When Your Friends Prefer You to Stay Fat

runforestrun35

I have the co worker situation, there is always junk food on our counter in the office, I try to walk past it and grab my healthy snack....after 3 solid years of eating better and working out... They are finally understanding that it is hard work to stay in shape, I try to motivate them.... But most look for an easy way to lose, fad diets, etc. 2 have gym memberships that they have used about 3 times so far this year, and they try to bait me into eating the junk we have....it's sad that people you consider friends will try to sabotage what you are working so hard for out of jealousy. So I do my own thing and take a walk at lunch, hit the gym after work, run, and lift.... Knowing it's for me not for anyone else!

neandermagnon

<snip for brevity>

^ sheesh! that guy is a judgey peckerhead and needs to chill out and eat a damned donut with his peers every once in a while. instead of ascribing the worst possible motives to everyone offering him food, maybe... just maybe... those people are attempting to bond with him over food. like clans of humans have since the beginning of time. eating together is probably the most consistent social group building activity that humans have done down through the ages. if there is another one that's more important, i can't think of it... maybe organized religion would rank higher.

here's my advice. if somebody is offering you a donut, assume the best motives of the person. politely decline. make a self-deprecating joke about it. make some smalltalk for a couple of minutes. that social interaction was probably all they were looking for... the donut was just the excuse for it.

Sharing of food among hominins predates organised religion by millions of years. I say hominins, not humans, because it's thought that the behavior shaped the evolution of hominins and goes back at least 7 million years.... i.e. current theories suggest that bipedalism evolved to carry food back to home base to be shared.

Totally agree, both about the fact that humans share food as a form of social bonding, and about not ascribing the worst possible motives to people trying to share food with you..... they're just being like Ardipithecus ramidus and trying to be friendly

ljmcf

meh.

probably just a zombie apocalypse survival strategy.

i applaud those people for thinking ahead and being prepared.

they know they don't have to outrun the zombies... they only have to outrun their fatter friends!

if the goal is to survive long term after the zombie apocalypse, being obese is actually a big advantage. Okay, so you have to survive the early days by having a really good hiding place as you'd be unable to run from or fight the zombies easily, but then, after everyone who survived has finished eating the corpses of those who didn't survive, because there's nothing else to eat and they don't know how to either hunt and gather or to practice subsistence agriculture, the obese people will have the fat stores to survive long enough to learn how to hunt, gather and do small scale farming, thus that by the time they learn how to get food for themselves without relying on the social infrastructure that was utterly destroyed in the apocalypse, they're at a healthy body fat percentage and have a decent amount of muscle from hunting and digging up the ground and stuff. whereas all the people with 6 pack abs or a marathon runner's physique will have already starved to death and never had time to master those skills.

Therefore if the goal is to survive long term in a zombie apocalypse, being obese and knowing how to hide is a very good strategy.


ETA: my strategy however is to learn paleo survival skills before the apocalypse strikes and be really strong. And to be really good at hiding. win win win

Haha love this!

Feeling this myself - not from my co-workers (who do offer me food, but congratulate me when I don't take it) but from my friend who says things to me like 'you look great as you are!' despite the fact I'm clearly a few stone overweight! May be paranoia, but I'm her bridesmaid and she has also told me not to lose weight between the fitting and wedding (her fitting is closer to the wedding than mine, mine is 2 months before). She also arranged 5 nights out for dinner and/or drinks over the course of 4 weeks when usually I only see her once every couple of months. She said she doesn't care how I look at the wedding (though obviously I do!)

It's a hard situation...gutted at having to maintain my weight for 2 months when I could be losing.

likitisplit

The thing is, you are never alone.

There's always that girl who works out during lunch or the guy who quietly does martial arts or SOMEBODY.

You can choose who you talk to about what and what you take to heart. I get any number of complements, quite a few suggestions and only lend credence to the woman on my team who is lifting heavy. Even though she's trying to do a recomp (sigh).

Just making eye contact with the guy on my floor who blew out his knees teaching karate helps me remember that my goals are worthwhile. The people whose respect I covet are the people who have earned mine.

WendyTerry420

Someone who would rather you to stay fat is no friend at all. Do people have such low self-esteem that they would hang with a P.O.S. loser like that? I'd rather be alone.

allbarrett

I don't get it...why tell anyone you are changing your lifestyle, eating better, exercising or whatever? That seems way too much like seeking external validation for your choices.

If food shows up at the office, I either have some or I don't...I have NEVER had anyone chasing me around "oh why won't you eat some of the cookies I brought today?!". I lost my first 15-18 lbs just by eating a little less at dinner every night and my spouse certainly didn't get all uptight about not liking their cooking (I would package up 1/3 of my dinner and take it for lunch the next day). My friends have never hounded me to eat more when we go out, nor do they pressure me to have "just one more drink". My family happily takes "no thanks, I don't really feel like thirds!" as an answer.

I didn't feel any need to justify my choices to any of these people.

I didn't mention to any of them (except my spouse) that I was cutting back a little either (or exercising more, etc.). Why is it any of their business? If it came up in conversation, I certainly answered questions ("you look like you've lost some weight!" "why thank you, I have" or "that weighs a tonne, how did you manage?" "Oh, I've been working out a bit" that sort of thing).

Maybe I'm just anti-social?

BlueBombers

I don't care what anyone says to me, I'm going to do what I want regardless.

likitisplit

I don't get it...why tell anyone you are changing your lifestyle, eating better, exercising or whatever? That seems way too much like seeking external validation for your choices.

If food shows up at the office, I either have some or I don't...I have NEVER had anyone chasing me around "oh why won't you eat some of the cookies I brought today?!". I lost my first 15-18 lbs just by eating a little less at dinner every night and my spouse certainly didn't get all uptight about not liking their cooking (I would package up 1/3 of my dinner and take it for lunch the next day). My friends have never hounded me to eat more when we go out, nor do they pressure me to have "just one more drink". My family happily takes "no thanks, I don't really feel like thirds!" as an answer.

I didn't feel any need to justify my choices to any of these people.

I didn't mention to any of them (except my spouse) that I was cutting back a little either (or exercising more, etc.). Why is it any of their business? If it came up in conversation, I certainly answered questions ("you look like you've lost some weight!" "why thank you, I have" or "that weighs a tonne, how did you manage?" "Oh, I've been working out a bit" that sort of thing).

Maybe I'm just anti-social?

There are legitimately different reactions to different situations. Some people will, in fact, with no provocation from you, get really offended if you don't eat what they are offering. However, we are adults who should have a modicum of social skills and need to be able to get through these situations smoothly. Some just want the interaction. Some just want you to take a taste and validate their cooking skill.

seltzermint555

5 months ago when I announced that I was going to seriously work on getting in shape, I had a ton of support from coworkers who wanted to do the same. They would shower me with ideas (cleanses, drinking herb-infused water, eating swiss cheese before a meal...) that were not in my game plan...

As I did my calorie/macros restriction thing combined with lifting heavy, one by one my coworkers grew more and more distant.... they all did those fad things together... they all had fleeting success followed by weight gain.. and they all still talk and discuss about the next fad they're going to try...

This describes a ton of my friends and acquaintances. Exact same thing. Most of them have been on a diet and weight loss "journey" for a DECADE or longer. I was always the fattest, started moving more and then calorie counting and I'm down about 120 lb total so now I'm average sized among them...but they don't believe that my way is effective. They are all about the fads.

R_Woodruff

5 months ago when I announced that I was going to seriously work on getting in shape, I had a ton of support from coworkers who wanted to do the same. They would shower me with ideas (cleanses, drinking herb-infused water, eating swiss cheese before a meal...) that were not in my game plan...

As I did my calorie/macros restriction thing combined with lifting heavy, one by one my coworkers grew more and more distant.... they all did those fad things together... they all had fleeting success followed by weight gain.. and they all still talk and discuss about the next fad they're going to try...

In my corner of the workplace, I keep doing my thing and I am losing fat (because, baby, my muscle ain't going nowhere), and the support from the wannabe losers have all but disappeared...

On the plus side, I do get complimented a lot by the other coworkers who don't desire to lose weight (no matter what their size happens to be) and that helps to keep things balanced in the workplace for me...

I'm in the same boat! HCG shots are the new fad this month, last few it was Herbalife for every meal. I'm over here like "I love food and it's more important to me than losing 10 lbs a week". Lol. We just have to take the compliments we get as fuel for our success and not worry about the others, because we all know they will gain it all right back. They're dieting and we are changing!

AllonsYtotheTardis

All your friends want to keep you fat?? Stop hanging out with selfish bishes. Problem solved.

JoRocka

I don't get it...why tell anyone you are changing your lifestyle, eating better, exercising or whatever? That seems way too much like seeking external validation for your choices.

If food shows up at the office, I either have some or I don't...I have NEVER had anyone chasing me around "oh why won't you eat some of the cookies I brought today?!". I lost my first 15-18 lbs just by eating a little less at dinner every night and my spouse certainly didn't get all uptight about not liking their cooking (I would package up 1/3 of my dinner and take it for lunch the next day). My friends have never hounded me to eat more when we go out, nor do they pressure me to have "just one more drink". My family happily takes "no thanks, I don't really feel like thirds!" as an answer.

I didn't feel any need to justify my choices to any of these people.

I didn't mention to any of them (except my spouse) that I was cutting back a little either (or exercising more, etc.). Why is it any of their business? If it came up in conversation, I certainly answered questions ("you look like you've lost some weight!" "why thank you, I have" or "that weighs a tonne, how did you manage?" "Oh, I've been working out a bit" that sort of thing).

Maybe I'm just anti-social?

There are legitimately different reactions to different situations. Some people will, in fact, with no provocation from you, get really offended if you don't eat what they are offering. However, we are adults who should have a modicum of social skills and need to be able to get through these situations smoothly. Some just want the interaction. Some just want you to take a taste and validate their cooking skill.

Agreed- there needs to be a variety of responses to a variety of issues.

People can get very offended if you don't take their 'offerings' it's sometimes- for many- the only way they know how to interact or break the ice.

I have a whole list of crap I have at my disposal to say to people- depending on how annoying/aggravating/pushy/genuine sharing someone is being.

Kaylyn221

When I was a senior in H.S I decided to sign up for the Military but I needed to drop 50lbs to do so. One of my best friends in the beginning was supportive and even wanted to workout with me and eat healthy with me. After about 2 weeks she stopped altogether. I went on to lose the 50lbs, not just because I needed to but my future depended on it as well lol. She became distant and started telling people how I had changed and I was cocky now and stuck up. It was sad. I was still the same person, just 50lbs lighter but because I walked with a healthy glow and confidence, she didn't like that. I did go on the join the Military and left, haven't talked to her much since.

Coworkers will try to tell me to come to lunch with them. I just tell them no. They joke about how there are 'healthy' options there and they will make fun of my measly chicken and veggie. I might be a little harsh but when they joke on me for eating healthy, I 'kindly' remind them that it wouldn't hurt for them to eat healthy too O_o

I have another friend who is supportive. I have asked if she has wanted to come workout with me {we had kids within months apart and she has mentioned a couple of times about wanting to lose the baby weight}... she hasn't come yet, I don't pressure her either. Although she did tell me one day 'I understand, I used to be on a strict diet before'. I laughed because eating non processed, high calorie/unhealthy foods does not equal a strict diet, it's called eating healthy and a lifestyle change.

Llamapants86

When people bring food at work I usually have a little bit of it. I plan my day so I can have a treat. If I don't really want what they brought I just politely decline. I've never had any one badger me over it.

The only thing that's changed with my friends is that I can't share clothes any more and that kind of sucks,I am a little left out in that regard but it isn't my friends trying to keep me fat.

Veronnie87

It's not easy to resist temptation, but part of my weight-loss philosophy is that I'm not interested in living the next (hopefully) 70+ years without eating what I enjoy. Yes, I like chocolate and all types of junk food. I love eating out at a nice restaurant with friends. I spend calories wisely 85% of the time and work out 30 minutes every day so that I can indulge that other 15% of the time.

If someone's passing doughnuts around at work, well OF COURSE I'M TAKING ONE! I just cut it in half, throw the other half straight into the garbage and savor every last fat- and sugar-laden bite and I force myself to add it to my food diary so that I am accountable for that decision. Just don't do this every day and it shouldn't become a problem. That's where I finally feel like I've found a strategy that works for me. And naturally through the process of watching what I eat and working out, I have found my interest in sweets has decreased to the point where I'm more than happy with a little sweet bite here or there.

My friend has always liked that she's the thin, pretty one and it's been hard for her that I'm starting to look and feel so much better. Even though I haven't lost a ton of weight (YET!), I've shed my fat mentality and am finally dressing to show off the nice body that I have. People get jealous, but at the end of the day you have to live your life and be accountable for the choices you make. If people don't want to get on board, eventually you'll find that they'll drift away a bit and you'll make new, healthier and supportive friends to replace them.

AglaeaC

I don't get it...why tell anyone you are changing your lifestyle, eating better, exercising or whatever? That seems way too much like seeking external validation for your choices.

That's one way to look at it. Another is to be so over the moon about one's ongoing lifestyle change that one wants to share that joy with others.

If their response is to judge, criticise, offer negative unsolicited advice, etc. I'd file them away as "those whose comments will leak out the other ear as soon as they enter the first". No point in using any energy at all on pondering why people act the way they do, because while we may have a theory, most likely the reason is another one, and unless we ask we'll never know. So better put that precious energy on staying on our own course of choice. Friends lift each other up.