Physical Attraction

Catfriend25

I noticed the physical attraction thread on here about would You still be attracted to someone if they changed their weight and it got me thinking about my own situation.

In my case, a guy friend of mine told me that I was sloppy with my appearance. I asked him what he meant and he said that I wasn't as thin as I should be and that I don't wear perfume (something I have since fixed).

I'm trying to fix the weight thing as well since I am now feeling self conscious.

SLLRunner

I noticed the physical attraction thread on here about would You still be attracted to someone if they changed their weight and it got me thinking about my own situation.

In my case, a guy friend of mine told me that I was sloppy with my appearance. I asked him what he meant and he said that I wasn't as thin as I should be and that I don't wear perfume (something I have since fixed).

I'm trying to fix the weight thing as well since I am now feeling self conscious.

Really?

Gosh, get rid of the guy. Any guy who says something like that is not worth hanging with.

Also, never try and fix yourself for a guy. It's not at all worth it.

SnuggleSmacks

Not wearing perfume is "sloppy"??? WTF?? That's crazy talk!

Sloppy would be if all your clothes were wrinkled or stained and your hair was unkempt. That's the dumbest thing I've heard today!

juliebean3

Ditch him you don't need that

missyjane824

'fix' yourself for you. No one else.

meganjcallaghan

I noticed the physical attraction thread on here about would You still be attracted to someone if they changed their weight and it got me thinking about my own situation.

In my case, a guy friend of mine told me that I was sloppy with my appearance. I asked him what he meant and he said that I wasn't as thin as I should be and that I don't wear perfume (something I have since fixed).

I'm trying to fix the weight thing as well since I am now feeling self conscious.

get rid of him. he's not a friend. I had a "friend" like that for 7 years and he was nothing but a doucherella intent on raining on everyone's parade so he could feel superior. My hair was too flat isn't there product for that?, I should be wearing make up, those sunglasses made me look like a dumb@$$, my boobs looked kind of ''ehhhhhh" (said with a look of disgust and a weird hand gesture). There was so much more. I just can't remember everything. All I know is that when I finally quit that friendship I didn't so much dodge a bullet as finally dig it out.

xsmilexforxmex

"as thin as you should be" ? ... did you prompt him or did he jus offer up this opinion? Personally as long as you're in the healthy range and comfortable with the way you look, don't let some jerk define the way you feel about your body, even if he is a friend. And I don't see why perfume is something to be concerned about... it's not mandatory, I know tons of people who don't wear it.

BRA_S

"Fix" your weight for yourself and nobody else. He sounds like a douche.

Catfriend25

Megan sorry to hear that Your friend said such negative comments about You *hugs*

Smile for me, he offered his opinion himself over a month ago. He said I was sloppy so I asked him what he meant.

I got kind of self conscious after that and wondered if most women wear perfume every day.

And now I feel like I have to exercise every day intensely so I just got my period and my stomach hurts but I'm trudging through Insanity, albeit pausing it a lot. Sigh

Jestinia

He sounds too high maintenance and finicky for my tastes. You sure you really want to bother with someone like that? Hope he has some other stellar qualities to make up for the effort he's putting you to.

meganjcallaghan

I don't see why perfume is something to be concerned about... it's not mandatory, I know tons of people who don't wear it.

and in fact a lot of people would THANK you for not wearing it. A lot of people out there with scent sensitivities these days.

_KitKat_

I am who posted that other thread, your situation is 100% different. My post was more about massive change and losing the physical attraction part of the relationship, only the physical part.

Improving yourself should be for you, it can benefit someone else too but you must be priority. No one has a right to just make random judgments about your looks, or they can make them but you shouldn't have to hear them. Never change for someone, you must do it for you.

Who is the guy? A friend giving unsolicited advice or a romantic partner that is controlling. The post I made was more geared to longterm or married partners. A new guy trying to change you is just a jerk and will only get worse.

salembambi

should of let him know his genitals are not as big as they should be

& never allow him to speak to you or be in your presence again

pamb89

'fix' yourself for you. No one else.

This.

pamb89

should of let him know his genitals are not as big as they should be

And this LOL

Briargrey

Not wearing perfume isn't sloppy -- it's a good thing. Between scents in detergents, lotions, shampoos, hair products, etc -- we have too many scents floating around, and most people tend to wear too much perfume and all those scents swirl around and clash. Ugh. I like quirky perfumes (black phoenix alchemy lab and the like), but I stopped wearing years ago.

As far as the physical piece - you should do it for you. Not for anyone else. We're all self-conscious it seems (or at least a lot of us are), regardless of our size. Heck, when I was in my 20s and gained weight up to where I'm at right now (179), I felt awful about myself and my body. Now that I'm losing and have been up to 291, I feel rockin' at 179 It's all in the perspective and the attitude!

Don't let some person guilt you into changing you. If you want honest opinions and such, great, ask for them and don't be upset when someone tells you what they think -- but also don't let their opinion mean everything to you. Attractiveness is so individualized that I wouldn't listen to him at all! But if you have friends you can trust who give good, honest opinions, those are the ones to seek out. I'm terrible at fashion. My husband has a great eye for it. His style isn't entirely mine, but I know him well enough that I can take his critiques and then apply them to myself in whatever measure I need. I get to decide whether or not I feel like I'm trying to change for myself or for someone else....and I know he loves me as I am so it's not necessary. That's what you need to look for in a friend to give you opinions. Not some twit who thinks not wearing perfume is sloppy and tries to make you insecure!

SLLRunner

Megan sorry to hear that Your friend said such negative comments about You *hugs*

Smile for me, he offered his opinion himself over a month ago. He said I was sloppy so I asked him what he meant.

I got kind of self conscious after that and wondered if most women wear perfume every day.

And now I feel like I have to exercise every day intensely so I just got my period and my stomach hurts but I'm trudging through Insanity, albeit pausing it a lot. Sigh

This guy is not your friend. He has no business telling you that you were sloppy, and it doesn't matter what he meant. He was being self-serving at your expense.

Friends don't treat each other like that.

Catfriend25

Thanks for all Your words....but isn't it true that people aren't obliged to find someone good looking, they might very well look at someone and think they need to lose weight? So I can't exactly blame my friend for that....

Sigh, I just got my period, I feel yucky, just did Insanity but now I have to do Level 3 30 Day Shred for the first time, it'll be hard doing all the exercises for the first time but my friend will look down on me even more if I don't lose weight.

Edensienna

I only wear perfume on special occasions when I make a big effort to be all around attractive!

It certainly wouldn't be part of my daily routine.

Your friends views are not the norm I would expect

SLLRunner

Thanks for all Your words....but isn't it true that people aren't obliged to find someone good looking, they might very well look at someone and think they need to lose weight? So I can't exactly blame my friend for that....

Sigh, I just got my period, I feel yucky, just did Insanity but now I have to do Level 3 30 Day Shred for the first time, it'll be hard doing all the exercises for the first time but my friend will look down on me even more if I don't lose weight.

I mean this with utmost kindness, but it sounds like you are putting too much stock in what you think your friend thinks about you. If that's you in your profile picture, you look pretty small. Do you really need to lose weight?

uconnwinsnc

Asking guys who aren't in an intimate relationship with you for their opinion of your physical appearance is neither fair to you nor to them. No matter what they say will upset you because you already know what you want to hear and it is often something that the guy will not openly say. They'll either be A) Liars or Creepers. In some cases you can add in C) Jerks.


(Girl who thinks she is pretty) "Am I pretty?" Guy, "Yes." Girl, "Wow, this kid wants out of the friend zone but that isn't happening."
(Girl who thinks she is ugly) "Am I pretty?" Guy, "Yes." Girl, "Wow this guy is not honest with me."
(Girl who thinks she is pretty) "Am I ugly?" Guy, "No." Girl, "Wow, this kid wants out of the friend zone but that isn't happening."
(Girl who thinks she is ugly) "Am I ugly?" "Guy, "No." Girl, "Wow this guy is not honest with me."

Just don't do it please. We struggle enough trying to communicate with you girls.