When Your Friends Prefer You to Stay Fat
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newteachermom
Posts: 22 Member
I just read this from a People magazine article feature on people who lost tons of weight. It really encouraged me! Not that I have people encouraging me to stay overweight but I have heard encouragements to not "lose too much". Hope this encourages someone to not stop or compromise and to keep pursuing your initial goals! You can do it! You can have it if you keep going!
"In July The New England Journal of Medicine published a study that found obesity is "socially contagious"—i.e., if your friends are obese, you're more likely to become obese, too. The reason? Friends "have shared ideas about appropriate eating, exercise behaviors and body sizes," says Dr. James Fowler, one of the study's researchers. But as Williams discovered, when one person challenges those ideas by losing weight, her friends may not be that happy about it. "An overweight coworker would say to me, 'You've lost so much—celebrate! One brownie won't hurt,'" recalls Williams, who had to distance herself from the woman. "There will always be one person trying to get you to cheat," she says. "Don't give in!""
"In July The New England Journal of Medicine published a study that found obesity is "socially contagious"—i.e., if your friends are obese, you're more likely to become obese, too. The reason? Friends "have shared ideas about appropriate eating, exercise behaviors and body sizes," says Dr. James Fowler, one of the study's researchers. But as Williams discovered, when one person challenges those ideas by losing weight, her friends may not be that happy about it. "An overweight coworker would say to me, 'You've lost so much—celebrate! One brownie won't hurt,'" recalls Williams, who had to distance herself from the woman. "There will always be one person trying to get you to cheat," she says. "Don't give in!""
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Replies
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The link to the article is here: http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20171125,00.html0
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It doesn't supprise me. There are a lot of threads about coworkers, friends, and family doing this. My mom does tend to pick on me when I'm eating especially if I'm trying to lose weight. She will ask me if what I'm eating is on my diet plan. She's not one to talk either, since she has diabetis.0
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5 months ago when I announced that I was going to seriously work on getting in shape, I had a ton of support from coworkers who wanted to do the same. They would shower me with ideas (cleanses, drinking herb-infused water, eating swiss cheese before a meal...) that were not in my game plan...
As I did my calorie/macros restriction thing combined with lifting heavy, one by one my coworkers grew more and more distant.... they all did those fad things together... they all had fleeting success followed by weight gain.. and they all still talk and discuss about the next fad they're going to try...
In my corner of the workplace, I keep doing my thing and I am losing fat (because, baby, my muscle ain't going nowhere), and the support from the wannabe losers have all but disappeared...
On the plus side, I do get complimented a lot by the other coworkers who don't desire to lose weight (no matter what their size happens to be) and that helps to keep things balanced in the workplace for me...0 -
5 months ago when I announced that I was going to seriously work on getting in shape, I had a ton of support from coworkers who wanted to do the same. They would shower me with ideas (cleanses, drinking herb-infused water, eating swiss cheese before a meal...) that were not in my game plan...
As I did my calorie/macros restriction thing combined with lifting heavy, one by one my coworkers grew more and more distant.... they all did those fad things together... they all had fleeting success followed by weight gain.. and they all still talk and discuss about the next fad they're going to try...
In my corner of the workplace, I keep doing my thing and I am losing fat (because, baby, my muscle ain't going nowhere), and the support from the wannabe losers have all but disappeared...
On the plus side, I do get complimented a lot by the other coworkers who don't desire to lose weight (no matter what their size happens to be) and that helps to keep things balanced in the workplace for me...
I like this reply!
Way to go! 0 -
I've gotten those comments from people before and it's usually from people who are feeling fairly insecure about themselves. Those who are encouraging you to cheat and pointing out that "a little bit" won't hurt are usually people who wish they were doing something about their own weight and/or health and feel guilty that they aren't. We have birthday cake all the time at my office. Cake isn't something I'm crazy about so I don't waste the calories on it. There's always one person who will try to talk me in to it. It's rough if it's something that you're having a hard time saying no to.0
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I would eat the brownie offered by the overweight coworker.0
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Yup, 'friends' want you to stay unhealthy!
Before going to university I would ALWAYS meet up with a bunch of friends from my teenage years - I considered them my best mates. We'd go out to the nearest pub or the nearest house party, eat loads of crap and get wasted. This carried on until my second year of uni when I got diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Since then I've distanced myself from all the drinking, all the eating and started going to the gym to get healthy - which meant not meeting up with them as much or not drinking as much when with them. As a result they found me boring because I was the "sober" one...
Of course, I had a bunch of university mates who also loved drinking! The difference is, they understood that I couldn't drink or eat as much as before and didn't mind me being the sober one.
It's been 3 years since my diagnosis... I still meet up with my friends from uni pretty much every week and have a chat over coffee / the occasional nomtastic meal, etc.
Meanwhile my other friends now refer to someone who doesn't go out as "doing an Emma".... yep, it's actually a phrase!
The thing is, if "doing an Emma" counts as losing weight and getting healthier, then HELL YES I'm doing an Emma - and I'm proud of it! :bigsmile:
Okay, life story over. Bottom line: don't listen to your friends if they tell you to stay fat. Please.0 -
I am the biggest woman in my close circle of friends (heck, I suspect I might even have a couple pounds on the biggest guy, or close.) There is one other girl who is pretty big, the others are average to small. The other overweight gal and I did enjoy a sense of camaraderie of sorts... though I also suspect that she is also happy to be around me because she is glad that she is not the biggest. Anyway, I have started working on myself and I can't help but wonder that once it starts showing, if she is going to somehow feel 'betrayed' or left behind.
On the other hand, of my 'normal' sized girlfriends, I can guarantee you that of our group, once my weight loss becomes more noticeable, every single one of them will be thrilled for me- except one. I love her dearly but you can tell that she enjoys being one of the slimmest in the group and she can be rather condescending towards me sometimes. I cannot help but wonder if her feelings toward me will start to change as I shrink. I've known her long enough to where I could see it happening. I'm not a threat in any way at all and never will be, but let's just say it will be very interesting how both of these situations will play out.0 -
It doesn't supprise me. There are a lot of threads about coworkers, friends, and family doing this. My mom does tend to pick on me when I'm eating especially if I'm trying to lose weight. She will ask me if what I'm eating is on my diet plan. She's not one to talk either, since she has diabetis.
I have so many friends that make huge deals of me eating a burger & fries, or having a third fajita, or a bowl of ice cream. Granted I'm thin, but they encourage me to 'eat! eat!' and then make a snide remark about it later when I decide (key words: when I decide) to indulge myself. I'm the fit, active one in the group and I'm proud of myself. Sometimes it can translate poorly to other people and they start feeling insecure- even family members aren't immune. It's strange.0 -
The last time I was trying to lose weight.. Like.. 5 years ago now.. I told my friend I was going to the gym and she literally said "Don't lose too much weight because I don't want you to be thinner than me."
Yeah.. That happened.
I've had 'friends' like that. I don't talk to most of them any more.0 -
Huh. I wonder what it's like to live in a world where you are so important and people are so threatened by your awesome progress and ability that they feel the need to try and cram brownies down your throat to plump you back up.
That's a lie, I don't want to know what that's like at all. It sounds exhausting to be that important to so many people. I much prefer to have friends who offer me brownies out of love and friendship, and then to eat those love filled brownies, and look and feel fabulous while doing so.
It's so much easier that way, but probably because I don't have ideas of self importance keeping me afloat.0 -
Huh. I wonder what it's like to live in a world where you are so important and people are so threatened by your awesome progress and ability that they feel the need to try and cram brownies down your throat to plump you back up.
That's a lie, I don't want to know what that's like at all. It sounds exhausting to be that important to so many people. I much prefer to have friends who offer me brownies out of love and friendship, and then to eat those love filled brownies, and look and feel fabulous while doing so.
It's so much easier that way, but probably because I don't have ideas of self importance keeping me afloat.
^This0 -
I have really fit and thin friends who encourage me, and then i also have unfit friends who try to tell me not to lose too much weight and tell me I'm thin already etc and it really annoys me. Being an honest person i expect honesty in return and it's just too hard to know if your friends are really telling you what they actually think.
I don't listen to anyone now, i just go with how i feel about myself and what my goals are 0 -
I have two other Mom's where we do weekly Playgroups for our kids and we usually prepare dinners. When I started my weightloss, they encouraged me to change schedule to join the dinner. I decline and told them I could not do it because it conflicts with the Running/Jogging schedule with my officemates who by the way made a schedule to included me. The two moms were sad.
BUT, when they saw my motivation and body transformation they too are now challenged to do it as well. One of them started doing the FAST DIET.
Friends can be annoying when they don't believe but I thought it is my body, my life and my happiness. Friends, deal with it.0 -
A lot of my friends would make remarks about my weight loss only a few were positive.. The negative ones I didn't need in my life. Friends are supposed to be supportive of you ( minus if you are putting yourself in harms way) Who would want friends who make back handed compliments to just being nasty towards you.. It just makes you devalue yourself. You are achieving what you want and loving life which means loving yourself.. By all means do what makes you happy..0
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meh.
probably just a zombie apocalypse survival strategy.
i applaud those people for thinking ahead and being prepared.
they know they don't have to outrun the zombies... they only have to outrun their fatter friends!
there's probably a girl scout and/or boy scout merit badge for that nowadays. if not, there should be.
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There's a great post over at Nerd Fitness that I will copy here (written by Steve Kamb):
What if I Am the Only One?!
By Steve on January 5, 2012
It’s tough being the only person you know that wants to level up your life.
We all have friends, family, and coworkers in our lives who think they’re doing us a favor by telling us to “relax, you’re taking this too seriously,” or “come on, just one won’t hurt.” They think they have our best interests at heart…but they don’t realize they’re not exactly helping.
Recently, I told you how to get in shape…and one of the most important aspects of that is support. These are the four types of people that can either be incredibly supportive or unknowingly destructive in your quest for a better existence.
If they’re not helping the cause, here’s how to deal with them. Game on!
Co-workers
You see these people more often than probably anybody else in your life…
For 8-10 hours a day, you share the same building, desk, and lunch room. Because of that, your interactions with them almost play out like a high school drama complete with cliques, secrets, gossip, and *gasp* peer pressure!
When a co-worker brings in three dozen donuts from Dunkin D’s, he’s embarrassed if he’s the only person eating them…so he wanders around your office, finding other people to help him power through. If he gets to your desk and you politely decline, you might even hear something like “oh come on! It’s just a donut!” or “psssh, really? You can’t even eat one donut?”
These are generally the same people who make fun of you for bringing in your own salad and chicken when they’re stuffing their face with McDonalds/Arby’s/Whatever. If you happen to be a nerd in IT, then this might play out 2-3 times per day as people make runs to the nearest drive-through.
I can remember in my two previous jobs hundreds of instances where my dietary choices (both snacks and meals) were jokingly mocked by my co-workers.
Why? If your coworkers are unhealthy and uninterested in getting healthy, then the thought of somebody in their office making great life changes, exercising, and adjusting their diet might make them feel inadequate. Rather than watch you succeed and then feel bad about themselves, they’d rather keep the status quo and drag you down with them.
It’s time to suck it up, and keep your eyes on the prize. Build a thicker skin. For the first few weeks, I’m sure you’re going to get lots of funny looks when you bring in your own meals. You might get made fun of slightly for turning down muffins, candy, cake, donuts, bagels, and whatever else is brought in. However, as you start to transform, the “why don’t you eat this with us?” comments will start to switch to “wow, did you lose weight?,” then, “how did you do it?” and eventually, “Can you help me?”
The beginning is going to be rough…Be proud to stand out in your office.
If you are in an office of people who ARE interested in getting healthy, try to flip peer pressure into something positive:
* Find a workout buddy to stay accountable during the day
* Start a weight loss competition at work – everybody throw in $50 bucks, winners take all
* Form a running club
* Have one day a week you all cook a healthy meal together (with everybody pitching in of course)
Friends
I think this is an issue most Nerd Fitness rebels know far too well.
We’re generally part of a group of friends that likes to eat pizza, drink beer, and play The Old Republic/Halo/Modern Warfare 3/D&D for eight hours at a time. These are people that we’ve grown up with, formed a tight bond with over many years, and do everything with, both in real life and online.
However, you recently had an epiphany and decided you want to get healthy.
The problem is, the rest of your friends probably have absolutely NO interest in doing so.
When you say “I’m going running,” they’ll say “dude, we need a 4th for this raid” or “screw that, hop on Xbox live!” When you say “I’m hungry,” they’ll say “how many pizzas do we need?” or “who’s driving to Taco Bell?”
Ruh roh. These are your buddies! The guys/gals you hang out with after work on weekends! Because they might be lazy and unmotivated…it’s WAY easier for them to drag you back down to their level rather than watch you take off and dominate life. As they say, “misery loves company” – well so do overweight, out of shape, unmotivated people.
Fortunately, there is hope. You have a few options here…some you’ll like and probably some you won’t like:
* Get them interested – this is usually a pretty tough sell. Let them know that you’re trying to live a healthier life and that you’d like their support. Or, like with your coworkers, start some sort of bet/challenge to keep people interested. Money is always a great motivator.
* Go it alone - accept the snide comments, the rude remarks, and go about your business. They might make fun of you for exercising or running, but who gives a crap? That’s what friends are for! To insult you and toughen you up (which is true as long as you look at it like that).
* Find some new friends - this one is brutal, I know. And I’m not saying abandon your old group of friends completely, unless they’re truly miserable and really sabotaging your efforts. It is said you are an average of the five people you associate most with – why not associate with people that you admire and make you want to be a better person? Find folks who are smarter, stronger, faster, and more successful than you and learn from them. If you can’t find them in your town, why not find them online?
Family
As the old saying goes, “You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.”
Wait, that’s not the one.
“You can’t pick your family.”
There we go! You are born into a family – your mom is your mom and your dad is your dad…and you’ve inherited whatever eating habits and lifestyle habits they have. I get quite a few emails from readers who have out of shape or unhealthy families and are struggling to break free of that mold.
Let’s be honest: nobody wants to be told they’re out of shape or unhealthy. Although I don’t have any children, I have to imagine it would be even harder to hear those words coming out of my child’s mouth.
Maybe you’re part of an unhealthy, close-knit family…and you want to change your life.
What can you do? It’s time to channel your inner Captain America. As productivity guru Leo Babauta will tell you: “You can’t motivate others to do things. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions.”
This is all a change in your frame of mind – rather than thinking “aw man, nobody in my family is healthy and I’m going it alone.” Instead, it’s “I have an opportunity to change the fate of my family and my family’s future generations. It starts with me.” Kind of cool, huh?
Be strong in your convictions - “thanks Dad, but I need to go for a run this afternoon.” “Hey mom, can I help cook dinner tonight? it’s going to be a healthier option because I’m changing my life.” Similar to situations with your coworkers, although they might not initially ask for help, after you transform yourself, you might start to get a few emails “hey, your father and I are trying to drop a few pounds, any tips?”
Don’t force them to change – that will absolutely backfire. Instead, be strong in your stance and set a shining example for others to follow. Once you start to succeed, you might just inspire change in those you love.
Significant Other
This one is the toughest of them all, and the one I get the most emails about.
You are interested in getting in shape or losing weight, but there are a few problems… The person you’re dating:
* Is different than you – they can eat whatever they want and not gain weight and don’t see why you can’t do the same.
* Doesn’t want to get healthy -“can’t we do ________ instead?” “let’s go out to dinner at ____________.” This person loves spending time with you, but doesn’t have any interest in getting healthy…
* Doesn’t want YOU to get healthy - heard this before? “but honey, I love you what you look like now, and I’ll love you no matter what!” Oftentimes your significant other doesn’t have the motivation to change and/or doesn’t want to be left behind, so it’s easier to appeal to your emotions rather than make a change himself/herself.
These situations suck.
But there is hope yet, my friend!
* Unhealthy spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend? Find an activity that you two enjoy doing together (besides that OTHER activity). Hiking, frisbee, yoga, swing dancing, whatever! Find something that you two enjoy, and find a way to do it a regular basis. Once you start acting healthy, it’s easier to start thinking healthy and in turn, eating healthy.
* Offer to cook! Maybe you don’t do the cooking normally, and the meals are always unhealthy…or you always go out to eat. It’s time to grow up and learn how to cook a decent meal! A romantic healthy dinner by candle light is totally gonna score you major points.
* Let them know why you’re doing it. If you’re dating somebody that says “why change? I love you how you are!” Let them know that you’re not doing it for him/her…you’re doing it for YOU (even if you are kind of doing it for them too). Explain you want to live a better life, and the support of your significant other would mean the world to you.
Dating somebody who doesn’t have the same healthy values as you is difficult, but not a deal breaker – it’s on you to lead the charge with kick-*kitten* results. If I were a gambling man (WHICH I TOTALLY AM), I’d bet that your positive changes and improved outlook on life will have a positive effect on your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend. Don’t insult them for their choices or force them to improve…just be awesome, and they will follow.
How do you deal with it?
The above is just one humble man’s opinion on how to deal with these four tricky scenarios.0 -
meh.
probably just a zombie apocalypse survival strategy.
i applaud those people for thinking ahead and being prepared.
they know they don't have to outrun the zombies... they only have to outrun their fatter friends!
if the goal is to survive long term after the zombie apocalypse, being obese is actually a big advantage. Okay, so you have to survive the early days by having a really good hiding place as you'd be unable to run from or fight the zombies easily, but then, after everyone who survived has finished eating the corpses of those who didn't survive, because there's nothing else to eat and they don't know how to either hunt and gather or to practice subsistence agriculture, the obese people will have the fat stores to survive long enough to learn how to hunt, gather and do small scale farming, thus that by the time they learn how to get food for themselves without relying on the social infrastructure that was utterly destroyed in the apocalypse, they're at a healthy body fat percentage and have a decent amount of muscle from hunting and digging up the ground and stuff. whereas all the people with 6 pack abs or a marathon runner's physique will have already starved to death and never had time to master those skills.
Therefore if the goal is to survive long term in a zombie apocalypse, being obese and knowing how to hide is a very good strategy.
ETA: my strategy however is to learn paleo survival skills before the apocalypse strikes and be really strong. And to be really good at hiding. win win win0 -
It stands to reason that your environment, which includes the people in it, will influence what you become.
In addition like attracts like and people get comfort from being around what they know. When someone steps away from those unconsciously agreed behaviours it is bound to cause others to react on some level and try to get them back in the fold. It's normal human behaviour and I doubt most people do it maliciously. You see that all the time, as evidenced by these very message boards.0 -
There's a great post over at Nerd Fitness that I will copy here (written by Steve Kamb):
What if I Am the Only One?!
By Steve on January 5, 2012
It’s tough being the only person you know that wants to level up your life.
We all have friends, family, and coworkers in our lives who think they’re doing us a favor by telling us to “relax, you’re taking this too seriously,” or “come on, just one won’t hurt.” They think they have our best interests at heart…but they don’t realize they’re not exactly helping.
Recently, I told you how to get in shape…and one of the most important aspects of that is support. These are the four types of people that can either be incredibly supportive or unknowingly destructive in your quest for a better existence.
If they’re not helping the cause, here’s how to deal with them. Game on!
Co-workers
You see these people more often than probably anybody else in your life…
For 8-10 hours a day, you share the same building, desk, and lunch room. Because of that, your interactions with them almost play out like a high school drama complete with cliques, secrets, gossip, and *gasp* peer pressure!
When a co-worker brings in three dozen donuts from Dunkin D’s, he’s embarrassed if he’s the only person eating them…so he wanders around your office, finding other people to help him power through. If he gets to your desk and you politely decline, you might even hear something like “oh come on! It’s just a donut!” or “psssh, really? You can’t even eat one donut?”
These are generally the same people who make fun of you for bringing in your own salad and chicken when they’re stuffing their face with McDonalds/Arby’s/Whatever. If you happen to be a nerd in IT, then this might play out 2-3 times per day as people make runs to the nearest drive-through.
I can remember in my two previous jobs hundreds of instances where my dietary choices (both snacks and meals) were jokingly mocked by my co-workers.
Why? If your coworkers are unhealthy and uninterested in getting healthy, then the thought of somebody in their office making great life changes, exercising, and adjusting their diet might make them feel inadequate. Rather than watch you succeed and then feel bad about themselves, they’d rather keep the status quo and drag you down with them.
It’s time to suck it up, and keep your eyes on the prize. Build a thicker skin. For the first few weeks, I’m sure you’re going to get lots of funny looks when you bring in your own meals. You might get made fun of slightly for turning down muffins, candy, cake, donuts, bagels, and whatever else is brought in. However, as you start to transform, the “why don’t you eat this with us?” comments will start to switch to “wow, did you lose weight?,” then, “how did you do it?” and eventually, “Can you help me?”
The beginning is going to be rough…Be proud to stand out in your office.
If you are in an office of people who ARE interested in getting healthy, try to flip peer pressure into something positive:
* Find a workout buddy to stay accountable during the day
* Start a weight loss competition at work – everybody throw in $50 bucks, winners take all
* Form a running club
* Have one day a week you all cook a healthy meal together (with everybody pitching in of course)
Friends
I think this is an issue most Nerd Fitness rebels know far too well.
We’re generally part of a group of friends that likes to eat pizza, drink beer, and play The Old Republic/Halo/Modern Warfare 3/D&D for eight hours at a time. These are people that we’ve grown up with, formed a tight bond with over many years, and do everything with, both in real life and online.
However, you recently had an epiphany and decided you want to get healthy.
The problem is, the rest of your friends probably have absolutely NO interest in doing so.
When you say “I’m going running,” they’ll say “dude, we need a 4th for this raid” or “screw that, hop on Xbox live!” When you say “I’m hungry,” they’ll say “how many pizzas do we need?” or “who’s driving to Taco Bell?”
Ruh roh. These are your buddies! The guys/gals you hang out with after work on weekends! Because they might be lazy and unmotivated…it’s WAY easier for them to drag you back down to their level rather than watch you take off and dominate life. As they say, “misery loves company” – well so do overweight, out of shape, unmotivated people.
Fortunately, there is hope. You have a few options here…some you’ll like and probably some you won’t like:
* Get them interested – this is usually a pretty tough sell. Let them know that you’re trying to live a healthier life and that you’d like their support. Or, like with your coworkers, start some sort of bet/challenge to keep people interested. Money is always a great motivator.
* Go it alone - accept the snide comments, the rude remarks, and go about your business. They might make fun of you for exercising or running, but who gives a crap? That’s what friends are for! To insult you and toughen you up (which is true as long as you look at it like that).
* Find some new friends - this one is brutal, I know. And I’m not saying abandon your old group of friends completely, unless they’re truly miserable and really sabotaging your efforts. It is said you are an average of the five people you associate most with – why not associate with people that you admire and make you want to be a better person? Find folks who are smarter, stronger, faster, and more successful than you and learn from them. If you can’t find them in your town, why not find them online?
Family
As the old saying goes, “You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.”
Wait, that’s not the one.
“You can’t pick your family.”
There we go! You are born into a family – your mom is your mom and your dad is your dad…and you’ve inherited whatever eating habits and lifestyle habits they have. I get quite a few emails from readers who have out of shape or unhealthy families and are struggling to break free of that mold.
Let’s be honest: nobody wants to be told they’re out of shape or unhealthy. Although I don’t have any children, I have to imagine it would be even harder to hear those words coming out of my child’s mouth.
Maybe you’re part of an unhealthy, close-knit family…and you want to change your life.
What can you do? It’s time to channel your inner Captain America. As productivity guru Leo Babauta will tell you: “You can’t motivate others to do things. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions.”
This is all a change in your frame of mind – rather than thinking “aw man, nobody in my family is healthy and I’m going it alone.” Instead, it’s “I have an opportunity to change the fate of my family and my family’s future generations. It starts with me.” Kind of cool, huh?
Be strong in your convictions - “thanks Dad, but I need to go for a run this afternoon.” “Hey mom, can I help cook dinner tonight? it’s going to be a healthier option because I’m changing my life.” Similar to situations with your coworkers, although they might not initially ask for help, after you transform yourself, you might start to get a few emails “hey, your father and I are trying to drop a few pounds, any tips?”
Don’t force them to change – that will absolutely backfire. Instead, be strong in your stance and set a shining example for others to follow. Once you start to succeed, you might just inspire change in those you love.
Significant Other
This one is the toughest of them all, and the one I get the most emails about.
You are interested in getting in shape or losing weight, but there are a few problems… The person you’re dating:
* Is different than you – they can eat whatever they want and not gain weight and don’t see why you can’t do the same.
* Doesn’t want to get healthy -“can’t we do ________ instead?” “let’s go out to dinner at ____________.” This person loves spending time with you, but doesn’t have any interest in getting healthy…
* Doesn’t want YOU to get healthy - heard this before? “but honey, I love you what you look like now, and I’ll love you no matter what!” Oftentimes your significant other doesn’t have the motivation to change and/or doesn’t want to be left behind, so it’s easier to appeal to your emotions rather than make a change himself/herself.
These situations suck.
But there is hope yet, my friend!
* Unhealthy spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend? Find an activity that you two enjoy doing together (besides that OTHER activity). Hiking, frisbee, yoga, swing dancing, whatever! Find something that you two enjoy, and find a way to do it a regular basis. Once you start acting healthy, it’s easier to start thinking healthy and in turn, eating healthy.
* Offer to cook! Maybe you don’t do the cooking normally, and the meals are always unhealthy…or you always go out to eat. It’s time to grow up and learn how to cook a decent meal! A romantic healthy dinner by candle light is totally gonna score you major points.
* Let them know why you’re doing it. If you’re dating somebody that says “why change? I love you how you are!” Let them know that you’re not doing it for him/her…you’re doing it for YOU (even if you are kind of doing it for them too). Explain you want to live a better life, and the support of your significant other would mean the world to you.
Dating somebody who doesn’t have the same healthy values as you is difficult, but not a deal breaker – it’s on you to lead the charge with kick-*kitten* results. If I were a gambling man (WHICH I TOTALLY AM), I’d bet that your positive changes and improved outlook on life will have a positive effect on your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend. Don’t insult them for their choices or force them to improve…just be awesome, and they will follow.
How do you deal with it?
The above is just one humble man’s opinion on how to deal with these four tricky scenarios.
^ sheesh! that guy is a judgey peckerhead and needs to chill out and eat a damned donut with his peers every once in a while. instead of ascribing the worst possible motives to everyone offering him food, maybe... just maybe... those people are attempting to bond with him over food. like clans of humans have since the beginning of time. eating together is probably the most consistent social group building activity that humans have done down through the ages. if there is another one that's more important, i can't think of it... maybe organized religion would rank higher.
here's my advice. if somebody is offering you a donut, assume the best motives of the person. politely decline. make a self-deprecating joke about it. make some smalltalk for a couple of minutes. that social interaction was probably all they were looking for... the donut was just the excuse for it.0
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