When Your Friends Prefer You to Stay Fat

AllonsYtotheTardis

All your friends want to keep you fat?? Stop hanging out with selfish bishes. Problem solved.

JoRocka

I don't get it...why tell anyone you are changing your lifestyle, eating better, exercising or whatever? That seems way too much like seeking external validation for your choices.

If food shows up at the office, I either have some or I don't...I have NEVER had anyone chasing me around "oh why won't you eat some of the cookies I brought today?!". I lost my first 15-18 lbs just by eating a little less at dinner every night and my spouse certainly didn't get all uptight about not liking their cooking (I would package up 1/3 of my dinner and take it for lunch the next day). My friends have never hounded me to eat more when we go out, nor do they pressure me to have "just one more drink". My family happily takes "no thanks, I don't really feel like thirds!" as an answer.

I didn't feel any need to justify my choices to any of these people.

I didn't mention to any of them (except my spouse) that I was cutting back a little either (or exercising more, etc.). Why is it any of their business? If it came up in conversation, I certainly answered questions ("you look like you've lost some weight!" "why thank you, I have" or "that weighs a tonne, how did you manage?" "Oh, I've been working out a bit" that sort of thing).

Maybe I'm just anti-social?

There are legitimately different reactions to different situations. Some people will, in fact, with no provocation from you, get really offended if you don't eat what they are offering. However, we are adults who should have a modicum of social skills and need to be able to get through these situations smoothly. Some just want the interaction. Some just want you to take a taste and validate their cooking skill.

Agreed- there needs to be a variety of responses to a variety of issues.

People can get very offended if you don't take their 'offerings' it's sometimes- for many- the only way they know how to interact or break the ice.

I have a whole list of crap I have at my disposal to say to people- depending on how annoying/aggravating/pushy/genuine sharing someone is being.

Kaylyn221

When I was a senior in H.S I decided to sign up for the Military but I needed to drop 50lbs to do so. One of my best friends in the beginning was supportive and even wanted to workout with me and eat healthy with me. After about 2 weeks she stopped altogether. I went on to lose the 50lbs, not just because I needed to but my future depended on it as well lol. She became distant and started telling people how I had changed and I was cocky now and stuck up. It was sad. I was still the same person, just 50lbs lighter but because I walked with a healthy glow and confidence, she didn't like that. I did go on the join the Military and left, haven't talked to her much since.

Coworkers will try to tell me to come to lunch with them. I just tell them no. They joke about how there are 'healthy' options there and they will make fun of my measly chicken and veggie. I might be a little harsh but when they joke on me for eating healthy, I 'kindly' remind them that it wouldn't hurt for them to eat healthy too O_o

I have another friend who is supportive. I have asked if she has wanted to come workout with me {we had kids within months apart and she has mentioned a couple of times about wanting to lose the baby weight}... she hasn't come yet, I don't pressure her either. Although she did tell me one day 'I understand, I used to be on a strict diet before'. I laughed because eating non processed, high calorie/unhealthy foods does not equal a strict diet, it's called eating healthy and a lifestyle change.

Llamapants86

When people bring food at work I usually have a little bit of it. I plan my day so I can have a treat. If I don't really want what they brought I just politely decline. I've never had any one badger me over it.

The only thing that's changed with my friends is that I can't share clothes any more and that kind of sucks,I am a little left out in that regard but it isn't my friends trying to keep me fat.

Veronnie87

It's not easy to resist temptation, but part of my weight-loss philosophy is that I'm not interested in living the next (hopefully) 70+ years without eating what I enjoy. Yes, I like chocolate and all types of junk food. I love eating out at a nice restaurant with friends. I spend calories wisely 85% of the time and work out 30 minutes every day so that I can indulge that other 15% of the time.

If someone's passing doughnuts around at work, well OF COURSE I'M TAKING ONE! I just cut it in half, throw the other half straight into the garbage and savor every last fat- and sugar-laden bite and I force myself to add it to my food diary so that I am accountable for that decision. Just don't do this every day and it shouldn't become a problem. That's where I finally feel like I've found a strategy that works for me. And naturally through the process of watching what I eat and working out, I have found my interest in sweets has decreased to the point where I'm more than happy with a little sweet bite here or there.

My friend has always liked that she's the thin, pretty one and it's been hard for her that I'm starting to look and feel so much better. Even though I haven't lost a ton of weight (YET!), I've shed my fat mentality and am finally dressing to show off the nice body that I have. People get jealous, but at the end of the day you have to live your life and be accountable for the choices you make. If people don't want to get on board, eventually you'll find that they'll drift away a bit and you'll make new, healthier and supportive friends to replace them.

AglaeaC

I don't get it...why tell anyone you are changing your lifestyle, eating better, exercising or whatever? That seems way too much like seeking external validation for your choices.

That's one way to look at it. Another is to be so over the moon about one's ongoing lifestyle change that one wants to share that joy with others.

If their response is to judge, criticise, offer negative unsolicited advice, etc. I'd file them away as "those whose comments will leak out the other ear as soon as they enter the first". No point in using any energy at all on pondering why people act the way they do, because while we may have a theory, most likely the reason is another one, and unless we ask we'll never know. So better put that precious energy on staying on our own course of choice. Friends lift each other up.