Motivating my husband

Pixie1076

I've been trying to motivate my husband to go to the gym with or to,do some other form of exercise to stay healthy, but he keeps making excuses. He isn't overweight, just not in the best shape.

Today my daughter joked that I look buffer than him when we were alll working outside while he went into the house to get some drinks.

Any idea how I can motivate him?

Pixie

idlehands79

I would hope what your daughter said might motivate him!

Maybe tell him how you'd love for him to be there, to keep you company? Once you get him there, then you can start showing him what workouts you do.

One2Run

Lead by example.

I started running, DH followed suit 6 mos later. I started weighing and measuring food (vs using cups and best guesstimate), and he is measuring too. He now has a fitbit, and is weighing and logging food.

Your DH may not be the same, but don't push, just encourage and talk about your successes.

Pixie1076

Well, he didn't hear it. He was inside when she made that comment. We did joke about trying to coax him into arm wrestling while he was gone and they ended up trying that this afternoon. I was hoping that would do the trick but he didn't really say anything about it after they finished.

Pixie1076

Lead by example.

I started running, DH followed suit 6 mos later. I started weighing and measuring food (vs using cups and best guesstimate), and he is measuring too. He now has a fitbit, and is weighing and logging food.

Your DH may not be the same, but don't push, just encourage and talk about your successes.

He doesn't need to lose weight. If anything he is too skinny. But I agree, a healthy diet may give him more energy.

Mia_RagazzaTosta

He'll do it when he's ready and wants to.

HerkMeOff

He'll do it when he's ready and wants to.

Or when his wife makes him do it...

PennyVonDread

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

He's not actually obligated to live a healthy life if he's okay with himself as he is. You can do your best to serve and cook healthy meals for the benefit of the family as a whole, but he's not going to stick with anything he doesn't want to do or has no reason to do.

Pixie1076

He'll do it when he's ready and wants to.

I know. I'm overreacting a bit because of my daughters comment. That's just me, lol. Trying to get everything done right away.

Pixie1076

Maybe having a hard time at the arm wrestling with my daughter will motivate him. I feel bad for him about about it, but if it helped it served a purpose.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Motivation comes from within. It doesn't come from family or friends or magazine covers...or even wives.

Ely82010

He'll do it when he's ready and wants to.

Agree! And the lead by example motto doesn't work for everybody. I am a gym bunny but my husband thinks that going to the gym is like walking inside a nuclear reactor.

He eats healthy food because I cook and neither of us likes fast food, but if I wasn’t around he would probably had ham and cheese sandwiches 24/7.

I keep hopping and dreaming that one of these days the exercise bug will bit his gluteus maximums. So I just let him be.

HerkMeOff

Maybe having a hard time at the arm wrestling with my daughter will motivate him. I feel bad for him about about it, but if it helped it served a purpose.

What is there to feel bad about?

Didn't you say he was healthy??

Madame_Goldbricker

Motivation comes from within. It doesn't come from family or friends or magazine covers...or even wives.

^^This! Make the offer of "do you fancy working out together/doing this, that, or the other?". He'll either be interested or not. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.

Sharon_C

Don't push him. That will just lead to resentment. He has to want this and until then you just have to keep doing what you do for yourself and no one else.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Just do your own thing and let him be. Nothing good will come from trying to force the issue or manipulate him into it.

froeschli

My hubby started cycling after I took up running. Now I've taken to cycling for cross training, he feels I am encroaching on his territory...
We all have to find our way, and sometimes it is best to plant the idea but not a specific one (more like being open to possibilities). Hey, if your hubby wants to start archery, or canoeing, or just cycling to the grocery store (or get him a hyperactive dog)... It doesn't have to be a gym membership, or even be defined as "exercise" - chances are if he finds something active he likes, he'll catch the bug and keep going. And maybe the thought of being in "competition" with you is daunting.

Let him find his way. No need to push.

Pixie1076

Maybe having a hard time at the arm wrestling with my daughter will motivate him. I feel bad for him about about it, but if it helped it served a purpose.

What is there to feel bad about?

Didn't you say he was healthy??

Sorry. His health is ok. I feel bad for having a hard time when he played the arm wrestling with my daughter.

Pixie1076

He'll do it when he's ready and wants to.

Agree! And the lead by example motto doesn't work for everybody. I am a gym bunny but my husband thinks that going to the gym is like walking inside a nuclear reactor.

He eats healthy food because I cook and neither of us likes fast food, but if I wasn’t around he would probably had ham and cheese sandwiches 24/7.

I keep hopping and dreaming that one of these days the exercise bug will bit his gluteus maximums. So I just let him be.

I am in the same boat with him, although he does skip the healthy foods when he gets lunch while he is at work. But at least here at home the food is good for him.

MelisaBegins

Just do your own thing and let him be. Nothing good will come from trying to force the issue or manipulate him into it.

Yep.

Pixie1076

My hubby started cycling after I took up running. Now I've taken to cycling for cross training, he feels I am encroaching on his territory...
We all have to find our way, and sometimes it is best to plant the idea but not a specific one (more like being open to possibilities). Hey, if your hubby wants to start archery, or canoeing, or just cycling to the grocery store (or get him a hyperactive dog)... It doesn't have to be a gym membership, or even be defined as "exercise" - chances are if he finds something active he likes, he'll catch the bug and keep going. And maybe the thought of being in "competition" with you is daunting.

Let him find his way. No need to push.

Right, joining me at the gym was just an example. I would be thrilled if would get interested in biking or him and his buddies would pick up cay asking.

Pixie1076

Don't push him. That will just lead to resentment. He has to want this and until then you just have to keep doing what you do for yourself and no one else.

It just feels weird that I may be physically stronger than my husband.

jofjltncb6

You can't.

/thread


(Now for bonus points, everyone reread OP but reverse the genders...and then imagine how the responses would have differed. Hint: poor guy would have been absolutely crucified.)

HerkMeOff

Maybe having a hard time at the arm wrestling with my daughter will motivate him. I feel bad for him about about it, but if it helped it served a purpose.

What is there to feel bad about?

Didn't you say he was healthy??

Sorry. His health is ok. I feel bad for having a hard time when he played the arm wrestling with my daughter.

Let it go.

& quit trying to control your husband.

froeschli

You can't.

/thread


(Now for bonus points, everyone reread OP but reverse the genders...and then imagine how the responses would have differed. Hint: poor guy would have been absolutely crucified.)

Meh, we all (everyone on this forum) think we've "got it figured out" and want to share this superior knowledge of how to live our lives. Spouses are the nearest target in sight, and, of course, it's easier to try an nag them into something than make ourselves excel at what we are struggling with...
The hardest part is actually to step back and let people come to their own conclusions and come up with their own convictions. Would it be easier on us if the significant other shared the same lifestyle - probably, would it be nice if they were in great physical shape - definitely - but that's just selfish on our parts. And they have the right to be selfish too :happy:
And you can't tell me that in this day and age people don't even have a faint idea of the value of nutrition and exercise. Same as we all know excess drinking and smoking are 'bad' - we still have to decide to take the 'good' path on our own.

jofjltncb6

Maybe having a hard time at the arm wrestling with my daughter will motivate him. I feel bad for him about about it, but if it helped it served a purpose.

What is there to feel bad about?

Didn't you say he was healthy??

Sorry. His health is ok. I feel bad for having a hard time when he played the arm wrestling with my daughter.

Let it go.

& quit trying to control your husband.

Or keep trying and see how that ends up...

Pixie1076

We did,talk,for a,few minutes. He says going to a gym would be the last thing he would do. He likes outdoor activities and it would be nice if the three of us would get some decent bikes. Some progress so I better let it rest for now.

We talked about what I enjoy at the gym as well. He seemed to be surprised that I have been doing kickboxing for a while and wants me to show him what I learn there.

Strokingdiction

You can't. Trying to motivate him will only become nagging no matter how well intentioned you are.

No one likes a nag.

Sad_Grandpa

You can't. Trying to motivate him will only become nagging no matter how well intentioned you are.

No one likes a nag.

I have extensively researched this hypothesis for fifty years, and based on my findings, I must concur with your assessment doctor.

Mr_Excitement

You can't.

/thread


(Now for bonus points, everyone reread OP but reverse the genders...and then imagine how the responses would have differed. Hint: poor guy would have been absolutely crucified.)

lmao, no kidding. "She's not overweight, just not in the best shape"...

Nedra19455

I understand where you're coming from. My husband has difficulty with stress and anxiety. My first reaction is that he should work out more and I try to encourage him to see this as a healthy option -- especially since he doesn't like the side effects of his anti-anxiety meds.

But just because I see it as the perfect solution, doesn't mean he's going to do it. I try to share my excitement over fitness goals with him and he supports me 100%. If I pushed him to get on MFP and start getting more exercise, etc, it's very likely that he would resent my fitness aspirations, rather than support me with them.