....if not, so what....
as for the bewb brigade, I think it's more about stature....stand a certain way and they look enormous (basically pick em up and throw 'em out there).....no need to completely go falling all over yourselves \m/
I think if I were you (and I don't mean if you were me, because that'd be a whole different ball game), OP, I would probably tell my husband how many compliments I got on the MFP forums today and how good it made me feel to be appreciated for your hot bod. Most husbands want to do things to make their wives happy, but they're not really good at mind-reading, so we have to tell them what we want from them. That's a pretty non-accusatory way of telling him you could use some more outta him. If the unsubtly subtle approach doesn't work, you'll just have to be a bit more direct. The good news is, most people who don't get subtle also don't get their feelings hurt when we're blunt with them. Because they don't do subtle. So that's a blessing.
Edited to fix careless pronoun agreement.0 -
:laugh:*waits for Losing75byDecember's pearl of wisdom*0 -
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Some men realize that discussing the weight of their wife/gf is a no win situation....even if it's positive.0
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Come on people, someone has to say it!!!
Just break up.0 -
you stated your motivation was to look good for him..... maybe your motivation should have been to do this for you and if he liked it, it was a bonus. Doing things like this for someone else never works out how we'd hoped it would.0
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Come on people, someone has to say it!!!
Just break up.
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Uhm, why not just ask him...?
Communication is a two lane highway.
You've got to drive both ways.
+1 just flat out tell him how you feel without hurting his feelings either. maybe he doesn't realize he isn't giving you enough attention. Communication really is the key to successful relationships.0 -
Stop wearing pants and undies at home.
Get's me all the attention I can handle every time.
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I'm wondering if re-wording your question back to you would help you to see things from a different perspective...
Your S.O. cares deeply enough about you, supporting you, supporting your choices, that he asks you if you can fit in a snack rather than just buying you something or "not" buying you anything when he has something for himself, but rather than this tacit agreement to love you for who you are rather than what you look like, you want him to "judge" how attractive you are and make comments about it to you?
The kind of attention you're trying for is the kind that long-tern relationships are NOT based on. It leaves me wondering why you chose to lose weight? Did you want to lose for your own sake, or to impress someone else? I really wish I could share the realities of my life with you so that if that's the case you'd have an opportunity to re0-live that type of thinking in a way that doesn't mean you have to actually live it out irl.
The kind of attention you're getting from him currently is the kind of attention that healthy long-term relationships ARE based on. This is the kind of attention so many women long to be part of - where he loves you and his eyes light up when he looks into yours, where no matter how many other pretty girls are around, he has eyes only for you, and there you are asking him to not9ice and measure looks instead of meaningful value in choice?
He accepts that you don't and didn't want to be the weight you were / are. He is "choosing / acting" in support of your efforts to be "my best me to my self" and is "in love" with who you are, not what you look like. At 40 / 55 / 80 yo are you still going to want him to comment on your looks? I doubt it. Why? Cause you'll be old, and there will certainly be younger more sexually attractive women running around the planet. What you need at an advanced age from a partner is what you need from a partner at any age, so long as the relationship is healthy - you need them to "choose" to be with you, despite whatever else may happen in your lives.
You have the kind of guy right now who sees the you that you really are inside, and loves you for who you are; doesn't give a rat's rear quarters about hurting you by finding flaws b/c he sees that you hurt yourself enough and believes that you "know / accept" that your looks are not you, and not what he cares about or is with you for...He is trusting you to be an adult, well-adjusted emotionally, and to be making eth choices about pursuing your own health needs b/c of that awareness.
Are you sure you want him to start judging you by your looks?
He may just come to the conclusion that you simply are too immature and insecure to actually meet his emotional needs as an equal in an ongoing relationship, and that no - while you may have at one point been attractive to him before you lost eth weight, you're not as attractive to him now at all - no longer see you as potential mate material, and you'll lose him to someone else who will be grateful to have someone who sees her for who she is, not what she looks like...Might want to get real honest with yourself real quick.0 -
Ask if you look hot. If he says "yes" : reward, reward, reward.
Eventually, you will not have to prompt.0 -
Your solution is so simple. .
1. Don't go and ask him if he still thinks you're sexy etc. . that *kitten* is annoying and the answer is always yes.
2. Buy some really sexy lingerie (something HE likes) and wear it.. This showcases the improved goods AND gives him the go ahead to make a move.0 -
I just let my husband feel up my boobs and that gets a compliment EVERY time!
Good Luck! 0 -
this. Exactly this. And clearly we all know you've got them. Use them. HahaI just let my husband feel up my boobs and that gets a compliment EVERY time! Good Luck!0 -
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I think that's a little extreme. The first part pretty much describes my marriage. But after a quarter of a century, my mate told me that he really likes hearing "xyz comment acknowledging your achievement from hard work at the gym", and I am making an effort to give him more of those. How hard is it, when you really love someone and their happiness means the world to you, to throw a little, "Looking good, honey!" their way as you walk through the room?!I'm wondering if re-wording your question back to you would help you to see things from a different perspective...
Your S.O. cares deeply enough about you, supporting you, supporting your choices, that he asks you if you can fit in a snack rather than just buying you something or "not" buying you anything when he has something for himself, but rather than this tacit agreement to love you for who you are rather than what you look like, you want him to "judge" how attractive you are and make comments about it to you?
The kind of attention you're trying for is the kind that long-tern relationships are NOT based on. It leaves me wondering why you chose to lose weight? Did you want to lose for your own sake, or to impress someone else? I really wish I could share the realities of my life with you so that if that's the case you'd have an opportunity to re0-live that type of thinking in a way that doesn't mean you have to actually live it out irl.
The kind of attention you're getting from him currently is the kind of attention that healthy long-term relationships ARE based on. This is the kind of attention so many women long to be part of - where he loves you and his eyes light up when he looks into yours, where no matter how many other pretty girls are around, he has eyes only for you, and there you are asking him to not9ice and measure looks instead of meaningful value in choice?
He accepts that you don't and didn't want to be the weight you were / are. He is "choosing / acting" in support of your efforts to be "my best me to my self" and is "in love" with who you are, not what you look like. At 40 / 55 / 80 yo are you still going to want him to comment on your looks? I doubt it. Why? Cause you'll be old, and there will certainly be younger more sexually attractive women running around the planet. What you need at an advanced age from a partner is what you need from a partner at any age, so long as the relationship is healthy - you need them to "choose" to be with you, despite whatever else may happen in your lives.
You have the kind of guy right now who sees the you that you really are inside, and loves you for who you are; doesn't give a rat's rear quarters about hurting you by finding flaws b/c he sees that you hurt yourself enough and believes that you "know / accept" that your looks are not you, and not what he cares about or is with you for...He is trusting you to be an adult, well-adjusted emotionally, and to be making eth choices about pursuing your own health needs b/c of that awareness.
Are you sure you want him to start judging you by your looks?
He may just come to the conclusion that you simply are too immature and insecure to actually meet his emotional needs as an equal in an ongoing relationship, and that no - while you may have at one point been attractive to him before you lost eth weight, you're not as attractive to him now at all - no longer see you as potential mate material, and you'll lose him to someone else who will be grateful to have someone who sees her for who she is, not what she looks like...Might want to get real honest with yourself real quick.
Or maybe I should just discard a quarter of a century invested in the best part of my life because he likes to hear a little compliment now and then.
Or maybe the OPs mate should get real honest with himself real quick. Because the lack of a few compliments could be costing him his marriage a little bit every day.0 -
I think it is a big problem in your relationship to be honest. Deal breaker serious. I know that a lot of people will disagree with me on that.
All I know, is I was in a marriage in the past that had no romance and we shouldn't have even been together. Our sex drives didn't match for one thing. I truly believe that my ex was never all that attracted to me and did not care when I lost or gained weight, it did nothing to impact his attraction (or the lack of). I truly believe that even after losing 120 lb he wouldn't have complimented me any more frequently or been any more into me or desiring of physical affection and intimacy.
On the other hand, I am now married to a man whose attraction and drive is equal to (if not higher than! yay!) my own and it is freaking awesome. When I met him I weighed 270 and now I weigh 186. There has really been NO change in his compliments and desire of me, seriously. He compliments my body now but he did so just as much when we met. It makes me feel awesome and I believe it is part of the reason I've gotten healthier. BECAUSE of it...not seeking more attention or approval from him.0 -
I'm wondering the same as someone else asked early on - was he one to give you compliments before you lost the weight?
Some people just aren't like that. My Hubs doesn't happen to be very affectionate due to the way he was raised and it bugged me a bit at frist but I accepted it because there are so many other things about him that I adore. Also I learned to just be a bit more forward in order to get what I want from him.
Subtlety just doesn't work for most guys. If you want something from them or have a concern, you have to talk to them.0 -
More of classical condition with women wouldnt you say? here I am......say nice things.Have you tried operant conditioning?
Ring a bell......dog is hungry.
Hush now or I'll hit you with the rolled up newspaper.0 -
Come on people, someone has to say it!!!
Just break up.
:flowerforyou:0
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