Question for the single ladies of MFP
Replies
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I am not single yet but will be as soon as my divorce is final.....the first thing I would ask is "WHAT IS YOUR CREDIT SCORE" I really just need a manfax (ya know instead of a carfax)
Why would their credit score matter?
You're lucky you have to ask this question. Those who know the problems a mate with no money skills can cause, know why she said this. It's the reason I got divorced. And @Slorax, people with low credit scores usually have no investments, etc.
That is not true. I would argue that people with high credit scores have high debt loads and no investments.
I started working on my son's credit when he turned 18. He has an almost excellent credit score.... with no job, Credit score doesn't mean anything.0 -
You could look at it like a very biased points value system..
Place to live:
Parents or streets = 0
Roommates = 1
Rents alone = 1.5
Owns house w/ roommates = 2
Owns own place = 3
Car:
No ride and super reliant = 0
No ride but very self sufficient = 1
Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
Has motor vehicle = 2
Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3
Job:
Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
Is employed = 2
Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3
Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.0 -
I'm too old to be dating people who don't have a job, car, or place to live. That isn't being materialistic-that's being older than18. I'm never going back to dating a dude with no car, no job, no living quarters, or any combination of the three. That's just self respect for me. If you don't have those things, then a girlfriend isn't what you should be spending your time looking for, a job and a place to live, and eventually a car are. Those are pretty basic things and I have all three so why would I date someone who didn't. Losing your license while dating me is also a deal breaker.
Truth!!!!0 -
You could look at it like a very biased points value system..
Place to live:
Parents or streets = 0
Roommates = 1
Rents alone = 1.5
Owns house w/ roommates = 2
Owns own place = 3
Car:
No ride and super reliant = 0
No ride but very self sufficient = 1
Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
Has motor vehicle = 2
Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3
Job:
Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
Is employed = 2
Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3
Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.
I got a 7.5. .ladies!?0 -
I'm too old to be dating people who don't have a job, car, or place to live. That isn't being materialistic-that's being older than18. I'm never going back to dating a dude with no car, no job, no living quarters, or any combination of the three. That's just self respect for me. If you don't have those things, then a girlfriend isn't what you should be spending your time looking for, a job and a place to live, and eventually a car are. Those are pretty basic things and I have all three so why would I date someone who didn't. Losing your license while dating me is also a deal breaker.
The nail head, it has been hit.0 -
not single, but when i was interested in dating these things mattered a little. basically for me, if you DIDNT have the above listed, were you TRYING to get a job/car/place to live, and how serious were you about trying? so, if you sent out one job app a week then played video games all day, it was a no go. there were also some other "rules" i had in place. If you arent trying to get a job, be doing something productive (college and/or internship) to move forward in life.
I am not ashamed of my standards.
Amen to that!! People who are just stuck in one place and not even trying...no thank you!!! :noway:0 -
Just curious, when dating, how many of you need to ask your potential suitor if they have a job/car/place to live?
Are any of those a deal breaker?
I know in the reverse those would be deal breakers for me with a woman, if I were trying to make a relationship or something long term (flings are a different thing haha). I like self-sufficient women and one lacking those three traits does not allow for independence. If I didn't have any of that I wouldn't expect a woman to look for anything long term with me either.0 -
This might not be popular.
When i was dating, if the man wasn't at the level I was or above... Friendzone.:laugh: I'm not taking away from my child in any way. Also, I assumed he had transportation (living in Florida it's a necessity, not a luxury). If he didn't... friendzone. :laugh:
I'm wasn't going to settle. :flowerforyou:
So you would prefer that the man have to settle for YOU instead?
Lol! No sir. Hopefully, he has standards too and wouldn't settle. Not everyone you meet is a match.. Just keep looking and give what you want in return.... don't settle and you will be okay. :flowerforyou:
Well you are insinuating that dating anyone below you financially is settling. So by your reasoning, unless you make a similar amount to what he is making, he would have to settle to date you. :flowerforyou:
I like this Thread :flowerforyou:
Okay, Good point.
It's his choice, just like I have my choice.
I guess I'm of the kind that feels a man should be the "Head of household". I will hold up my end; If it came to it, his end too (someone I have history with) but i will not knowingly enter into a relationship with a Grown man, who is having those types of difficulties... I don't know you like that. :laugh: I have a child to put FIRST.
BTW, I'm speaking of a situation in the here and now. Not like when I was a teenager with plenty of years left to make mistakes and correct them.
Fair enough.0 -
I dont care if he lives with roommates, parents or alone. But living with his parents would be a small red flag and living with his ex would be a huge red flag.
I've dated someone without a car.. it's a hassle if you don't live in a place with public transportation... it's manageable, but not my ideal! I don't care what type of car they drive.. I ask merely as a get to know them question.
Job? I tread lightly here. I ask what he does for a living for conversation and to get a feel for the person... I've been unemployed, so I can be understanding about being temporarily out of work... Career can tell a lot about a person. Someone that's educated and working a 9-5 job versus someone that's been working at McDonalds for 15 years says a lot about their personality and motivation. I probably wouldn't date someone that's been working minimum wage most of his life. I want someone that is motivated for personal enrichment. Hence why I'm here on MFP.
If the dude is (at my age of 34) living at home with his parents, doesn't drive and is unemployed (and not trying to find work)... three strikes your out. HUGE deal breaker.0 -
I was in a relationship in the past with a guy who lived 45 minutes away, had no job (thank you NASA layoffs), and was living in a house his parents owned (though they didn't live there), but he did have a vehicle.
We were together about a year, but toward the end of that, there was a lot of resentment on my end. There were a TON of reasons why things didn't work out (and really I should have left a long time before I did), but one of them was the fact that I had to drive us EVERYWHERE. He never came over to my place and I was always over at his. I was filling up my gas tank at least twice as often as I was before I started dating him. I paid for everything because he had two dogs to take care of and food and gas were where his unemployment checks went.
New guy I have chatted with has a day job and is also doing something else that I don't fully understand but didn't ask a whole bunch of questions about. He has an apartment where he lives with two roommates (can't judge here - I have two roommates myself). He seems to have the ability to get around, just not in his own car. I just don't think I have the money or patience to be the only one to drive back and forth again, so I think now it's definitely a deal breaker.0 -
I'm too old to be dating people who don't have a job, car, or place to live. That isn't being materialistic-that's being older than18. I'm never going back to dating a dude with no car, no job, no living quarters, or any combination of the three. That's just self respect for me. If you don't have those things, then a girlfriend isn't what you should be spending your time looking for, a job and a place to live, and eventually a car are. Those are pretty basic things and I have all three so why would I date someone who didn't. Losing your license while dating me is also a deal breaker.
Well said.0 -
You could look at it like a very biased points value system..
Place to live:
Parents or streets = 0
Roommates = 1
Rents alone = 1.5
Owns house w/ roommates = 2
Owns own place = 3
Car:
No ride and super reliant = 0
No ride but very self sufficient = 1
Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
Has motor vehicle = 2
Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3
Job:
Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
Is employed = 2
Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3
Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.
I got a 7.5. .ladies!?
lol
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I don't believe this is true either. A high credit score simply shows you will be at a low risk of default through a history of using credit and paying back the debt on time and present utilization of your available credit.I am not single yet but will be as soon as my divorce is final.....the first thing I would ask is "WHAT IS YOUR CREDIT SCORE" I really just need a manfax (ya know instead of a carfax)
Why would their credit score matter?
You're lucky you have to ask this question. Those who know the problems a mate with no money skills can cause, know why she said this. It's the reason I got divorced. And @Slorax, people with low credit scores usually have no investments, etc.
That is not true. I would argue that people with high credit scores have high debt loads and no investments.
Plenty of responsible people with no debt load other than a mortgage, pay off their credit cards every month but use them for points and the protections, and they have investments.0 -
As someone who dated a guy for 7 years that was unemployed the whole time (I'm dating someone else now) I don't think being unemployed is a deal breaker, but not wanting to be employed would be. There's a big difference between being is a rut and wanting to slowly climb your way back out and being in a rut and happy with it.
That said, you wouldn't need a great fantastic well paying job, you just need to contribute equally to the relationship. If you aren't working and your spouse is, take it upon yourself to fill other obligations like chores or grocery shopping or cooking. I suppose this mostly goes for people who would be living together, but if things don't seem 50/50 there will eventually be feelings or resentment and animosity, even if they aren't verbalized.0 -
You could look at it like a very biased points value system..
Place to live:
Parents or streets = 0
Roommates = 1
Rents alone = 1.5
Owns house w/ roommates = 2
Owns own place = 3
Car:
No ride and super reliant = 0
No ride but very self sufficient = 1
Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
Has motor vehicle = 2
Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3
Job:
Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
Is employed = 2
Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3
Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.
I ain't sayin she's a gold digger... but.....0 -
3+3+2.5(?) I do okay, but I don't consider myself making tons of money.You could look at it like a very biased points value system..
Place to live:
Parents or streets = 0
Roommates = 1
Rents alone = 1.5
Owns house w/ roommates = 2
Owns own place = 3
Car:
No ride and super reliant = 0
No ride but very self sufficient = 1
Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
Has motor vehicle = 2
Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3
Job:
Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
Is employed = 2
Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3
Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.
3 cars, plus a bike, and all paid for 0 -
I would think that it would become apparent that a person was unemployed and/or homeless from just a few conversations without having to specifically ask. Not every one needs a car, depending on where they live.
I would not say lack of any of those three things would be enough to prevent me from dating someone all together. However, myself having a husband would, of course. And yes, I am breaking the rules.0 -
Not single, but when I was, I made sure I found these things out before things went too far. I have/had a career and worked hard to make sure that I had all my sh#t together......
No job
No car
Lives with moms
NO THANK YOU.0 -
not single, but when i was interested in dating these things mattered a little. basically for me, if you DIDNT have the above listed, were you TRYING to get a job/car/place to live, and how serious were you about trying? so, if you sent out one job app a week then played video games all day, it was a no go. there were also some other "rules" i had in place. If you arent trying to get a job, be doing something productive (college and/or internship) to move forward in life.
I am not ashamed of my standards.
Amen!0 -
Deal breaker yes because I possess all of those things. He should too. Im not dating someone who lives with their mother and cant provide for themselves. If I can take care of me he should be able to take care of him....0
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I don't necessarily ask the question out-right, but it is definitely conversation topics.... Like what do you do for a living? Do you work close to where you live? Lot's of things tend to come out in the open with a simple "standard" question.
For me, I'm not looking for a man that is a millionaire (that would be a bonus, not a requirement), but I do want a man that supports himself! And honestly, I THINK most men are looking for the same thing in a woman.0 -
You could look at it like a very biased points value system..
Place to live:
Parents or streets = 0
Roommates = 1
Rents alone = 1.5
Owns house w/ roommates = 2
Owns own place = 3
Car:
No ride and super reliant = 0
No ride but very self sufficient = 1
Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
Has motor vehicle = 2
Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3
Job:
Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
Is employed = 2
Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3
Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.
I ain't sayin she's a gold digger... but.....
No... just can't be too careful these days. Many guys see my profile pics on the dating websites and all they see is money with legs. I have a business suit on. I should take that pic down. THEY are the gold diggers, NOT me!
I do like the above rating system! :flowerforyou:0 -
3+3+2.5(?) I do okay, but I don't consider myself making tons of money.You could look at it like a very biased points value system..
Place to live:
Parents or streets = 0
Roommates = 1
Rents alone = 1.5
Owns house w/ roommates = 2
Owns own place = 3
Car:
No ride and super reliant = 0
No ride but very self sufficient = 1
Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
Has motor vehicle = 2
Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3
Job:
Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
Is employed = 2
Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3
Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.
3 cars, plus a bike, and all paid for
Hellooooo nurse! 0 -
I spent a lot of time single and dating between my divorce and getting remarried. Of course, I would ask them about those things, but whether they mattered much was dependent on their situation. It only mattered to me if unemployment/living with parents/having no car was something that was chronic and obviously because of their character. When I met my current husband had a crappy job as a security officer who lived in his company's crappy trailers, guarding construction sites overnight. Had a crappy car, too, and was in school full time That's a lot of crappy adjectives....anyway, I fell in love with HIM, not his circumstances. The thing is, he was trying to work towards something better. That was always what was important to me.
However, I am lucky enough to have a good job and can take care of myself. Many women look to men to be their providers, so they won't consider dating a man in the circumstances you describe. It's messed up, but it's reality.0 -
I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.0
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I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?0 -
Is he funny? Smart? Does he respect me and value my opinion? Do we share interests? Is he nice? If all those things are present, I could not care less about his financial situation, so long as he doesn't expect me to support him.
I agree.
0 -
You could look at it like a very biased points value system..
Place to live:
Parents or streets = 0
Roommates = 1
Rents alone = 1.5
Owns house w/ roommates = 2
Owns own place = 3
Car:
No ride and super reliant = 0
No ride but very self sufficient = 1
Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
Has motor vehicle = 2
Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3
Job:
Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
Is employed = 2
Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3
Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.
I ain't sayin she's a gold digger... but.....
lol the bar was set at ZERO! but yea I fly my standards flag high.0 -
I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.0 -
I have noticed that the longer I go beign single, the pickier I get about some thing. Maybe this will change when the right guy comes along, but for now, there are things that would be a deal breaker. Not having a car is one of them. I have recently discovered that not having a job is now on the list as well. If there are circumstances that come up that have cost someone to lose their job, I would want that person to figure things out before feelings got involved. Who knows where that person could end up and it's not fair to be up in the air like that when dating. As for the car, it also depends on circumstances. Being in a car accident is much different than having their car repo'd.0
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